thisisit1013

Where to start.  Much like everyone who might read this.  I have been overweight as long as I can remember.  For most of my 20's, I was happy being a big girl, but as I have gotten older, had a child, etc... I have come to the reality that being overweight is so much more then just how you look.  It is about your health and where you want to be in life down the road.  It is about limitations and altering things around you to fit you.  It is about stores choosing to market to you because you are a specific group, not you choosing the store because you love what you see in the window.  It is about being lonley when you need people the most because you are not in the "in crowd".  It is about deciding not to go somewhere because sitting in an airplane is not comfortable.  It is seeing people much larger then you and wondering how they do it.  It is about understanding that not all of us "large" folks eat junk food and sit on the couch all day.  We are healthy, active members of society.  Although we take good care of ourselves, some of us need more then just that to get to a healthy weight.  That is when I realized all the diets, excercise, and anything else I have tried was just not good enough.  I have worked so hard and gotten nowhere.  That is where the lapband came into my life.  In mid 2009, I decided this is the tool that would send me on my way.  I did all my pre op and pushed everything through very quickly.  Had my surgery on October 13th and felt fine.  I noticed a lack of energy for a few weeks, but I even started working a second job at nights a week later and loved it!  I lost much slower then most, but the weight was finally starting to come off.  Then within a few months, I noticed I was not losing.  I started throwing up a lot, but still no loss. I had my band loosened a bit, which was better but now I could eat more.  I caught myself eating too fast or taking bites that were too big.  It is funny how you think you have changed your habits, but your body still goes back to it's own ways.  I actually get bored eating because it takes so long!  My family has come to watch me run to the bathroom randomly, open the car door suddenly because what I ate a half hour ago just decided not to go down and many other instances I will leave out.  The other day a co-worker asked me "Is it worth it?"  I really had to think about it.  I have been one of those that has had a very hard time with this and lost very little weight to date.  I told her as of today, I probably would say "no".  But ask me in a few months when I still have not gained the 25 pounds back that I lost at the beginning.  It is so hard to eat so little and not lose weight.  But really, I admit that the foods I eat so little of are not always the best nutritionally.  They are those that I know I can eat without a problem.  Well, that is not working!  One thing I do regret is sharing with everyone around me that I was getting the lapband.  Now they all look at me like "what happened?".  The media shows all these billboards and commercials of all of those who lost "100 pounds in a year!"  (matter of fact I am looking at some pictures at the top of the page I am typing on!) But rarely do we see those who don't see the pounds just fall off.  Those that were eating healthy long before the surgery and now it is not good enough.  Well that would be my story.  So I am here admiting that right now this has not been effective for me and that I had better results on Weight Watchers.  But...  I AM NOT GOING TO SETTLE FOR THAT CRAP!  I woke up today in a different frame of mind.  I am more important then any food!  Just because I can now stop at 2 cookies rather then eating the whole box, does not mean it is okay to eat them!  A half attempt at excercising randomly has never been good enough in the past, so it will not be good enough now?  I have been a total hipocrate!  I used to go off when I would hear people say "I am so proud of you" when someone sucessfully lost weight after a WLS.  I thought "how can you be proud?  They didn't work for it!"   I am humbly admitting I WAS TOTALLY WRONG.  Deciding to have this surgery was a very well thought out decision for me, and I felt like I just threw in the towel after all my years of trying.  Again, I was wrong.  This is still hard, always will be hard and I want all those pre-ops to know it.  I knew it going into it, but I really didn't know how hard.  As you have all heard a million times, we are all different on how we react to a WLS, boy let me tell you that is the truth.  But we all have it in us, to make it work!  So I am writing this long novel hoping that in the near future I can add to my story and update that I am on the right track and the weight is starting to come off.  I owe it to myself and my loved ones that have taken this journey with me.  I am a fighter with everything I do, why should this battle be any different?  I joined Weight Watchers again today, I am going to take a walk over to sign up for my company gym.  I will make different choices!