BetsyB

Hi, guys--it's been a long time..I'm really sorry. Life kicked my ass in May, and I have been a mess---just feeling as though I don't have much positive to contribute. But I decided I do--even if the man who is likely to soon be my ex-husband is intent on having me believe otherwise. (Yes, that's what's been going on. Infidelity, followed by a not-very-surprising diagnosis of personality disorder. I've had to reframe everything about my life...what I thought was true was not, and my dreams are now, well, shattered. We are still living in the same house; he lost his job soon after I found out. So I am working hard to figure out how to support myself---even in the unlikely event we do reconcile, I don't ever want to feel as trapped as I do now. And if we do divorce, I don't want to rely on support from him that he very likely won't be able to provide.) Right now, I've hit the angry stage--which is good. It's lots more productive than the feel-like-I'm-dying-every-minute-of-the-day stage....I am working toward goals (I never stopped working my band--that kept me healthy enough to withstand the emotional blow), I am reevaluating things, and so on. It sucks--but I think I am reaching the point where I am not interpreting that as, "YOU suck, Betsy." Still, it's rough....but I think I'm ready to be encouraging and positive and....well, part of the gang again, if you'll have me.

I'm really, really glad to hear how well your son is doing--the fact that he's had such a healthy life since such an early diagnosis is a real testament to excellent parenting---and it sounds like he's internalized all the things he will need to have a wonderful, healthy life. What a wonderful gift you've given him.

I use a lot more liquid than the package calls for to prepare the Inspire Proteins from Bariatric Eating. That cuts down on the sweet, but leaves me with good flavor. I also very much like PURE unflavored whey Protein isolate--I add it to savory things. Because sweet can get cloying and tiresome pretty quickly.

I think I saw him the night of the surgery, and know for sure I saw him the following morning before discharge. The next week, I saw his nurse coordinator (just getting sutures removed), but I've seen him for every appointment since. They've been from 3-6 weeks apart.

Skinny Cow is great--they taste good, they've got pretty good nutritionals, and they are single-serving.

This is something you absolutely, positively cannot control. It's his issue, 100 percent. And that's why it's so frustrating--you know this already. You know that NOTHING made you lose weight until YOU were ready to lose weight. And nothing you do or say will influence him until he is ready. Now you're in the right place, but he's not there yet. He may reach it, and he might not. You have to be willing to accept him either way. You love him, and want him to be healthy---but you have to accept that he may never choose that for himself. Can you accept him however he is? As for the moodiness, crying, body fat is estrogenic; as we lose weight, our serum estrogen levels fluctuate, and that can contribute to the weepiness you describe. It's just one of those things--and it does taper off as you approach goal.

Nah, you didn't really gain a pound. A pound of fat represents 3500 extra calories; you didn't take that in. What's going on is that your body now is dealing with solid food, and therefore solid waste---and it's sluggish after "resting" for so long with liquids. Things will get moving. Please don't be afraid, as some people are, about eating; your body needs the fuel. It will "remember" how to handle it efficiently. And your loss will pick up.

I have a 14-year-old son who's feeling his oats, so I empathize completely. He doesn't slam my band shut--but his 48-year-old father does! Stress is a HUGE problem for me, in terms of band comfort. I have found a couple of things helpful. First, I do keep a good supply of good-quality Protein powder on hand--sometimes, I just have to respect the band, and baby it. But more helpfully, I've started meditation and biofeedback. The difference is amazing. When all else fails, a dose of liquid Benadryl eases the swelling enough to permit eating. (It also makes me sleepy, so I don't use it often.) In a pinch, a glass of red wine a half hour before a meal can help tremendously, as well. But truly, meditation has made an enormous, enormous difference for me physically as well as emotionally. I recommend it highly. ETA: I remember 15 as being the worst year of my life (well, other than this one)---so I have lots of empathy for the kids in this stage too. FWIW, I have a 21-year-old daughter who emerged from adolescence unscathed---so I have great faith that our boys, as much as they test us, will also emerge. But it's a really rough time for them, too. (It would be so much easier if their hormones weren't rollercoastering the same time their mothers' hormones were! Did you know that body fat is estrogenic, and as we lose, our serum estrogen levels are skewed? That plays in, quite a lot, to our responses,I think--and I think it also plays into the responses of our bands. I know that I have huge variation in tightness during different stages of my cycle---and having the extra estrogen coursing through my veins really has an effect, as well.)

