PrincessH

My lapband story isnt one of success. Its been one big disappointment after another. I decided when I was 21 to finally get my life back after being over weight for most of my life. I have a family where being fat isnt exceptible and I was finally tired of fighting for acceptance from them. I think thats where i went wrong from the start, i was going through this procedure for them and not for me. To be honest up until that point i had never truly thought of myself as obese or one who needs weight loss surgery. Now i realize that i did or do need help but i still wish there would have been another way for me to lose the weight. At this point in my life i had tried pretty much everything on the market to lose weight and i never could stick with it or it never seemed to give me the results i needed. My parents came to me and said they would pay for lapband if i was committed to doing what was needed to make it work. I agreed to give it all i had because i knew how much they wanted me to be thin like my brother and sister. When i went in to meet with my doctor for the first time i didnt get a good vibe, he was really short with me and acted like he was too busy to answer any of my questions. I was not wanting to go through with the surgery after this meeting but my mother was insistent that he was the doctor and so i agreed to go ahead with it. I didnt see my doctor again until the day of the surgery and as i laid there on that hospital bed the fear really struck in. I was so scared and really wanted to leave right then and there but i knew it was too late to go back. My surgery took longer than they thought it would because i had a bad reaction to the anestesia (if thats how you spell it) and my blood pressure kept spiking. I went in at 2 and was supposed to be done no later than 4 but i didnt get wheeled out until 6. When i finally came to i was in severe pain, i felt like i couldnt breathe. I had to stay in the hospital over night and after that day i have never seen my doctor again. The first months of my surgery i lost about 30 pounds and i felt great. I had a new zest for life, but that all quickly changed. I went in for a fill and it seemed like it just went right in and right out. When i went to eat for the first time after the fill it didnt seem like anything had changed. i didnt feel full quickly, in fact i could eat normal amount of food. I started to put the weight back on and my parents stopped helping me pay for fills because they werent seeing results from the 300 dollar fills, and i couldnt blame them i wouldnt continue to throw money away on something that wasnt working. Its been 2 years since my surgery and i have gained all the weight back and then some. I feel ashamed and worthless. I almost feel like i dont deserve to lose the weight, which makes my emotional eating at an all time high. I am so embarrassed to even post this for everyone to read but this is me reaching out for help and support. I am truly ready to get the help i need to become the person thats burried under all this fat.