libertysuzanne

I am in a silly mood today. I have been contemplating the changes that I can already see in my body. The truth is it scares me! I had got so used to despising my body, that I never saw the positives. Mind you the only positive was that my breasts were slightly more plump! I have dropped down from a 42 to a 38. I can still see the roll of flesh on the sides of my breasts, but it definitely isn't as big as it was. But my cup size B is also reducing in size!!! I hope I don't lose all of my chest, now that really would be distressing. I have never been huge but what I did have I cherished! Mind you maybe when those little rolls of flesh also disappear it will balance out. I shall just have to keep my fingers crossed. I must look at the positive, at least I won't have what feels like 4 breasts! Then there is my hips, my stomach is reducing! It's now more of a large pot belly instead of an huge balloon! I know it won't be to long until I will be able to feel my hip bones underneath the flesh! I think this is more a case of being scared of achieving what I really want to be. I shouldn't be such a wuss! It's alright to have off days, it's just not very pleasent!

I am in a silly mood today. I have been contemplating the changes that I can already see in my body. The truth is it scares me! I had got so used to despising my body, that I never saw the positives. Mind you the only positive was that my breasts were slightly more plump! I have dropped down from a 42 to a 38. I can still see the roll of flesh on the sides of my breasts, but it definitely isn't as big as it was. But my cup size B is also reducing in size!!! I hope I don't lose all of my chest, now that really would be distressing. I have never been huge but what I did have I cherished! Mind you maybe when those little rolls of flesh also disappear it will balance out. I shall just have to keep my fingers crossed. I must look at the positive, at least I won't have what feels like 4 breasts! Then there is my hips, my stomach is reducing! It's now more of a large pot belly instead of an huge balloon! I know it won't be to long until I will be able to feel my hip bones underneath the flesh! I think this is more a case of being scared of achieving what I really want to be. I shouldn't be such a wuss! It's alright to have off days, it's just not very pleasent!

I'm from the UK, so we are a wee bit different than the US. For example your 16 is our size 18. That's why I like shopping in the US he he. Before Op I was a 22 (Us20) 17 Days after I am 18/20 (US16/18) My goal is to fit comfortable into a size 14 (US12). I am 5ft 7' and to be honest size 14 is the average size I remember wearing as a teenager and when I first discovered I was pregnant and lost a lot of weight (first and last time without trying!) The thought of wearing a 12 is just so unbelievable that It isn't even worth considering. I'm happy enough getting into a smaller size of clothes only after 3 weeks of being lapbanded. Any thing else will truly be a gift!

I've been wondering what your H stands for, for ages. Now I know. Hi ya Hermione! I didn't ask just in case you wanted to keep that private. Good going with the Cambridge diet. So are you off for the weekend now? I wonder, do you find the weekends harder than the week days? Sx

Welcome back Heb! So glad it all went well for you I think we have been very lucky in finding that clinic through Elyzea. Did you enjoy the first night in Chimay? What hotel did you stay at? Dish us all the details. Did you meet Dr DeBary? I know this probalby going to sound really silly, but I would go back to that hospital like a shot if I could. Very bizarre!

My appetite tends to dictate if I can eat more than 1/2 a cup of soup or not. I did worry initially that it was a bad thing, but as someone else said it depends on what soup you are eating. Most of the time I find myself satisfied by only a small amount. I am trying to get into some sort of routine, not as easy as I thought it would be. Time and experience will make it easier I am sure. November the 25th is when I can move on to proper solids, I must admit I can't wait until that day. Although, it is so easy to just eat mushie. It's goign to take a lot of thinking when it ocmes to solid, what to eat and what not to eat. I'm a wee disappointed I can't eat the best part of my favourite veg Brocolli, I really love the stalk, but my list says it is to fibrous :huytsao I'm sure I will find different things to eat, that have the similar taste. Is brussel sprouts to fibrous?

I am finding it quite hard dealing with waiting an hour for liquid after my meal. I had found a way of dealing with it, chewing gum seemed to sait the thirst for the our, but I've run out of them and I am feeling quite desperate. I am so used to drinking straight after a meal. Still I will get used to it eventually or never run out of gum!!! Wonder if anyone else feels this thristy after a meal? Dad has bought me some liquid Aloe Vera, bless him. I mix it with fruit juice, no sugar added etc etc. It will be interesting to see if it makes any difference. I am doign as the instructions tell me, so fingers crossed it will help my stomach heal nice and quickly, so I can avoid tearing anymore stitches because that would be very bad. I know I have been a lot more cautious since the pain and it hasn't returned since. I get an occasional niggle around a scar but, I know it does take me a long time for scars to heal completely, lets hope the AV does up the anti! It is supposed to be full of good and wholesome vitamins. A real wonder plant!

