vanishingvixen

The 1st month or two will be the hardest. But it gets easier!! I've chronicled my journey (and rollercoaster of emotions) here if you would like to take a gander. Shoot-from-the-hip talk, for sure. http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com

Thanky you!! My 2 year sleeviversary in on 9/21. I thought I would have long made it to goal (165-175) by now...but no such luck. It truly is a lesson in patience and persaverance.

*stands up raises hand* My name is VVixen, and I’m a ‘Numbers‘ Wh*re. *hangs head* See, when I first decided that I needed to do something drastic to get the weight off of my rather petite 5’3″ frame… all I had in my head was… numbers Numbers NUMBERS scale.png" rel="external nofollow"> In fact, from the day that I got on the scale and it had hit the 300# mark, all I could EVER think about was numbers…and getting said numbers to decrease (though in actuality, the numbers went up about 10# before going down *lol*). I had in my head that IF I’m going to have this weight loss surgery, then I need to ensure I hit *my* goal weight of 175 – preferably by my 2 year surgery anniversary – which will be September 20. Ironically, that number has also changed and aligned itself a little more closely with my Dr.’s number of 165 — since 175 at my height is still technically OBESE. And for me, that would defeat the purpose of such a drastic measure. But I digress… Everything was peachy the first year post-op, because the weight loss was – dare I say – pretty d@mn effortless. This second year? Not so much. I’ve worked harder than I thought I would have to, but I’m better because of it. And not only that – the results are evident. Even weekly [in my physical appearance]. so WHY do the friggen NUMBERS bother me so?!?!? I guess they give me a more certain feeling of accomplishment. Like I KNOW I’m making progress when I see the numbers go down. *shrug* The scale has only moved 5# in the past month…yet, in that time I’ve not only completed my first athletic feat (and signed up for many others)…but am also running/training on a very consistent basis. I journal my foods. I’m paying more attention to my nutrition. But I’m STILL up in arms about the scale not moving – thereby keeping me away from my Magic Number. *sigh* Well, I got a book in the mail yesterday that a friend of mine wrote. (Check it out, HERE) Within the first few pages, there was one thing that JUMPED off the page at me. Loosely quoted “the aim should not be losing WEIGHT, but losing FAT”. And as people have reminded me soooo many times before…I’m building muscle (which weighs more than fat) as I’m working out. I’m not just doing cardio/running. But also core strengthening & weight lifting. So… It would stand to reason that I’m building [lean] muscles. Right? (Right.) That weigh MORE than the fat I’m losing. Right? (Right.) Which means that while the scale might not be moving the way I want it to, that much progress is still being made. Right? (Right.) I send my friend “The IMP” (the male counter-part of my other blog, also dear friend/photographer – who shot some pics of me on my trip to Houston back in February) a pic (left one, above ^^^) that I posted to my Weight Loss Journey Pic Album. His response? So, I’m learning a bit…to relax on the numbers. I want RESULTS! The numbers don’t make me – my effort & progress [both inside & out] does! I mean, who would have ever looked at me (or LOOK at me [/present tense]) and seen [/see]…an…athlete? That part still blows my mind. It hasn’t been an easy road, but I can honestly say that if I didn’t have to work so hard for it, I wouldn’t be able to appreciate the results. And that, I do! Side note: I think I went a lil gung-ho on attempting to run every day - I hadn’t been giving my muscles enough time to repair and had been experiencing alot of hip pain. I have scaled the runs back to 3x a week (never back to back as I had been doing) – and increasing my weight training, and throwing a fun workout in once a week (ie: bellydancing, zumba, pole dancing, yoga). But look at this view on the Woodrow Wilson Bridge trail! How could I not want to take the time to enjoy this every day? Baby steps. Must remember not to overdue it if I want to improve on my time. My next 5k is next weekend…and I’m looking very forward to seeing how my work over the past 2 weeks plays out on the course. Wish me luck!!

