green

Heh heh. I have been kinda thinking about it. I have been thinking about getting the rabbit which is a vibrator which I saw on SEX and.... You can buy them in my city and they do an all out attack on the genitals, eh.:)

I was very moved by your account of your marriage, BJean. It reminds me of my own early attempt. Young people do marry but they are unable to base their choice of partners on anything more than youthful idealism, active hormones, and possible fears of missing out on an important rite of passage into adulthood. Those active hormones are what we call love when we are young and it is the idealism and the desire to participate in adult life which prompts us to marry. Sometimes all of this works and the junior couple continue on to have a successful marriage which lasts for decades. And sometimes these early unions turn out to be absolutely disasterous. We are all so young and so immature when we are in our late teens and early 20s. And yet we are all hauling around so much personal baggage in terms of our oh so recent childhood experiences, both with respect to our expectations and our emotional damage. And of course we haven't lived long enough to have developed any kind of experience or perspective. I believe that women are particularly vulnerable to colluding in their own victimisation in order to save a relationship which has gone sour. I know that in my own early marriage I was quite content to be the sole bread winner as well as the only individual of the pair who would do housework when my husband quit teaching in order to make his (non)living as a musician. I was a real "stand by your man" kinda grrl at the time. I sure wasn't happy in my marriage but it was only when I discovered that the guy was unfaithful that I was able to dump him. That was the straw that broke this particular grrl's back. Up until this point I had felt that all the failures and all the unhappiness in our marriage had been my fault - I simply hadn't been giving enough or hadn't been giving in the right way. When I discovered that my husband had been systematically unfaithful to me, the final insult, I was so horrified and grief-stricken that I kinda freaked out. I kicked him out of the house but I was so troubled by my feelings of shock and pain that I wondered if I might not be on a trip to the rubber room. I had, you see, worked so damn hard at being a good and supportive wife, a role which does not come easily to the naturally mouthy, cynical, and outspoken Green, eh. I asked my doc to refer me to a shrink (all of this was covered by our health care plan, by the way) and he was curious to know as to why I had washed up in his office. I told him about my situation and then I said that I thought that I was nuts. He said that I wasn't nuts, that I was just going through a split-up. :rolleyes It wasn't long after this before I began to feel much happier. And this is where I must address Monk's comments: I do believe that it is far easier to be happy and at peace when living alone than when opting to settle with someone. I did, you see, find myself spending one dreadful Saturday afternoon not long after the collapse of my first marriage lying on my living room floor staring up at the ceiling and thinking to myself that I will surely die from this pain of loneliness. I was so miserable that I couldn't move. I lay there for some considerable period of time and then I began to remember all the loneliness that I felt during my marriage and I realised that you can feel just as lonely in a marriage. I really don't think that there is anything at all scary about being a single individual. I am convinced that in many respects living single can make for a more interesting life. I loved living life as a single person and I am always happy when my beloved mate has to spend time away from home.

It is true that I am absolutely nuts about tomatoes and will pay a big buck for greenhouse tomatoes in the winter. My favourite ones are the giant field tomatoes that we only see in the summer. My other weakness is cheese. :hungry: I don't know about my restriction being at the sweet spot. I can still eat all sorts of things which give problems to other bandsters, most notably fibrous vegetables, bread and pasta, but I cannot eat large amounts of food anymore and I sure cannot mix food and liquids, either. That is a surefire recipe for a PB event. And if I forget to chew, chew, chew, I will get that golfball feeling. :help: I was filled up to 7 cc but had to get .5 cc removed almost 2 weeks ago because of possible acid reflux. :sick I am still feeling like my throat is painted with acid upon waking up in the morning and I have quite a nasty little cough even though I have been on prescription reflux meds for about 3 weeks now. (I started using my husband's meds before I got my own.) This Tuesday I am going for an upper G.I. X-ray exam. My doctor had me do blood work which turned out wonky and so I see her on Wed in order to discuss this. If this problem is unrelated and quickly fixable I might get another fill.... I am feeling hungrier now that I had the defill. It does sound to me, BJean, that you have not hit the sweet spot yet and that perhaps you might have some head hunger issues as well. ? Do you have a sweet tooth or are you a volume eater? My problem is volume. I don't really have the sweet tooth issue to contend with. That would make one's fight more difficult. :phanvan

Howzabout a law that would forbid all practising Christians to involve themselves in abortions? Those of us who are not Christians will continue to have the right to choose. We do, afterall, have a right to our beliefs and our beliefs on this subject are quite different to yours.

