Akasha

I had tried every diet there was.  I've been dieting since I was 9 years old.  I decided on the lapband because I was too chicken to get the bypass.  I went through all the seminars, psychological and physical testing.  I wrote down my dieting history for the insurance company.  I had the surgery 12/5/05.  I lost down to 205 in about 6 months.  Then I stopped.  No matter what I tried, I couldn't get below 205.  I was faithful and went in and got the band tightened often.  Right now I think of have it tightend to 2.5.  I throw up a lot.  It's my behavioral factors I'm having trouble with.  I've thought about seeing a shrink but that would be so expensive I can't afford to do that.  I thought if I entered a chat room and felt safe, I could get feedback from others.  One thing is that I'm not exercising right now.  I'm depressed because I've gained back some of the weight and I can't get motivated.  My pants are tight again.  I feel like such a failure but only in this part of my life and for my whole life, it seems, that has been the case.  I had a wonderful job, I've retired, I opened a book store and I even do some public speaking (which I hate but I do it for the store).  I have a wonderful, supportive husband who loves me no matter what I weigh.  He tells me I'm sexy all the time - what a guy.  But I'm not feeling sexy and I actually don't feel well a lot of the time.  And my well-being it goes more than it comes.  I've lost a lot of my energy - I felt so good at 205 even - my energy level was amazing.  I would love to get to 160.  Since I'm older now, I think any more than that would make me look like an old suit.  And that's about it.