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Happy St. Patricks day. Linda Thanks so much for the encouragement. My Professor loved it so much she asked me to repeat some of it. I had a really great diagram of Ketoacidosis. She asked me to email it to her so she could email it to the rest of the professors. I am finally able to breath again after all the huge assignments this week. Next week I just have an exam monday and a patient care plan. Feels like normal again. I sent my application for scholarships in last night. Just hoping I will get some money to pay for my final term. I have a little for summer. I am thinking it should be enough. Hubby made alot of money last year so I don't expect much from federal grants. Gotta go get Jake to the Doc.

Meredith- great job on the 5k. I know what a true accomplishment that is. Joyce- Happy Birthday. I missed posting yesterday cause I was up all night doing school work. I was doing a plan of care for yesterdays patient and practicing doing IV's, feeding tubes, and meds through the IV. I was tested on all that this morning. I had to demonstrate it to my teacher. She really rushed me through it. Before I could spit out what I had memorized she would remind me of it. Eventually she just said "you know what your doing" and passed me. It felt disorganized but I guess thats my OCD needing it to be precisly as rehearsed. Tommorrow I have to do a lecture on Ketones. I thought it was really ironic that my teacher would assign me Ketones. My partner dropped out of the program so I will be the only one doing my lecture alone. I was glad to do the research by myself but the actual public speaking? Yikes. I hope I don't get sick like I did today. Before my demonstration I got sick to my stomach from nerves. I realized yesterday that I need to give my legs a break. My calves are still sore from saturdays run because I have been running everyday since insead of resting. Today I didn't run and have been iceing them. Hopefully I'll have them back soon. My eating has improved and I have lost a pound in the past few days. I deffinately still have room for improvement. I don't feel restriction though. Jake and I will finally see the Psychiatrist tommorrow for his ADHD. I hope we can get him on something that will allow his appetite to come back. Dh is working 12hours a night 7 days a week right now. He is so worn out as am I. It is all I can do to stay awake long enough to get me and Jake to school safely. I will be resting on friday. Good nite my dears.

Happy Bandaversary. I looked up info on Hypothyroid it's just hard to tell what is causing the morning tiredness. Could be depression but I am not having the depressive thoughts. My tsh was just a little high. I have to go back for more bloodwork . Thanks for the info on going to an endocrinologist. I haven't been to mine in over a year. Maybe time to go again. Apples, That is an awesome idea. I would love to have yall visit around my graduation. It will be in December this year I know that can be a really busy time but I would love for any of yall to visit that can. I do need to go back and read my post. Everyone mentions how much I have changed.

Hey gang, Trying to keep up with everything going on is hard. I wanna find time everyday to post because It helps me focus on myself a bit. Sorry If I miss somethings. My leg is doing better. Just taking it easy for now. My calves are really sore today from yesterdays race. My son and I did a mile in 16 min today. He would have gone faster but I made him stay with me. He really enjoyed it. He has a psychiatric appt this week for adhd. He has lost 20% of his weight since being on the adderall and I want to try something different. His GI doc is really concerned about the weight loss too. She reffered us to a nutritionist. I have him drinking a Kid's boost everymorning with Breakfast and let him pick out foods he wants in his lunch box. I feel a little helpless about it. He just doesn't want to eat. He suffers from constipation since he was 2 and I am wondering if he is thinking "if I don't eat I won't poop". He has to take a liquid med everyday for constipation and he hates it. I ate well today and got in some exercise and family time. Did some studying but not enough. It is hard for me to concentrate then I remembered to take my meds. The past 2 days I took them late. I have been on them steady though so that part of me is doing well. I feel abit overwhelmed this week with school work. I just don't have enough time to do eveything I need to do. Hoping for an early dismissal one day to get this all done. I am still feeling tired. I feel more tired when I wake up than when I go to bed. I was tested for sleep apnea but they said I was fine. My last thyroid test was off. It was showing hypoactive. Wonder if this is related. Gotta read up on it.

Afternoon everyone. I did well this morning. Finished in 47.56. Now, time to refocus my eatting. My son told me he was so proud of me for running and he wants to run too. I am gonna work with him on doing a 1 mile fun run. I am hoping it will help him clear his mind and focus. Nice to meet you Kiskis. Thanks for commenting.

