LoseIt!

Hi everybody! Thanksgiving vacation was SO much fun and in even better news, my weight held steady. My goal was to lose 5 pounds this month and I lost 4. I will take that. Especially since I'm "taking a break". I have one more week like this, then I have my partial deflation on Monday. I will have a couple days with the ability to eat anything which I'm not too concerned about. I'm going to try and be good, but I guarantee you I will be having some pizza in there somewhere!! Tonsilectomy is on Thursday, 12/09 and after that, I'm guessing eating will not be an issue for quite a while... North Carolina was BEAUTIFUL!! I flew into Atlanta on Wednesday evening and drove up to Murphy, NC with my dad. The drive up the mountain was a little scary. It felt like the car was going to flip over backwards!! It was so good to see the family! Thanksgiving day started with a trek down the mountain which was steep so it was tough but highly doable. The walk up was MUCH harder, but I made it! I tried not to be annoyed with my nephews and SIL who RAN up. HA! Just kidding...they are some of my biggest cheerleaders. We had a bit of fun with dinner because the oven didn't work correctly. It was bad news for the turkey but everything else made it with success. I only cared about the mashed potatoes and noodles because that was all I needed for a yummy Thanksgiving!! Other than a short trip to explore the town, the rest of the day was spent watching the football games. Friday was quite chilly. We drove to Anna Ruby Falls and hiked up to see the waterfall. It was extremely beautiful. Then we went to Helen, GA for lunch. Helen is modeled after a German town and the downtown buildings all have a distinctly German fascade. We had to sit outside for lunch. Since it was cold, I think it made some people cranky. We walked around for a bit, but decided to leave soon. We headed Babyland General Hospital, home of the Cabbage Patch Kids. I love dolls, so I thought it was a neat little stop. It was a packed day, but we all slept well!! Saturday, we went hiking around Fires Creek. We had an absolute ball with the kids as they climbed around like mountain goats. In the afternoon we went to the movies. The group split up and I saw Tangled with my brother, nephew and niece. It was cute. Afterward, we went home and played games I had prepared. They were Minute to Win It style games and we had such a blast! My nephew Sam was crowned Family Showdown Champion! Sunday it was time to leave and I was ready for my own bed. It was a wonderful vacation!! Now I'm back to work to get everything I can possibly accomplish into the next 7 working days! I will check in before the surgery, but until then...Make every day a great day!! Beth

I guess I should be glad that it only took me 30 minutes to figure out the new format today. Whew! I'm not so good with change. It's funny, because I have spent the last few days contemplating my band and my next steps. I had no idea the site was down! Many wonderful people I have met since being banded have talked about how great it is that they no longer have to diet. They just work with the band and the pounds melt away. I'm truly so glad for them and wish everyone had the same success! However, not everyone does. I, for instance, have had WONDERFUL success, but I have had to work at it. I have come to the realization that I'm tired of dieting. Now, dont' get me wrong, dieting this year has been SO MUCH BETTER than dieting in previous years. It was easiER than in previous years and I was able to be PRODUCTIVE. If I do my normal routine...which does include exercise...I can MAINTAIN steady with the band. But in order to lose, I have to watch my food intake just like any other DIET I have ever been on and I have to actively increase my exercise. Don't get me wrong, this is not a complaint. Quite the contrary! I have never been able to stick to a weight loss plan for 10 months in the past. I have never been able to lose 75 pounds before. These are all gifts in my mind! But a diet is a diet and I'm tired of working at it. Soooo...y'all know me and my never ending need for a plan. And, I'm not just going to "stop". But I need to stop this frustrating water treading. So, I have 2 weeks and 2 days until my throat is (literally) cut. When it is time for my tonsilectomy, I know that Band or no Band, I will not be able to eat normally for 10-14 days. Until then, I plan to live normally. I plan to exercise. I plan to not eat like a crazy person. I plan to use all of the good habits that I have developed over the last year. Additionally, I will continue to log my exercise time and my daily weight. But Jax is going to take a vacation. I'm NOT going log my calories or any Bodybugg information. What I hope this does is to take the HYPERfocus off my diet and just let me chill for a bit. Two weeks until the surgery, then three weeks after. By then, it will be 2011 and like any NORMAL person with weight issues, I will have New Year's resolutions and I will be excited. Even with this break, I should be in Onederland by my bandiversary. I had hoped to LOSE 100 pounds by then, but I'm flexible and I refuse to be disappointed. Tomorrow I leave for Thanksgiving vacation. My parents, brother's family and I are renting a cabin in the mountains in North Carolina. It is going to be so much fun!! I will check in when I get back and let you all know how it goes. Have a happy and wonderful Thanksgiving! I certainly have much to be thankful for this year and you all are among my blessings. Thank you. Beth

