green

Nume has a different issue with her mate. In her earliest post she mentioned that he had been gay but had chosen to lead a straight life because he, like nume, is a devout Christian. I am one of those individuals who has been paying some attention to the results of research on male homosexuality and these results overwhelmingly indicate that homosexuals are born that way. Just as I, a heterosexual, would be entirely incapable of sexually committing to a Lesbian relationship, even though I have a number of fabulous dyke friends and some of them have made me the occasional offer, so a gay male will have great difficulty being sexually responsive to a woman, even one whom he loves very, very much. This is not his fault; the individual who fights his sexual orientation is fighting a war against his own nature. I will also mention that learning that homosexuality is nature and not learned behaviour didn't surprise me. I come from a very tolerant family and I have always had gay friends, as had my mum before me. Of course I would often ask them when they first had an idea that they were different from other boys and they would always answer that they have always known that they were different...and then say, "oh, between the ages of 3 and 5, I guess." This alone indicates that homosexuality really is not a choice, I think. As to nume learning to make friends with her own body and getting in touch with her own sensuality, I think that it is important that she should - we all should for this is what gives us confidence, pleasure and inner peace - and I love lizrbit's advice. Nume, you should sleep naked and make a point of surrounding yourself with a few small things which give you physical pleasure. I am quite a fan of music, scented candles, nice bath oils and soaps, and high-thread count sheets. You are another Canuck and so you probably know that you can buy most of this stuff at a reasonable price by shopping at Winner's (TJ.Maxx/Marshall's for you Americans). Opting to take a bath instead of a shower can be another great way to slow the world down and connect with yourself. This can be especially fine with a glass of wine, some candles, and maybe a little music. Now, my next suggestion may be kind of controversial. You may be happier if you move out of the marital bedroom and set up your private little space elsewhere. Your bedroom has been the source of disappointment, humliation and pain and it is also a shared space. It sounds to me like you need your private space. This would be a place which would be fresh, new, and uncontaminated and you would own it. This would be the place where you would have your music, your bed with its fine sheets, your decor, and where you can sleep naked, and know that you have your privacy, your thoughts, and your peace. You would not have the stress of worrying about how your mate is going to respond to the new you.

Marimaru, you look absolutely beautiful! I am so touched and so pleased by this photo and I am a big cynic.

You all know my take on the American health care system from other posts which I have made on this site. Up here in Soviet Canuckistan and over in there in European Common Marketstan we have universal health care. This is covered through the tax base and yet these health care countries save a minimum of $2,000 per capita per annum in health care costs. How do they/we do it? Well, they/we cut out the middleman/the businessman. This seems to save everyone in these countries 2 grand per head. And these are healthy and market-driven economies!

