LoseIt!

Oh gosh, I hope you feel better soon!!

Awww...I was a Job's Daughter when I was young and I always recall his suffering when I'm faced with trials. It always puts things into perspective for me as well. Great way to look at things! I remember my two week preop diet. I won't lie, it was harsh. BUT, it was only two weeks. Now I'm 8 months out and feeling groovy. You will be too!! Good luck!

I have been so excited over the last few days with my renewed committment. That is great! However, with my new excitement, I have been talking about it A LOT and I noticed that a friend of mine's eyes started to glaze over a bit. HA!! I'm not at all upset because she is SUPER supportive, but it does tell me that I need to close my mouth and show...not tell. :thumbup: That is what my blog is for!! My fill went well yesterday. I typically go to the fill doctor, but yesterday my surgeon was the fill doctor. He did a great job! He told me that I looked very close to my sweet spot and he only added 1/10 cc. I told him that is what the other doc added last time and it really made a difference for about 7 weeks, then it just seemed to drop off. He is quite concerned about over-filling and I appreciate that. I told him I have been having acid reflux at night due to my allergies and I think that added to his concern. Hopefully this darn ragweed will go away soon and I can get back to normal. He also told me that I will not need to get a COMPLETE UNFILL for my tonsillectomy. His first reaction was that I wouldn't need to get any taken out, but then he thought about it a few seconds and said that I probably should, but half would be appropriate. That sounds good to me! It is always interesting to me to listen to the other people getting adjusted. Fills at my doc are cattle calls. We are given time frames and then first come, first served. We are checked in and moved to a holding area where we wait for the procedure then return to that area post-procedure to drink water. I like the system and it gives people a chance to discuss the band with otheres. Kind of a mini support group... I really do try not to judge, but it amazes me how differently people approach this process. There was a very sweet girl talking about eating dinner rolls at a restaurant and knowing it will make her sick and she says that she still does it. Over and over. She said that she has a love affair with food. She also says that she doesn't exercise, but I can't remember if she said why. It made me a little sad because if getting sick or having physical pain isn't a deterrant to bad choices, then I think she is going to have a really tough time. She is a super pretty girl that has about 150 pounds to lose. I truly hope she finds a good support group and something that can help her move forward. My scale was down 2.2 pounds this morning. I know that isn't REAL weight loss for one day, but I don't care. Today, I'm going to strut around like I'm 2 pounds lighter!! HA! I have on a sassy White House/Black Market shirt that I bought several years ago when I was last small. I think it looks really nice! Yesterday, I had two NSV moments. (They sure do seem to be flying at me from everywhere at the moment!!) First, I was talking to a friend (who also struggles with weight, but not nearly to the extent that I have) here just about everything. I told her that I'm just giddy from feeling so good the last few days. I feel like I have gotten a TON of compliments and things just feel so awesome. She said that she thinks that I crossed the threshhold from being fat to being "normal". I think she might be right. For a long while there, I was losing weight and it was noticable (and great!) But going from a size 24 to a size 18, while absolutely EXCELLENT is not something that is really understood by "skinny" minded people. Now that I have moved into "normal" range clothing (even though I'm still a fat person in my head), people see me as "normal" and that they recognize. Does that make sense? I think it will take a long time for me to adjust my thinking as I discussed in my entry yesterday. But I get that other people may not need that time to adjust. The second NSV...I was walking out of work yesterday afternoon. As you go out to the parking garage from my building, there is a wall of mirrors that you face as you turn a corner. For so long, I would cringe or avoid looking at that wall of mirrors. Yesterday, I looked right at myself and I didn't cringe. I have a long way to go before I think I'm hot (ha!), but it is so lovely to be able to not hate my reflection.

Oh gosh, don't stop talking on this site...we need you!! Talk to us, we love to hear what you have to say. I completely understand what you are saying about "outside" people. I have the same tendency to talk about it all the time and then my friends (who are EXTREMELY supportive) are like ENOUGH ALREADY! But we are here for this exact reason. You should feel safe to come out here and say whatever you are feeling!! Struggling with compliments IS tough. I understand that as well. It takes everything in me to just say thank you. I have gotten better at it, but I still say "but..." in my head. That's going to take a little longer. We love you, girl! Please never feel silenced. You are valued and cherished!

I should have looked at them before I posted. WOW! Such a difference. I knew you were doing well, but it is really apparent!

If you read my blog at all, you know I LOVE pictures! They aren't so fun now, but I absolutely assure you that you will be so happy to have them later. Keep up the good work!!

Woo hoo! 32 pounds gone. Over 20% to your goal. Congrats!!

Oh my gosh. First of all...hugs to you! The boyfriend thing had to be horrendously hard and I'm so sorry. Second, we are all like you. It is such a struggle and we have to support each other. I suppose there are folks out there that do everything right and never revert back to bad behavior and that is awesome! But the rest of us can stick together and get each other through it. You've taken a first step. Now take the second. Make a plan, set some goals... It probably feels so overwhelming, but step by step is how we get there. Good luck to you!

When I first read your post, I read 31 pounds. HA! I was like, holy cow girl! Congrats on the loss!

