MarySue33

That is incorrect. First...he cannot remove her from the policy unless there is a qualifying event and second...if she is removed from the policy...she is definitely eligible for COBRA.

I'm an HR Director and I know benefit laws and regs inside and out. Typically, the ONLY time one can change a dependent on his or her group coverage is during open enrollment or if there is a qualifying event (divorce counts -- him being an @ssh@!e does not count as a qualifying event). If you are seriously concerned about this, though, call the insurance company for peace of mind (I would call them and not the employer) and find out for yourself, but I think that you will find that he cannot do a thing until the next open enrollment. Even then, you would still qualify for COBRA coverage if he drops you at the open enrollment period. Yes...COBRA is not cheap, but it is probably still a whole lot cheaper than self-pay. Feel free to PM me if you have any additional questions. I think I was married to his twin bother, BTW...the best thing I ever did was to divorce the SOB. Mary

I snipped the part that was sticking out (but did not tug or pull on the rest of it) with sterilized cuticle scissors. I slapped some Vitamin E and a bandaid on it and it eventually disappeared.

Yep...I agree with keeping it vague. I don't know that I would lie, though, because that might come back to bite you someday. I just said, "I'm having surgery. It's something necessary, but not major...(I didn't want them to think I was dying). It's kinda private...if you know what I mean" (with an uncomfortable look). Most people quickly apologized for prying and that was the end of it. Whoever said that the men cannot get away fast enough when they think it is 'female stuff' is right. That was the end of discussion. They've watched me rollercoaster up and down the scale for years, so 'another diet' is no biggie. They probably just figure..."here she goes again." Actually, I honestly think that we believe that most people are far more interested in our personal lives than they really are. Granted, the nosy busybodies will always be nosy -- but they are the last ones I would want to know, anyway. If nothing else, this will be a lesson in assertiveness -- not giving out more information than you are comfortable with. I figure a few years down the road when I have lost the weight and look absolutely stunning, I will be able to tell them. To me, that's another reason I don't want to lie. Until then, this is my little secret.

Great questions, Wheetsin... What, if anything, is too serious to joke about? The abuse, torture or neglect of any of the following: children, the elderly, the homeless, the physically or mentally challenged, animals -- pretty much anyone or anything who is in a position of being powerless/defenseless against horrible things. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or one ability, what would it be? To be more organized! Whom, if anyone, do you envy enough to want to trade lives with them? Nobody. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what woud it be? I wish that I had not led such a sheltered and overprotected life. I know that my parents meant well and did what they believed was the best for us, but in some ways they did us a very big disservice by protecting us from our mistakes. I feel that I would have been better prepared for 'real life' if I had been allowed to practice making choices -- and living with the outcomes of those choices so that I would not make the same mistakes again. If there were a public execution on tv, would you watch it? Absolutely not. Even though Saddam Hussein was a very evil man, the thought that people were finding pleasure in his execution literally made me sick to my stomach. Would you rather arrive at a party underdressed or overdressed? Definitely overdressed. I prefer to dress up. Not over the top, mind you, but in a classy and tasteful sort of way. What's more important: actual experiences, or the memories that remain from those experiences? The experiences. You cannot have the memories without having had the experiences. In real conversations, do you tend to talk more or listen more? I'm a pretty even mix. I have evolved from being more of a talker to more of a listener and I am told that I am a good listener, but I still definitely do my share of talking! If you had to chose one, would you rather be blind or deaf? I have actually thought about this over the years. Quite honestly, it would depend on at what stage in my life I had been blinded or deafened. Between having had non-English speaking in-laws and having worked extensively with the deaf and hearing impaired, I have seen firsthand just how difficult it is when you are unable to communicate with someone. From these experiences, it has become abundantly clear to me that if I had to choose one or the other from birth, I would pick being blind. The blind -- even those who are congenitally blind -- are able to learn spoken English and are able to effectively communicate with most sighted people through the spoken word. The congenitally deaf cannot typically communicate with most hearing people. Deaf culture exists; blind culture does not -- again, related to the ability to communicate effectively with the 'outside world'. However...if I had to choose to be deafened or blind as an adult, I would choose to be deafened. I would still be able to express myself and to communicate effectively. I would have the ability to remain far more independent than if I were blind. I would be able to watch my children (and, eventually, my grandchildren) grow up -- to see the smiles on their faces and to 'see' their laughs, although I would not be able to hear them. (Plus, I could, possibly, get a cochlear implant, which would tremendously enhance my ability to hear, understand and communicate effectively.)

