KimDB

Originally, before starting to jump through the official hoops, I had considered not telling anyone. Then, I had posted several weeks ago after the process was started that I had made the mistake of telling 2 neighbor friends, who did not have the reaction I anticipated. Instead of support, they apparently decided they were going to get together and "help me" do it the "healthy" way by being my exercise buddies, etc. I learned a lot about telling people then. Since then I have been extremely circumspect about my situation. I did have to go on vacation with extended family and avoided nearly all eat-out situations. I just told them I was on a doctor-supervised diet and was eating in, which was true. But, did not mention anything about what I am preparing for. Only one sister-in-law knows and we have agreed it is not a good idea for at least one other SIL to know. She is extremely competitive when it comes to weight, is always fighting losing about 30 or so lbs she carries around, and frankly, it's pretty obvious she takes a lot of comfort in always at least being more slender than I am. I am her "weight" safety net. I have paid very close attention to how she acts even when I am just trying to watch what I eat, and it's like she's only comfortable when I am eating and she can watch me! On vacation I'll never forget we were outside in a circle of chairs and she came to find me and ask if I'd had my cheeseburger from the grill yet! I said I had (and I had, just the one), and she said there was one left, did I want it? I said no thanks. Later she wrapped it up and brought it to our room 'in case one of my kids wanted it'. I am pretty sure she thought I'd eat it behind closed doors. (And I did split it between my kids about as quickly as I could. Who wants temptation. I am still trying to lose 20lbs for the surgeon.) Anyway, I just have a feeling that if she's carrying 30lbs and I'm carrying 100, and I go for a lap band, that would just about put her over the edge. I have been very, very careful not to let anything get out in my extended family as a result. My plan may be to tell them later, just because I don't think I can hide this forever, we spend too much time together, but I'd rather not endure the speeches before hand from everyone else who thinks they have a better idea about what I should do with my body than my doctor or myself. This is always a good question, and I wrestle with it every day. Just last night talked to my mother. Again thought about telling her, but then stayed quiet. Staying quiet for now seems to be the mature thing to do. If I'm not asking for input, and have adequate support from those I do share the information with ... there is really no reason to let them in on my medical plans.

Thank you guys. This helps. It also helped me to consider that whatever *help* they are offering, it will be helpful with the band, too! They don't know when I will have the surgery and they don't have to know. Fortunately they are not really as meddlesome as I made them out to be ... I think they do just want to help. But, very instructional experience on how not to make the same mistake again. I want to go through this experience totally on my own initiative, not based on anyone else's opinions of what I do or do not need. Thanks again.

Hi Misty, I wish I had answers, but I just don't. But, I also didn't want you to post to this board feeling like you're being ignored. I think some people just don't have answers for you. I hope that you find some, I thought the post before mine was worthy. If you can find a car loan, you can find a loan. I just don't know. I am still waiting for approval myself but think I would pretty much sell the car for this.

Beatriz, your story is another perfect variation on all the stories I've read over the past few months while researching this. I had read up on GB and LB for at least a month before even making the initial call to my Primary to discuss it with her. I remember my hands were actually shaking, and I think I dithered on that phone call. I wasn't due for an exam, I just wanted a visit to discuss my health and bariatric surgery. I felt my tongue was tied in twenty knots. My heart rate increased, I felt an adrenaline rush ... and what can I say, I felt like my body and subconscious were both saying "yes, yes! Do this for yourself !!!" Like getting on a plane after a lifetime of being afraid to fly. I wish you a bunch of luck as you go ahead. I am still a newbie myself, but totally identify with everything you wrote about yourself. It's not always about how exactly we get to where we are so that we need this assistance ... we travel different journeys ... but seems the underlying issues are always so much the same. hugs, Kim

Hi everybody, I'm still new I went through my initial consult appointments last week. Psychologist, PA and dietician. Everything looks good from all fronts except I do have to go for an ED (eating disorder) consult since I had one when I was younger, pre-obesity and pre-kids. I don't think it will be much of a problem since it's been a decade and a half since those days, but nevertheless, another hoop to jump through. I was kind of surprised, but no matter ... having thought about it, I do understand they need to make sure those of us with weird potentially latent triggers benefit from further attention before such a major lifestyle change involving relationships with body and food. And, fortunately, I actually have been in therapy for over a year now. I didn't go in for ED, I went independently for help in resolving some stressful family issues (my mother is very ill), but they seemed glad to hear that I have had opportunities to address emotional issues regarding food & weight, which at least seems to preclude that they might require an additional period of therapy. My BMI was 41 and a few points (forget exactly, only thing that mattered to me was that I was 40+). Have my ED outside consult this week and required skills classes (6 hours over 4 weeks) scheduled over March. All my return appointments (need to see dietician again, bring food & exercise journal, am supposed to lose around 20lbs prior to surgery, weigh in, etc.) are also in March. Sooo that's where I am now. I will have to look into one of those tickers everyone has, soon!