I am finding it quite hard dealing with waiting an hour for liquid after my meal. I had found a way of dealing with it, chewing gum seemed to sait the thirst for the our, but I've run out of them and I am feeling quite desperate. I am so used to drinking straight after a meal. Still I will get used to it eventually or never run out of gum!!! Wonder if anyone else feels this thristy after a meal? Dad has bought me some liquid Aloe Vera, bless him. I mix it with fruit juice, no sugar added etc etc. It will be interesting to see if it makes any difference. I am doign as the instructions tell me, so fingers crossed it will help my stomach heal nice and quickly, so I can avoid tearing anymore stitches because that would be very bad. I know I have been a lot more cautious since the pain and it hasn't returned since. I get an occasional niggle around a scar but, I know it does take me a long time for scars to heal completely, lets hope the AV does up the anti! It is supposed to be full of good and wholesome vitamins. A real wonder plant!

Personally I would not put 'Little Women' as a children's book. The same with the Ring Trilogy. THe Hobbit is definitely children orientated (I read it when I was 8) and then they go on to the Rings and it completely moves from child to adult literature. As you have pointed out the main stories you recall it is non-human characters who die. I am still trying to think of some books that I read as a child where people died and coming up with nothing of any merit. Isn't it wonderful, how we can get the old brain matter working for us, with interesting discussions.:clap2:

I think the best thing is to not worry about the PBing and slime. I've been banded now 17 days?? I have only had one experience of PB and slime and that was because I ate to quickly, so ate to much! As H said, if you stick to the bandster rules you shouldn't have a problem. I am so impressed with your will power to stick to the yoghurt! You deserve many, many brownie points! I feel like I copped out with having Soup and slimfast. You are on a great start for the rest of your life. You should be bragging lol I shall be thinking of you, you'll love Deirdre she is really lovely. I've probably said that a thousand times lol. I shall give you a few french sayings: Merci Beaucoup - Thank you very much Tres Bien - well done En Coulet - F*** Off. Yes I did use this once when the nurse was taking out the very painful drip. I did think it meant shit, Daz told me what it actually meant, I was mortified! Don;t worry pain from drip is not the norm. I just have veins which collapse around anything alien in it, which causes the pain. Ca'va - How are you and also I'm well. It's a weird one lol. Au revoir - Good Bye Bonjour - Hello Salut - Hi Bon Soir - Good night I just give you those, as I think it's polite to at least to try and make an effort to speak their language. But, you don't have to if you don't want to lol. I just happened to end up in a room with a resident of Chimay who had broken her arm, so my pigeon french got us through the days I was there. Again that isn't common they normally put you in a room with another english person. It just happened that one of the women didn't turn up for the Op, we never found out why. So Clare was an emergency so they put her in my room, it was nice to have some company, even if we couldn't communicate to well lol. I've jsut realised you are going to have a wonderful advantage on your mum with the op done, your going to be 'so holier than thou!'

AZGun, It was heart rending to read your post. I truly feel for you and your wife. She is obviously in a very unhappy place. Unfortunately in the end it is going to have to be her call to solve her problems. There is only so much that can be done for her. I think the writing of a letter may be a successful tool, even just for you to get your anger and despair of the situation out in the open for you to deal with. She needs to see how it is really affecting you. As you say, you are used to dealing with other peoples crisis's. Which probably, without you even realising it, you are putting on the I am dealing with this situation. There is no easy answer and I hope that in time all the issues shall be resolved. I hope your wife will talk to the people who are there to support her with the band. She may of also gone in thinking that the band would just reduce the weight, without any work. I must admit when I first considered the lapband that is what I thought, but after further research, I knew that it was a tool not a miracle. I am so glad that I had waited to have it done, because I am sure I would have been bound to fail. Taking it as an easy way out. I hope you keep in touch and that in time your wife will start to feel better and back in control of her life instead of the depression. Kind regards Suzanne

* does a merry jig* Your going to be a winner MrsH most definitely. As the song goes....You've got to acctuate the possitive, eliminate the negatives!' I have been wonderfully behaved for the past two days and I'm feeling good I'm not going to bother about weight, I think I shall enjoy the feel good factor more and watch as the inches slowly slide off! Which they are, it is so enticing to go shopping but I know that right now that will end in disappointment, so going to wait till the Jan Sales, then shopping centres watch out, there's a shopping hurricane going to start he he:clap2: :) :) :hippie: :peace: :spy: :cheer2: Your positive attitude is contagious H!