You can always tell them the truth about the continued loss, too..watching what you are eating and exercising...which is true (just not the whole story). Also, once the novelty of the initial weight loss has worn off, I honestly don't think they are all that interested in what we are doing, anyway. At least that has been my experience. My first 20# got me tons of comments. Now that it has slowed down a wee bit, nobody says a thing. They just keep seeing me eating healthy and watch my clothes get a little bit looser.

I did just that...told them that I was having surgery...and left it at that. I did not want to lie to them, as I think that set you up for a whole lot of other problems -- especially if it ever slips out later that you had something that you did not really have. I just said to them, "I am having surgery...it is nothing major...just necessary." If someone would pry, I would just say, "It's kind of personal...if you know what I mean" (and give them kind of an 'I'm not comfortable talking about this' look). That nipped most of the questions (except from the rudest of the rude) in the bud. Most folks would get all embarrassed that they asked and trip all over themselves apologizing for prying. I know that I left many of them with the impression that it was 'female stuff', and that was fine. I left it to their imaginiations. The big thing, though, was that I made sure they knew it was nothing life threatening. Once I got back to work (I took two weeks off), I came back eating healthy. I was still on the mushies at that point, but cottage cheese and yogurt are things that a lot of folks who have not had the surgery eat, anyway, so it was not a big deal. When someone (only a few of the very nosy fall into this category anymore) would ask...I told them that (again...not a lie) I had not felt like eating much right after my surgery and decided it was a good time to give up junk food. After the first month, for me, anyway, the weight loss has been slow enough that nobody questions it anymore. They all see that I am eating healthy now and just attribute it to that. I have given up soda and caffeine and they have seen that, too. Keep in mind, if you are like most of us, our coworkers have watched us go up and down the scale a number of times. Heck, I had five sizes in my closet before surgery and I have fit into every one of those sizes at least once -- and the middle to upper range a couple of times -- over the past 15 years, so me going on a diet is nothing new. (Staying on it...now that's another matter altogether...but that's why I got the band.) If you DO think that you want to tell folks at work, do a search on a lot of the posts here. There are a lot of people who had no problem with it, but there are a lot of other folks who wish they had not said anything -- that now they have offices full of food and exercise police and it is driving them nuts.

I have probably lost 600-700# over the past 20 years. It's not the losing part that is hard for me...it is the keeping it off part. That's why I have the band. So far...so good!

I didn't tell co-workers, either. The nice thing about the band is that the loss is not so immediately dramatic that anyone will think that something is up. I just told them (not a lie) that I didn't feel like eating right after surgery (true) and decided that as I was recuperating and not hungry that it would be a good time to start changing my eating habits. I had one nosy woman come up to me and say, "...I have to ask you the question that everyone wants to know...did you have gastric bypass?" I (honestly) told her that I did not. I later mentioned that conversation to another co-worker and he said to me, "She's nuts...you would have lost 75# by now if you had done that!" They have watched me struggle to diet for years and have watched my weight go up and down multiple times. It's funny, but as much as I worried about what they would all think, I don't think they pay much attention to what I do or don't eat or what size I am wearing. People are not nearly as interested in our lives as we think they are. There will always be those whose lives are so empty that they need to focus on changes in ours. (Like the busybody who asked about gastric bypass.) I just keep smiling and let them wonder.