2038. Iron GIRL) to do the scale in well over a month, so I have no idea where I am with my weight. I suppose I need to do that to get an idea of what exactly I’m aiming for. What I do know, is that I’m becoming less concerned with numbers…and more concerned with overall fitness, core strength, and endurance. I’d venture to say that forcing my body into submission by way of “perpetual training” for these monthly running events, I’ll also be forcing this last 40-50# to pack their bags and get up off me! Small Side Note: I have noticed that when planning a run [trot/jog/whateveryouwannacallit], my eating is different. There are somethings thatI don’t want in my body when I’m trying to maintain a distance. And I’m far more conscious of what I put in my mouth. I know it should always be like that, but it isn’t. So now that all parts of this machine are fitting (and hopefully working) together, I can see BIG [overall] results. I also would be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that I have a truly amazing support system in place that has helped me stay focus. I had a good friend of mine run this race with me – and plan to do at least one more together. As well as friends who showed up to cheer me over the finish line. I’m all out of excuses. I’m made of awesome. It was time that I realized and owned it. Now, if you’ll excuse me… I have to “run”…

yes maam!! http://www.damonrunyon.org/yankeestadium Maybe we should plan a meet & greet! My in-laws live right across the street from the stadium. There is NO way I'm missing this. It will prove to be a beast tho. Make sure to check out the route!

5 more (monthly) 5ks, then a 10k in October. We don't have many options around these parts. I've seen listings for an 8k. But only one. Really looking forward the one in August - it will be held at Yankee Stadium. Running the concourse, field, and steps. Still kinda amazed at myself. Looking forward to much more! S/n: I got back out there today. 4.5 miles. 1 hour 17 mins. Who would have EVER thought I'd wanna do this!? Thx all for the kind words. It's within ALL our reach!

Tunnel Vision. Defined as: “the tendency to focus exclusively on a single or limited goal or point of view”. A lot of people view tunnel vision as a bad thing. And in some instances, it can be. But in the instance of my health and physical fitness? It’s an amazinggggg thing! I sorta-kinda had counted myself out of the 5k I had planned to do next month due to some health set-backs and overall apathy while dealing with some of life’s other BS. But I’m glad to say my "tunnel vision" goggles have returned (as it pertains to getting in better shape) See this pic? That's me. RUNNING (jog/trot is more accurate) across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge (MD to VA). The span is 2.-something miles. I did NOT run the entire length, but d@mmit, I DID it. 2 years ago - and 100# heavier - I could have never imagined this for myself. My 1st 5k race is in 3 weeks. I am determined to do it!! My inner athlete at work This weekend I headed out with my family for a traipse across the Woodrow Wilson Bridge. The span itself is a little over 2 miles one way. The trail totals 6 miles – there & back, including the bridge span. I hadn’t planned on running at all, but when the urge hit me? I took off! Like, didn’t even THINK about running. It just felt…NATURAL. For the first time. EVER. And I’m so incredibly proud of myself. I had nearly given up on the idea of being able to get in that 5k race next month, but this was just the encouragement I needed to stick to my plan. Like I said previously – even if I have to crawl over the finish line, I’m going to FINISH. #the end. My Sweetface...running like the wind! On another note: Who woulda thunk that my Sweetface 3 year old would serve as my biggest source of encouragement? Her daddy used to be runner, so I guess it’s in her genes. (damn shol aint in mine!) *shrug* But she knows it’s a struggle for me. At one point she said “See? Just like this, Mommy” – and took off running. Then said “COME ON, MOMMY! You can do it! Go Mommy!” How could I NOT find the energy after that?? I have exactly 3 weeks to get my bootay in gear. I have enlisted the help of Jillian Michaels and her “Last Chance” workout DVD to help amp it up a notch. So tonight, I will take my first 30 minute punishment. The REALLY insane part? I’m looking forward to it. That blows my mind. Not only that, but I’ve found another 5k race to get under my belt in October. Except this one is going to be funnnnn. (It’s a 5k obstacle course -entitled “Run for ya Lives”. Yeah – running from ZOMBIES! Presumable trying to eat my brains… *lol* Doesn’t get much better than that. Who thought I’d truly ever be excited to run – for any reason other than towards a cupcake truck?!?) Times, they are a changing. And so is my body. Y’all betta watch out… Size 12 is coming.

Thanks all! It has been quite the experience (overall). I am STILL struggling to get this last 40+ pounds up off of me, but I'm not going to wait to then to reach some "other" goals. This 5k has always been something I apsired to...