I chose not to post my "Casual" pictures yesterday. It was because I didn't think they were very flattering so I considered retaking them today. But then I thought more about it and realized that even though I don't think they are as flattering as some, I still don't dislike them! For years, I have hated having my picture taken because of my weight. I would work at getting a good angle, hiding in the back, or just avoiding the camera. Now, I don't hide at all. Sometimes the shot isn't my favorite, but I'm not embarrassed by it. And that makes a HUGE difference. I realized that is quite a big milestone. And now I'm PROUD to post my pictures. I have the full body shots from the beginning, last month and current and the head shots from last month and current. I will NOT HIDE anymore!

Weightloss has been a lifelong struggle for me as it has most likely been for most of you. In order to lose weight, I had to sacrifice and deprive myself of so much in order to be successful at it. It has been a challenge this year to completely change my perspective. Although weightloss is my primary goal, I want to enjoy my life as I live it. However, this week, my body seems to be rewarding itself for bad behavior. I had a fill last week and after a 1/2 pound gain the week before, I lost that plus and additional 4 pounds! I felt strongly that a lot of that was water weight and dehydration that would be put back on. But I got to this week and I'm still losing. Monday, I didn't work out at all. I had a work lunch and a work dinner, both at delicious restaurants with richly prepared food. On Tuesday, I ran a couple miles at lunch, but I had a decadent dinner. Both nights I also had a drink before dinner and coffee with cream after dinner. Yesterday, I had TWO Otis Spunkmyer (aka HIGH CALORIE) cookies at lunch and finished off the leftovers from Monday night. I did work out, but I finished the night with BOTH ice cream AND two pieces of dark chocolate. All of that and I'm still down over a half pound since Sunday. Today we are having our Thanksgiving pitch in at work. There will be casseroles and carbs galore! I plan to enjoy it. :smile: I know I tend to be conservative when I log calories. I will put down the calories for the entire serving even if I didn't eat all of it. Or I will put down calories for 1/2 if I eat more like 1/3. I figure there are always hidden calories I miss, so I want to be conservative. However, I wonder if I am being more conservative than I realize. Am I getting so used to eating smaller portions that I don't need to "pad" the numbers so much? I know that my mom is constantly making comments about me "eating all that food". I think I talk about what I eat as if I ate it all and maybe I even have that in my head, but in reality I didn't. I told her this morning that I had a bagel for breakfast yesterday, but I actually had half a bagel and I don't think I even ate the last 2-3 bites. There is a big difference there. I guess it comes down to my concern that suddenly I will wake up tomorrow up 4.5 pounds higher which would make me sad. My scale is telling me to keep doing what I'm doing, but my head is yelling at me that I'm not sacrificing enough to be this successful and it will all come crashing down. I will enjoy our pitch in lunch today, but then I will also work myself out like crazy at Jazzercise. Maybe that isn't bad/nuts/indulgent...maybe it is just normal. I guess only time will tell!! Beth

First of all... HUG!! Second, thank you so very much with your post. At 10 months in, I still have a way to go until I'm in a maintenance situation, but it is something I think about. Although I hate that you would have to go through any hardships, it is invaluable to me to hear your perspective. For most of us weightloss has been and will be a lifelong committment. I'm glad that there is a blogging community and LBT to help us go through it together.

If you feel it is right, then it probably is. Best wishes on your journey!

You rock, sister!!

Maggs! I feel like I haven't heard from you in forever. Sounds like everything is going well...so YAY!! Keep up the awesomeness.