Hey Everyone, Just wanted to drop in and let you guys in on how I am doing. I am so busy and tired. I keep going to bed early but it doesn't seem to help. I am trying to adjust to a new schedule this week cause my classes change every 8 weeks and it's that time. I did great in my last 2 classes. Got an A and a B. Now I am going to school 4 days a week and I am getting up earlier. I have alot of major course work due next week that I am working on. My husband acidently overdosed on some meds that he thought was "just Tylenol" It also contained asprin and caffiene. He started feeling bad so I went to his work and took his blood pressure. It was way high so we rushed him to the ER. It felt good to actually know how to assess the situation and know for sure he needed to go. I am actually learning stuff which feels great. I am running another 5k in the morning. The Gate River Run. It is a huge event and I am so excited I can participate. I got tendonitis again while training for it so I was not able to train alot. After my injury I decided to drop out but a friend I have made recently talked me into doing it with her. I will not be running the whole thing but I will have alot of fun walk/running it. I did find a new fill doctor. I have only seen him once but I am passing on going to my old Doc again. My eatting lately has not been great. Might be why I am tired. I will be back on track following my run tommorrow though. I have gained some but have been holding steady the past few weeks. I have already planned my meals and bought what I need. I just needed to find the drive from myself. I was just going along with my healthy eatting because I was scared of my doctor. I am ready now to do this for myself. My family did sign up for a cruise over spring break. It is in 2 weeks. Yes I bought some new shoes to go with me. Also got another 2 piece. I also have gotten my motorcycle license and have been riding all over the country areas near our city. I hope you all are doing well. I miss you guys, sometimes I just get in this funk and I don't talk to anyone about it.

Yes I went and saw the new doctor. He was nice but brief. He checked my band and said there were 4 cc and he gave me another 1.5. I will be on liquids the next few days. Hopefully it will give me a good jumpstart to get back on track. He did say I could have a high protein snack if I needed it. He also said I could do mushies after liquids. My old Doc believed mushies were too high in carbs so he had us skip that step. I am just gonna focus on 5 pounds for now. Take it a little at a time. I have been holding steady for 2 weeks now. I want to get it going down again. I need to learn how to keep from gaining when I get upset.

Hey Gang, Tried to get on yesterday but no luck. School is going great. Been doing rounds at a mental health facility. Some of the students are extremely uncomfortable there but I kinda enjoy it. Strange things happen and most of the staff are really great. I even worked with teenagers which was (dare I say) FUN. We talked with them while doing crafts and things like that. The visit with my brother was awesome. School work suffered a bit but we had a great time. Last weekend I took the motorcycle safety course and got my motorcycle license. I was so nervous at first. We are planning on taking my first trip beyond the parking lot tommorrow. I am nervous but I practiced alot of emergency situations in the class. It took me awhile to get comfortable leaning the bike into a turn but I got it. I didn't think I would pass the driving portion of the class but I was in the top 3-4 riders. My FIL has a bike he is letting me ride right now. Got the xray results back on my leg too and it's not broken. Just tendonitis. No running till March though. As far as eatting and weightloss goes I am doing terrible. I don't understand what is going on in my head. I feel like I have just given up. I gained 10 pounds but have held steady the past 2 weeks. I am pissed that now I gotta lose that weight again. I am angry that I got this body that response to food the way it does. I am tired of monitoring every bite and sip. Counting this and that. If my life doesn't revolve around losing weight then I won't lose it. I am tired of constantly fighting the fat girl. Maybe I just need the physical activity to burn off all this steam. Seems like both times I got this injury I started feeling this way and started gaining. I feel successful when I complete a run, right now I feel like a giant loser. Hard to treat someone nicely when you think so little of them. I have so much in my life to be proud of and yet this one area of struggling overshadows it all. I have a consultation with a new Doctor Monday. I am hoping he will help me develop an eatting plan that is actually doable. I am also considering going to OA to get some local support.

Yes she did. But I wanted it to be differnt for her. I was trying to be supportive. Maybe it is just plain and simple. We aren't going to get along. Just agree to disagree kinda thing. So after watching Heavy I decided I was using my tendonitis as a cop out of exercise. I figured after 3 weeks of rest I was ready to get back in the gym. So I got back in there and "took it easy" I thought. I had 3 min left and felt a sharp pain in my groin. Could barely make it to class last night it was so painful so I skipped class this morning and went to the doc. He thinks I may have broken the bone. Sometimes your muscles can pull so hard they just break the bone off at the attatchment site. I am waiting on the xray results. Either way I am out of running for a long time. Too bad too cause I was really enjoying it. I had to withdraw from one of my college courses because it was an aerobics class. The college said it was ok as long as it was just 1 class. Hubby got that painful baby tooth taken out today too. My brother made it here safely and we had a great time at dinner. My Dad even came. I have had a hectic day so I am off to bed. Night.