*editor’s note: this is a cross-post* When I first started my journey, this was my very first blog post. It will help to reference it if you haven’t read it yet. (Phine = Fine/Fione = hella good-looking/sexy. Incase ya didn't know ) In any event… Two years ago [on my birthday], I looked like… This year [and over 100# later] as I Celebrate my 37th year of life, I look like: Amazing, isn’t it? I always come up with kitchy lil’ names for my yearly b’earthday celebrations…and this year, I jokingly called it my “Thirty-Sexy” birthday. As most of you who follow my posts know – I haven’t felt very sexy about this New Body. And until fairly recently, I was having a very hard time accepting this new form. Welp. no more! Not sure if it was the birthday (in general) or just me beginning to see myself in a new light as I train for this 5k race in April that is responsible. But I am totally feeling it, seeing it and reveling in it. FINALLY! I feel the same sexy I felt when I was 21. The same sexy I felt at 30. The same sexy that I somehow LOST along the way over the past year and a half – along with all of the extra weight. So this, has been a long time coming. From this day forward, I will claim it. I will own it. I will revel in it. I will project it. I will embrace it. I will live it. Sexiness…reclaimed. “Phine”… re-defined. Finally.

Thanks all. It has been quite the journey... *whew*

I've lost over 100, and shapewear DEFINATELY will help. May be easiest to try and find online if you need an extended size. But don't worry - it will help ALOT with the extra skin...

Greetings Sleevers!! I just wanted to do a quick base-touch. I made it through the holidays unscathed...but I still have some issues reconciling my drastic loss with what I "see" in the mirror. Most often, I can CLEARLY see progress in others...but not in myself - unless a photo is involved. So, to start 2012 off in the right mind-set, I wanted to force myself to see my progress and be as proud of myself that as so many others seem to be of me. I'm kinda nervous about the rest of this journey...knowing I still have a way to go. I thought I'd be to goal by now - but for 15 months out, I think I've done pretty well (especially given the stress-filled year I had in 2011 - Unemployment, Financial distress, loss of a loved one - back to back to back to back.... *sigh*) The biggest thing I gathered from looking at some of the older pics is how UNCOMFORTABLE I looked...on top of how far in denial about how big I had gotten over the years. Truly an eye-opener. I have NO desire to go back there - but am still working on the exhuberance and confidence that I had BEFORE I lost the weight. Life is kinda funny like that... *sigh* But I digress... In any event -- I give you: The Vanishing Vixen Weightloss Transformation Slideshow: http://www.picnik.co...s/t/picnik-show I'd love to see other pics of you Sleevers here. I know there is SO MUCH success in the ranks! Give a yell here - or email me at: geenahb2@yahoo.com - OR hit up my blog: vanishingvixen.wordpress.com Blessings to ALL!!

See that gal on the left? Yeah, that’s me. Oh – NOT the big gal in the picture, per se’. The vixen on the t-shirt that the big gal is wearing. Yeah. Vixen. That’s me! Ok, so…I’m lying a little bit. They’re both me. Actually…all three (Left, t-shirt, Right) are…me. *duh* As if you didn’t know… Now, under normal circumstance, I would never post a pic of myself in my skivvy’s. (note: the obvious photo editing was to make it a little less tacky, and a little more artsy *lol*) But I was going thru some clothes this weekend and came across my very favorite t-shirt – which is the one pictured – and remembered exactly WHY I bought it, and why I love it so…and why I will HATE not being able to wear it this summer b/c it’s now 10 sizes too big. (But I digress – as usual) When I purchased this shirt approximately 14 years ago, I immediately fell in love with the woman on the shirt. She was OWNING her $h!t! Every bit of who she was…beautiful, obviously sexy, unapologetic…ALL OF IT. I felt that She was Me…on the inside, at least. What I realized while primping and preening in the mirror getting dressed yesterday, was that I am truly becoming her. In every sense. Like, WHOA! Now, I’m not so high on my own supply that I can’t see my obviously flaws like my belly flap & cheezy thighs in the aforementioned posted pic…but upon closer inspection, I’m like DAMN, Gina….that is…YOU! Every day, one step closer to my overall goal of getting to & maintaining a healthy weight (for me 165-170#)…but also to have a figure that is obvious, and not cammoflauged by the “[fat] suit” I was wearing in the picture on the left. Now, for those who might be offended by the term “[fat] suit” – please don’t be. It’s no dis to anyone, or even myself. But the more I start coming out of denial about where I was with my health, that term really accurately describes how I FEEL/FELT when seeing “pre” pictures of myself. Like my inner vixen - or the true essence of who I have always thought myself to be/look – was being hidden…like I was wearing a suit. Might not make sense to some, but that’s the best way to describe it. I mean, WTF am I thinking by even posting a pic of me in my drawls, anyway?!?!? I’ll tell you what. This day…it’s about acceptance. And re-learning to love what I see in the mirror. Because even though what I see is no where near perfect, it’s real… A real woman. With stretchmarks, cellulite, saggy skin, and… determination. I see a woman with curves. I see a woman with courage. I see a woman who I done being afraid to take off the “[fat]suit”. Hell, one day, I might even be bold enough to post a pic of myself in something and not have it so blurry! Or not… *shrug* The jury’s still out on what is T.M.I. for me *chuckle* So, anyway… here I am. Love me, or hate me (or a little of both) – it is what it is…I am who I am…and gonna be who I’m gon’ be. I’m ever thankful for this journey, and those I’ve met along the way who help me keep my course. I would NOT have been able to make it this far without the support system I’ve had. Even hoping to meet a few of you in person in 2012! Here’s to progress, realizations, determination…and HEALTH. Healthy mind, healthy body, healthy spirit. *cheers* P.S. Yup! Never in a GRILLION years would I have dreampt it could be. ME – running!!!!