I was the oldest of 3 kids and the only girl. I wasn't interested in girly things, however, and didn't want dolls and wasn't interested in playing house. I had a cowboy hat, a set of toy guns, Mini-Brix, and some toy cars, and those were the toys that I liked to play with. I mostly played with boys and they let me play with them because I was bigger and stronger than they were. I was a tomboy. As an adult I have never found children all that interesting to be around for any length of time, particularly very young children. This is because we don't have very much in common and I find that the younger ones are often quite chaotic in their thought processes. I also find babies entirely unnerving because they don't really don't do anything at all except make strange faces, breathe heavily, wriggle, make messes in their diapers, drool, sleep, and cry. Though I am aware that most people adore babies I fail to see their charm. They seem like nothing more than labour intensive items to me. It is obvious that I am not at all maternal and would make a lousy mother. At the same time I feel the world would be a sadder place if it were only populated by adults, especially adults like myself. It sure is fun to see the kids playing on my street or to go to a casual gathering and see a clutch of children having fun. I even enjoy talking to kids, just not for very long is all. It is for this reason that I am always pleased to hear about folks like katt's daughter and son-in-law. It is always a wonderful thing when responsible couples who do love and want children are able to have them. The parents are lucky, their children even luckier. It is sad when such folks are unable to have kids and sadder still when irresponsible and careless people do have them.

I make a very nice little eggy meal for myself these days. I crack a couple of eggs into a bowl, add a little skim milk, a diced fresh tomato, fresh ground pepper and some grated old cheddar cheese. I whisk the mixture together in a rather incompetant fashion, then nuke it between 3-4 minutes. It looks a bit like vomit but is healthy and tastes divine. Fresh herbs are a nice addition. I am going to make some in a few minutes. Then I am going to eat fresh blueberries for desert. Ahhh............:hungry:

Thanx, kat817. I love R&R. We really get a chance to trade ideas and life experiences, don't we? And yet we manage to appreciate and enjoy each other. This is the best, I think! I am probably going to ask you questions about Aboriginal issues, eh. :confused: Hope you don't mind.

Well, from my perspective the two acts are different. You see, the rapist is perpetrating his act upon an adult or a child who is fully cognisant of the willful malice that is being done. Now, as you may know, I have a different concept as to when life begins. I believe that life begins once the foetus is able to live outside the womb. And thus I believe that aborting a foetus is not at all similar to raping, torturing, or killing an adult or a child. The foetus is certainly genetically unique but it is not really here; it is without its own thoughts, imagination, or personality. Its destruction is not going to damage the emotional fabric of those around it the way the death of child or an adult will hurt those people who lose him. And certainly the rape or torture of a child or an adult will not only smash the psychological structure of the individual who has been damaged but will also affect those people who are close, who love the ruined individual. And in the case of a ruined child society may also end up suffering as well. The issue of abortion is much more complicated than that of rape. Yes, it can be argued that, depending on your definition as to when life begins, there are two victims here. And certainly no sane woman is going to say, "Yippee! Here's a chance for me to have an abortion! I've been dying to have one for ages and now here is my opportunity!" It is a well known fact that I am one of the atheists on this site. I would, however, like to posit that if there is a God, a personal God, then surely He is not going to allow the souls of those aborted foetuses languish in some sort of eternal rubbish heap. He, if He does exist, is fully aware of the array of reasons which drive women to have abortions and He may find some of these forgivable. My hunch is that the Christian cris35 has much the same idea and it is for this reason that she is advising you to attend to the beam in your own eye instead of obsessing on the mote in your brother's eye in her delicate and discreet manner. Of course I may be wrong and cris35 should jump on in and give me a verbal smack if I am.

