glamgyrl76

I have always struggled with my weight since the age of 9. Even before the weight issues began I struggled with body image issues at such a young age. I've never been skinny and although I was not fat or overweight prior to age 9 I was always thicker than other kids my age. My weight has always been the source of changes or discord with my body. My excess weigt at age 9 caused me to develop breasts early and start my cycle at that age. I felt robbed of my childhood because of the changes going on with my body. I developed emotional issues as a result also. I looked older than my age because of the breasts, the hips, and the thighs and I would receive unwanted attention from older guys. It made me uncomfortable and even now I have a hard time accepting genuine compliments. In middle school I became active in sports and it continued through high school. I was again still about 20-25 lbs heavier than my friends but I didn't think I was fat so I was okay with my weight. After high school I was no longer active and within 1.5 yrs after graduation I'd gained 50lbs and weighed 200 lbs. I carried my weight well because of my build and since men would still compliment me, I wasn't too concerned with my weight. At 21 I had my first son and I gained 14lbs with him. I had to have a C-section and I decided to hit the gym hard after my recovery because I knew with the excess weight and C-section it could be a recipe for disaster. I lost 45lbs by the time my son was 5 months old but I did it the wrong way. In addition to working out and counting calories, I took diet pills. I eventually gained all of the weight back plus another 20lbs. By the time I found out I was pregnant with my second son I weighed 237lbs. I couldn't stand to look at myself in pictures. I didn't know who that person was that I saw. I only gained 7lbs during that pregnancy and by the time he was 5 months old, I'd lost about 30lbs. I didn't use diet pills that time, it was simply exercise and calorie counting. I maintained my weight for about 5 years although it would fluctuate about 10lbs or so. Over the last year I've gained 30lbs and am now back at my heaviest, 237lbs. I was depressed and started seeing a therapist and she suggested that I consider weight loss surgery. I never thought I would qualify and was surprised to find that I did. I attended a seminar in November 2009 and scheduled my first appointment with my doctor in December. My insurance company requires 3 months of monitored weight loss. I'm still continuing my therapy because I realize I'm an emotional eater and I need to deal with that to be successful after the surgery. When I went to my doctor in December I weighed 227 and now I weight 237 so the scale is going the wrong weigh and I've been done about that. Last week I decided to stop feeling down and get up and do something. I joined a gym and am enjoying working out again. I am looking forward to having my surgery scheduled, I am in the last 4 weeks of the monitored weight loss and my goal is to lose 10lbs.