I'm 7 months postop and don't burp anymore, either. The good news is that by adopting the slower, smaller, more careful eating, the need is not frequent. Still, it was an oddity I didn't expect!

You're just about a month out of surgery---so I bet you're in that starving stage when all the yummy stuff you're missing is really preying on your mind. The good news is that you won't always have ice cream on the brain. You will add more foods, and work toward restriction--and you might not find yourself craving ice cream any more. I'm 7 months out. I haven't had any yet. It doesn't fit in with my doctor's recommendations, and I'm doing the best I can to adopt new habits before I start adding indulgences. That doesn't mean you can't have it. It's a choice. I choose not to have it because it's a slider food, won't really give me any satisfaction, and if not sugar-free, will set up the carb craving demon for me--and having conquered that demon, I don't want to welcome it back. But I have serious carb issues--and prefer to keep them at bay. Your body is totally different from mine, though. So your choices may be quite different. What does your doctor say? If you've already advanced to or past full liquids, it's technically safe to add it back. (It is a full liquid.) I'd recommend sugar-free, but I do have issues with carbs; you may not. You may have issues with artificial sweeteners that I don't; we're all so different! I am NOT big on finding "substitutes" for foods I crave. I find that having a small serving of what I really want works better for me. So I would not recommend eating frozen Cool Whip instead of ice cream (it's loaded with other stuff I don't want in my body!). It wouldn't do the trick for me at all. Instead, I'd suggest leaving the house, and going to a place where you can gt a single serving of ice cream. That way, you satisfy your urge, and walk away. But at just one month out, I really would try to focus on changing your tastes---your body really, really will start craving other foods. (I couldn't believe how crazy I was for vegetables after having them restricted for a period of time. Today--honest to God--the highlight of my day are my veggies. You may be surprised to find your body telling you this sort of thing, too :thumbup:) Still, a single serving of something tasty--as long as it does not really violate your surgeon's rules (and by rules, I don't mean his recommended eating plan, but rather his rules for advancing diet postoperatively; eating plans are optional, but diet advancement protocol is safety-based), it's your decision entirely. (If you have it, enjoy it--and remember, eating is not a moral decision, so guilt is not a necessary response!)

This is going to sound weird, but in my experience, height is really difficult to measure accurately for yourself--your posture is different if someone else is measuring you. Then, you stand straighter, with arms at your side. Reaching up and back to fiddle with the measuring arm can affect the result. I'd ask the nurse or doctor, next time,to do the measuring.

Yes. For me, it's very simple: I lace up shoes and walk out the door--and keep walking (FAST!) until I've walked at least 3.5 miles. I do this twice a day (my dog reminds me!)---rain or shine, winter or summer, no excuses. The only time I don't do this is if there is lightning or it's so cold that even the most careful bundling still leaves me at risk of frostbite. I do go to the gym, too--but like you, can find a million excuses. Even when there, it's easy to get sidetracked---a piece of equipment is broken, it's crowded and I have to retool my workout for the day, I'm experiencing a pain flare-up (I have a handful or orthopedic and neuro issues that often require modification of activity), whatever....wrenches can get thrown into the works. But lacing up shoes and walking out the door? THAT I can always do just the way it needs to be done---regularly, without fail, and without worry about equipment, crowds, etc.

Mine's higher up, and can very easily be felt---it's been easily palpable from the very beginning. I worried that it would become very apparent with weight loss, but it hasn't. It's gotten itself well-seated in the muscle, and while I can feel it, I really can't see it. At this point, the area where it's situated is pretty lean, and I'm finding that all of my worries were for naught. If you do find that yours is an issue, in terms of appearance, as you approach your goal, they can switch to a low-profile port---I will probably have this done when I have plastic surgery (simply because it's part of what the surgeon does)---but if I weren't already heading into an OR, I don't think I'd bother. I hope yours 'settles down' like mine has---really, it was a lot of worry for nothing, for me

Codeine can, indeed, cause headache. Switching to Tylenol, if it does the trick for you, is a good idea. If your codeine is plain (not already compounded with Tylenol), you can take the two together--the Tylenol will offset the side effect of headache. Do be sure, though, that you're not doubling up on the Tylenol---that can be really dangerous to your liver. It's really common to experience weight gain immediately postop. The combo of anesthesia, IVs, and meds causes you to retain a great deal of Fluid. It will come off quickly. But in the meantime, if seeing the gain bothers you, stay off the scale---it can be really frustrating, when you're only drinking fluids, to see a gain!