I think that this is a thoughtful and generous post. It is God's business to do the judging, is it not?

I used to have a pretty good friend who was a little bit older than I am. He was black and married to a white woman. Their relationship was a long one and a very happy one. They were both terrific people but my friend was absolutely obsessed by race issues and could talk of little else. I was very patient with him because I have had to deal with anti-Semitism and, because I was one of the first women to get a job working on the floor building aircraft, male chauvinism. He did, however, alienate himself from everyone of my other friends who happened to meet him including a much younger black man. They found him to be obsessive and a horrible bore It turns out that my friend and his sister were the product of an interracial marriage which took place in the 1940s. His father was a black man who came up to Canada from Alabama and his mother was a Canadian white woman. His father died while the family was quite young leaving the white mother to fend for herself and her interracial children. Needless to say, his mother was treated badly and so were her children, that is to say my friend and his sister. He remembers his sister being so sick that his mother grabbed up the pair of them and took them to the nearest hospital. The doctor on call took one look at this family and refused to treat the child. A nurse reluctantly helped the child. I guess I am inclined to cut Lee4 some slack with respect to the race themes which do constantly appear in his posts because I find myself thinking about my friend. (He has moved away from the city and despite our best efforts we have since lost touch, by the way.) I do believe that when you belong you take those areas of your life where you are never, ever challenged for granted. How can you not? An example: beautiful thin people are used to getting great customer service wherever they go. They don't have to think about it and they assume that this is the norm for everyone. It is the people who don't belong who will see the inequities, the differences, and they may carry wounds and these wounds may fester. Thus to non-racist white people all this chat on the part of Lee4 about race just seems weird; race is invisible to us. It is not invisible to a bigot of course, nor is it invisible to someone who has been characterised as different or as an outsider by virtue of something which is outside of his control. Fat is an issue which is not dissimilar.

That photo of your dog and kitten is so sweet! I am glad that you have got it tied in with your signature. It puts a smile on my face everytime I see it.

I think that the alimony thing is complicated. If one partner has voluntarily disabled him or herself by staying out of the workforce for a long time in order to keep the home fires burning, too long to successfully return, then I believe that the other partner is on the hook. I also believe that some assistance or sharing out might be in order when the former couple had been accustomed to living a luxurious lifestyle and one of them now finds him or herself earning mini-money but this would also depend of course upon the division of assets at the time of the divorce. There are two interesting examples of alimony issues in my husband's family. His sister met and fell in love with a Frenchman. She left her career as an apprentice stock trader in a discount investment house in order to live with him in France and have his children. The marriage has ended and they have been locked for some years now in an ugly court battle. At stake is a piece of property which is worth a chunk of money. The children have been born and are being raised in France and their mother does not wish to return to Canada. France has now become her home. At the same time she has been unable to secure anything but menial jobs in France and these have been through the kindness of friends. Eventually she will secure half the money from the marital property but this will only permit her to buy another, more modest home. She will need income assistance for the rest of her life. The second example concerns my husband's brother. He has been working as an investment banker for a Canadian bank in various off-shore locations for some period of time now. His wife quit her job as a personal assistant to a senior executive in order to be with him. Not long ago they returned to Canada and he suddenly asked her for a divorce. He offered to split the money 50-50. She is still looking for a job and has hired a lawyer. She is also in bad shape about being dumped. It seems that he is pissed off that she has taken on a lawyer. It is likely that he will continue to make more money than she will and she has also lost her footing in the labour force because she chose to support the marriage and his career. My husband is kinda pleased that she has got herself a lawyer. I think that alimony may be in order when a woman (or a man) who is in the later stages of her life finds herself single again. It is difficult to find work let alone establish a career when you are in your fifties. I certainly don't believe that alimony should be awarded as a form of punishment to the "bad" spouse and I don't think that it is warranted when the incomes of the two partners are in the same ballpark. The issue then is merely one of child support.