Attitude is SO important! It seems to be the most important key for me. If I'm feeling good, I do well. If not...well, I don't do so well. Positive thoughts and moving forward!! Whoop whoop!!

Between the pictures yesterday, the compliment from a stranger and Support Group last night...I was almost giddy yesterday!! :thumbup: I think I forgot to say in my blog yesterday that I had platform shoes on in the new picture. I received a comment that I looked taller, but in all fairness I WAS taller!! But I still felt awesome! I think I have talked about this a bit before, but over the last few days I have really seen myself in a different light. Almost all of my adult life, I have been a size 18W. I remember discovering "women's" sizes my senior year in college. There have been a few (maybe 3?) short spans where I have worn smaller/bigger sizes, but the majority of the time, it was 18W. I think that in my mind 18W is my size. Period. When I was brushing up against 300 lbs. and squeezing myself into 22/24s, I would still pick up items in the 18W range and think they would fit. I would be so surprised when they didn't. Now, my 18W sizes are too big. But it seems to surprise me when I fit into something smaller. For example, I bought a Junior size XXL Halloween shirt from Target. You know those ones they have every year? I have never been able to fit in them so I had to buy the womens ones that were so ill fitting on me. Since my next 5K (!) is on October 30th, I thought it could be an "incentive" shirt. I would strive to wear it by that time. When I got home, the darn thing fit. What?? Don't get me wrong, it was awesome! But I obviously never thought I would fit my body into that. Then, last night at group, my friend Debi gave me some regular size 16 khaki pants. First of all, they were size 16, not 16W. Second, they are light khaki and that shows EVERYTHING! I'm much more comfortable in black pants. Anyway, I told her I would take them for incentive. Again, I went home, tried them on and they fit great! I wasn't even concerned with the light color. So, is it official? Am I now in the range of "normal" size? Can I actually go to "normal" stores when I go shopping? My mom is coming this weekend to help me bargain shop for fall clothes. Can we skip Lane Bryant and Avenue? There have only been two times in my adult life that I have been able to do that. In 1999, I'm not sure what initiated it, but I got down to 197# and fit into a regular size 14. That lasted about 6 months. In 2006, I had just started on my CPAP machine and was sleeping great and Jazzercising and I got down to 203# and got into regular size 16s. That lasted about 9 months. Although I KNOW I look smaller, it is hard for me to imagine that my butt will fit into something smaller. I'm quickly approaching those 203# & 197# numbers that are my all time adult lows. What then? I can barely register myself now. I can't even imagine what 185# or 175# might be. I almost hate to dream about it lest I jinx it!! I have difficulty thinking about years to come and daring to hope that (with continued dedication on my part) I will never have to wear an 18W again. I will revisit this issue again at a later date. Now...pictures. Yesterday I had my casuals. Today it is the stripped down spandex version. I really do feel like I'm tightening up nicely. I think the running is helping my legs a lot! Plus the use of hand weights at Jazzercise (and the fact that I'm up to 10# weights) is really helping the arms. I have included Front-beginning and today and Side-beginning, last month, and today. Hugs to you all!!!

I agree. I think many of us had that issue right after surgery and it will course correct with fills. I think it is always best to follow your doc's advice.

You are going to look spectacular!! Can't wait to see!

It is so very interesting how when I don't stay current on my blogs, I don't hold myself as accountable for my weightloss. Don't get me wrong, the Band keeps me from going nutso and losing all control. But I find if I'm not logging my goings on, I also don't police myself as much as I should. I have found that this journey is FULL of recommittments and that's exactly what I'm doing today. I need to lose 6.6 lbs. to reach the 75 lbs. lost mark. I'm committing today to do that by the end of the month. It is not by any means an aggressive goal for me, but it is enough to make me work at it. I'm going to New Orleans the first weekend in October and I think it would be lovely to have reached my goal. It starts with a 2 mile run today at lunch!! I'm getting a fill tomorrow, so that should help with the hunger. While it is nice to have some flexibility on what I can eat, it is harder to make good choices when you are hungry. DUH! I guess that just brings me right back to why I started this process!! Although my allergies are causing some acid reflux and I'm sure that tightening the Band will make it worse. I will ask the doc about that tomorrow. Today is the day for picture updates. I have attached full body shots for today, one month ago, and the start. Also attached are head shots from today and the start. I'm really feeling good!! Tomorrow will be the super fun spandex pics. Ha!

Girl you are absolutely adored, so you blog whenever and whatever you want. I've found that the blogging should be whatever you need it to be. I need it to be every day, or I lose my focus. Even if the entry is boring and no one comments. I LOVE comments, but sometimes, it is just about doing what I need to do to focus. You keep up the fabulous work, girl!!

Glad to hear that you got the "all clear" yet again! Fills are an important part of the process, so good luck! You are doing just great.

That is amazing success!! If I lose 100 pounds in a full year, I will be ecstatic. Excellent job and you should be quite proud of yourself!!

I just realized that I have a neck! Woo Hoo!

Good for you! It will be hard, but it will also be worth it. Cucumbers and bell peppers are my favorites and it looks like you have them covered.