At a caloric intake of 1300-1400 cal/day and 65-75 g of Protein, it may not be ketosis you're dealing with. Are you getting plenty of Fluid? Are there other things that might be causing the pain/odor? Infection? Candidiasis? Re: liver stress r/t ketosis--the liver actually works overtime during weight loss no matter what you're eating. It's not unusual for enzymes to increase during large weight losses---fat tissue is mildly estrogenic (which gives the liver something extra to contend with), and also stores many fat-soluble environmental toxins that increase its workload. There is LOTS of evidence that suggests that the liver works harder during loss of considerable amounts of weight, but far less evidence that points to low-carb eating as an additional stressor. That said, I would reiterate that if you're eating 1300-1400 calories, your diet is protein-adequate, not high protein--and I wouldn't be concerned at all---even if there were a concrete connection between high protein diets and liver stress. In your shoes, I'd work to rule out all other sources of odor/pain: mechanical injury during intubation, infection, dehydration, undiagnosed dental issues, meds (even Vitamins containing minerals can create a metallic taste--and if they're chewables, they can cause irritation to oral mucosa), and so on. Just by way of comparison, I eat around 800 calories, and aim for 85-100 grams of protein/day. I do get carbs from veggies/fruits--usually around 50 grams or so a day. (That sounds very low, but in context of the low calorie intake, it's not as low as it sounds). I don't test positive for urine ketones on most days. (I only spot check--just to satisfy curiosity; I'm not aiming for ketosis, I'm just doing what works best for my body in terms of loss.) I don't have bad breath, and I don't have any oral pain (and I've never heard oral pain described as a feature of ketosis). My liver enzymes are well within normal limits, too--despite the hard work my liver is doing as my body gets rid of all of this excess body fat. (It really is VERY common for them to elevate during large losses--no matter how many carbs you eat.) You are confusing ketosis with ketoacidosis, which is a very common mistake (even among those who are well-educated about diabetes). They are very, very different conditions. Ketosis does not pose the risks you are familiar with and aim to avoid. <---former diabetes educator married to a Type I diabetic for almost 25 years.

Not judgment; the truth. And really, who better to offer this information than those who have been in the same shoes, and overcome the issues? Good luck to you. I hope you find what you are looking for. It's hard work--it really is. And it's hard to face the demons. I hope you're able to do it so you can live the life you were meant to live.

By ultimate goal, do you mean how do I envision myself eating for life? Or how I eat in order to lose the best early in the game? If the former, my goal is to eat a wide variety of healthy foods, spaced evenly throughout the day, to meet my body's nutrient needs while still satisfying me emotionally---because I am not in the "eating is purely fuel" camp; I believe that it's perfectly appropriate to enjoy food, Celebrate with food, and so on. That said, though it's not my "ultimate goal," there are foods I do avoid, and likely will not make a point of incorporating routinely at any point, because (a) I don't miss them and ( they don't contribute a ton, nutritionally, and do take up room I'd rather devote to other foods. They're the pastas, rices, breads---foods that also seem to cause some people trouble in terms of getting stuck. I really don't plan to make these a regular part of my diet, ever. My goal is NOT to have a band so tight that I can't enjoy these things occasionally, if I'm inclined. But I do want to keep my band at a level of restriction where maintenance is not a struggle. I would never want to be so tight that I couldn't get a soda or beer down, even though I don't intend to reincorporate these into my life. I just would prefer the ability to choose what I want, even if that means occasionally telling myself no, than to battle perpetual discomfort.