I realize I can't continue to eat like this every day and still reach my weightloss goals. However, it is nice to have some wonderful meals, enjoy them in healthy moderation, and not feel bad about it! Plus, I finally ran again and made it 2.25 miles at lunch yesterday. Last night was my monthly dinner with the girls. We started the group in October 2004 and I was so concerned when I got my surgery that it wouldn't be the same. While that's true, it has been a change in a good way. There are some months when dinner is right after a fill and I have had to have soup and watch the others eat. But that has only been a couple of times and all in all, it was worth it. But what I have found is that I'm so willing to try new things now and I don't mind getting something that would be loaded with calories because I know I'm only going to eat a portion. Many times in the past I was so focused on getting light protein and veggies so I wouldn't "blow my diet." Now I enjoy whatever I want in moderation. Last night I had a rum drink. I don't know what it was but it was STRONG, so I only had one. I started with the tortilla soup. It had an interesting texture...almost like enchilada sauce or more like a chili, but it was delicious. I ate half and saved the rest for dinner tonight. Then I had weiner schnitzel and spaetzel. I'm not going to lie, I got it because I totally love saying it! It is pounded out veal, lightly crusted and pan fried with a hearty pasta that resembled orzo to me. It was unbelievably delicious. I ate about 1/3 and have some for leftovers. In the past, I would have never tried something like that, but I'm getting quite adventuresome. I do love good food and it is a joy to be able to enjoy it!!

So even though I had to get up an hour early this morning, I already feel like it is a better day! I think sometimes Mondays are just kind of overcast type days. Weekend hangovers abound. :bored: So, yesterday was a normal day at work. I had a working lunch with the Controller at my Property Management company. He & I used to work together when my company owned the PM Company, but we sold it. He went with the PM and I stayed with the Asset Management company. We went to a place called the Ranch and it was delicious. I had the meatloaf which worried me a litte because I sometimes have trouble with ground meat. But it was so tender and had a delicious chipotle salsa to make it almost melt in your mouth. Plus, there were mashed potatoes! The waitress was very concerned that I didn't like my meal since I only ate half. I'm very excited to have the rest for lunch today!! Then I had a meeting with my boss and our insurance broker. He was in town networking. We met for about an hour then went to dinner. We went to Pappa Bros. steakhouse. They had a salmon option, so that's what I went with. I also had a glass of wine. This is one of those places where you buy a $50 steak, then have to order your side items separately. The guys ordered asparagus (which melted in your mouth), crab macaroni & cheese (unbelievably good), & au gratin potatoes (just in case we didn't already have enough cheese.) The side orders come family style, so our broker was piling them on my plate. I ate maybe a third of what was on my plate when I was done. He was SO UPSET that I didn't like my meal. I assured him that I eat very little at dinner and that I will love eating the leftovers. Life has so changed! In the past, I would have eaten everything on that plate and then leapt for dessert when he offered. When my boss got up to use the restroom, the broker (who is entirely too old for me) started telling me how awesome I am. Ha! Good to know that I'm appreciated. It was only slightly awkward. :-) I went to bed early so I could get up early. I had a CPE class in North Dallas at 8am! I left around 7am and got stuck in traffic. I didn't even make the class. That's annoying. BUT...I still feel like it is a good day. I'm going to work out at lunch and then I get to enjoy my leftover meatloaf. Then I have my monthly girls dinner tonight! I will have leftovers for the entire week after tonight. :-) Have a good day everyone!! Beth

I'm sorry. That doesn't sound fun! I don't have that issue, so I'm afraid I don't have anything that would help. Have you tried calling your doctor? Maybe the nurse could give you some good information!

I had to get an unfill at one point and it really helped. I was losing when I was too full, but it was just water as I was getting dehydrated. Know that the process works best when we use it correctly. Even when sometimes it is frustrating!! Good luck!!

I absolutely hate when I can't eat! I'm glad it didn't roll over into today and that you could enjoy your breakfast!