Mine came when I was boarding a plane and realized that I had become that fat person that nobody wants to make eye contact with -- for fear that they would be stuck with me hanging over their 'airspace' for the next several hours. I remember seeking out the seat between two very thin, young things because I figured that they did not take up their entire seats so maybe we could all fit in the row. The girls werre extremely gracious, but I sat sucking it in and with my arms as tight to my body as possible so that I didn't hang over the armrests any more than need be.

Renee...have you had your gall bladder out? Your symptoms sound like mine did when I had gallstones.

I think many of us had 'bander's remorse' those first few weeks after surgery. I know that I surely did -- especially those first few weeks when I was hurting and when I feared I would have to live on liquids or mushies forever. Give yourself a few weeks and it will definitely pass. In addition to all the good advice that you have been given so far, I would also add liquid Tylenol PM to the list. There is a golden vanilla or warm vanilla or some such flavor that doesn't taste too bad. sleeping in the recliner with a heating pad and taking my tylenol PM was what got me through the night those first few weeks. Welcome to bandland!

I know it can be frustrating, but the best thing to do is to really take a long, hard look at both the portions and the types of foods that you are eating. For example...I used to eat a 'big grilled chicken salad' several times a week for lunch before I was banded, too. The only problem was -- the salad consisted of big croutons, cheese, oodles of dressing, and 8-10 oz of chicken -- way more than anyone needs. Once I got honest with myself and took a look at the 'real' portions involved, the salad alone was over 1000 calories. Now...add to that, the following: (I got all of these numbers off of calorie-king.com -- one of my favorite websites for keeping me honest.) 500 for 2 slices of pizza (that is a conservative estimate -- if it was a frozen cheese pizza -- no toppings, no extra crust) 300 - 500 for the 3 lowfat yogurts 210 per pop tart 150 per cup of grits ...and a few hundred for your fruit...and you're looking at more like 2200 calories with most of that being carbs. I know for me, when I am brutally honest with myself, that I can start to figure out why I don't lose sometimes. I am currently 4 months out, but have not had my first fill. I was losing really well until about a week ago. I have an appointment in a few weeks and will have my first fill and hope that will help to get things moving again. In the meantime, though, I am going to take a long, hard look at the facts, myself -- good ol' calorie-king.com here I come -- and I suspect that I will start losing again just by paying closer attention to what I am putting into my mouth...especially once I finally get that fill! Best wishes...you CAN do this!

OMG...I am laughing so hard that there are actually TEARS rolling down my cheeks! :laugh :laugh:lolB: :lolB::laugh I am traveling on business and I am afraid they are going to call security to see what the commotion is in here! I think it is time for me to head to bed before you get me thrown out of my hotel!! Sweet dreams...and THANK YOU for the best laugh I have had all week! :notagree :notagree:notagree ...(humming Yankee Doodle as I shuffle off to bed)...

No pre-op here, either...and mine went fine. It all depends on your surgeon's preferences. My feeling is that I picked him for a reason and I would rather take my medical advice from him than to get all stressed out about the fact that other people's doctors have different requirements. Best wishes on your surgery...whatever you decide to do re: a pre-op.

I have been on both sides of the flexible spending table -- from the HR/benefits side and on the receiving end. MY FSA reimbursed me for my Medifast program a few years ago, but we had to jump through some hoops to get there. Here is what I would recommend: 1. Like the person above indicated, you must have a doctor's note that indicates that it is medically necessary. 2. The IRS is very clear in that it will not cover 'diet foods' even if they are part of a medically necessary program. (It was stated to me like this...EVERYONE has to eat something...obese or not...so food doesn't count.) That said, if you are doing the program through a doctor, they can probably list it on your bill that you turn into your FSA in a way that does not detail it as 'diet food'. In my case, they just called it "Obesity Management Services" (which it was -- it was not a lie) and after I made the first mistake of sending my first claim in with the Medifast detailed out on the receipt, they accepted every one after that without question. They will pay for the 'services', but will not pay for the 'food'. 3. If you can get your doctor to write a note that a specific fitness plan is medically necessary, they will reimburse for that, too. I had employees whose gym memberships were allowed through their FSA as part of the same "obesity management services" umbrella. I have also included a link below that details it in a bit more detail... http://http://www.obesity.org/subs/tax/taxbreak.shtml Hope this helps!