I know it's frustrating--but each of the things you've described is completely normal. I wish that doctors and their support staffs prepared patients for this! It's really common to experience no restriction after the immediate postop swelling goes down. You will gain restriction over a period of time--probably several fills. It's also very common to regain weight lost on the preop liquid and/or Protein diet. You can really limit this, and you can even lose. But in order to do so, you have to choose the foods you eat very carefully and--here's the hard part--reconcile yourself to being hungry. Because until you get a fill, you'll be white-knuckling it, just as you did with any diet you went on before surgery. The good news is that it will be the LAST time you are hungry in the name of weight loss! The port pain is very common, too. As the port becomes embedded in the muscle tissue, it really does hurt. And the placement of the port can be irritating, as well. Mine can be irritated by waistbands, for example. Even 7 months out, some movements still cause twinges, and there are days when it is achy. As long as you don't have increased redness, swelling, drainage, or really significant pain, I would not worry about it. I know it seems like a lifetime, but you have been banded a very short time. It really, really does get better, I promise. Right now, you're in a very difficult period--but work with your doctor to get to good restriction, and it will all be worth it

The current recommendation for added sugar is that it make up no more than 6-10 percent of your daily calories. So for a 1000-calorie diet, no more than 100 calories should come from added sugar. (As reference, a teaspoon of sugar has 16 calories.) To me, this seems like a lot of added sugar, at least on a routine basis. We have such limited stomach space these days, so using 10 percent of that space on foods that offer the body nothing nutritive seems wasteful---at least on a routine basis. (I am all for occasional treats.) Also, keep in mind your doctor's recommendations. Mine's a low-carb guy, and added sugar is a no-no. Yours may be completely different. If your doctor is okay with it, and you don't have any blood sugar issues, then sticking with the recommendation is probably okay. If you hit the wall in terms of weight loss, you can always re-evaluate and tweak.

I'm with Bob--just how, exactly, are you cheating? You're cheating death. Presumably, people who love you want to have you around, long-term. You should be very proud of your success. You've done a tremendous job! I haven't gotten much of the "easy way out" from anyone--people see how hard I work to lose, even with the band. And they want me to succeed, to be happy & healthy. But then, I am not leaving anyone who's obese in the dust---if I were, I can imagine some resentment and jealousy. Heck, I can imagine being the one feeling left behind and resentful. In your shoes, I think I'd focus on what you need to do for your own health and well-being--and respond to anyone who suggests that you're taking the "easy way out" with something like, "Really, banding just gave me a way out. It doesn't much matter to me if it's easier or harder--it represented the way out for me. If you ever decide to explore surgery, I'll be happy to talk about it or even attend a seminar with you, but I'm no longer willing to debate its merits with you."

It's really normal to stall after a significant loss like yours. The tricky part is convincing yourself that, despite the uncooperative scale, your body really IS changing---and that you need to stay on the wagon and tough it out until the scale starts cooperating again. To help you through the next plateau, you might want to start taking body measurements, if you're not already doing so. That way, when you hit a spot where things don't seem to be happening for you, you can measure again, and have concrete evidence of your progress. You might also want to phase out the off-the-wagon episodes. They aren't helping you achieve your goal; they're just reinforcing old messages in your head. You know, the "I always lose--then regain," or, "See? No matter what I do, the scale doesn't budge!" messages. But those messages are no longer true. If you do what you need to do to support loss, you will lose. You likely will encounter stalls and rough patches---but you will get through them, and you will lose.

I get checked out a lot more when I'm out walking, now--a lot more. There was a time when I really would have been uncomfortable about this--really, the invisibility to men that fat created was useful when I was fat. It's no longer useful to me; I've moved past that, and am reclaiming who I was meant to be. And I really like it. That said, I've always been a good faker, and even when I've felt miserable about myself, I have presented a confident front when out and about---so I've always struck up conversations and been someone people like to be around. I haven't noticed any real changes in relationship with female friends, other than that they ask lots of nutrition questions.

I'm not an oldster, but wanted to recommend fitday.com to you for journaling--it has helped me identify when things need tweaking, as well as what to tweak, when necessary. (I have good restriction and losing well, and can drink Fluid very freely--a coffee wouldn't slow me down at all. I know you like things good and tight; I just wanted to offer the perspective of someone who's taken it a bit more relaxed---in terms of fill, not in terms of food choices--and done really well.)

I use mine because I only see my surgeon every six weeks or so--and that will drop down in frequency very soon. My scale is really consistent--it always weighs me exactly a pound less than my doctor's does. (And that is the weight of the clothes I wear for weigh-ins at his office. Yes, I am ridiculously superstitious; I wear the same clothes for each weigh-in.)