You look incredible !! The thing I find so amazing is how much younger so many people look without the extra weight. You literally look 15 years younger, like a college student. You must be so proud of yourself!

I think that is a great story. Congratulations! More proof that the success stories in this forum are as much the result of hard work and good attitude as the help behind the scenes that the lap band provides. Sounds like you are loving your new life!

This thread is interesting to me this morning. I am still only in the beginning stages, my full-day consult with psych, dietician, PA, etc. is this wee. This is so much on my mind, I wish I could talk about it with other people .... unfortunately, I just don't have that particular community when it comes to my friends or family. They're all slender people for the most part, the ones who would say "oh NO please don't mutilate your body, let's go for a walk instead, I'll be your buddy!" No thanks, I have done that. I well remember the two years I worked out with my neighbor, my workout "buddy" ... I lost count of the times I ended up standing there holding her babies while she did "just another 15 minutes" on the stairmaster. No wonder she wanted a 'workout buddy' ... My husband knows about this, and my kids. My therapist knows, and one very discreet neighbor ... though that neighbor, while understanding, is one of those people who would not be interested in chatting about "stuff." They are, though, 100% supportive. I think my husband has asked at least three times, when I think I might get a surgery date :w00t: Thank heaven for this forum. I feel like I can get my dose of "chat" in no matter what.

I am so upset for you! That was wrong ... but I think what others have said is probably the case. His not thinking, plus, I'm guessing, a wee bit of jealousy. On the other hand, you can't change it, and staying angry about it is not going to help. Just use the motivation to rock your program! FYI, a teacher at my child's school had WLS. She was very overweight for a long time, lost all the weight pretty quickly and has kept it off now for 2 years. Everyone has pretty much guessed. The only thing that I have heard, though, is how great she looks and 'more power to her.' She is a lovely teacher and we're all happy for her. In fact, she inspired me over this past year to look into WLS. Seeing how much she has changed her life, however she's done it, is absolutely inspiring. I would actually hate to think she is spending all her days now miserably starving trying to desperately keep the weight off. I'm happy she has had a way to lose all the weight and still live her life!

At the seminar I attended, they said the main variables were insurance obstacles and intervening medical issues that might delay surgery. I believe in one case there was a particular insurance that several people at the seminar had that required enrollment through a primary care physician in a 6 month "wellness" program before approval would even be considered. It was also mentioned that an older surgical candidate with a number of comorbid conditions that would need to come under control before surgery, such as losing 100lbs to make surgery safer, would see a longer intervening time between the start of the process and actual surgery. On the other hand, they gave an example of a relatively healthy patient, age 45, 100lbs overweight, with no payment issues (either fast insurance approval or self-pay) & minimal testing required could go as fast as 8 weeks from seminar to surgery.

This is an incredibly perceptive observation on the use of the word "cheat." It absolutely implies that there are supposedly some "rules" that all people should play by ... when there just aren't. What's that pill some alcoholics go on ... the one that makes them violently ill if they ingest alcohol? Is that a "cheat" because other alcoholics use their will power? No, it just observes that for some people whose issues run deeper, "will power" alone isn't enough. Great for the other people if their will power is stronger. They win. I'm not them, but if the size of my behind was any indication, that was already obvious. Of course I can lose weight with diet and exercise. If I make my life's profession losing weight, which I have to do, then I lose the weight. But, my body goes into panic mode always after around the 3 month mark. Continuing to eat at diet levels makes my subconscious kick into survival mode, and I frequently found myself eating portions that were even larger than my "pre-diet" portions just to get that "okay, I'm satisfied now" feeling. I need the help. The one neighbor I told in great confidence actually said her sister had undergone the procedure ... used to be a large woman and now is quite petite, and very happy! It did take me a while to tell my husband ... he surprised me by being incredibly supportive. He even said he was really excited for me! As for my extended family, fortunately the only two sisters-in-law who would ever say anything on the subject, both of them have had liposuction and breast work, so they are the last ones to point out anything about "cheating." But, great observation again on the "competition" - there sure is, in their minds. I also liked very much the comment about yes, I'm cheating ... I'm cheating an early death ... good one. Kim in the pipeline, looking for surgery date probably April 2010

