ten1031

I can so relate to most of the things I've read here. My parents are also on me about my weight, but my mom is nice about it at least. My dad is just mean and cruel. He's said things before like "fat b!tch" etc under his breath, but knowing I could hear him. My mom is where I got my food issues...she has them too. I feel like she had me on a diet the day I was born, and YEARS before I was fat. It was like her biggest fear was for me to end up being fat. She wanted me to have bypas surgery years ago. One thing she's done repeatedly though, that really did hurt me, was how she's always trying to play matchmaker for my cousins, my brother, etc but NEVER, not once has tried to fix me up with someone. Not that I even want her to, but the fact that she doesn't even try when she does for everyone else says tons about what her opinion is of me. One of her co-workers wanted to hook me up with one of their regular patients once a few years ago. When her co-worker mentioned it in front of the guy, he asked what I was like. The first thing my mom told him was that I was fat. Nice, huh? There was this guy I really liked, that I kinda flinged with off and on. It was ALWAYS him calling me to get together, etc, but sometimes he would disappear out of my life for several months or a year. I always left it up to him to make contact, and he to this day keeps coming back. We first met in 2000 and this had gone on for several years. Then in 2006 I was on a date with someone else and we were on our way to a Nickelback concert. This was in March, and at this point I hadn't heard from the first guy since before Christmas. Out of the blue, I get this text message from him while I was on the date. It said "you're a fatty...hit the gym if you want me to come running". Uh, what?! I never expected him to come running! I never even initiated contact with him EVER! I was so got and it totally ruined my whole night. The craziest part though is that he STILL periodically contacts me wanting to get together. I haven't seen him since before that text message, and I decided then that I never would unless I was thin. I can't wait to get thin and "accidentally" bump into him. I've also always gotten the "pretty face" comments, and once had a guy tell me "you'd be hot as hell if you lost weight!" and thought I should take it as a compliment. Oh, and one thing I've noticed, having been both fairly slim and as heavy as I am now...guys behave totally different in your presence as a fat person than they do as a thin person. I have a hard time trusting guys because of some of my experiences with them as a fat girl. Experiences that weren't even directly about me, but things they say about other girls in my presence because since I'm fat they apparently don't even consider me to be a girl. Horrid things they say about girls they supposedly even like and care about. Since I'm fat they don't seem to even realize they're saying these things in the presence of another female. Those things always stick with me and so even when I've looked good, I've had a hard time trusting that a guy is genuine.

I was wondering the same thing, so I hope someone responds! I'm in the very earliest stages of this process (my seminar is scheduled for February 6!), so I want to learn everything I can while I wait!