lostalot

I want to see a counselor about this but cant afford one, so I was hoping maybe I could get some advice from those who may have gone thru with what I am feeling. I had surgery about 2 years ago, I have lost over 100 lbs. My husband and I have been married 3 years- no children. We have been together for about 10years. I dont feel attracted to him anymore, I dont feel happy with him and it almost puts me in physical pain when he touches me. Is this because I have lost so much weight? Hes not a Big guy, he is a little overweight but not much. I can't just up and leave, thats not my style. And I dont think I could ever put someone thru such misery. Plus we have a lot of "finances" together. Please help if anyone else has been thru this I would love some advice.

you know is it fair to live with someone, go side by side with them day in and day out and not love them? Am I truely being fair to my husband or myself?

I finally went and talked to someone and learned a lot. She feels like I have already to a certain degree given up on my relationship. She did recommend a book "5 things to try before giving up or before divorcing" something like that...I am going to check it out. She thinks I should give my husband a chance by telling him how I feel to see if anything changes.

Honestly- I went back because I was tired of dating all the losers. And we know each other and I was comfotable with him. Other than that I don't have an answer.

Yes I can do that but I have to be referred. So next week when I go and see my regular MD I am going to get him to refer me. I dont want my husband to know yet that I am going is the tricky part or I would have paid for it out of my savings. I'll eventually tell him (I think) but I want to see first what my problem is and then if the therapist feels like he should be there too we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

WOW- Thanks for all the great advice everyone. These posts are truly inspirational. I had been doing really well over the past few days with my hubby. I had put all the thoughts out of my mind and then back again they come yesterday. See, guys we don't really fight. We get along GREAT! He's a great man, he takes care of the house, our finances, you name it! It's just for me something seems to be missing over the past several months and I really don't know what that is. Sometimes I feel like there is no fire there, I don't want to be with him, everything is just the same day in and day out and I do not do well with routines. I am planning on going to see a counselor hopefully after the first of the year. I kind of tried talking to someone in the family because they are a counselor and all I got was the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I understand it takes so much to make a marriage work and you don't always want to leave but why do I keep feeling this way, why when I should be missing my husband am I glad that I am alone and I'm thinking of someone else. I just hate feeling this way, I think its unfair to me and to my husband as well. Thank you all so much for your inspirational words.

See I dont know because I lost a good bit of weight while we dated as well and we broke up not long after that I dated around, had my wild child time I guess you could say and we ened up back together. I am def working on this. I don't want to screw things up on impulse. Thank you all so much I just needed some support!

Big boy- you're absolutely right. And I'll be the first to say i can talk to anyone thats not part of the problem. I've always been bad about holding my feelings in until I finally explode. I am going to try though. Thank you all so much for the words of wisdom.

Thanks! We've never come close to divorce, while we were dating we did split up once and I do go thru times where I want to be alone. But I'm working on seeing if this will get better. I've just noticed myself noticing others a lot more if you catch my drift. Even caught myself emotionally invovled with someone and telling him what was going wrong in my life- ended that. I needed someone to talk to but it shouldn't have been anther man.

I just have heard so much about ppl getting divorced after wt loss surgery, I really don't want to become a statistic you know? The big concern I have is I have broken it off with him before for a lot of the same reasons and we eventually got back together, now Im wondering if I shouldnt have stuck with how I felt back then. Its so difficult because I can't really talk to my friends because they're all his friends too.

crzytchr--I have never had much of a sex drive. So, that part for me hasnt really changed. BUT I do believe its just him, I havent had an affair but I have found myself fantasizing and what not about another man. I know that its wrong and I have distanced myself from that situation but thats what kinda helped me to discern that it was really about him--because I thought a first too it was my hormones and I am still planning on seeing my GYN in january and will discuss some of my concerns then...

The list is a great idea, then again I think he's not a bad husband infact hes good husband faithful, caring, supportive...all that good stuff... I stopped going to church when we started dating so no I dont have a pastor anymore :thumbup: I think, Im just not attracted to him anymore...I mean shouldnt you want your husband to kiss you to hold your hand to make love to you? I dont want any of that from him. And unfortunately this isnt the first time I have felt like this...I just start to feeling really bad about it and push it all away....