green

Very good advice, Woodys. This is what we and some of our friends do when we pay the bill by credit card: we might pay part, if not all, of the tip in cash. It is true that some of the tip might show up on the credit card bill but a separate share may be handed over to the good servers in the form of liquid cash. I am passionate that a fine server not be punished because the kitchen she or he serves is a lousy one. On the other hand I have no generosity towards a kitchen who chooses to harbour an idiot. I eat out a lot and I do work hard to make sure that the incompetents are ejected from the local eateries. I am one of those who bitch. For folks who do eat out a lot in their own neighbourhoods the quality of the kitchen is always important but the personalities of the house servers are always as important. When we are shelling out cash it is important that the food is good and that the service is, too.

*loud snickers from green re the above comment* And I do think that it is very cool that you are part Cherokee. I have noticed that a number of Americans who have "long" roots do have have ancestors who are native American. Are you in touch with this part of your heritage? I would like to learn more. Though I may seem to be hijacking this thread once again, I should like to point out to you all that over here on this side of the world, history, certainly documented history, has a very, very short time line. If we want to visit this business of rising cultures and of the resulting power struggles then we must agree this hemisphere was a non-participant until the Europeans began to look in this direction. The United States was economically flourishing but drifted in the long shadow of Europe until these countries were economically, socially and morally shattered by the Second World War. It was at this point where the United States was thrust into the position of being the official foremost supporter of democracy and of The Western Life Style. This is both an honour and a tough role. With respect to the American taxpayer, this is going to be an expensive business. It is my feeling that Americans are very decent people who have a sterling set of morals. Look at the 20th century: the two most destructive wars were started by the Germans. And certainly the Americans are not rounding up - even now - their entire Muslim population in the style that characterised Hitler's Reich. I guess where I get cranky, and I have mentioned this many, many times before, is Baby Bush and his crew's blindingly dumb reation to the events of 9/11. The choice of the United States to invade Iraq even though all intelligence indicated that al Qaida was centred in Afghanistan and northern Pakistan and that, furthermore, Iraq was a dead end militarily speaking, was nuts.

Omigawd! We have our financial ducks in a row in so far that we are mortgage free and that we have savings both within the framework of tax-sheltered retirement funds and other money. Please note that I haven't used U.S. terms when describing our money situation. This is because we live in Canada and things are a little bit different up here. We employ different letters of the alphabet to cover similar financial stuff with respect to issues of tax issues and tax-sheltered income. This country also has a mandatory employee funded pension plan. It is called the Canadian Pension Plan, familiarly known as the CPP. Working folks have no choice but to pay into this along with contributing into their company pension plans. Where we get to shelter our taxes is by making voluntary contributions into our own personal retirement funds. It is expected that this money will make a difference in the life style between that of the pathetic pensioner and that of the high living old fart. Of course this tax free investment money does get taxed when the pensioner or his inheritor tries to pull it out at the other end. I have all my financial ducks in a row but I drift in a vacant blondish state and I do leave a lot of money in my chequing account through carelessness and the sense that placing cash where it will garner small percents is simply not worth the bother of standing in a line up in order to transfer the stuff. I am lazy and I spent my youth during those times when money earned as much as 19%. Of course I am now worried that my bloated chequing account could be hoovered out by virtue of my own carelessness.

MarySue33 has powerfully good advice for you. You must sever your financial connections with your husband. You must stop living under the same roof: it is unhealthy and by continuing to live under the same roof you are giving your husband and your children mixed messages. This isn't fair to your husband and as for your kids, well, this can do nothing but screw them up. You must stop playing financial martyr with regards to this issue of continuing to pony up your 20% when he has long since skipped out on his side of this contract. It doesn't make any sense and you can't afford it. MarySue has excellent advice re EAP. If your workplace offers this programme then you must definitely take advantage of it for this is a programme that will offer you free advice from experts in a number of fields. Knowledge is always power, is it not? As for you, if you do want this divorce you must stop behaving like a pussy. You must begin to speak openly and honestly with your children about your life, your feelings, and your current situation. Ask them to spend Christmas with you. Explain to them that you would like to have them with you at this time of year and it is only because you love them. Do not guilt trip them. As for this entirely twisted situation concerning the two of you living under the same roof: stop it! You must know that this is both unhealthy and counter-productive. Demand that the matrimonial property be sold and that you as the weaker financial partner get the greater share of the settlement. Buy another place. Move on with your life. Your children are young; they will move on with their lives and they will resent you (or their father for that matter) if you do not do the same thing. You can choose to look at life the way a young person does. You can choose to walk away from these dreadfully destructive behaviours, shed this crap, and walk forward. Stop being a pussy and split.