I agree with you Doug that children can and do experience tragic deaths,which we wish they wouldn't have to. In the case of JK Rowling actually dealing with death intentionally. It is fact not my own personal opinion. During one of her interviews she made it perfectly clear, that she wanted to deal with 'death' as it is something children writers do try to avoid and it was insulting to children. Of all books I read as a child, there was never any use of death in a realistic fashion, it was all mystical and inside you just knew that this character hadn't died. If there was death it was never a main character, it was someone 'dispensable'. From the beginning, death has been a huge part of Harrys life. It isn't a case of everything will be rosy by the end of the 7th book, youjust know book 7 is going to be seriously climatic! Well one hopes so, I just hope JK isn't exhausted by it all, to spoil it. Although she has always said that this was going to be a series of 7 books, so she knows where it is going.

H, Well done! It takes a lots of guts to fess up to your daily food intake! I know it is scary when you read it back to yourself! That really is the first step in dealing with the weight! Personally I couldn't deal with the Cambridge Diet. So your already better than me :success1: I am sure you will enjoy your holiday whatever! May Cambridge be kind to you and tasty!

I am sorry to hear that the fills haven't kicked in for you just yet, but you are sounding pretty positive and taking control. I hate to be the devils advocate on this, but you are putting youself into an unhealthy predicament! I know I sound negative but I suspect that trying to lose weight that way is setting yourself up for your body going into starvation mode. Although there is that lose a 100lbs in a 100 days diet, that you could try. I'm not sure what it's called so maybe the way you want to do it will work. I'#m no dietician lol I just hope it all works out for you and you gain the confidence to enjoy 'the big event'. Kidn regards Sx

I have made a yummy dish in a matter of minutes: 1 tin of Cream of Tomato Soup 1 can of corned Beef A generous Dash of wheat Free Beef Boullion Swede and Carrot Mash A nice simple and quick dish to do. My son loved it and to give it a nice kick you can sprinkle some mature cheddar on top as well. I have found that if I eat with a tea spoon, I feel a lot fuller than if I ate with a big spoon, which tends to allow me to have big mouthfuls of food, which isn't good. So shall eat with a teaspoon until confident I have proper portion control going on! I was going to type something else, but can't remember what now lol doh!

I have made a yummy dish in a matter of minutes: 1 tin of Cream of Tomato Soup 1 can of corned Beef A generous Dash of wheat Free Beef Boullion Swede and Carrot Mash A nice simple and quick dish to do. My son loved it and to give it a nice kick you can sprinkle some mature cheddar on top as well. I have found that if I eat with a tea spoon, I feel a lot fuller than if I ate with a big spoon, which tends to allow me to have big mouthfuls of food, which isn't good. So shall eat with a teaspoon until confident I have proper portion control going on! I was going to type something else, but can't remember what now lol doh!

No Carlene you don't sound selfish. You sound perfectly human to me. As for your DH, it seems unfair that he should expect you to accept it, without allowing you to speak to Mr P about it yourself. So all you get is second party input. Now that to me is selfish! It is only fair that you have made your decision, as the saying goes 'what is good for the goose is good for the gander.' So lets hope your DH won't try to force you into a situation that you are not happy with. I'm suire he is probably wanting to calm the waters, but I can respect how difficult it is for you. I hope it will sort itself in time. We are so varied in our thoughts and emotions to similar situations. Definitely makes life varied!

Hi, I was banded on the 25th October, everything has been fine. Except yesterday I think I ate more than I should have done. I had a really tough day emotionally not sure why - perhaps a come down from the op. I have a habit of delayed reaction. What is concerning me now is that when I got up this morning I got this searing pain, a bit like sheet lightning over my scars from the op and internally. It is only when I stand up, although even sitting now there is a dull ache. How do you know if your band has slipped? Would it cause that kind of pain? I really hope I haven't screwed things up!

