vanishingvixen

See that gal on the left? Yeah, that’s me.
Oh – NOT the big gal in the picture, per se’. The vixen on the t-shirt that the big gal is wearing. Yeah. Vixen. That’s me!
 
Ok, so…I’m lying a little bit. They’re both me. Actually…all three (Left, t-shirt, Right) are…me. *duh* As if you didn’t know…
Now, under normal circumstance, I would never post a pic of myself in my skivvy’s. (note: the obvious photo editing was to make it a little less tacky, and a little more artsy *lol*) But I was going thru some clothes this weekend and came across my very favorite t-shirt – which is the one pictured – and remembered exactly WHY I bought it, and why I love it so…and why I will HATE not being able to wear it this summer b/c it’s now 10 sizes too big. (But I digress – as usual) When I purchased this shirt approximately 14 years ago, I immediately fell in love with the woman on the shirt. She was OWNING her $h!t! Every bit of who she was…beautiful, obviously sexy, unapologetic…ALL OF IT. I felt that She was Me…on the inside, at least. What I realized while primping and preening in the mirror getting dressed yesterday, was that I am truly becoming her. In every sense. Like, WHOA!
 
Now, I’m not so high on my own supply that I can’t see my obviously flaws like my belly flap & cheezy thighs in the aforementioned posted pic…but upon closer inspection, I’m like DAMN, Gina….that is…YOU! Every day, one step closer to my overall goal of getting to & maintaining a healthy weight (for me 165-170#)…but also to have a figure that is obvious, and not cammoflauged by the “[fat] suit” I was wearing in the picture on the left.
 
Now, for those who might be offended by the term “[fat] suit” – please don’t be. It’s no dis to anyone, or even myself. But the more I start coming out of denial about where I was with my health, that term really accurately describes how I FEEL/FELT when seeing “pre” pictures of myself. Like my inner vixen - or the true essence of who I have always thought myself to be/look – was being hidden…like I was wearing a suit. Might not make sense to some, but that’s the best way to describe it.
I mean, WTF am I thinking by even posting a pic of me in my drawls, anyway?!?!? I’ll tell you what. This day…it’s about acceptance. And re-learning to love what I see in the mirror. Because even though what I see is no where near perfect, it’s real… A real woman.
 
With stretchmarks,
cellulite,
saggy skin, and…
determination.
 
I see a woman with curves. I see a woman with courage. I see a woman who I done being afraid to take off the “[fat]suit”.
Hell, one day, I might even be bold enough to post a pic of myself in something and not have it so blurry! Or not… *shrug* The jury’s still out on what is T.M.I. for me *chuckle*
 
So, anyway… here I am. Love me, or hate me (or a little of both) – it is what it is…I am who I am…and gonna be who I’m gon’ be.
 
I’m ever thankful for this journey, and those I’ve met along the way who help me keep my course. I would NOT have been able to make it this far without the support system I’ve had. Even hoping to meet a few of you in person in 2012!
 
Here’s to progress, realizations, determination…and HEALTH. Healthy mind, healthy body, healthy spirit. *cheers*
 
P.S. Yup! Never in a GRILLION years would I have dreampt it could be. ME – running!!!!