Apologies to everyone. BJean and I are hijacking the thread but not for long. I just wanted to say with respect to this travel thing that I met a veterinarian at party who was incredibly well travelled and who had never, ever owned a passport! He has done all his travelling in the wild lands of Canada and the States. As for the wide open spaces...I am really, really allergic to bug bites and the little bastards lurv me. I have more health problems after spending time at my in-laws cottage! Sad but true. And my husband never got as sick from any bug abroad as he did from food poisoning in Halifax, Canada last summer. We were there for my nephew's wedding and had left our usual array of travelling drugs at home! It was very, very bad...............!

I am not sure whether you should report this verbal abuse. If your cops are like the cops up here in Canada they are largely ineffective when it comes to physically violent domestic environments. What you had observed was much more subtle. This was in the order of psychological abuse. I am also certain that the girl's mother is content with the status quo. When you report this the cops will find themselves unable to do anything more than to speak to the stepfather who will respond in turn by further punishing and humiliating the girl. He will also seek to isolate her from you, your granddaughter and from her other friends. Her support system and her emotional haven will be smashed. You will be viewed as a meddling neighbour. What I would do if I was you is to have a discussion with your granddaughter and the other girl who observed this debacle. Talk frankly about this man's behaviour towards their friend. Perhaps the two girls can figure out ways - with your help - of emotionally protecting this girl and shoring up her identity.

Re my spelling of foetus, I am Canadian and have been raised on the British way of spelling things. This is been ground into me and is kinda outa my control. Apologies in advance from Green.

I have never liked Trump. I think that this man is ugly inside and out. His mouth looks like a chicken's arse and his bouffant hair-do is just plain ridiculous. He is arrogant and lecherous and he has no class. Of course he can get away with buying beautiful broads because he has money and money will buy you love if you are a man. This should be old news to all of us who post here. Rosie falls into a different category. In many ways she is just as annoying as Trump for she too is loud, opinionated, and seems to lack class. And she, like Trump, can be dumped into that category of those who are considered to be homely. But the way I see it there is a big difference between these two players; Rosie seems to be animated by a strong streak of altruism. She is engaged in discussing larger social issues, something that is always risky business. She has also chosen to formally come out as a Lesbian and to tackle the business of same sex rights in America. Indeed, she did sponsor a same-sex couples cruise for couples who wanted to get married. The boat birthed in Canadian waters where same-sex marriage is legal and Rosie's brood were able to get married. I believe that she and her mate were married up here at the same time. Trump is a worthless creature. He is animated by simple greed, arrogance, and lust. Though Rosie is a strident and and often annoying woman her actions do carry much more moral weight. At the same time I must admit that I can't bring myself to watch either one of them. I find 'em both annoying.

Yippee! :clap2: TOM, you are back :faint: and it is so nice to hear/read your voice again! It has been awhile and a number of us had grown concerned by your continued absence.... Welcome home, eh.

I think that the foetus is the mother's property while still in utero, that is until the child can survive outside the womb: this seems to happen when the foetus is around 6.5 or 7 months old thanks to medical technology. As it was the intent of this woman to have the child her abusive mate did in fact kill her infant by his brutal actions. I would have charged him with manslaughter for this reason. I think that the dude deserves to have the book thrown at him.

Wow, did you get your money back?

Re your question on my travelling habits, BJean: I have always wanted to travel where I will get to experience life that is as different as possible from the one that I live at home. I want to see different geography, architecture, hear different languages and be exposed to different cultures and foods. I am also interested in places that have a long history. This is why I like to travel to the so-called exotic parts of the world. And yes, I do love seeing the old stuff and I like watching people. Wide open spaces tend to make me both nervous and bored if I am in them for a long time. When I was living in France I spent a lot of time travelling inside the country and in the nearby countries. Since coming home to live my trips have been further afield. I have done some more travelling in north Africa. I have also travelled in India, Russia, central Asia, and Turkey. My husband and I also love to go to Mexico. We always pick smaller, more intimate hotels that are in the more Mexican areas. We always have a lot of interesting adventures on our travels and see a lot of amazing sites but it does mean that the pair of us are plain idiot dumb when it comes to North America. (Though thanks to my parents we've often been to Florida.) I have some more foreign travel that I want to do before I am ready to explore this continent. I want to go to Thailand and to Tibet and I would like to travel in South America. I would eventually like to take a long road trip throughout this continent. My parents did this and loved it.