I have an appt. with a new lapband doc. Just a consult to see if we can get along better. I am nervous about making a switch but I need to learn to trust myself. When the receptionist asked my docs name she said oh we have alot of his patients here. Not only are we not getting along but I wait atleast an hour sometimes even 2 hours before I am seen. I understand why his patients are leaving. My MIL is trying to decide between mini gastric and lapband surgery. She is on 80 units of insulin per meal and is afraid of where her diabetes can take her. She tries to make her decision more dignified than mine by saying "I am not doing it for the weightloss, I am doing it for the comorbidities." I am trying to give her support thinking it may be something we can bond over but it ain't workin. So I am just gonna back off. She doesn't want to change her eatting habits. She only wants to "limit her portions". Let the docs be the ones to break the news to her that surgery doesn't fix this. We fix this. That way I am not the bearer of bad news. Anyone watch Heavy last night. I am so thankful I had the opportunity early on to get this weight off. I also found it very inspiring. After I got Jake to school this morning first thing I did was run just because I can. Tom and Jodi were working so hard to get their weight off. I can do more. After my last doc visit went so crazy I started emotionally eatting and put back on 5 pounds. I would try hard all day to stop my tail spin. After about 3pm I would lose control again. I am putting a stop to it today. If I feel the urge to eat I am gonna hit the gym again. My brother and his family are flying in for a visit this week end. They arrive tommorrow afternoon. I am so excited. Also determined not to get caughtup in his drinking "challenge". I can out drink him but for weights sake I don't want too.

Thanks Great And Cheri, It is so nice to have someone understand me. I was thinking the Flat affect might be me disassociating when I get around him. I feel really powerless around men expecially when they are controling. I feel like I have to choose between trusting him and trusting myself. I have learned to question myself alot because of the mental illness. My judgement can get clouded but I am relatively healthy right now and don't feel that is the case. His point of view makes sense to me but it also makes thing near impossible. He says carbs are an addiction for me. I use them to deal with my emotions and it's unhealthy. There fore I need to cut the carbs and develop a healthy way to deal with my emotions. Just as it is impossible for an alcoholic to control alcohol I cannot control the carbs and must abstain. I need to do some serious thinking about wether to continue with him or use the fill center. My first year is over now so I gotta decide which way to go. Either way my success is in MY hands I need to take the reigns.

Hello everyone, Been busy with school starting this week. I have had 2 exams already. The first one I don't have an exact score on just that I made over a 90 the second one was a B. I am also taking an aerobics class for college credit. We are doing pilates the next few weeks. I considered dropping it but it doesn't seem to effect my tendonitis. My Doc appt went how I thought. I think I may just be misinterpreting my doc lectures. He talked to me again about needing to totally give up the carbs. I am trying but it is really hard. I am still losing just not as fast as those who totally give them up. I am not gonna sweat it. I am doing well in general. He talked about my facial AFFECT too. I think my meds are giving me mismatched facial expressions. Mainly I get a completly blank stare when he is talking to me. It is called having a flat affect. My psychiatrist asked if I would like to come off my meds more. I was scared what would happen if I did that so I told her I wasn't ready. Overall the opinion seems to be I should come down on them. It would help financially and I would feel great to know I am getting better at handling life. Jake got a rash all over his torso due to strep. I am not feeling well either (hopefully not strep). Also Don, has some sort of genetic problem where he was missing several adult teeth. He apparently still has some baby teeth and they are starting to fall out. The one he is dealing with now is stuck and very painful. My brother is visiting from Boston this weekend and is planing on drinking alot. I gotta find some sugar free mixers to drink so I don't gain a ton while he is here. I know someone had brought some to our gathering in feb but don't remember the name of them.

Wow Meredith, Congrats.

I got my reading assignments for the first week of school. While I am working on the reading I realize I get huge munchies. I am trying just to suck on Water or chew gum while I read and study to kick the habit. I have done so good the past few weeks I don't wanna blow it. I also have a doc appt tues. I would like to get down another pound by then. Keep my goals in mind and plan, plan, plan. I have tendonitis again so am not getting the workouts I am use to. Makes my weight loss slow down. My doctor wants me to focus on food choices anyway. He sees that as my biggest problem still. I really am not in the mood for another lecture from him right now. I feel like he is expecting perfection in food choices. I have weak moments and I am trying to decrease them and it is working. I am progressing. Maybe slower than others but I am getting it. I am hoping I get his partner on my next visit even though I have done well. I need a break from all the push push. I kicked butt over the holidays and I am not gonna let that be overlooked. I am gonna continue to kick butt too. I do like my Doctor just had too much pushing lately. Reminds me of when I was in therapy the first year. I would have to come home and rest after each session cause I felt so drained. He drains me.

