happytobemefinally

The new decade started out much like the new years of the past...My goal, as always, LOSE weight!!!  It could happen again, it always has, but January of 2010 just wasn't the same.    I cried this year and just couldn't find the willpower that my family friends and self have counted on in the years past.  I knew I could lose weight, I've clearly proved that in the past.  I had lost 100lbs three times in the recent years and 60-80-90 in the earlier years.  If losing weight were considered a sport I could have at very least won the bronze.  If gaining weight was the sport I definitely would have taken home the gold!!!   So here I am, right now, March 2010.  I've believed for so long that surgery was a cop out, that it was me admitting failure, and maybe I am...I haven't decided who to tell or how to handle my decision but the most important thing is I've decided.    I've lost my willpower to lose weight because I ALWAYS end up gaining it back and then some.  If I keep it up I will no longer be able to function.  There has NEVER been a plateau with me and I'm scared I might just go home with the "gold" long enough to where I lose my ability to walk because my knees gave out...or worse I get diabetes and my feet lose function and need to be amputated.   I've NEVER lived a day in my teenage/adult years being of average weight and I hope to God that he will give me the opportunity.   I'm hoping this surgery assists my will to lose weight and I pray to god it helps me keep it off!!!!