With all due respect it does sound like you are being the pussy here. Your mate has had the kids for the Thanksgiving Weekend and he continues to live in the master bedroom while you camp out in your son's room. Your finances are all messed up and it seems that he is reaping the advantage out of this. Now he proposes to remove the kids from you again at Christmas time; he figures that he will get away with this by keeping them in state. Surely you must know that this state of affairs is entirely unhealthy and is not doing anyone any good at this point. Your children are no longer being sheltered from your marital break-down by this business of your perverse desire to share the house, are they? If anything they are further stressed by all these horrible games. Now is the time to settle up this business. You must speak frankly with your children about this situation and you must arrange to sell your matrimonial property ASAP. You must push for this through your divorce lawyer. Indeed, it strikes me that in your desire to protect your children (and possibly because the issues between your husband and yourself have been so murky) you yourself have been displaying mixed messages to them and possibly to your (nutzy) husband. You are the one who wants the divorce. Talk to your lawyer. Listen to what she says. Follow her advice. She knows what she is talking about. Stop being a pussy.

Well, looking at the photos makes me feel a little sad. Here I am up in Toronto, Canada and we haven't had any snow yet! I haven't even started wearing a winter coat. The temperature has been in the 40s and 50s. It is definitely going to be a green Christmas.

For years I only had one credit card, VISA. I recently got a store card because I was buying something there and they promised me 20% off if I signed up for their card. I only used their card that one time and I pay off my VISA at the end of each month. Having only one credit card and one debit card has made my finances very simple and everyone accepts VISA.

Re roast beef and roast pork, we say it the same way as GeezerSue does up here in Canada. We also call all soft drinks "pop" whereas you Americans call them "soda." If you want a Coke or Pepsi or Fanta or whatever, you have to ask for it by name.

I have lived on both sides of the Atlantic and I must say that I completely disagree with the above quoted post. It is true that energy prices are cheaper in North America. It is also true that personal living space is cheaper for most of us who live on this side of the Atlantic Ocean. On the other hand we are on the losing end when it comes to travel and culture. All the interesting countries are over there in Europe. When I lived in France all the interesting places to go to were a long weekend away. As for cheap gas, when you are living on that side of the Atlantic, who fucken cares? Intra and inter city travel belongs to the realm of mass transit. It's fast, cheap, and efficient. The traveller has an number of options: bus, train, or plane. And if folks want to go by car and they are willing to share the costs, well, there are on-line services where the traveller can connect with other folks who are going in the same direction. When I lived in France I travelled to north Africa, Italy, Corsica, Spain, England, and Scotland. This was really easy for me to do. I was living in the hood and I had developped connections. I wasn't too happy about having to return home, you know. I didn't know how I was going to live over here on this side of the Atlantic. I do continue to live a very nice life. I live in a large North American house and I continue to travel. I have visited a lot of interesting parts of the world. I also have a friend who ended up working and living in Germany when she was in her 40s. She is still there. There are times when I suspect that she is living my life. She is engaged in doing what I did while I lived in Europe and what I still try to do now that I am living over here. She does a lot of travelling. I try to travel too, but it ain't as easy when you are on this side of the ocean. This has certainly turned out to be a long post but I guess that the point that I want to make is that life is so very, very interesting and it should not and must not be reduced to this biz of gas prices, ya know. That is just dumb.

And then my mum was on coumadin for some years before she died. But it is a rat poison, or so I've heard, and we used to like to tease my mum that she was on a diet of rat poison, but my mum finally ended up with blood that was just too, too, too thin. The family doesn't know how that happened but it did contribute to her sudden death, I suspect. Sometimes the steps leading up to the death of a loved one are simply too frightful to take in. The person whom you love is there and then he or she is suddenly swept up in an event with the result that this individual has disappeared from your view on a permanent basis. My mother was on Coumadin and by the time that she died she was more or less purple from the result of all the needles that she received. This is, the way, how an anti-clotting agent works on intravenous stuff. As for my mum, none of us have any idea how she managed to get her paws on so much anti-coagualant dope at one time.

Wow! You are reminding me of those times when my Dad was alive and that was some time ago. Of course these are both sweet and sad thoughts, as you all can imagine.... Anyhow, the dude was on blood thinners and had just given a vial of his blood. He was monitored frequently. The tech dropped this, it smashed on the floor, and my dad was fascinated to see how easily it ran all over the place,...just like water. My old man was on blood thinners because he would have died without them.

While I would never toss someone aside because they have suddenly noticed me after I had lost a lot of weight - please see my earlier post - I do have a terribly sad story to tell you all right now. (For those who might want to search the internet, I live in Toronto, Canada and the family name of the individuals who are involved is Ruso.) According to the local newspaper reports Wyann Ruso had been psychologically abused for a long time by her husband who repeatedly told her that she was fat, stupid and unloveable. When both of these individuals were in their 40s Wyann had an affair with a co-worker. One of her daughters told her husband about the affair. He then confronted Wyann and threatened to kill her. She found a gun in their bedroom - this is a big deal in Canada as our gun control laws are very, very stringent - and she took this to the local police station. When she turned this weapon in she mentioned the threat on her life. All the local cops could tell her was "don't go home." The poor woman did have a handicapped child in the house and did eventually go home. She was worried about the kid, afterall. Her husband attacked her with an axe and a hammer and only after believing she was dead told her kids, her parents, and the cops. Shyann Ruso survived with horrible injuries but two of her daughters are bitter, and are estranged from her. They have publically made a point of being on their father's side. She is physically scarred from her attack and is certainly not an emotionally well woman. How could she be? What I have noticed - and all I can provide is in the way of anecdotal evidence - is that overweight women are, because of their low self-esteem, more likely to suffer emotional and physical abuse from their mates. We all do want to be found worthy of love, don't we? Sometimes this simple desire can lead some of us into deep waters.