This is a very powerful post from an insider in the business of health care and this is why I have troubled to quote this post as a preface to my own remarks on this subject. It strikes me that each one of those individuals who is on the front lines of health care imports his or her own personal sense of ethics and this is challenged on a routine basis as part of the job. This must be a particularly stressful environment in which to function. Bubble has described her experience as a newbie of dealing with an elderly woman whose pain was so insupportable that she was prepared to offer up her wedding ring, if that was what it took, in order to be helped out of her misery. That the patient was Catholic and that the church has a strict caveat against suicide made this woman's request all the more powerful, and her pain all the more dreadful to imagine. One of my father's European pals was a doctor who ended up immigrating to Canada. I remember overhearing him talking to my parents about the treatment which he customarily arranged for the new borns of his patients, those new borns, that is, who were grossly ill-favoured to live. He told my parents that he had the nurses put 'em on an intravenous Water and sugar solution. This meant that there were no attempts to keep these ruined creatures alive. The water and sugar solution would not sustain life but would keep them hydrated and allow them to drift gently off into death. He certainly figured that this was a kindness to everyone concerned and it seems obvious that the nurses were compliant if not in agreement. He was comfortable with his set of ethics and those nurses how carried out his orders were either on the same page or they were afraid of losing their jobs. This is all old history. I was very young at the time. Many of the individuals who choose to go into the health care arena may well be people who find the notion of acting as angels of death to be so deeply disturbing as to be impossible. This means that these individuals can not and should not be called upon to perform an abortion nor to assist in a much desired suicide (euthanasia). Their response may be prompted by their ethical stance or by a simple squeamishness but it doesn't matter. If you can't do it, you can't do it. Nevertheless, let us look at the old and terminally ill Catholic lady who blind-sided the young Bubble. The woman was dying and she was in torment. Bubble couldn't kill her off. I couldn't, either. (I always send my husband off to the vet when our animals are terminal. I can't deal with life and death! Well, death and death....) It strikes me that the health care profession may well need such hired gun-slingers as Dr. Kervorkian in order to assist such individuals as the elderly and terminally ill Catholic lady who had confronted the young Bubble with her big request. A woman who found herself in such pain that she was willing to give up her wedding ring and her chance for heaven in order to obtain relief from her physical pain is a woman whose torment is such that she has lost all connection with all the rules and beliefs which make up her life. I find thinking about this woman's situation deeply painful. I cannot imagine how the on-going exposure to these challenges must affect those individuals who work in the health care field. I do find, however, that there is a need for the gunslingers. My husband and I have often passed through those dreadful points of emotional terrain where we have had to acknowledge that we have to take an animal to the vet in order to have it euthanized. Of course each time this happens the effect upon us is dreadful and I behave badly for quite some period following the death. And I am never, ever able to take the animal to the vet. I stick my mate with this job. But, the thing is that this has to be done with animals who are in distress and sometimes this should be done with humans who are in distress and who are capable of asking for some kind of help because they find that they are drowning in pain and that they are losing grip on their own sense of their self-respect.

@BJean, I can't speak any other foreign language other than French but I could pretend to be your exotic help when I come to visit you. This could be beaucoup de fun. :heh: @Juli, I am fond of strong coffees - this is the result of living in France for a few years - and I love iced coffee but I don't like sugar in any of my drinks. This is why I have never liked soda and this is why I drink my coffee and tea without sugar. I have learned that you can make a fabulous iced coffee by using an Italian espresso caffe, and then adding ice and milk. This could be useful info for any bandsters who want to get away from the sugar/aspartame-thing and this is why I have mentioned it. The other thing I learned from living in Europe with a coffee freak was that all good coffee has to be made out of 100% arabica coffee Beans. Robusta beans are inferior. I have since tried coffee which was a robusta-arabica blend and the coffee was not nearly as good.

I started gaining weight after I hit menopause at the early age of 41. Like my mother I gained all my weight on my torso and this means that my legs and arms remained relatively normal sized. My mum used to say that she looked like a pregnant spider and that is how I gained my weight, too. So of course over the years I would get lots of people congratulating me on my pregnancy....! My payback was to tell 'em that that I was post-menopausal and just fat. It is always fun to watch people squirm. But to tell you the truth I wasn't offended by their comments for the truth was that I did look pregnant and these folks were just trying to be nice. I did have a punk street kid snarl at me that I was fat one time when I was walking home. My reaction time was a little slow that day because what I wanted to say to her was, "so what! I'm old and I am post menopausal. People gain weight. That's life." To tell you the truth, in general people were pretty careful not to disrespect me on the basis of my weight. The only person who was beating me up about my weight was myself. I got to the point where I just couldn't stand myself. The band has been a very good thing for me.

Nume, I was done at TLBC but I have heard that Dr. Cobourn is wonderful and that he is a real dish. You will be in excellent hands. I am very pleased that you are going to get yourself banded. It is one of the nicest things that we overweight women can do for ourselves. I was banded last Sept and at the time I weighed 200 lbs and I was on a one way track to gaining more. Now I weigh 154 and my BMI is finally in the normal range. I think that the loss has been very healthy because it hasn't been too rapid. Congratulations from another Canuck, eh. And you are worth it. We all are!

Yes, I do wash windows!

I use Mapquest to get around my city. It is a big city and it is useful to be able to orient myself whether I am going by public transit or my husband is driving. And there are a number of one-way streets. Mapquest indicates these and this can be valuable info when we are taking the vehicle.