First things first...I just got a call from the doc and they told me that the ultrasound showed two nodules on my thyroid. They are both very small and probably nothing to worry about. In four months, I will have another ultrasound to confirm that they aren't growing. So, I will circle back with you all in March! But until then, I feel strongly that all is well. Onto random thoughts... Exercise - I have just been lazy lately. I was doing SO WELL with exercise for so long and then I just became complacent. I'm very glad that I made my Jazzercise class manager committment because it is about the only thing I'm doing. I was supposed to be running twice a week, but I'm not even averging once. I'm supposed to work out twice a week at lunch and I'm barely doing it once. I'm lucky to get two Jazzercise classes in. I guess I should be glad that even though I'm not doing all I would like, I'm still working out more than I used to. Gonna have to work on that in 2011! :bored: Compliments - I am so enjoying the compliments that I get from everybody about my shrinking body. It never gets tiring to hear how great you look! HA! But sometimes, when people go on and on and on and on and on about how proud they are of you and how different you look that I start to get a little defensive. I mean I know I wasn't a beauty before, but I was still a good person. I was smart and funny and hard working. I'm glad you are proud of me for this, but hopefully before you were proud of me for that... I get over it quickly, but I've noticed that I felt that way a couple of times. Sleep - you would think that I would start getting more energetic, but that isn't the case. I feel like I need at least 9 hours to feel decent. 10 hours makes me feel great. That just seems like too much. I wonder if my sleep apnea is changing and my machine doesn't work properly. I know that I still snore because I woke myself from a nap snoring. :-) Once I heal from my tonsilectomy, this is something I'm going to look into. Maybe I just need my settings changed. Clothing - last week I tried on some brown suede boots I had bought when I lost weight in 2005. They are sweet! I remember that they were super tight back then and I weighed roughly what I weigh now. When I tried them on last week they still wouldn't zip up. I tried them on last night and they did. It is amazing to me that one week would make that difference! Today I'm wearing a skirt I bought when my mom was visiting in September. I remember picking it up at Kohl's and thinking that it looked so small. It was tight, but doable and I bought it. Today, I'm wearing it and it fits great! I feel like $1,000,000. I have a business dinner tonight and I feel professional and hot! It is just so hard to imagine that I will probably be too small for this cute little skirt by Christmas. Busy - I have so much planned between now and my tonsilectomy! There is something ever single day or night between now and then. I guess I wanted to get everything in before I'm down for the count. I mentioned that tonight is a work dinner. I'm sure we are going to go to some super fancy steakhouse which is going to be lost on me. I just haven't been able to do steak. Maybe they will have a fish option or something. I'm sure it will be delicious! Sorry for the incohesive thoughts today. It's Monday. :thumbup:

I wear jeans to work so I have a ton of them. 9 pairs, I think. Which seems crazy until I think about the fact that I literally wear them everyday. I remember a time when I didn't even OWN a pair of jeans!! I have had to retire a few pairs this week and I noticed that others were getting a little baggy. Last night I was running early for my dinner with a friend, so I stopped by Cato. I am now the owner of 2 new pairs of size 14 jeans!! (And a $6 slim fitting size 14 skirt which is still a little snug...but $6! And I know it will fit in a few weeks!!) I have gotten smaller a couple times in my adult life. I graduated high school around 185 and by the end of college I was 250. Around 1999, I got to 197 for a short time and in 2005 I got to 203 for a short time. Interestingly though, I don't think I ever bought size 14 jeans. I think 1999 was around the time I just didn't wear jeans and 2005 I didn't stay small long enough to get a proper fitting wardrobe. I know I won't be in these jeans long, but it is nice to know that this time it is because I will be heading for size 12s!! I was trying to remember when I bought my current size 16 jeans and I think it was only a month or so ago. And I know that I didn't fit into the 14s at that time. I only lost ONE POUND in the last month, so it just goes to show you that you can't always go by the scale. :-) I'm having such a feel good day! It is such a rush to wear something new and SMALLER! I'm out tomorrow and the weekend for the NASCAR races getting my redneck on, so have a wonderful weekend, my LBT friends!! Beth

