BullZeye

For me the lapband decison is a place I've come to after a life long journey that has been filled with many great moments but also a lot of personal struggle and regrets about the things I've missed out on or opportunities I've lost because of my weight.  I've been heavy most of my life.  My mother's family is genetically disposed this way.  As a kid remember the horror of having to shop for and wear "husky" jeans.  As a teen my weight dropped considerably as I got more involved in team sports and was much more active in that area.  However college led to more time reading, sitting, eating quick and easy bad-4-U food and the weight returned and then some.  Throughout my 25 years of adulthood I've done different programs, nutrisystem, weight watchers, Atkins diet, South Beach etc.  I've had good success on all of them loosing considerable amounts of weight (80+ pounds) but after a year on these programs, I'd gain the weight back over the next 5 years only to start the struggle again.I'm now in my late 40's and although I carried the extra weight well as a pre-40 adult and never really had many concerns with side effects or lack of confidence, its caught up to me over the last 6 or 7 years.  I physically hurt, I feel fatigued, I feel I've been overlooked for many chance and oppotunities because of my size. As a result of that I'm not in a good place with my self confidence or esteem.   Enough !  I've realized what I am missing out on carrying this weight.  Six years ago when I was down in the low 200's after dropping all that weight I felt so much more energized.  By getting back there I know  I can work better, I will sleep better, I will play better....in short I will live better.  Its not about cosmetics for me anymore, that ship has long sailed.  Its about empowerment.  I want to have the control to do certain things in my life and the spare tire around my waist is the anchor that prevents me from doing many of them.  I want to feel a certain way about myself and I want to take control over what I decide to do, where I want to sit, how I interact with people, and to regain the confidence in myself to be assertive and no longer get by simply by flying under the radar or be ashamed to draw attention to myself and my natural talents and abilities.I know I can loose a significant amount of weight, I've done it 5 times now.  But to put myself through that again this time I need something at the end of the rainbow to help me keep the weight off.   For me the band is that pot of gold I need.  I know it not a miracle device, its a tool.  But that's what I need.... a tool of some kind along with the help and support to use the tool correctly to control my portion sizes during the post diet times of my life to maintain the life I will earn by shedding those pounds.That's where I'm at today on MARCH 25, 2010.  The journey is just beginning.   My goal two years from now is to be in a place were I can make the years of my life after 50, feel every bit as good if not better than the first 40.