green

Congratulations on the weight loss and the kid. Both of you look great!!!!

Thanks, Kat and Zannie, for clarifying the info on that 80% statistic. Anyhow, Lauraj, please don't be worrying that the band is going to be wrecking your brand new marriage. You will be just fine, grrl. :biggrin1: It strikes me that Kat has a very good idea. It would be both amusing and useful for your brother to issue an official complaint with the cops concerning the threats she made to him. A peace bond would mean that the whore would be legally unable to get in touch with your husband while he is working at your brother's place of work. As for the phone calls which she makes on the cell, is it possible to get a different cell number, an unlisted one? I am very pleased to hear that the two of you are working on saving your marriage. A renewed and stronger marriage would be the best outcome for all of you including the children. Good luck and keep us in the loop, eh.

Newgirl, you should play with their heads and get your man a t-shirt that reads boy-toy.

Lauraj, I am surprised to hear about this statistic of 80% and would love to know where you dug this up. If you will look at the results of the poll which is part of this thread only 3 individuals have responded that their sexual relationships have altered post-banding. The vast majority of us report that life continues as usual. In light of this I really don't understand why you find the contents of this thread to be disturbing. There is one individual who is currently suffering marital difficulties and she was the one who began this particular thread. The rest of us who have responded with our own stories of ghastly failed marriages experienced these bum marriages in our past, and not as a result of the band. I suspect that big changes can place intolerable stress on relationships which may already be vulnerable. Such changes will include the loss of a job, a new baby, a big promotion, major illness, and the change in the physical beauty of one or the other mate.

Zannie: don't let your husband or the whore know that you have access to her emails but do print these out in hard copy. You will require them as leverage at the time of your divorce should you decide to go this route. You should also keep a diary/log where you note down the day and details of such incidents as the threats made to your brother, the times when your husband spends his time with the whore, the frequency of her phone calls, when and how you first learned about his affair, etc. You might also enter into this book everything which you have come to learn about her and her association with your husband; her claim that she was pregnant with his child would be a good place to start. Remember that proof of her emotional instability, her threats, etc will certainly assist your case when you request sole custody and that your children be kept clear of the crazy bitch. It seems that her estranged husband is actively pushing for the success of her relationship with your husband. Perhaps he is anxious to see her married and off his hands. That way he will be free of this crazy chick and will also be able to avoid paying out alimony. A double win for him. Lepez's advice about getting all your financial ducks in a row is superb advice. I know that you are feeling pretty much at sea at this time. This is normal. But it seems to me that you are doing a fine job of keeping your wits about you. You are much luckier than I was when I went through this: you have the rest of us to use as both a support group and as a source of advice. I went through my divorce solo and often felt as though I was losing my mind. I had no friends who had ever gone through a split, you see. Anyhow, keep on keeping us in the loop. We are all here for you.

As for landing coots who are my own age, BJean, I find that they are never, ever interested in me (except for one therapist who had a countertransference crush). It is men who are younger who tend to like me. Other friends of mine have noticed the same thing. I have one friend, a widow who is 60, who is having a big fling with a guy who is in his mid 40s.

I've checked it out, Foxy. It's a good thread.

ARGhhhh!!!! Very bad experiences in edit land.

BBK, your body is your body. You own it. I sure do hope that you will decide to refuse to hop aboard the guilt train. And, Yah!!, it is oh so easy to hand out advice but it is not so easy to swallow this. This is why most of us find ourselves calling upon our fellow sufferers to lend us a helping paw. Some people have chosen to call this The Human Condition, eh. lol Green is inclined to find this idea as being kinda funny.

BBK, you have every right to claim your own needs and this includes the respect which belongs to you as both a human being as well as a mate. You are likely involved in fighting for the your recognition as an individual who has her own rights and needs.

Yep, I know what you mean. My husband took care of telling everybody, including our hairdresser, for me. He is a wonderful man but he loves to flap his jaws! :phanvan I am sometimes appalled by this little habit of his.

I think that you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

I heard somewhere that if you put a sleeping person's hand in a bowl of warm water they will pee the bed. Painting his fingernails might be a better idea. Shave his eyebrows off. Dye his eyebrows pink.

At the time that I was living in France it was possible to get certain meds in the form of suppositories. I had prescription narcotics in this form. Though I was initially surprised it made sense. Your system got the drug and your stomach wasn't left feeling ruined. If I remember correctly I think you could get anti-nausea meds in this form, too. Again, a logical approach because you sure aren't going to barf suppositories up. It seems that meds are not available in this form on this side of the Atlantic. We just aren't comfortable with taking our meds via the other end. Kind of a bummer for us lapbanders, eh.

Thanks for your good wishes, grrl. As for the roseacea, I dunno.... I have always been inclined to think that the kind of blondie who has a roses&cream/sun sensitive skin is liable to be attacked by roseacea. My upper chest looks like a farmer's work boot!!!:eek:And yet most of my skin is oh so whitey white! :phanvan Go figure....:tired IndioG, tell your daddy to keep his fingers and toes crossed for me while eating his birthday cake, eh. My pop's birthday was 11/24, anutha 24 man! (And up here in Canada this is what we call a large case of beer, a two four.:biggrin1:)