Oh yah, Green is gonna go to your house, too. This is gonna be her banded blonde ambition U.S. coffee tour. :biggrin1: She is hoping to experience some of that true bar-b-que, too. :hungry: You can't get that up here and she has never tried it! By the way, she is a very good guest: she is clean, gives her hosts lots of privacy, helps around the house, and never stays too long. Lousy cook, though........:phanvan

Yah, me too! And it is very disturbing.

Hah, Woodys, you little Skinny Minny Canadian girl! Congratulations on your shrinkage, eh. :biggrin1: Why don't you PM me the next time you are going to be in Toronto? We could connect.........?

You look like a beautiful person from this photo. No one, be she beautiful (which you are) or plain, should be made to feel that they must put up with ill treatment by someone else. It is true that we women have a tendency to hate ourselves, no matter how intelligent, how successful, or how beautiful we are. It seems to take us a long time to grow out of this and many of us never do. Of course this means that we place ourselves in the position where we are easily victimised. Green sez that you should kick the prick to the curb and get on with your life. Your photograph indicates that you are quite a knock out but I would be giving you the same advice even if you were not. Life is a short business and it can be awfully interesting. (Green knows, eh.) There is no reason for you to stay in this negative environment when there is so much of value waiting for you out there. Life can certainly be painful at times when one takes risks but it can be so exciting and so interesting. This is why I find myself speaking the way I have.

Hah! Sounds sublime, Carlene, and now I want to vacation at your house. :biggrin1: I know that I love coffee and I figure that I love you, too. :kiss2: Afterall, you do give great post! And remember, my husband is working in Mexico until the end of June, eh. This means that I am free to travel!

I love Mapquest. But I have to admit that I have never tried any of the other options listed.

Good to see you back, kid.

Naw, she dresses to the left...........

What does Shayna Punim mean? My father was Jewish but not my mother and I was raised as an atheist except for the period when I was put in a boarding school which was run by nuns. And they did that because I was a trouble-maker!

Your ex-husband sounds really messed in the head, and you did find someone better than him. A very good thing, too. :smellie:

Seems like all the interesting people are Hell-bound, that is if there is such a place.......:tired

Congratulations, Jetlag. :clap2: I was banded by Dr. Yau last Sept and I found the post op diet fairly easy to get through. The trick is to eat many mini-meals during that period when you are on fluids and on purees. This doesn't stress out your new stomach and yet you have the sense that you are constantly eating. I would have breakfast, a little snack, lunch, another petit snack, dinner, and then a final small snack. This meant I was taking in a lot of small, light, and low calorie meals. When it came to the time of full liquids I bought Gardenay soups. I figured I was worth it. Because I don't have much of a sweet tooth I substituted tzatziki for the fruit flavoured yogurts which TLBC recommends. During the clear fluid period I drank a lot of broth and apple juice. I had real problems with the protein drinks. This is because I actively dislike sweet drinks. I relied heavily on chewable vitamins. I still do. And I used a pill crusher for just about everything else, including the demerol. (This gadget is very useful and you might want to buy yourself one.)

I had another fill this morning at TLBC. Fills are very easy and only take a few seconds. You get pricked with a needle while you are lying down and then it is over. Doesn't hurt and takes no time at all. Afterwards you will be required to sit for awhile and slowly sip water. This is to ensure that you have not been over filled. The time of my first fill I was very nervous. I don't like having my stomach touched and I figured that the needle was going to really bother me. This is why I took one of the demerol that I had left over from the operation. Well, taking demerol turned out to be an idiotic move on my part! Getting a fill is so easy that it is a non event. And it is fun meeting the lapbanders who were done at the same time as you were, trading stories about your operations, etc. while you are sitting around sipping water.

I did end up getting a little fill this morning at TLBC because I was able to eat anything and everything. I now weigh 154 and my BMI is 24.9. Hot diggity damn! Eh!

Yah, it seems to me, too, that a lot of women prefer other forms of stimulation to intercourse.

Yes, I agree. And it would be nice to see the "fun" put into fundamentalist.