My parents came to Canada after the war. My father was a Polish Jew who was lucky enough to wash up in England early in the war. He ended up in British Intelligence. Most of his family perished in the Holocaust. My mother was Scottish by roots but she was born in and had grown up in England. They met during the war. Neither of them had any attachment to religious beliefs. It may be that their war experiences severed any belief that they might have had. Who knows? When they had their three children, myself and my two brothers, after they had come to Canada, they had us baptised in the Anglican (Episcopalian) church. They did this because this was the 1950s and people were still very interested in things like that. My mum made a point of going to church most Sundays even though she found the exercise to be a boring one. It was the 1950s and this was expected of her. Sometimes she would haul one of us with her but usually we stayed at home in our pajamas with our dad. I briefly got religion after I was sent to boarding school at the age of 10. The school was run by an order of Anglo-Catholic nuns. My conversion didn't last very long. Christianity didn't seem to be very inclusive and this seemed to me to be very cruel. I was eleven at the time and I didn't like the idea of all those good individuals who had never had the chance to know Jesus being eternally screwed. Because I was only eleven I was also a little dismayed to hear that animals would not get to pass over to the other side. It became difficult for me to continue to believe in such a strange belief and I suspected that there might be something better. Unbelief or disbelief was something that gradually occurred to me as an adult.... Now, one of you (I think it was Sunta) has pointed out that similar stories to those contained in the Bible can be found in other Middle Eastern cultures. To tell you the truth I have heard this before. It may worthwhile to recognise that the Bible is a collection of documents that come from a primitive culture and they have been subjected to, as Carlene has pointed out, wholesale editorial changes: great chunks of material were destroyed in the early years of the establishment of the Christian church. My personal feeling as an atheist about this issue of God is that God is formed in Man's image and that God is created out of Man's desperate need for Him. We see so many versions of God being bruited about, do we not? Some of these versions of God are very narrow-minded and judgemental. Let us look to the Christian God. Why, some of these pastors who speak for this God are not even willing to acknowledge the validity of other Christian sects! We have also seen good Christians post here who have another view of God and of Jesus. These are passionate individuals and they claim that they are following the Bible - for it is inerrant, remember! - but they have chosen to cherrypick out of this complex and often somber and violent document. I believe that if you want to come to a good understanding of a society, its fears and its values, you should examine its God.

*giggle* Go for it! It will drive him nutz.

Congrats! Get money from them!

And as for you who believe, how do any of you know that your God is the right God? You all believe with equal intensity, it seems to me. What if you all fry 'em in Hell Baptists croak and then find out that Allah is the one true God? It seems to me that we really have no way of knowing, do we? It might be a good thing to tread carefully in the presence of the Ineffable - that is if you believe in Him - for you have no idea as to which shape or form He might take, eh. This is just a suggestion.

I find it impossible to believe in God, any God, for I have seen no evidence of one. This is why I am an atheist. There are quite a few of us and I frequent a website where I find many other atheists. Believers do enter this site in order to debate with us and one of their concerns is that a disbelief or an unbelief in a higher power will free people up from behaving in a morally and socially correct fashion. Remove God (our hall monitor) from the equation and anarchy will follow. In fact this is not true. Most humans are by nature caring, empathic creatures. We don't enjoy seeing others suffer. This is human nature at its healthiest. It might be argued that we are programmed to respond in this fashion. Afterall, we, like dogs, do live in packs/social groups, don't we? Bad behaviour only leads to the collapse of our families, our towns and our nations. Instinctually and intellectually it makes sense to us to uphold the laws of the land, and these are only a formal codification of our own sense of morality and righteousness. The moral burden thrust upon the thoughtful atheist is, if anything, greater than that the believer has to bear. For those of you who believe in an afterlife the sight of people who are suffering is mitigated by the belief that they will eventually be rewarded somewhere down the road. For us unbelievers watching the pain that these unfortunates must suffer carries a different weight. We know that this is the only show in town. When you are dead, you are dead. You only achieve immortality through your genetic contribution. And maybe you can help out the miserable ones by being a decent, stand-up human being while you are still alive for you understand that this really is it.