Tuesday, I went to the doctor because I was sick. While the doc was feeling up my tonsils, he seemed to get serious and really started pressing on my neck. He said that he was feeling small nodes on my thyroid. He went on to say that I needed to get an ultrasound to confirm. He said that he has found several of these types of nodes on patients and only twice has it turned out to be anything. But in both of those cases, it was found so early, that they were easily treatable. So, today I went for my ultrasound. My first prayer is that my doc's fingers are too sensitive and there isn't actually anything there. :-) Until I hear otherwise, I will do my best not to think about it. On another note, I had a nice time with my cousin last night. We have so many biological (?) things in common, but our personalities are very different. We talked some about our weight struggles. It definitely runs in our family. I do enjoy my downtime at home by myself, but I really like to surround myself with people. Joni, on the other hand, is more of a loner. She was showing me pictures of her last few years and she spends a lot of time camping on her own. I admire her a lot for doing so much on her own and not letting it stop her. Although I don't think we have enough in common to be the best of friends, I am glad she is back in my life. I think family is important and I do hope that we keep in touch. Have a wonderful weekend everyone! Beth

Please know that you are one of my heroes! I continue to be amazed, inspired and awed by your story. You are awesome!

I write in my blog every weekday. Althought I ABSOLUTELY LOVE comments I get from people, I do it for myself. Several times through this process, I have gone back and read my entries and it really helps me realize how far I have come. As I approch 10 months banded, it has definitely become my lifestyle. The best thing about my band is that I can't go crazy and binge. In my former life, when I would get stressed, upset, etc., I would eat, eat, eat. I can't do that now and I'm always glad the next day. Although I don't obsess about it, I always know it's there. It has been the best answer for me.

Boy, if anyone has any definitive answers on that, I would love to hear them too! I still slip from time to time, and I imagine that I always will. The Band has helped me learn to eat to live, not live to eat...but I still have days, especially when I have extra stress. I take it day by day and not try to thing in terms of "forever", but you have to do what works for you. Best wishes!!

My cousin is coming for a visit today and is staying through Saturday. Joni and I grew up together. My dad has two brothers and a sister. He was closest with his sister, Joan, who was Joni's mother. Plus, Joni & I were close in age (just over a month a part.) So, we were constantly thrown together on family trips and reunions. Sometimes when my parents had lengthly plans, I would go stay with my aunt's family. My aunt was a VERY large woman. Close to 6' and very stocky. She was a nice woman, but not really the huggy/lovely type. Joan was the apple of my grandparents' eyes and by extension, so were her children. Joni and her brother Max, were treated just a little better and recieved more attention than the rest of us. There was a lot of resentment in my family over this. It was so interesting to learn years later that there was an hierarchy of sorts. Other cousins thought that my brother Scott & I received preferential treatment as well. And then apparently, next on the ladder were my Uncle Mick's kids and then finally my Uncle Richard's kids. At least that is how some people felt. Who knows, it could very well be true. In the end, no one was happy. My Aunt Joan died when Joni & I were seniors in high school. In my mind, Joni had always been spoiled and I didn't like her because I felt like she was a liar, cheat and thief. HAHA! We were babies, but that is how I felt. But when she lost her mom, I reached out. I don't remember it exactly, but I do remember that I felt rebuffed and she seemed to push the entire family away. Again, all of this is one-sided perspective and coming from a teenager who was probably pretty spoiled herself. :-) After that, I think Joni & I saw each other only a couple of times. We were cordial, but there was tension. Some of you may remember that my grandmother passed away in May. It was sad because she had pushed everyone away to the point that she was mostly alone when she died. I loved my grandmother, but I didn't like her much. I did learn how I didn't want to treat my family, so I guess there is that. Anyway, Joni (along with all the cousins) came to the funeral. It was like she was a completely different person. She had brought old pictures of the family, even as far back as our parents' childhood. She was absolutely delightful! At that point, I realized that bygones were bygones. I was probably a twerp when I was growing up too. Family is family and there shouldn't be room for silly ancient grudges. Instantly, I tossed it all away. Last week she contacted me and said that she is working in Houston for a few months and wanted to come for a visit. Just a year ago, I would have scoffed at anyone that would have said I would be looking forward to a visit from her. But I totally am! This journey of mine has truly changed me as a person. I want to be happy and it is very hard to be happy when you hold onto pain, judgement and anger. As far as I'm concerned, a new path for our friendship begins. And I couldn't be happier!! Have a great day everyone!! Beth