And it depends on where you live. I hire teachers for a living and in parts of Maryland and Virginia, for example, English teachers are in short supply. I, personally, hire English and Spanish teachers and we pay a signing bonus for teachers in both of those subject areas, as well as for math, science and special ed. We also offer programs for talented teachers with degrees in those subjects -- but who do not have any education coursework or background -- to earn their teacher certification while they are teaching. So...feel free to send some of those waitressing English majors my direction! (Only the best and the brightest, please -- and the ones who you could imagine teaching your own children or grandchildren.) If they would like a change of scenery, tell them that Maryland is a great place to live! PM me if you would like my contact info to share with them.

I actually enjoy the food more than I did before. Not in the same way that I did before I was banded, though -- but in a distinctly different way. In retrospect, I have come to realize that I thought I enjoyed eating before the band, but I now realize that I wolfed it down so fast that I never really tasted it. Now I actually eat 'good foods' -- much healthier foods, natural and organic foods, whole foods -- foods that I would not touch before -- AND I find that I am chewing slowly enough to take my time and actually savor the flavor and enjoy the texture and taste. I am more discriminating about what I eat these days -- I eat better, much better, and get to taste the real flavor of the foods vs. the processed and artificial tastes of what I used to eat. I'm not sure if this is the question you were asking...hope so.

I want to echo Jack's words. It is, indeed, a marathon -- a lifelong one, in fact. It is also not a race against the others on the board. I think that part sometimes needs to be said once in a while. I think we all get a little bit of 'ticker envy' when we see those with tremendous losses. I have lost 27# since my surgery on October 9th. I have never in my life lost this much weight in a row without a backslide, yet somedays it does not seem to be going off quickly enough. Keep your eye on the goal...and that is a lifelong goal...not a daily scale goal. I am only three months out since my surgery, so certainly not a seasoned veteran like many around here. However, I do remember wondering if I did the right thing within those first few weeks after surgery. It hurt, I wondered if I would ever be able to eat my favorite foods again (turns out that I don't even want those old favorites anymore...but that's ok because I have new favorite foods that taste a whole lot better and that make me feel a whole lot better when I am done eating them.) I am learning to chew things slowly and savor every bite. Instead of a Hoover-fest with me gulping down everything within reach, I am starting to 'get it' as to how those naturally thin folks could get by eating those little (translated healhty sized) portions and passing on dessert. I get it...and in a few weeks, you will, too. This is not the time to lose...as everyone else has told you...it is the time to heal. It is also not the time to push it with the exercise. It is the time to rest and take it easy. You will have plenty of time for exercise later. Right now, just get used to your new band and let it become your new best friend. The magic of the band is not losing weight at breakneck speed. The magic of the band is keeping that weight off for the long haul. Hang in there...it will get better...we promise!

I kept my maiden name until my daughter was born and then took her dad's last name and use my maiden name as my middle name so we would have the same last name. (You guys are the only ones who get to see the 'Sue' very often) I have used my maiden name as my middle name for the past 20+ years and through two marriages. I have since divorced from my second (and final) husband, but kept his last name and my maiden as my middle for my chidren's sake. He adopted my daughter, so my kids and I have the same last name. Professionally and on all legal documentation, I am known by all three names . When I am referred to as DS or DD's mom I just go by first and last to make it easy for people. I have a good friend who kept her first husband's name when she remarried for continuity sake with her daughter. Not sure I would have done that, but she has kept that name for the past 15 years and it works for them.