A HUGE thank you to EVERYONE who chimed in. This was alot of what I needed to hear - and especially know that I'm not alone. As an aside - I started the "Couch to 5k" training program last week. It has always been a dream of mine to run like the wind *lol* So far, I'm keeping up. And to push myself into accountability - I registered for my very first 5k RUN - - set for mid April. I'm scared as all hell - BUT, I couldn't have dreamed over doing this 100# ago... That one thing - getting the registration confirmation for the race FORCED me to really see that I've not only changed outside...but INSIDE as well. If I can "see" myself running this race...then I should eventually be able to grab hold and own these physical changes. ONE DAY AT A TIME :smile1: And the biggest thing? I feel TOTALLY SEXY after I work up a good [vertical] sweat I might be crawling across that finish line...but I will d@mn-well...FINISH!!! Continued success to ALL!! *group hug*

*I'm posting here for most visibility. I really would like some feedback on this topic* “Mirror, Mirror on the wall who is the skin-ti-est of them all…? *tongue-in-cheek* First, I want to say Thank You for the overwhelming response to the Transformation slide show. That, in part, is what prompted this blog today. I’m really trying to reconcile in my mind what is see in the MIRROR versus what I see in PICTURES. Like, seriously. These shots that are peppering this post? The ones of my taking a picture of myself IN the mirror? Yeah – it’s like, when I’m looking IN the mirror, I’m not viewing/processing it as I do when I look at the picture. I wouldn’t go as far to say as “body dysmorphic disorder” – but sometimes it feel that way… For example: in this PICTURE, I see a regular looking body. Average size, etc…etc…etc. However, when I was standing in the MIRROR, I still just see…Gina. Be it size 24 Gina or size 14. It’s just…Me. Gina… I’m not quite sure why this is such a mental thing for me, or if other people who have had WLS surgery go through the same mental/emotional battles/reckoning. A good friend of mine saw the slideshow yesterday and said “Wow…I never really saw you at that/any size. I always just saw Gina…” That to me, summed it up. As much as I was the proverbial “Big Girl & Proud of It” – as was extremely comfortable in that skin…I never really saw my SIZE (that is, until I look back at older pictures now that I lost weight). Just as now, I don’t see my SIZE…I just see…me. It could very well be that I was in denial. And in part – that could be it. I mean, I knew I was a big girl, fat, whatever you want to call it…But I also knew that I looked pretty damned good for my size, or so I “thought”. But I also knew that I was big…and I had NO problem with that part of it. It wasn’t until I physically started feeling the ramifications of all that weight on this 5’3″ frame that I really knew I had to do something quick. But that would meant that I’m also in denial now, right? Sometimes, it’s like I’m denying to myself that I’ve actually lost that much weight. Like it’s NOT dramatic, or monumental, or fit-for-print. I think it may be the fact that i had surgical intervention versus losing it all on my own, like I shouldn’t be “as” proud. For the most part, 75% of the loss has been fairly effortless. But after that first 75#, it started getting harder. The last 30# I lost took significant work on my part. And now, with goal in sight, I am having to work extra hard to keep pushing the tool – that is, the Vertical Sleeve – to it’s limits. Thereby, pushing myself harder. Harder to keep making the best choices for my health… Harder to keep forcing myself to exercise even when I’ve worked all day, or I’m operating on 3 hours of sleep, or dealing with a cranky 3 schooler who is vying for my undivided attention, or just spent 6 hours straight sitting at a table creating wearable “art” and my eyes are crossing… Harder to NOT fall back into the whole “emotional eating” patterns that got me to the surgeon’s office in the first place (which was damn-near MURDER given the year 2011 I had (loss of a job, pseudo-single parenting while my husband was caring for a terminally ill parent, traveling back & forth up to NYC to assist hubby with the aforementioned, 3 year old starting pre-school, re-entering the workforce, trying to grow my small businesses in the wake of financial distress, etc…etc..etc…*whew*) As if all of that isn’t enough – I’m still having to work on the the self-esteem part of the equation. And THAT is not something I ever had a problem with. So why is it now??? Granted, I was warned by the surgeon, nurtitionist, and in pre-op counseling about all of these “issues” being a very real thing for most folks who have undergone similar transformations…but