Up here in Canada a lot of the advertising which is allowed south of border is simply not permitted. Much of this which is forbidden has to do with legal and medical services; we also have funny laws covering prescription pharmaceuticals. The way I heard about the lapband and the Toronto Lap Band Centre, the place were I went for my surgery, was through a girlfriend who had seen one of the surgeons interviewed on a local morning show. She had heard me whining about my weight gains for a long time and thought that I might be interested. Before I knew about the lapband I was thinking about extensive lipo but was terrified of the pain. The rest is happy history. :eek:

Yep, Canadians love their donuts. We were so excited about finally getting the fabled Krispy Kreme donut up here that there were line-ups on the opening day of the outlet but the Kremes have since flopped. This is because Tim Horton makes a magnificent donut and there are Tim Hortons everywhere. Now us city types do love Starbucks coffee. :biggrin1: So much better than the stuff available in any Canadian donut shop! As for deep fryers, even my ma finally got herself one sometime in the 1970s although she didn't use it all that often. I think cleaning it was a bit of a chore. Are they not that common south of the border? By the way, her best breakfast when we were kids was to fry up eggs, left over boiled potatoes, and bacon in bacon fat. :hungry: A festival of cholesterol. :omg:

I enjoyed our discussion, Gadget. Thanks, sez Green.

Although I think that I "get" the concept of homeschooling I must admit that I would find myself personally uneasy if the only reason for homeschooling is hinged upon a specific religious/philosophical agenda. This is because I am awfully fond of plurality and believe that it is only by permitting open and respectful debate that we might come to learn more about the world and about each other. And afterall, beliefs which are solid will survive scrutiny, will they not? I can understand the desire to carefully hand rear one's children, to ensure that they will be loving, self-confident, ethically grounded, emotionally generous, thoughtful, and intellectually engaged individuals. To tell you the truth I wish that I had had a little more of this care dished out to me when I was young. Indeed I am quite envious.... But where I find myself getting kind of jumpy is when I think that there may be some parents who will present to their homeschooled kids a kind of biased overview of other folks and indeed of history and current events. Let me explain: there are, for example, any number of private schools in western countries which have been set up to teach Muslim kids, kids who are born in the west, Arabic and knowledge of the Qu'ran. This is entirely understandable but some of these schools also teach an anti-moderate, pro-fanatical approach to Islam. Such an education does teach bias and bigotry. It will teach that those who hold different beliefs are without value. It may lead to acts of terrorism. And so I now find myself feeling a little edgy for it seems that homeschooling can work wonders if those children who are being homeschooled are in the hands of parents who are open and loving, and not racists and bigots. At the same time I recognise that attending school is not a guarantee against learning racism and bigotry. Ugh! This certainly is a complicated issue.

Again, thanks for taking the time to educate me in this matter, Gadget. :grouphug: :confused: And now I want to ask you yet another question. :help: It is my understanding that no state will allow parents to homeschool their children without insuring that these children meet or exceed the educational standards set by that state. Why then do some states take a dim view of homeschooling? I am, of course, thinking of katt's daughter being disqualified from adopting a child because she homeschools when I ask this question, and I also note that one of the website addresses which you have given me (I haven't visited either of them yet :embarassed: *blush*) is the Homeschool Legal Defense Association. I feel that I should admit that if I were a parent I would be plenty concerned about the quality of education that my children would be receiving in the public school system today. This is because I come from a family background which values academic and creative work over sports and social activities. (And so I have a nerdly set of values, you could say.... :rolleyes ) This means that if I were a parent I would be utterly baffled as to how to proceed with the business of educating my kids. And this is why I am now jamming you up with questions.