Top down here, too. Face, neck and boobs are gone...sadly, it's the belly, butt and thighs that are left. I look like I am wearing an innertube around my middle! Oh well...eventually the rest of me will catch up!

I'm beginning to believe that I am one of those people. I am three months post-op, but so far I have had good natural restriction. My surgeon told me that as long as I am losing 5-10# a month he won't give me a fill -- that he will wait until my weight loss slows down. From what I have read here, I feel like I have 'sweet spot' restriction. I can eat a small (translate: reasonable) amount of healthy food, I am not hungry, I am learning what satisfied feels like, and I don't crave 'crap'. I have slimed when I eat too fast without chewing enough and if I try to eat bread or something like that, I invariably end up with that golf ball feeling folks describe. I am going to enjoy it while it lasts...

Thanks...that's how I feel, too. The reason I wrote about the flaming was because one of the other members posted several months ago about losing 115# without getting a fill and was ready to get her first fill to maintain. She was blasted pretty hard. My feeling is that I know I can LOSE the weight -- I just needed this fantastic tool to KEEP it off -- and to keep me on track so that once I start losing I don't get overly confident and end up back where I was. I figure that all of our bodies are different and we all lose differently. This is no different. What works for me won't always work for the next person -- and vice versa.

Perfectly normal...no solids in = no solids out. If you are not in any pain or discomfort, I'd not worry. Trust me...it will come out. Even post op, I have far fewer bowel movements than I ever did before. Dr. Larry Cheskin at Johns Hopkins (a true saint with an amazing touch -- the kind of doc that every fat person in the world should have at least once in his or her life) is one of the leading experts on weight loss in the country (if not in the world) He used to tell us when I was a patient of his -- bowel movements are volume driven. If you are putting less solid food into your colon, it is going to take longer to go through and not to expect to poop every day like you used to. I used to go a couple of times a day, but after my surgery I go once every few days. As long as you are not experiencing discomfort, it is perfectly normal. If you are feeling gassy and bloated, you will probably want to add some Fiber to your diet. JHU used to sell something called 'fiberfill' which was a pretty tasty strawberry flavored drink that you mixed with Water. I've not felt the need to use any fiber products, though, post op. Just make sure that after your surgery you are making conscious choices to eat healthy foods and you will probably be just fine.

I have had natural restriction since day one. My doctor told me that he has had a few patients over the yars who fall into this category and only end up needing a fill once they get to goal. Most of his patients have 3-5 fills to get to their sweet spots. I have never had a problem losing the weight -- just keeping it off. He told me that as long as I am losing 5-10 pounds per month -- no fill. When it slows down to less than that, I will be getting a fill. I was disappointed about the no fill yet at first, but after reading some of the PB stories here, I am pretty content. I can eat a moderate amount of healthy food, but cannot tolerate breads, pastas, Cookies, cakes, etc. -- nor can I shovel it in anymore. I have slimed a few times and have had a few golfballs, even without any additional restriction. I am still consistently losing between 1.5 - 1.7# per week and I am a happy girl just like this. I did not gain anything over the holidays -- usually I gain 10-15# from Thanksgiving until now. I'm still learning, though. At Thanksgiving I filled my plate like normal (old habits die hard, I guess) but when I started eating it I slowed down fast and ended up eating a little bit of turkey, a dab of green Beans and a wee bit of sweet potatoes and I was full. Today I was in the grocery store and walked through the bakery section and started to reach for a tray of freshly baked turnovers. As soon as I touched them, my brain said, "Don't be an idiot, Mary...you'll not enjoy them. They'll fill you up and you'll feel stuck." I set them down and walked away. I have told my doctor that I swear he did something to my brain when he put this thing in. He told me that this is not uncommon at all. I don't want to be flamed about 'why did you get the band if you aren't going to use it'. I can tell you why I got the band. I got the band to KEEP the weight off once I actually DO lose it, so for me, the band is doing it's job.