Woo hoo, popped into see dad and he has finally noticed a change! :clap2: That really cheered me up. Small things eh? *he he* The pain has gone now, thankfully! Was a wee bit worrying yesterday, but it has ensured I'm being extremely careful now. As H said 'I have to follow the Bandster rules!' I promise to be a good girl from now on! Contemplating what breakfast to have, slimfast or yoghurt. Really fancy porridge but don't have any of that at home. Only the ready Brek that CM eats and that isn't wheat free. Still I could heat up the slimfast!

Woo hoo, popped into see dad and he has finally noticed a change! :clap2: That really cheered me up. Small things eh? *he he* The pain has gone now, thankfully! Was a wee bit worrying yesterday, but it has ensured I'm being extremely careful now. As H said 'I have to follow the Bandster rules!' I promise to be a good girl from now on! Contemplating what breakfast to have, slimfast or yoghurt. Really fancy porridge but don't have any of that at home. Only the ready Brek that CM eats and that isn't wheat free. Still I could heat up the slimfast!

This is a subject that is very fresh in my mind. My mum passed away last year and I must admit that it was a relief. I know that sounds horrible but the relationship with my parents has always been a complicated one. I loved my mother dearly but there were things that happened as i grew up that caused me to harbour a hate that has only now gone away. Both my parents were disabled, mum was a under the knee amputee, but you would never have guessed it. My dad has MS. He was officially diagnosed when I was 5 and my sister looked in the reference books and declared he would be dead in 2 years. So we had all prepared for it - this was long before the internet. Of course he didn't die and life went on as he slowly detrioated. I really was to young to remember life as any different when mum closed the shop she ran so it could be converted into a downstairs bedroom for dad. The Issue I need to bring out which bears a starkling resemblance to your situation Carlene is that my mother had affairs with men even though Dad still lived with us. I discovered this and lied to dad for 2 years to spare his feelings, until one day it got to much and I had to say something. I found out that day, that dad knew all about it. It was shattering to me, I don't think I have truly gotten over the double betrayal. Anyway life went on, I grew up and left home as quickly as i could. Without really losing touch with my parents. Until I fell pregnant and then I came to live in the same town as mum and dad. Dad lived in Sheltered accomodation. We all thought that dad would be the first to go, but he has a constitution of an ox. He is 77 now and his mind is as bright as a button, even physically he is pretty good for an MS sufferer. The same could not be said for mum. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer, not of the lungs as you would expect from a woman who smoked from the age of 18 and never gave up. THe lung wa sonly minor, hence why it wasn't picked up. The cancer had gone to the lymph nodes around her heart. I have to say it was the most taxing and exhausting year. Mum was a fighter but emotionally she became a wreck, lashing out at the one person she knew she could. Dad. One minute she is telling him to find someone for when she passes and then when an old friend/ ex girlfriend gets in touch. All hell is let loose and I was stuck in the middle. I could see both sides and I tried my hardest to stay neutral, but mums bitterness was vile and painful. It spoiled most every day, when I was trying my best to cherish the time we had together. In the end I screamed out in anguish after yet another earbashing, telling her I wish you were dead! That is the most awful thing anyone could ever say, but it did stop mum in her tracks and I think made her realise that her behaviour was wrong. Our relationship did change for the better, but she would still not recognise Mary or Dad, she shut him out of her life until near the very end. She tried her best to mend the bridges, which I do love her for. It was tough on her and don't get me wrong I could see her point of view as well. Yet, she realised that what she had once done was far worse, than the platonic relationship Dad shared with Mary. It wasn't long after that mum tried to take her life again. The pain was getting to much for her to bear and she had seen me achieve my gold medal, so she knew i was on to the first steps of a new career. The irony was she didn't die of the overdose. Once again she had failed, she did try earlier when she was first diagnosed. But, it was finally her time to go, I think the overdose gave her body the opportunity to finally let go of her willful mind. I have found it hard to except Mary and I do feel that I should attempt to try, mum had given her blessing in the end. I just find it hard because of what I had to go through during that year with mums vicious hate. I am happy that Dad has someone, my anger is unfounded. Yes, it still feels awkward but she is not replacing mum just supporting dad in a way as a daughter I could not. And, I don't mean in the physical sense. Happiness is the most important thing we can have in this life. Illness's can rob families of this. It is so easy for us to judge without having all the facts. I know now that if ever I were in a relationship and I became so ill, I would want him to have that escape, to know that he is being looked after and cared for. It is very hard to be alone in this world. I can understand your anger Carlene but talk to Mr P, give him a chance to explain. I'm sure that he would rather know why you are avoiding him, rather than furnishing your OH with lies to tell him. That is far more painful than dealing with the truth face to face. We are all so scared to speak the truth...Why? I wish I knew! It causes more trouble in the long run, when it could have been avoided. I am sure you will make your own choices and it is good that you can vent here, with people who do understand but we all have very different experiences and moral values. It's what makes life so interesting! Also hearing other peoples P.O.V gives you a chance to look at things from a different angle. I know how difficult it can be dealing with conflicting emotions. It is never easy. I wish you the best Kind regards suzanne x