LOL Apples Great, I have a year left. I will graduate this December and take the state exam in January. Can't believe how close I am to acheiving such a huge goal. Something I thought would never happen. I applied for a job at a local hospital but haven't recieved a call back. I think my lack of work the past few years may hold me back. I am gonna keep looking. We need dental and vision insurance. My husbands job only offers health. Little jake lost his first tooth and has never been to a dentist. He is too old to have never been. We all need to see the dentist though. I need new glasses also. Mine are 7 years old. I saw a deal in the paper the other day I may check out.

Hey gang, Jut a quickie before I take jake to school. I got a letter from the college yesterday saying I recieved a scholarship from BCBS. I am so excited. I thought I was gonna have to foot the bill for my summer tuition because my grants only covered fall and spring. Also on the cruise. I think we are going with carnival. They live right out of our city. I am so excited about it. We looked at the kids program. I didn't realize they provided so much for the young ones.

Someone brought these lyrics to my attention today and I thought I would share. I love the part about being a witness to my ressurection. Heal Me lyrics by Melissa Etheridge. Ain't it crazy For a moment there This felt just like dying But now I see that something inside Is coming alive Ain't it crazy No use running from a revolution I just surrender to this evolution Heal me lift me Take me to the other side Amazing grace Has touched my face And the sweet sound doesn't lie Ain't it crazy For a moment there I just gave up trying But now I see You can let the light in You can begin again Ain't it crazy I lay me down in this sweet perfection I am a witness to my resurrection Heal me lift me (From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/m/melissa-etheridge-lyrics/heal-me-lyrics.html) Take me to the waterside Drop me in let me swim Let everyone know I'll be coming home again Make no mistake I'm wide-awake Ain't it crazy Heal me lift me Take me to the other side I'll take what I've earned These lessons I've learned I'm ready for the ride Heal me lift me Take me and my soul will fly My battered heart will make a new start Let everyone know I'll be coming home again Heal me lift me Take me to the waterside Drop me in Come on and watch me swim Let everyone know I'll be coming home again

That just warms my heart to hear of Mimi's adoption. I am so happy for her. I do miss talking with you but I understand. School will be starting again for me on Monday and I won't be on much again either. I promised my hubby when I fit back into my formal gown we could go on a cruise and have a fancy dinner night. Well I am so close. I tried it on last night and it zipped up. It wasn't pretty, still tight. But it was on. So looks like soon and we decided that spring break would be a great time. We are thinking maybe a Disney cruise because Jake will be with us and I doubt there will be many college/highschool springbreakers using Disney. We have never cruised before so I am open to suggestions.

Janet, First I upload the pic into the gallery on LBT. Then right click on the picture and select properties. The url for it will be there. Be sure you right click on the picture that is smaller in size, like the thumbnail. It will post the same size as the pic you right click on. The size is adjustable but that is a little more detailed. Apples, It was great to make that 2010 video. I watched all the videos for the year and realize how far I have come and everything I have been through. Thanks for keeping up with me.

Tina, we must've posted at the same time. I didn't see about your appointment. Sorry to hear that happened. My doc has done that once before. Glad to hear your getting out some. Exercise helps me vent.

I got a hair cut today. My hairdresser is on maternity leave so I went with someone else. As you can guess I am not thrilled with the new do. I wanted the same cut just shorten it up a bit but the lady didn't listen as well as my usual hair dresser. She did this slant thing from the back to the front. The hairdressers I have tried the past few years always want to do that and I tell them no. Well here I am with it. I know some people like it but it's just not my taste. I also touched up my roots and now the hair looks black instead of brown. Several people complimented me today on my "black" hair. I don't mind the dark so much but I know hubby won't like it. I considered black before and he suggested I not. So I am doing the best with what I got now. I did a little curl in the front to soften it around the face. I'll just let it grow and go back to the hairdresser who listens to me. Live, learn and laugh, right? 1Day thanks for watching my videos and cheering me on. I got the new zumba and Shape Up game for my wii. Boy was it hard even on easy. Atleast I got some workout in it was far from perfect though. Don't think I'll beat this game anytime soon. School started back today and I met a lady name Vicki who volunteers there too. I am going to take my son to her house for a play date Friday. Jacob is so excited to play at his classmates home. So I have stepped out and made a move towards making a friend. She is older than me and has 7 children. I also sent an email to a class mate inviting her and her son to hang out with me and Jake for a day. </FONT>