Just FYI'ing ... went to my initial information session. Seemed like a lot depended on insurance, but they tried to lift up the ones that had insurance that required the 6 month diet plan. They said, start tomorrow, start scheduling all your necessary appointments, which aren't going to be *tomorrow*, and then by the time you are done with them, the surgery will really only be realistically weeks away. On the other hand, they said, if you are a 45 year old female, 100lbs overweight, high blood pressure, some type 2 diabetes stuff coming on, but otherwise in good shape with no other majore stuff going on, good stress tests, etc. ... they said could be 8 weeks from first session. They did also mention that if you are a man who is 300+ overweight with lots of other stuff going on, you could be 12 months from surgery and a required 100 lb weight loss pre-surgery. I am soooo calling tomorrow.

I'm still in the very beginning stages, but I am also very private and have thought about this a great deal. I have only told 2 old friends who live in different states (met them traveling and we keep in touch) and one friend in the next town who is extremely discreet. I have not even told my husband about these plans. He's one of those "why can't you just work out 3 hours a day" types, and for years heaven knows I've tried. I think I might have pursued a surgical option years ago if he hadn't said these things but finally it sank in, I'm a grown woman and don't need his permission. I have as much right to our health insurance and bank account, he certainly didn't ask me to approve what kind of car he bought last year, or where he would open a new restaurant. I will probably end up telling him, but not until I am far down the road and have everything in place. By the by, I met with my primary doc this morning and brought this up. I was so nervous, but I couldn't believe how excited she was for me! She said she thought it would be a great idea in my case, wished me luck with my introductory seminar next week, and told me to make sure I let her know how she could help me. She took lots of notes on my weight history beyond the 4 years I've been seeing her, and said she'll help me in any way possible. It was great!

Hi, I did a search on my question but can't seem to find anything on point. On hospital discharge from a successful lap band procedure, do most hospitals require that you be met by another adult (to drive you home, etc.) or is it possible to be released on one's own? I hate to say it, but I am having trouble coming up with anyone I know who would be as discreet about my personal issues as I would prefer. Even my best meaning neighbors and friends do a lot of talking in our small town, and I guess I'm just one of those people who likes to keep my business private. When I went through my year of trying personal training (twice a week, I lost 1 pound in a year), I didn't tell anyone about that, either. I guess in the end I will have someone, but just wondered if this is a procedure where you can walk out on your own if everything's gone well?

Yep, that's kind of what I thought. I've had lesser procedures where that was the case. It does make sense.

Like anything, it's a combination of things as to why I'm fat. I know this always sounds like a copout, but some of it is genetic. My aunts are heavy; my female cousins are heavy. No one is super-obese, but over 200 is the norm. Usually after having kids. I can lose weight, of course I can, and I have, but have found that I have to go to such extremes (strict dieting and strict amounts of exercise (1-2) hrs a day) to get a steady weight loss or maintain the loss that I can't or don't keep it up long-term. I know some people down an egg-white omelette and then hit the gym before a salad for lunch, but I can't maintain that and my sanity at the same time. The foods I like are not diet foods. They are savory - cheese, milk, protein, rice, pasta. I don't eat huge amounts, for example I almost always eat only half a restaurant portion and take the rest home, but I eat just enough of the "wrong" foods to result in a long-term slow weight gain. I am also notorious for not being able to sleep on an empty stomach, and late night eating is not the greatest idea. I don't like "diet foods" I can be an emotional eater - don't taste the food, just eat. So ... the usual ... too many calories, don't exercise enough to keep the calories off. Not the best eating habits. And probably some metabolic stuff that makes for it being more difficult for me to keep the weight off without more effort than I am comfortable putting out long term. Basically, I don't mind eating less or exercising regularly. Sometimes I think I could go without eating at all .... if I could just do it without the hunger. But, I'd rather eat small portions of the foods I like, and be satisfied with that.