Thank you both for your advice. The pain did go away and hasn't returned. It would make sense if it was a torn stitch, which is a bummer! Still at least it is more manageable than a slippage! I have sent an email to my doc, but I am not as concerned now. I have felt the pain similar to a heart attack before when I pulled a muscle, so I know that the pain wasn't like that it was further down the rib cage around the abdominals. I ate like a saint yesterday and I'm going to do the same today, I think I needed that scare to wake me up to the fact that I have to change dramatically! My dad has bought some Aloe Vera juice for me to use...bleurgh, shall do it as he has made the effort, bless him! Hope all is well today Kind regards Suzannxx

I think I have been a little to premature in reducing my pain killers. I spent virtually most of today sleeping! The last time I did that we discovered that I wasn't gewt proper sleep because of the pain, hence why I am on so many pain killers. I suspect that because have cut down my daily pills the nighttimes one haven't been working as effectively. I relied to much on the psychological impact of doing such a positive thing, rushing into silly behaviour! Time to re-introduce my day time pain killers, even though in theory the pain is bareable, my body and brain don't think it is (my feet and knees always seem to be in pain anyway it is ease to use mind over matter!). Had wondered why my bed looked as if I had danced a tango over it each night lol. I had a most horrible pain th is morning, I thought the band could have slipped, but after going back to bed, the pain eased off and it hasn't returned. A lady did tell me what it felt like if you had a slippage, something like chest pains, this wasn't the case with me, it was lower down, I guess more orund the bowel area, maybe the fod I ate had finally decided to disagre with me. I don't want to lose control like I did that day, eaing small amounts but very frequently which is very bad! So the pain was really just punishment. Still after all that I still love the fact, that the inches are slowly creeping off my frame, I put on a black dress that I hadn;t worn for over 4 years because it had made me look like a michellin man! It's still not as loose as it was when I first wore it, years ago; but, it really doesn;t cling and show off all te bumps like it had done! So that was a very poisitive NSV! I have a fake fur jacket which is also somethign that I can;t wait to wear again! I think a lot of my NSV's are based on clothes! Protein Powder now this one confuses me slightly. Do we have to have protein powder for the rest of our lives?? Think I need to search through the forum see what answers I can come up with!

I think I have been a little to premature in reducing my pain killers. I spent virtually most of today sleeping! The last time I did that we discovered that I wasn't gewt proper sleep because of the pain, hence why I am on so many pain killers. I suspect that because have cut down my daily pills the nighttimes one haven't been working as effectively. I relied to much on the psychological impact of doing such a positive thing, rushing into silly behaviour! Time to re-introduce my day time pain killers, even though in theory the pain is bareable, my body and brain don't think it is (my feet and knees always seem to be in pain anyway it is ease to use mind over matter!). Had wondered why my bed looked as if I had danced a tango over it each night lol. I had a most horrible pain th is morning, I thought the band could have slipped, but after going back to bed, the pain eased off and it hasn't returned. A lady did tell me what it felt like if you had a slippage, something like chest pains, this wasn't the case with me, it was lower down, I guess more orund the bowel area, maybe the fod I ate had finally decided to disagre with me. I don't want to lose control like I did that day, eaing small amounts but very frequently which is very bad! So the pain was really just punishment. Still after all that I still love the fact, that the inches are slowly creeping off my frame, I put on a black dress that I hadn;t worn for over 4 years because it had made me look like a michellin man! It's still not as loose as it was when I first wore it, years ago; but, it really doesn;t cling and show off all te bumps like it had done! So that was a very poisitive NSV! I have a fake fur jacket which is also somethign that I can;t wait to wear again! I think a lot of my NSV's are based on clothes! Protein Powder now this one confuses me slightly. Do we have to have protein powder for the rest of our lives?? Think I need to search through the forum see what answers I can come up with!