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Good evening, went to a study group lead by my micro teacher today. Hopefully I caught something from it. Also working on a blog for film class. Struggling with the internet. I had it done but lost it when I clicked post. Very frustrating. It happened several times so I took a break from it. Thankfully I have it saved in word. I didn't realize shrimp was an issue. I have been eating it all along until lunch today. I had 3 and it came back up. I have been drinking diet soda too. Haven't had any issues with it. I haven't had diet soda since my last fill either so we shall see. It is just a try and see thing. Everyone is different.

I do it too. Lately though I am feeling more normal as far as size. I have reached 216 and this past week have taken inventory. Looked over old pics and videos. Sometimes I am the biggest sometimes not. It's the not times that I try to focus on. It's a good feeling.

It's monday. I lost 2 pounds. Currently at 216.

Little NSV pick me up last night. I went to get some new underwear as mine are starting to be way too loose. They are hanging out the top of all my pants/capri's. I was an 11 skipped right over 10 and am currently a 9. Went through my old outgrown clothes bag and discovered somethings that use to be too tight now fit great. I did get some food down last night. Sloppy Joe without the bun. Not my fav but it went down. I had a final exam in my anatomy and physiology class this morning. Not sure how I did on the physiology but I feel I did good on the anatomy. I am tettering between an a and b in that class. I got my grade for microbiology lab today. Only a B. I felt I had done better than that. I really enjoyed that class (lab part). I have another final in microbiology the lecture portion on thursday. My grade in there is a B unless I totally ace this last test. And get all the extra credit points. We shall see. The therapist that works with my surgeon responded to my email. I am gonna start going to the support group on wedsnesdays. She just told me to write my feelings out in place of binging. I don't know that anyone really has any answers for me. I just gotta fiqure out what works best for me, I guess.

Hey gang, I am back. Still hurtin from my last fill. I can't keep anything down but fluids. I think I am gonna stick with protein shakes tommorrow and try foods again the next day. I tried fish for dinner and it wouldn't go down, chicken for lunch, eggs for breakfast. None of it went down. My weight is though. If I can't get something down after monday I guess I'll have to get an unfill. I really don't want that to happen. I want to be able to use my band. Before my fill I was wide open now I am so tight. I am sleeping alot again. Don't know if it is from not eatting or if I am getting depressed again. Probably the latter. Just gotta get through this last week of school before I have a melt down. With this new level of tightness I find that I am feeling the same way I felt after surgery. I miss food. Now it is stronger cause I am losing sight of my goal. Back in my post op days I was high on the thought that I would be thin one day. So I was not bothered by my longing as much. I am just confusing myself so don't know if yall will even understand my ramblings. I am just a little down by my last checkup/ fill. Doc says I am a carboholic and just as an alcoholic can't allow themselves 1 drink I can't allow myself 1 carb loaded meal. I need to quit making justifications to eat carbs. I feel like a failure at this. My last 2 visits have been this way. I am losing the momentum I had and not making much progress lately. I did contact the therapist that works with my surgeon. Hopefully monday I will get a response.

My first job was wiping butts too, Baby butts. I was a nanny for 3 children. I loved it. Now I can't work with kids. They get on my nerves. Groups of them atleast. I can handle up to 2 at a time but beyond that I just can't focus on what needs to be taken care of. I was a teacher's assistant when I got pregnant. I decided I had had enough and became a "stay at home mom". In quotes because I still had jobs but made sure Jacob was able to be with me. I sold Avon, Made Jewelry, Worked as a Nanny and even took him on my paper route with me. Worked with a baby on the hip. I raised my brothers and sisters. Now that my son is older it is the first time I haven't had a baby on my hip since I was 7. I am enjoying having more independence, Jacob can dress himself now and bath himself, brush his teeth. It frees up time for me to use the bathroom by myself, get dressed alone, even shave. I do miss the baby dayse but I won't wish these days away. I got a 95% on my pig dissection exam. I just took it this morning but my grade was posted by the time I got home. I had my fourth fill yesterday and am feeling it. I have had hiccups the past 2 days every time I eat or drink. I am not suppose to be eatting but I want food so bad. My doc wants me on protein shakes till tomorrow evening. I want to eat everything in the house. It has really gotten out of control. I feel like I am in binge mode but I can only eat so much. Doc says I am relying on food for my emotional needs. So maybe school stress is getting to me or the therapy bringing back things I want to forget. I am not a crier, I am an eatter. When I went for my fill yesterday they were really concerned about the way I looked. Kept asking if I was ok. I heard them out in the hallway saying I didn't look ok. They sent the therapist in. She started talking to me and before I knew it I was crying. I think my visit to my brothers stirred up some bad childhood memories. He likes to talk about everything we went through and let me know he appreciates all I did for him. I never talk about my mom and stepfather but what happened with them has been the subject of too many discussions lately. All I know is right now I need to stop eatting. I am gonna get in the shower, brush my teeth and call it a day. I will finish my extra credit work in the morning. Thanks for listening. Welcome froggie. I was banded Jan '10. I have had 4 fills since surgery. There are some wonderful exsperienced banders on this thread so ask away.

