vanishingvixen

I'm glad I'm not the only person feeling this way. I don't know what to make of it really...so i'll just ride the emotional rollercoaster until it stops!

You sound ALOT like me *lol* It's been a roller coaster ride, and my journey has only started 2 week ago. I sent to my first info seminar on 3/1. My surgical consult is on 3/15. There have been lots of highs & lows... Not sure why. I'm excited. Scared. Frustrated...and a ton of other feelings at any given point in time. My husband thinks he's living with Sybil! I've found this forum to be a big help...as well as blogging it out. Keep moving forward...

my journey just started... but for me, my side hustle (making jewelry) works. You couls always start gaming online, or blogging (general forum). that allhelps me... I still have about 6 months to go!

YES, Yes, and YES!!! I get that all the time. and piggy-backing off of the above comment...i get ALOT of commentary about wanting to be "Skinny". :| I've never been, nor do i desire to be skinny... just HEALTHY. I think you just gave me an idea. Cuz I'm sure enough in the 300# range. Next person that says that, is giving me a free ride on their back. *lol*

Vanishing Vixen. Vanishing… An interesting choice of adjectives for my new serial blogger moniker... as pointed out to me yesterday. I was asked if I would be “disappearing” my personality as well as my weight. :wub: *straightface* And was told (by someone that has known me for almost 20yrs) that I seem to be letting this journey get the best of me already...as if I plan to "vanish" into nothingness, or become a shrinking violet (AS IF!)*because* I'm so used to being a Big, Bold, Bodacious (sometimes brash, and VERY bossy *lol*) woman. Maybe the adjectives (all but the "big") that alot folk -self included- seem to think of me as… will indeed vanish when the weight starts coming off. *really ruminating & marinating on the implications* I mean, how much of my personality has been tied to my size? And has it been that way to mask insecurity, or just an extra measure of attention whorism? I have a hard time believing either of the two, really. While I do like to be complimented when I go the extra mile to be fully fabulous (most of the time – yesterday, I looked like “Who slew Auntie Rue?” ‘s GRANDMOTHER *ugh*) , or my face beat like I'm a MAC Make-up artist, or I'm rocking some of my hottest GGX Jewels...what woman wouldn't want to be appreciated for her appearance? In fact, its also been pointed out that I have a hard time taking a compliment, and by NO means wish to be the center of attention when in a crowd or otherwise (unless we are talking about with my man, in the boudoir *smirk* :tt2:) Go figure. But... $h!t, I am who the hell I am. I AM cute. I AM sexy. I AM fabulous...I just haven't been feeling it as much lately. *shrug* It’s really made me think about this mental/emotional space I'm in. Does my larger-than-life, feisty personality seem to be shrinking (or vanishing, so to speak) much like I want my body to do? It’s been said that I seem to have been extremely hard on myself lately (more particularly, the last 6-9 mnths) in terms of my confidence, etc. Why is that? The fat ugly truth is a number of varied & sundry things. Alot not even having anything to do with my weight/size, so much as it has to do with other areas of my life. Some of which are totally unrelated, but are stressors none-the-less. I'm a wife (to man that works nights), still a relatively new "MeMe" (as she calls me) to a rambunxious lil 22mnt old squirt, I have a fairly stressful 9-5 career, on top of a jewelry biz that requires a lot of my time if I'm ever to make a go of it (why? Because *I* personally make everything myself. I’m not pushing other ppl’s wares, here). And a lot of times I feel ill-equipped to handle any of it - let alone all of it at once. *wooosahhhhh* So yeah, all of the combined stress (add to it this suck-@$$ economy) has a way of knockin a sistah off her game - in more ways than one. :thumbup: So what on the surface may seem like one thing, is a culmination of others. And of course…I know. Things could ALWAYS be worse, so I AM grateful for my many blessings. There have just been a few "ah ha!" moments over the past year in particular, that made me realize that I am sooooo far from where I want (or planned) to be in my life at 35. Weight/health included. It be’s that way sometime. *shrug, again* IDK... Is it even really that serious? *lol*:tt2: I'm hormonal this week. That may account for some of the bloggarhea today. Sometimes I just can't get out of my own head. But that doesn't make me crazy...it makes me human. And blogging it...helps me *relax.relate.release* it all. I'm not scared of what people will think of me for showing who I truly am. Good, bad, ugly, indifferent, confident, insecure, wealthy, poor, encouraged, defeated. It is what it is...and I am who I am. And what I've realized more than anything in my 5 or so years of bloggerdom, is that the folks who generally "seem" to have their $h!t together...don't. *lol* and sometimes are even more screwed up inside/in their life than me, or than they may ever let on to the world. The playing field is even, if you ask me.:thumbup: But nobody did [ask]... Oh well! I’m keeping on…keeping on…

RUNTELLDAT!!!! Awesome blog. Much needed inspiration!

YAY YOU!!!

My insurance company requires a 3 month lag time for all of the hoop-jumping & such in order to approve the surgery. What is the exact process, and how long should it take? (I was already told by my surgical group, but I'm curious to hear from real life bandsters who have been thru it) Thanks in advance

Let me clarify - the 3 months is the time frame that I have to do the dr. monitored diet, etc... I just want to know, after the 3 month time of "prerequisites" is done, about how long does it take to get all the testing, evals, etc done? My surgi-center is a one stop shop, so I can get everything i need done there, with the exception of the psych eval...

// Note: from time to time I will be promoting my side hustle - GGX Jewels...as it also plays a part in paying for my surgery out-of pocket expenses and body lift nest egg. Please support your lovable neightborhood Fat Girl! // Be one of the first to subscribe to the new GGX You Tube channel and you could win a FREE pair of Sterling Silver earrings! Hop to it!

// Note: from time to time I will be promoting my side hustle - GGX Jewels...as it also plays a part in paying for my surgery out-of pocket expenses and body lift nest egg. Please support your lovable neightborhood Fat Girl! // Be one of the first to subscribe to the new GGX You Tube channel and you could win a FREE pair of Sterling Silver earrings! Hop to it!