Zannie, this whore sure does sound like a nutbar! I am kind of surprised that your husband isn't running away from her. Maybe he is a man who suffers from a lot of guilt or maybe he just loves all the attention. While I was still married to my ex-husband he got involved with another woman and started spending far too much of his time with her. He ended up being unable to break it off with her and yet he wanted us to remain married. I was plenty pissed off. I phoned her mate to tell him all about the affair. My husband and I went on a trip to Cuba with friends, something which had been arranged long before my discovery of his infidelity. This was a very weird experience as we were in the middle of self-destructing. After we came back, and while he was out seeing her one evening I packed up all his stuff and put it on the porch. During this period I went to our bank, drained our joint account, set up a new one in my name, and told the tellers to honour any cheque with my signature and bounce his. I felt I had the right to do this; I was working, you see, and he was a musician. As a matter of fact, after we split up I found I had a lot more money. He was one expensive husband! He moved in with the other woman but kept on trying to get back together with me. When he received the divorce papers he phoned me at work threatening suicide if I proceeded. He was hysterical. The other woman was, according to him, unhappy and feeling insecure because of his continuing attachment to me. I enjoyed hearing this, of course. Nevertheless, I did divorce him and eventually we became pretty good friends. In fact he has met any number of the men with whom I have been involved over the years. His relationship with the other woman, a real skank, eventually fell apart - he left her - and he became involved with a fabulous woman who is now one of my best friends. But his cheating ways never stopped. He was addicted to the excitement of romantic attention. His fabulous woman, my wife-in-law, loved him enough to put up with this behaviour although this hurt her very much. In general when the other woman is successful in stealing her man away from his wife she will end up suffering in the long run. He will eventually cheat on her, too. Zannie, I don't know what your husband is up to and I doubt if he knows, either. Continue to keep your wits about you but try to avoid feeling too many negative emotions if you are able. Remember that he is the father of your children and whether you do split up or not, they will need to have a positive picture of him for their own emotional well-being. But certainly do feel free to be creative about finding ways to drive the whore around the twist, sez Green. It's intellectually stimulating, it's a way of taking back control, and it's fun. :heh: Just remember to stay inside the law and to retain your dignity. Your children need their mother and you need your self-respect.

...so it looks like there are a few of us currently running on empty, eh....

Yep, I will be getting photo-facial work for the roseacea. I also have truly horrible skin on my upper chest thanks to a couple of bad sunburns I received when I was younger. I am hoping to get that work done at the same time. My surgery is fairly expensive but I made a point of choosing one of the well-known and very respected guys. I figure that with a face job you really can't afford any mistakes. I sure don't want to be wearing a burqa for the rest of my life! :phanvan It sure would have been great, BJean, if we were doing this together. And like you, I am absolutely terrified of the pain. :paranoid I do have a prescription for oxycontin and some kind of Tylenol 3 clone. The nurse also suggested that I get some arnica to help with the bruising. I will be staying at the clinic over night and I believe that they will be giving me a farewell shot of morphine in the morning. The downside is that I likely won't be able to read for the first few days and reading is typically what gets me through every difficulty in my life. :think This means that I will be stuck with daytime TV. :tired Ugh! Boredom. NMSunshine: it looks like the aliens were telling us that a full face lift is the way to go. :ranger: This makes me feel better about my choice.

It does sound like he wants you and the children. It is just that the whore has got him under some kind of spell. I think that it is a good move on your part to let him participate in the family vacation with you and the kids. It will drive the whore nuts! :heh: Anything which stops her from getting what she wants is a good thing in my opinion. Don't get mad, get even. :whoo:

We can't get liquid drugs up here in Canada. Post-op I had to rely on a pill crusher.

Thanks for asking. I sure do miss my nice full band. Now I have to rely much more on discipline and I have never been good at that. As soon as I am sure that this reflux stuff is under control and my esophagus is in great condition I am going in for a fill-up. I am starting to feel much, much better. Yippee!

My facelife, which is the full Monty, is going to cost me 24,000+ in Canadian bucks. He is going to be doing some lifting and hauling and repositioning of my face as well as filling in various lines, some of these are fine, some not so fine. I also have a little bit of roseacea on my cheeks which he will be treating. He will be filling in the lines which run between the nose and the mouth and plumping up my lips. He will be doing some eye work. He works on each section of the face independently and so I won't be ending up with the Hollywood caught in a windtunnel look. At my pre-op appt they took a bunch of photos. Looking at these certainly smashed all of my illusions about myself. Arghhhh! :omg: @ Betseyjane: I know my surgeon wouldn't be able to give anyone quotes over the phone. He really needs to see your face in order to assess the work and the cost. The thing which bumped up the price of my work was the very thing which has kept me looking younger than my age - my cute little apple cheeks. :phanvan These cheek pads are too big for him to reposition easily and that is why the invasive approach. This is costing me many thousands more. Oh, that damn gene pool, eh! Anyhow, the lapband and plastic surgery are what I am spending my inheritance on, fixing up what I inherited. Seems kind of appropriate, it seems to me. :heh: Crabcake: Thanks for the suggestion about Chantix. I tried to get my doctor to give me a prescription but she refused. I am on Wellbutrin (Zyban) for depression along with a bunch of other meds for depression, osteopenia, asthma/bronchitis, acid reflux, and cholesterol. She refuses to give me Chantix. :cry To tell you the truth, I take so many meds that everyone at my local drugstore knows me by my name. I still haven't decided whether this is embarassing or cosy. :straight

Good luck on your gall bladder. Keep us in the loop about this, please.

Congratulations on reaching Onederland!!!

I am getting a face lift on Sept 24. This weekend I will be giving up smoking as this could complicate the healing process. :cry Ugh! And I am such an addict! Well, I have already bought a bunch of nicotine gum. I am going to chew, chew, chew my way to health. :phanvan Losing weight has made me look older. :tired My skin does look tissue-y. This surgeon is one of the top guys in Canada and has patented a few techniques of his own. It will hurt and I will look like a monster for awhile during the healing period. :omg: But I do want the face which suits my inner lack of maturity. :heh: LOL I sure hope I don't end up looking like Karl Rove.... I will never get across the border if that happens! I must remember to remind the surgeon about this.