I'm with you on this issue. I can't see what harm drinking before your meals is going to do. In fact this is when I will top up my water intake because I know that otherwise I am going to feel thirsty for the next couple of hours. I am one of those sweaty people who needs to drink a lot. :tired It is fortunate that I really love the taste of water. :confused: Less fortunate that I also love the taste of scotch but that is another issue to deal with, I guess. :phanvan

Man, but you are a wonderful writer!!! Perhaps you should think about writing as a career. And, man, does your family sound dysfunctional!!! I am sorry to hear about all the crap that you have gone through. It is bad enough when society treats large people with disrespect and unkindness, it is emotional abuse when our families do. :confused:

Ah, where I live Indian blood is exotic unless the person is from India. In fact when I was a little kid my family was the exotic family in the neighbourhood because my parents had accents - unlike the Canadians who had none! My parents were also ten years older than the parents of all my little school yard buddies. When I was in grade one I was quite embarassed by my mum because she was in her 30s and all the other mums were in their 20s. She was not only foreign, she was old! :grouphug: Toronto was ultra Canadian whitebread in the 1950s. :phanvan As for meeting a Canadian Aboriginal/Indian, well, I don't think I met one until I was in my mid-20s. Even now it is rare to see a native person on the streets of Toronto. By the way, up here they and the Inuit - formerly known as Eskimos - are now officially known as Canada's First Peoples. We are politically correct even though we have sacrificed grammar. :grouphug: LOL As for chicken fried steak, can you get it rare? I likes my steak still mooing. :grouphug: And is it deep fried or pan fried? :confused:

BJean's comments are realistic, I think. Your children are now teenagers and will likely shoulder a split-up between you and their father with more equanimity than you think. Afterall, divorces are very common now and they have likely observed more of your relationship than you think. What is apparent in your posts is that you are dreadfully unhappy and that you presently have little love for yourself and little confidence in yourself, a state which is likely the result of the years of your husband's emotional neglect. And yet you are a good mother and a woman with a career who is about to get the band! These are all things to feel very positive about, are they not? You married a man who is wrong for you is all. You married him when you were very young. People do make mistakes. And you must remember that you weren't the only one who made the mistake when you said yes to this marriage; your husband also made a mistake. You did, however, get 3 kids to love out of this failure and that is a wonderful thing. For what it is worth I believe that it is time for you to move on and to allow your husband to move on as well. You sound like a wonderful woman. There is simply no reason to believe that you will never be loved by someone else.:confused:

Thanks for answering me, Gadget. :confused: I still have a few more questions and these have to do with teaching kids in the higher grades. I could teach a kid history, geography, art, social sciences, French, German, and English, but I would be entirely unable to teach anyone maths, music, physics or chemistry. This is due to those subjects being my weak points. How does a homeschooling parent get around this difficulty? Is there a homeschooling network where a parent who is strong in certain areas, i.e. sciences and maths, takes on a group of kids and the parent who can handle languages and arts will take over the kids for those subjects? Or does the homeschooling parent hire a tutor for those subjects which give him or her difficulty? I have one more question: while I can entirely understand a parent's desire to homeschool children, the modern school environment can be a socially stressful or even dangerous one for children what with gangs, peer pressures, bullying, etc, how do children feel about homeschooling? I can imagine that younger kids are very comfortable with this but what about teenagers? They are so full of anxieties and yet so anxious to belong to peer groups, to have a gang of friends. I guess I find myself asking this last question because I was sent off to a boarding school from the age of 10 and as I was very shy my summers at home were lonely. I had no friends in the neighbourhood, you see. I spent much of my time feeling like an outsider. (This was very good for me intellectually; I spent much of my time reading, doing art and listening to classical music. I also spent a lot of my time with adults. I never did live like a teen until I went to university.)

Why do you feel this way?

Why do folks homeschool? I have read that this is quite a popular movement in the U.S.

P.S. Congratulations on your weight loss, Peaches. You are doing a fabulous job.