Thanks One day. I have had a day of reflection today working on that project. I am looking at all my youtube videos and old pics. I look so different. Can't wait to reach goal.

Thank you Cheri, Thats a wonderful compliment.

Nothing much going on here today. It is a rainy day so we are just hanging out in the house. I posted another vlog on youtube and am doing my weekly check in on my vlog as I type. Eatting well today. For those of you who are doing low carb, I bought a cookbook by Dana Carpender called 15-minute low carb recipes. There are alot of things in there that sound yummy. I have already tried the alfredo chicken and crockpot ribs. They were good. I think I am gonna try the library for more cookbooks and recipes.

At first you may feel restriction because the area around the band is swollen. As the swelling goes down the less restricted you may feel. Then you will be able to eat more and even may gain a little weight. This is a lifestyle change. It will take time and lots of trying to get you lifestyle just where you want it to be. Make small changes at a time and keep trying. It may take a few fills before you feel restriction again. Just having the band doesn't mean you will lose. It must be adjusted properly and you have to follow the guidelines. The band won't stop slider foods like ice cream, so it does take some changes. I have the problem that if I can't do things perfectly I will give up. Do you think that maybe where you are at right now? Keep the ultimate goal in mind and remember if you keep trying success will come. You won't fail if you never give up.

The house I grew up in was disgusting. Roaches everywhere. There were six of us and only 2 of us did house work. We were too young to be responsible for it all. Didn't know what we were doing. We just knew if we did it wrong there would be trouble. I still have nightmares of cleaning that house. Then when I was 14 I moved in with my Dad and stepmother. She was a clean freak. We had to vaccum under the furniture every day. But there were no roaches. I don't want to be either one of those extremes. I want a clean house that's not a museum. It is hard for me to find the right balance. If I can't be perfect at it I give up. I guess that is the same with my eatting habits. If I can't eat perfectly I will give up. I am working at it always room for change. Went to a bbq at the Methodist church down the street. Jake and I had so much fun. He played in the moon walk, and with shaving cream and bubbles.

My surgeon requires 2 days liquids 3 days soft. He says that he makes it tight and that after a few days it relaxes and losens up. I didn't think about all that I have accomplished with the move thanks for reminding me. I have seen the movie Food INC. I had to watch it in film class. It is very disturbing how the farmers and animals are treated. I passed my microbiology lab test.YAY! Had my last film class last night. One more lab in microbiology left. Micro lecture and Anatomy still have 2 weeks of work left. In anatomy we are behind schedule. I think she is trying to cram 3 weeks of class into 2. I feel a little rushed but I have more time now that film is over. I have been using the workout room this week and eatting what I am suppose to. Eatting fish for lunch right now. Should see some loss soon. Did my grocery shopping this morning, Still no junk food in the house. Not even sugar. I have even got my husband drinking tea with splenda. He is watching the scale go down too. He even used the treadmill this week. I have to admit, I was a little nervous about moving out. Wasn't sure if I could handle keeping the house clean without the maid. I have been really good though and my house is actually staying clean. Hubby even vaccumed and did some dishes. Laundry is done. We do love it here. The geese around our pond have had babies. They are so cute. I can walk around in my PJ's. Take a shower when I want and do laundry when I need to. I have signed back up for this website called flylady.net. It is a website that teaches you how to keep the house clean efficently. Everything is done 15 minutes at a time. I totally recommend this site to people who need guidance in the housekeeping department, if they tell me they are struggling of course. It is all in the planning. Just like our lapband journey. No plans today. It is my day off. Maybe I'll get in the pool. Love you guys.

Good morning gang, So far so good today. After class today I gotta hurry my son to a teeball game. I packed dinner for us so we don't stop at a fast food place. Usually his games are on sat but he has 2 this week after school. It is kinda hard to get there but it is so cute to watch. Thats all I really have going on today. I will get the results for one of my finals today. I had to read some micro test and identify the microorganism. It is kinda an all or nothing thing. Even though I read 7 test if just one was wrong I fail. Already got my workout in this morning. Eatting some tuna for lunch. Yesterday my hubby was looking for junk food to snack on. He made the comment that all he could find was popcorn. Which isn't too bad. It felt good to know I did the shopping for my family and made healthy choices. Even my husband is losing weight and he is thrilled that he isn't eatting over cooked, dried out or burnt food. I am being extremly careful not to overcook. I am feeling like I have restriction. I am eatting just a little bit at each meal but I get really hungry before my next meal. Don't know if I should do a fill at my next check up or not. Don't want to over do it.