I didn’t think it would be as big as an issue as it is. I WILL say that this may be one of the biggest pitfalls of WLS. Certainly those who have lost 100 or more pounds by them self don’t go through this image distortion, do they? MAybe is that-much-more appreciated when it’s done the good ole’ fashioned way. But, that’s neither here nor there. Just a thought! There is one plus on the looks side, that a few people have mentioned to me. And that is: that if they didn’t “know” I’d had weight-loss surgery, then, well…they wouldn’t know. my new "normal" That is something that always concerned me. I didn’t want to “look” like I’d had it – kinda like when people have some work done on their face, they don’t want folks to know they’d been to a plastic surgeon. I don’t want to forever be someone that had weight loss surgery (thought there is no shame in it for me), I want to at some point be known as someone who did something (extreme as it may be) to get healthy. At least I succeeded on that front. I sure as hell FEEL alot better than I did 15 months ago…but I also need to keep working on the mental/emotional health after-the-fact. I think that there is alot to that piece and that the rabbit hole can go very deep. So many people have so many different issues, that it’s hard to try to make sense of some of the bits & pieces that are entangled mind/body/soul. *sigh* I would LOVE to one day look in the mirror and say “HOT DAMN! Look at all that weight you lost, guhl! I see you, Boo!”. But for now, I will be happy with the pictorial images that confirm that this is NOT all a dream I am the same person I’ve always been. Just in a smaller package… I can’t deny that, anymore than I can deny/disassociate myself from my former bigger self (as much as I want to sometimes, based on some of those heinous pics!). I am who I am. I was proud of who I was then…and proud of who I am now. That should go without saying, right? Well, I’ve also come to notice that people (in general. not family/friends, but strangers/misc people) TREAT me differently than when I was obese. And it makes me ANGRY – for the reason I said before – I am the same Gina. But that’s a different blog, for a different day. I’ve been meaning to touch on the treatment of “fat” people in society (which I STILL consider myself at over 200#)…but everytime I start writing, I get so angry I can’t think straight. So, it will wait… N-E-Ways… I know I have rambled and digressed ALOT. But I got it out. I think the bottom line is that 15 months in…I still have YET to see what others see [physically] when they look at me. But I want to make it clear – this is NOT about self-love or being happy with myself. This – at least, for me – is about acceptance and truly SEEING/OWNING the tremendous change in my APPEARANCE. (But if you have never struggled with weight and/or lost a significant amount of weight – it’s unlikely that you will never understand) NOW, the question is: who else on this journey has had similar issues? What do you think was at the root of it? How did you work through it? ORiginal Blog post is here: http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/mirror-mirror/

Thanks ladies. This journey has been a TRUE roller coaster ride of emotions. Sometimes I actually MISS the weight, just because I had grown to be so comfortable in my skin...Other times, I just look at my old self in disgust. I'm sooooo out of sorts with it. I had come to own my bigger self, and was extremely confident back then - now I just feel like I'm occupying someone ELSES body. I thought that after a year, I would be ok with it, but it's a daily challenge for me to accept the changes...and know that this is ALL GOOD! Thanks for sharing your response... I'll definately be posting more often. The dialog with others helps ALOT!! xoxo

Greetings folks! I know it's been a minute and wanted to poke my head in. I was wondering - how far out should one be from surgery to officially be considered a success? I mean, we all will lose a significant amount of weight - but what is the timeframe? Only asking...because at 14 months post-op and 100+ pounds down, I sure as hell FEEL successful! But there is still a journey ahead of me. Just trying to Celebrate the small victories, yanno? Also, I keep forgetting to post my "real" (ie: unfiltered *lol*) posts here - so I will link if you are interested. I've done 2 pretty significant updates - you can check them out here (with some GREAT comp shots *whew*) http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/who-wants-to-be-fat-seriously/ http://vanishingvixen.wordpress.com/2011/10/21/what-average-looks-like/ Also - I posted 2 recent pics in my album. *SMH* I still can't believe how awesome this experience has been...

