A Sleeve4me

today I weigh 189.5
 
You've got to love the sleeve!

Well, I know I have lost weight because I can put on my jeans today. I do not own a scale and I have issues with using more like abusing them so I refuse to purchase one. Tomorrow I am finally allowed to go back to water aerobics which I am really looking forward to that. I have been exercising on my recumbant bike and walking the dog. I have been having trouble adjusting to the change of life style. I remember saying to my mom the other day how I missed dieting for just half the day. I miss the freedom of eating what I want when I want it; spoken like a true addict! Yet I am also grateful I don't have that option. The one thing I thought I would get out of this surgery was to never feel hungry again, what an idiotic thing to have thought but nonetheless I thought it. I feel hungry now more often than I ever have before. One because I can only eat a few bites and two before I was eating all the time therefore I never got the opportunity to feel hungry often. I remember pre-surgery getting hungry my response was to panic and then stuff my face because the feeling was so uncomfortable, foreign and anxiety inducing that was the only thing I could do in the moment. This surgery has caused me to face getting hungry a few times a day and it is getting easier. The thing is to slow down. I ate too fast and was in tremendous amount of pain the other day. I am physically all better, completely healed but mentally it's a jungle in there. I am greatful I took a full three weeks off from work because the stress of all the change can be a bit much at times. The first few days I was regretting my decision but now I know this was the path I had to walk. I had tried everything and given up, I'm a quitter, this pathway has no exit options. I can't get my stomach back, though it would have been nice to have had a funeral for it. It allowed me to eat and comfort myself when I needed comfort as a child. It was a good friend I just wasn't a good friend to it. I like that I don't count calories and if I chose to for some insane reason, I wouldn't get very high. The goal is 600-800 and sometimes that is a stretch goal. The only thing I count now is protein and I am going to saying it here because I say it every where else I hate protein shakes. I am tired of them. It's a good thing I love chicken and greek yogurt since it is my diet now. The foods I miss most are fruits and vegetables. I would love to have a salad and I can't have one, makes me laugh then cry. I also miss pizza, cake and right now chocolate, but I would love to have a chicken pecan salad even if only a couple bites and popcorn (went to the movies with a protein shake healthy but missed the popcorn). But what is really great is that my high blood pressure is gone, it left like a thief in the night after my surgery and is still gone. Also another plus is that it doesn't hurt to move and riding my recumbant bike is actually pleasurable. I kinda like all the change even though is it is scary, at least it's new before life was the same old thing and now not so much.

I write this with a full sleeve--I think I might have overdone it on the yogurt a little!
 
The first ten days of my new life have been pretty busy! I haven't had the ability to really stop and take time to rest since I got home from the hospital. There's a lot of sickness in the family these days and my mother in law depends on me to take care of things for her!
 
I'm going to go to sleep soon--today was SO busy! But first--
 
I got the opportunity to talk to five ladies today at the surgeon's office, and gave them a presentation about the experience of having surgery. It was great to see the relief on their faces when they realized that I'm only 10 days post-op, and I'm doing so well! There was a lot of hope in that room--and I know those ladies will be successful! It makes me feel good that I can help them the way a kind lady helped me by showing me her scars.
 
Oh, and the surgeon gave me a DVD of my surgery--yes, we're just geeky like that. My liver was much prettier than I imagined!
 
I spoke to the ladies about how odd it was that not only am I not hungry, but I'm beginning to appreciate food in the abstract (pizza steaming on a tray in a commercial is yum!) rather than in the concrete (the thought of pizza on my plate, even a tiny piece, is not really that appetizing). I like the idea of pizza, but the idea of chewing and swallowing it and processing it through my sleeve doesn't appeal at all!
 
The same goes for soda, french fries, etc. It's like a miracle, I tell you!
 
You have to learn to listen to the sleeve's cues. For me, that hasn't been difficult. I know about two spoonfulls before I'm full, I can feel it. There is a two tablespoon difference between stuffed and uncomfortable and satisfied. Before, I could eat plate after plate of food (not that I often did, of course, but I was physically capable of it). Now, I have to FORCE myself to eat, especially the first meal of the day. Anything more than 8 tablespoons at a time and I'm physically uncomfortable--lots of swallowing, light cramping in my upper abdomen. For the first time in my life, my body is telling me when to stop! Do some people have this sensation naturally built in to their stomachs? Maybe some of us need to have it surgically constructed, while others are born with it.

Ok, I was sleeved Wednesday June 20th.
 
IF I could have found Marty and Doc on June the 21st, I would have figured out how to power the 1.21 jigawatts the flux capacitor needed and would have time traveled back 48 hours and RAN LIKE HELL (as much as a fat chick can) in my UGLY shoes AWAY from the hospital.
 