Hello Ladies, boy have I missed yall. Don't think I could ever catch up on all the post so I will have to jump in again. My visit with my brother was awesome. I miss him so much. It is so neat to watch him and his wife with a baby. Also, I was able to buckle my belt on the plane. No extender for me. It was close though. We are moved and unpacked. We are in love with our new place. We have been in the pool and hot tub everyday. I also used the fitness center today. My weight has stalled but I know why. I have been eatting things I shouldn't. I am back on track the past few days so that spell should be over with. School has been extremly busy because the semester is winding down. Teachers are trying to cram things into the schedule things that they are behind in. Started my pig dissection today and have lots of exams and finals. I should be able to check in daily like I was before. You guys really motivate me.

I am not sure who is going to be held responsible for this. it is so tragic. No one has called me yet to ask me questions so maybe I will be left out of this one. I did discover today that my sister who was home has a warrant for her arrest. So I am thinking she is probably gonna be brought in on larceny charges. It has been such a wirlwind. I feel like they are starting to suffer the consequences of their lifestyle. It is so sad that things like this happen.

Thats is such a beautiful outfit and you are looking awesome. Nels is so sweet what a perfect gift. Sorry you two have gotten upset. I want to post pictures of my new little neice for yall but my sil says it creeps her out to think of pictures of her baby being on the internet. We know you didn't mean any harm by it. My visit to Boston is going well. The towns up here look so differnt then florida. So many houses with history here instead of all the developments in Florida. My neice is adorable and I just love rocking her. I only get a short rock though before she wants momma again. I receive some really bad news a couple days ago. A little girl drowned in my Dads pool. It has been all over the news. Charges are pending. My Dad and stepmom are in the mist of a divorce and he moved out 2 years ago. My stepmom, adult sister and her boyfriend, and teenage sister all lived there with the boyfriends children. I never trusted my stepmom with my child and was too scared of something like this that I never left her alone with him. I felt guilty about it but this has reaffirmed my decision. It scares me to think how this could have been my child if I had given into my guilt. Mommies out there go with your instincts. I am so sad that there is a mother out there missing her child and I am scared to see what charges are going to come out of this.

All packed now and ready to fly out tommorrow to visit my brother and his family. I have to take school work with me because I have 4 exams and a paper due the week I get back. Plus, we are moving. Hopefully all my planning will keep things flowing easily. I told my brother I am on a diet and asked him to take me to the store. He said that was fine. He doesn't know about my lapband. I haven't seen him since october. So he is in for a big surprise. I hit the 40 pound mark yesterday. 40 pounds gone forever. I have been down on myself lately but I think I have been too hard on myself. Doc says I am doing great. It seems like I am losing in chunks. I will stay steady for 2-3 weeks then suddenly lose 5-8 pounds in one week. As long as I am not gaining I can deal with that. I finally hit 220 which was my weight for about 7 years. It is my "usual weight" before I began taking psych meds. Feels good to get here but it will feel even better to get into onederland and goal. The house is packed as much as it can be. We sign the papers and get our keys next saturday. We will be moving as much as we can that weekend then waiting for a friend to move the heavy things on thursday. The inlaws are out of town right now. We are enjoying our time as a family alone. Now Jacob is at a friends house and it will be just me and hubby tonite. We are going riding because the weather is awesome here. Of course we will be getting some wings too. I have become addicted to those things. Boiled peanuts and sunflower seeds too. My mil actually noticed how fast I was going through the peanuts and she bought a whole case of them from SAMS the other day. Sometimes she can be nice. I really am hoping that once we get some distance our relationship will return to normal. I think there will always be a little tension because I chose not to go to church anymore but I think the boundaries will be set more clearly. I won't feel so pushed by her. Also, wed we did test on our own urine in anatomy. Mine showed high levels of ketones. Our anatomy book says that it is a sign of starvation. The group I was in started getting all concerned. I was starting to get embarrassed. My doc says ketones are a sign I am following his diet. I for one know I am not starving. I eat plenty. How do you explain this to a bunch of nursing students? It was sticky. I just told them I was on a doctors supervised diet. I have told 1 classmate about my lapband because we went out to eat and she thought I didn't like my food cause I was eatting slow. Ps I won't do buffet again. It was way to expensive for the tiny bit I ate. I think eventually I will not be a closet bander anymore. People are prying. I am not embarrassed of the band. I am embarrassed of being overweight and the response people give if you mention it to them. "you aren't fat" "why do you need a lapband?." It is taboo to talk about so I just avoid the discomfort. Melissa, When I find myself struggling to keep on my diet I just focus on the next meal. When I start craving I just tell myself " just make a good choice at this meal and worry about the next one when we get there" Helps me not feel deprived because I am just skipping carbs for one meal. I would rather it be a struggle than something you give up on. A struggle shows you are trying. Julie, Glad you have learned what is up with your shoulder. I hope your approval comes quickly. When your in pain all the time it can wear down your spirits. You have been handleing it well though.