Before/After One Year. One. HUNDRED. #. Wow… Size 24 I thought I’d have alot to say. Waxing poetic about the journey. But really? I’m just happy. Healthier than I was a year ago. More conscious of what I put into my body. Better at maximizing whatever physical activities I can…There is alot to be said for that. Size 14 Though I’ve plateaued for the moment – I know it will come off…eventually. I’m only a few # away from “Onederland” which was a MAJOR anniversary goal that I’m kinda disappointed that I didn’t make, but… OH WELL. My doc is happy, and said I’m right on track. 4-6 more months will be my 16-18 month range for trying to get all the extra weight off, though that lofty. I was told 2 years is far more realistic – because the less you have to lose, the slower it starts to come off. We shall SEE about that. None-the-less: My back has stopped hurting. My hips are happily swaying from side to side while thanking me. My knees are now chugging along like a well-oiled machine – INSTEAD instead of threatening to give out on me with every step. Feeling it! I feel like a new person (and according to most folks, LOOK like one too – though my mind still has a problem reconciling the dramatic loss). I can run & play with my daughter. I can fit comfortably into my chair on the bus, train, booth, etc. I can go into a store and NOT have to slink to the back with the PLUS sizes and buy right off the rack in the regular Misses or Jr. Section. *head nod* Yup. I can’t complain. And even if I could…I WOULDNT. I’ve come too far. And even with about 50# to go, I know it will come [off]. Slow & steady wins the race, right? So, on my surgery anniversary (as with my wedding anniversary at the end of this week) – I am re-committing myself to this journey. Re-committing myself to a more healthy way of living. And more importantly, re-committing myself to LOVING myself, whatever state my body is in…Saggy boobs. Arm Flaps. And All. Because despite some insecurities about my “new” form (mainly my disdain that my cleavage ain’t what it used to be)…I still look DAMN. GOOD. *cheers* to the next leg of this race. I’ll check in on the other side of 200! all the best!

Just a super-quick pictorial update. Still in TOTAL and UTTER disbelief at the progress. A little over 100# in under a year. I don't even recognize myself! I've been so emotional about the transformation lately that I haven't even been able to pull my thoughts together enough to write about all that's going on. I'm putting it on the top of my list tho for the next few days. Also interested in how some of my fellow 2010 September sleevers are doing with about a month to go before our sleeve-i-versary. Highest highs? Lowest lows? Biggest challenges? Dish!! (and incase y'all forgot - this is a before shot *sigh*) Looking forward to hear some great inspirational stories!! *cheers*