As it was, I didn't find them and here I am................so very glad I couldn't.
 
Back to Wednesday.....
 
My surgery was scheduled for 12, so I was my usual self until the surgeon's office called saying I'd neglected to make my final payment arrangements........so we rushed out the door to pay the surgeon and on to the hospital. Hey, surgeons don't work for free. They got mouths to feed and I asked him to do this to me. I just forgot about final payments, that's all. It's all good.
 
So, I get to the hospital, anticipating a 2 hour wait when I get the call from the OR nurse......as we are parking, saying they are ahead of schedule today and let's do this.
 
I'm high on emotion.....I STRUT my 255 pound self into pre-op (dressed in jeans and leopard print top with marvelous brown/gold flip flops), complete with little twirlie at the end and say "I'm here, let's get this thing on!"........
 
5 hours later.......
 
I have a NEW, EXCITED, EXUBERANT nurse ( I am a RN 25 years in practice) in my face telling me I have to get up and walk - (and she's calling me dear and sweetie. Those who know me realize I am dear to only those who love me and I am never ever described as sweet). I'm trying to figure out where I am and this very excited, young, so-happy-to-be-here chickie won't get outta my face!!!! Then, the radiology transport person arrives telling me I've got to get up, into a wheelchair, go to radiology to have an contrast upper GI to be sure the sleeve isn't leaking. I finally figured out I was in a room.....a very small room with no sofa. I say "No" and youngster tells me "You HAVE to!!" I was saying no to this impossibly small room with no sofa.......not her fault......she couldn't read my drug deluded mind. So, Miss Energetic is in my face telling me to get up, the radiology transport looks confused and I say..........to Miss Thing......"You have got to STOP TALKING to me and get outta my way. HE'S here (indicating the hubby)" Once she got the point to shut up.........I was up.......in the chair.......to radiology.......swallowed 1 swallow of the contrast, got a good picture.........the ALL IS CLEAR.......and back to my room.
 
The night shift nurse was awesome!! A grown up nurse. Thank GOD. I did get up.......all thru the night walking because this isn't my first rodeo. I've had a C-section and a total vaginal hysterectomy. The key to overcoming any surgery is walking.....soon and often. If you have to have pain medication to do it, fine ask for it and as soon as the pain is at a point you can stand and shuffle your feet.........get to shuffling........and shuffle I did - 4 times on night shift........humming to myself "every day I'm shufflin, shufflin"
 
Later on in the shift, I asked if CUTIE PIE was back in the AM because I was requesting another nurse. The old wise one just chuckled and said......."I'd already figured that out and it is handled. You wont' have to work with her." I was so grateful!!!!
 
So, the only other thing that stunk was.......I was unable to urinate post surgery. It happens sometimes. The body and mind wake up from the anesthesia and the bladder is still sleeping.......thankfully, I don't wet the bed in my sleep.......but this was to the extreme. So, my urethra became a 4 lane highway with all the frequent catheterizations to drain my sleepy, lazy bladder. Finally, about 48 hours post procedure, the bladder woke up and I got to come home!!!!
 
What if my bladder had stayed on vacation? Well, the doctors's plan was I'd just learn to self-cath and head on home until it woke up. One doctor, a urologist friend of mine, laughingly said....."it's like putting a tampoon in, the first hole south of the pole." Well the last time I put a tampoon in, my guts had not just been re-configured!!!!
 
I haven't had a hard time with nausea.....and I've figured out that painful, cramping twisting motion in my gut means I'm hungry and should eat. I've developed a love for chicken broth and apple sauce. I had yogurt this morning. I've also figured out, gotta eat very slow. 2 teaspoons, pain, means stop and come back in about 5 minutes. I'm mixing UnJury Protein in my Crystal Light to get the protein needs met and sipping, sipping......all the time.
 
Today, 5 days out........I am happy I didn't go "Back In Time"......think I've spent enough time there as it is.

On tuesday I had my 1st visit to the surgeon since my lapband surgery on 1/28/12 all looked good down 20 lbs still dealing with a little hunger another week of liquids. Im trying to get in lots of fluids though at times its a bit hard. He told me my first fill will be on March 13th nervous and excited at the same time. I am curious to see how I feel and what I am able to eat after I am finished with my liquids. My doctor said I can go to eating fool just to chew it very well. It seems so long ago I had anything of substance. lol. I hope to be able to tolerate alot of the foods I have eaten in the past (just much smaller portions) we shall see. Will keep you all posted. One more thing since banded I look at each day as a special day, a happy day and finally putting myself first. I am a work in progress and I know all of this will be SO WORTH IT . Enjoy your day.