Jeri1053

My story - wow - I don't enough columns and rows here to write all about my story.  I'm 56 years young and live in Maryland. I'm married to my best friend and THE BEST husband that anyone could ever hope to have in their life. I also have two adult children who are married and living in other states. I've had several challenges with weight throughout my adult life. When I was pregnant with my son in 1978, I gained 90 lbs. I never got all of that weight off (I was 24 at the time.) In 1985 I quit smoking and immediately (or so it seemed) gained 45 lbs.Whoosh...just like that - in the blink of an eye! That's when I started getting serious about weight loss issues - at the age of 32. As most of us know, if we were truly serious about the weight loss then we wouldn't be here on the LapBand Talk site...but I'm getting ahead of myself.I've always considered myself a very optimistic person. I've always been a people person who enjoyed life and pretty much stayed out of trouble. In the early 80's I experimented with some illegal substances and could have become addicted if I weren't such a control freak. I hate being out of control and I didn't like the way I felt when I was on drugs. Nonetheless, I suffered from a fairly substantial case of the munchies in my early 20's. By my late 20's I had slowed down considerably because I was a mother and a wife who felt that I should be grown up and responsible. One of us had to be - right? Anyway - so when I quit doing the substance thing my smoking became a little more intense. Then one day in 1985 I decided I was going to quit for the Great American Smokeout! I did and I haven't had a cigarette since. I liken the pre-op liquid diet to quitting smoking cold turkey. I was a raving lunatic, irritable, angry person for at least the first few days of the withdrawal from nicotine! So, what happened? Food went in my mouth instead. My ethnic family (Jewish and Italian) included food in every single visit with family members. If you didn't bring food or have food, then what was the point?! Plus, my whole life had been injected with a thing called "Fast Food" since we went to McDonald's only as a TREAT - once or twice a month. In Junior High I found Jack-in-the-Box and that was a whole lot more calories and a whole lot messier - but sure tasted good to that little 113 lb. waif of a girl who couldn't gain an ounce if she tried. That was me - THEN...Two big things happened in my life that caused my weight gain: First - I gave up smoking and promptly put on the aforementioned 45 lbs. When you start gaining weight and giving up all of your addictions, you get pretty cranky! I've always told people that giving up illegal substances and giving up smoking were a breeze compared to changing my eating habits. I didn't need those things to survive - I need food to live! The Second thing that happened was that my father passed away in 1997. I dealt with that in two ways - spending became completely out of control AND my eating got out of control. Not paying attention to either of those things caused me to wake up one day in 2000, look in the mirror and realize that I wasn't a person that I had known all these years. I had put on 150 lbs. in the 3 years since my father died and I was at one of my lowest periods of self-esteem and self-worth.Okay - so I won't bore you with the 10-15 Weight Watchers' attempts. I was successful at losing weight when I followed the plan AND I was successful at putting back on quite a bit more when I couldn't handle the plateaus or whatever else my excuse of the week was back then. I've also done every fad diet known to Southern California back then, Nutrisystem more than once and several attempts at starvation diets, grapefruit diets and calorie counting. After my last Weight Watcher Drop Out, I weighed 300 lbs. I had always said - "oh well - if I stay under 300 then I'll be okay." Hmmmm...I have no idea why I thought that was acceptable at 5' 5" or why I thought that my back giving out, my knees giving out, pain all the time was NORMAL??? Yeah - I really was good at rationalizing my life away as I became pre-diabetic and more and more angry with myself for not having the ability to do anything. The optimistic person was still showing on the outside and most of the world around me was clueless (including some very close friends and family members) that I was so depressed that I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow some days. There are lots of reasons for this - but the weight certainly didn't help! So, I became more outwardly friendly and more inwardly angry - causing the depression and the weight to stay with me for many years. Around 2002 a co-worker of mine had RNY surgery. I watched the pounds melt off of her and instantly wanted to go in for the surgery - not having a clue what was involved - it was another quick fix for me. Thankfully that impulse went away and my husband and I decided that I needed to keep trying with the help of a good program like Weight Watchers.That brings me to my annual physical in 2009 - March to be exact. I had again been toying with the idea of bariatric surgery because I needed a way to lose the weight and keep it off. I didn't care what kind of surgery, I just wanted it. Again, my family didn't want me to have major surgery so we started looking into LapBand. Finally, armed with more information than ever before, something clicked inside me and I became hopeful again (Thank you Dr. Otto!!!!) My doctor wanted me to contact the surgeon even though I knew that my insurance wouldn't cover it - just so that I could have some hope in my life. Well - that worked and a little bit of hope gradually became the reality of my LapBand surgery on March 12, 2010. I am now mature enough emotionally to know that this is not a quick fix and it isn't going to work all by itself. I have committed to the rest of my life eating right, exercising, taking care of myself so that I'll be able to enjoy the Empty Nest years with my husband AND be able to babysit for Toddler grandchildren when the time arrives - still several years away!I am so grateful to the people that stood by me and wouldn't allow me to chicken out the day of the surgery. The people who had more faith in my ability to do what was necessary than I did. So, I acted "as if" until it finally became true! I can do anything with God's help - AND I can do THIS because there is such a great support system out there in so many ways, that I will never be alone on this journey!My story is just beginning! My BAND-BIRTHDAY is only 4 days old - Friday, March 12, 2010, I started the first chapter of my new life! The research and pre-op were the forward and introduction - here I plunge head-on into my healthy life and the weight that I will finally lose and never see on me again! If you read all of this, thank you - and to Jon, Joanne, Becky, Janet, Dr. Otto, Dr. Singh and SO many others - thank you for helping me to take those baby steps when I was afraid! I love you all!