This past Thursday was quite possibly the BEST day I’ve had as a Mommy. Ever. And that’s saying a lot. Mommy & Mini in Central Park It started simply enough: with Mini-me & trip to the Central Park Zoo. Lots of walking. Hills & such that I handled w/out a second thought or losing breath. That is something that you never really think about until after you realized that the reason you didnt think about it is because it didnt pose a problem as it did BEFORE! But of course one adventure wasn’t enough for Missy Poo. We walked and talked…skipped and played. She love, Love, LOVES Central Park…SO, b/c she had mentioned it on a prior trip, I packed a blanket & we copped a squat and had us a lil’ picnic. I felt so grateful that we were in that moment…and that I’m ABLE to spend this kind of time with her. Hell, I got misty a few times. Just seeing how happy she was. Some parents NEVER get to spend this kind of time w/their kids. So I’m thankful that God carved out this bit for me. Though the circumstances may not be ideal, and are spending all of this time in NYC to deal with a family health crisis…on top of my under-employment status…it still bears repeating that God’s timing is always impeccable. I was exactly where I was supposed to be doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. *headnod* Anyway…We walked some more and spotted what turned out to be the Victorian Gardens mini-carnival. I was hesitant b/c I knew that if she wanted to ride, that I’d have to ride with her – at least the first couple of times. And that sent me into a mini-panic /c I didn’t want to ruin my Sweetface’s first carnival experience. *sigh* So, we go to the first ride – some flying leap frog things. She looks at me and says “Come on Mommy!”. I look at the attendant…she gives me The Look & smile that says “Go ahead!”. So I look at her and ask: “Are you sure I can fit on this thing?!”She Makes is ALL worth it! falls out laughing: “Of course you can, Mami! Go!” I say a small prayer. Get on board. Buckle the belt w/out a hitch. Pull down the lapbar without a hitch. And I rideeeeeeeeeee. And after that…we head to the roller coaster (and I fit!)…we head to the flying swings (and I fit!)…we head to every ride in the park (and I fit!). I guess I should mention that at each new ride I asked “Are you sure I can fit on this thing?”. To which I got varied & sundried responses ranging from “uh, yeah. *duh* Why WOULDN’T you fit?” to “You’re kidding, right?” (As they hold open the gate and motion for me to enter). I actually cried a few times during some of my hysterical laughter that I shared with Gianna. Tears of joy. Tears of disbelief. Tears of relief. Tears of gratefulness. And yes…tears to wash away all of the $h!t I’ve been carrying around with me as I go through this transition. *exhale* It has finally hit me that this time last year – I would have never been able to dream of some of these “adventures” we are going on together. But now… its a reality, and it was the absolute most invigorating (dare I say accomplished) feeling in this whole wide world to be able to experience this particular “First…” with my daughter. It truly, truly was. And THAT, my friends (and frenemies *lol*) is exactly WHY. I. Did. This. To be able to enjoy this life, and living, and playing, and experiencing…with my child. To know that weight off my frame = years added to my life. To know that even though I might not have it all together, but I still have come a very long way – eventhough there is still much work to be done. It’s true that surgical intervention for weightloss isn’t for everyone…but it was the best decision I could have made. For ME. At THIS particular time in my life. It’s still a struggle, yes. I have my moments, yes. I even have my doubts that it worked, yes. There is a thin line between perception and reality often times, but for the first time since this journey began. I’m truly at peace. And dare I say a little giddy…about my new reality. One of the big bonuses (aside from being able to experience new things as a Mommy) is for me to do what I haven’t done in over 7 years: go to an amusement park without fear of fitting on any (every!)thing. I. cannot. WAIT… to hit Kings Dominion and every new ride I’ve missed. *giggety, giggety* IDK what even tickles me more though: the fact that I can get on my rides…or that I can get on HER rides [with her]. *adjusting my thinking cap* Ahhhh. Who am I kidding? It’s the latter… I’m sure! Life, is indeed…Good. No matter what. And Imma keep it movin’…

Thanks ALL for the kind words and encouragement. Much success and unbounding joy for each of you on the journey ahead. *group hug*

As promised - I'm checkin in! How is everyone? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Greetings my Good People! I know it’s been a hella long minute since I’ve updated. My life has been nothin short of chaos for the past 3 months. That being said – I haven’t lost my focus – even though I lost my day job.I will say though – that this time has helped me really prioritize my life and what’s important…and my health (physical, mental, AND spiritual) is at the top of the heap. Feeling Accomplished after ZUMBA The time I spent in NYC motivated me to get out & move more, and that’s something I brought home with me. When I was there – some days Id walk 3 or 4 miles a day. I’d run & play in the park w/my daughter…I’d just get up and move as much as possible. I really attribute this last 15-20# I lost (in the past 2 mnths) to that. On top of that – I realized that moving got my juices flowin…so to speak. It made me WANT to move/do more…and when I do get up/out & move…I feel…vixen-ish! *lol* Seriously – I really thought my mojo was gone for good. But it is slowly resurfacing. It kicked into overdrive this week with the start of my Zumba obession – thanks to many friends, and a persistent neighbor (also a WLS gal) who wasn’t allowing me to keep making excuses. Zumba is the $h!t! *lol* As much as I lovessssss me some belly dancing, I think I’ve taken on a new luv-ah! (even though some of the core techniques are the same – which is probably why i love it so much!) I’ll be going once a week, and also taking a step-class on an alternate day. There is nothing sexier than sweating off the pounds by shakin my booty-meat for an hour straight *lol* Nothin says “Sexy” like a sweaty love-cave *lmao*. 60# to go! You know – I really thought that Miss Mojo was gone for good. I just hadn’t been feeling myself. More self conscious than I’ve EVER been in my LIFE. And it kinda saddened me. I was wondering if I would ever feel like that vivacious vixen ever again. But she is slowly-but- surely rearing her beautiful flame-haired self again. Now, I still have some concerns with saggy skin & what-not, but I’m actually very pleased w/how it’s coming off. I’m starting to have quite the svelte lil’ figure, if I might say so myself! Even my arm-flaps are fallin in to line. (Who says the shake weight doesn’t work?!) On another note: I’ve gotta say that this journey has been well-worth everything I’ve gone thru to get here. I’m at a VERY transitional time in my life altogether. This not having a 9-5 job has stressed me to no end.BUT, it has forced me to operate in my God-given gifts & talents. unique, artistic, handmade jewels...by MOI! My jewelry business is taking off to the sky, and my newest venture is off to a great running start. I’m always up for networking – so if you don’t know…NOW you know. Check them out! www.ggxjewels.com (unique, artistic, handmade jewelry) and www.present-this.com (virtual assistant services). Who woulda thunk I’d ever have to be FORCED into living my dream (and looking good doing it!?) Welp – that’s all that’s suitable for print right now… See y’all in ONEderland soon (29# to get there!)!!

Greetings my Good People! I know it’s been a hella long minute since I’ve updated. My life has been nothin short of chaos for the past 3 months. That being said – I haven’t lost my focus – even though I lost my day job.I will say though – that this time has helped me really prioritize my life and what’s important…and my health (physical, mental, AND spiritual) is at the top of the heap. Feeling Accomplished after ZUMBA The time I spent in NYC motivated me to get out & move more, and that’s something I brought home with me. When I was there – some days Id walk 3 or 4 miles a day. I’d run & play in the park w/my daughter…I’d just get up and move as much as possible. I really attribute this last 15-20# I lost (in the past 2 mnths) to that. On top of that – I realized that moving got my juices flowin…so to speak. It made me WANT to move/do more…and when I do get up/out & move…I feel…vixen-ish! *lol* Seriously – I really thought my mojo was gone for good. But it is slowly resurfacing. It kicked into overdrive this week with the start of my Zumba obession – thanks to many friends, and a persistent neighbor (also a WLS gal) who wasn’t allowing me to keep making excuses. Zumba is the $h!t! *lol* As much as I lovessssss me some belly dancing, I think I’ve taken on a new luv-ah! (even though some of the core techniques are the same – which is probably why i love it so much!) I’ll be going once a week, and also taking a step-class on an alternate day. There is nothing sexier than sweating off the pounds by shakin my booty-meat for an hour straight *lol* Nothin says “Sexy” like a sweaty love-cave *lmao*. 60# to go! You know – I really thought that Miss Mojo was gone for good. I just hadn’t been feeling myself. More self conscious than I’ve EVER been in my LIFE. And it kinda saddened me. I was wondering if I would ever feel like that vivacious vixen ever again. But she is slowly-but- surely rearing her beautiful flame-haired self again. Now, I still have some concerns with saggy skin & what-not, but I’m actually very pleased w/how it’s coming off. I’m starting to have quite the svelte lil’ figure, if I might say so myself! Even my arm-flaps are fallin in to line. (Who says the shake weight doesn’t work?!) On another note: I’ve gotta say that this journey has been well-worth everything I’ve gone thru to get here. I’m at a VERY transitional time in my life altogether. This not having a 9-5 job has stressed me to no end.BUT, it has forced me to operate in my God-given gifts & talents. unique, artistic, handmade jewels...by MOI! My jewelry business is taking off to the sky, and my newest venture is off to a great running start. I’m always up for networking – so if you don’t know…NOW you know. Check them out! www.ggxjewels.com (unique, artistic, handmade jewelry) and www.present-this.com (virtual assistant services). Who woulda thunk I’d ever have to be FORCED into living my dream (and looking good doing it!?) Welp – that’s all that’s suitable for print right now… See y’all in ONEderland soon (29# to get there!)!!

Just a quickie – since I realize it’s been a minute. My life is STILL chaotic, but my weightloss is on track, thank GOD. I can’t believe that come March 21, it will be 6 months since my life changing surgery. I am 73# down, and have lost more than half of what I need to make it to *my* goal. (My PCP wants me down to 160# which is fine – but I know once I get to 175, in MY head, I will be a TOTAL rockstar) I still have my eating issues (like being a perpetual “snacker” – even with healthy stuff), but for the most part, I’m extremely proud of myself. I’ve been spending time between home and The Big Apple, and I must say that the change of scenery has been EXCELLENT for my spirit, in terms of getting up & out & active…thus keeping the pounds coming off. I will say – I STILL can’t “see” the difference in my weight in terms of what I see in the mirror. *shrug* But the pictures don’t lie, eh? 2 mnths pre-op & at my heaviest EVER: 310# Halfway there! (-70#) AFTER (well, “now”, at least) In any event – all is going well. Will update more in detail when time permits!