BayougirlMrsS

Omg... So this is a big week for me... full of anxiety... and self doubt.
 
first... today is a suck ass day.... i hate birthdays and today is a big one... 45. I woke up this morning thinking... OMG... In 5 years i will be 50... I tell you just typing that put a lump in my chest... I'm getting old...
 
second... Going to biloxi ms with my Best Friends... Gina's birthday was Saturday , mine today and Tracy's next Saturday. So this is what's keeping me up.... the dreaded SWIMSUIT.... This year will be my first time on the beach in a bikini in over 20 years. This is what's playing over and over in my head...... Walking on the beach, people looking and thinking...Who told her she could wear that... She must not have mirrors at her house... Or what if what i see in the mirror is only a refection from a fun-house mirror.... and im really disgusting and ..... omg... i'm driving my self crazy.
 
and i didn't get to tan like i wanted .... so now i got white fat on top of all that..... CG.. send me some of your fabulous tan...
 
Ok, Chris... Take a deep breath and remember.... this is as good as it get for now...

So just a little vent...
 
I think i have been pretty good on here lately with keeping my mouth shut. lol... i can think what i want... Anywho.
 
The amount of people come on and saying they are getting them band to "control" there eating... ONLY.... Because they eat "healthy". People that eat healthy are not fat.... have you ever seen a fat vegetarians ... or a fat organic eating person? I haven't... Those people eat Healthy.... WEEEEEE are fat because WEEEEEE eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell..... Just because you go to Wendy's and order a Salad to go with your burger instead of the fries... Dose not make you a "healthy" eater.....What kind of delusional world do some living in. And i'm going to the all caps now......
 
IF YOU ATE HEALTHY, YOU WOULD NOT BE NEEDING THE LB..... WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!
 
We all needed the LB because we ALL eat too much and eat not the best choices.
 
Be real people.... if you can't come here, in a forum, of fat and former fatties and be honest... what do you have too look forward too. I tell you what you have too look forward too.... blaming your band for not losing weight.
 
I know why i have gainded back 7 lbs in the past few months.... because 1. my hubby lost his job and has been home and I have been making bad choices.... 2. i have been eating way too much junk. 3. I need to get my butt back too the gym.
 
End vent... Peace and Love...

Omg... So this is a big week for me... full of anxiety... and self doubt.
 
first... today is a suck ass day.... i hate birthdays and today is a big one... 45. I woke up this morning thinking... OMG... In 5 years i will be 50... I tell you just typing that put a lump in my chest... I'm getting old...
 
second... Going to biloxi ms with my Best Friends... Gina's birthday was Saturday , mine today and Tracy's next Saturday. So this is what's keeping me up.... the dreaded SWIMSUIT.... This year will be my first time on the beach in a bikini in over 20 years. This is what's playing over and over in my head...... Walking on the beach, people looking and thinking...Who told her she could wear that... She must not have mirrors at her house... Or what if what i see in the mirror is only a refection from a fun-house mirror.... and im really disgusting and ..... omg... i'm driving my self crazy.
 
and i didn't get to tan like i wanted .... so now i got white fat on top of all that..... CG.. send me some of your fabulous tan...
 
Ok, Chris... Take a deep breath and remember.... this is as good as it get for now...

I am committed to me being my best. This means I will not:
 
- Reward myself with food. I love food, and I love beautiful tasting food, but it's not a reward, I am not a dog. I have to maintain a healthy relationship with food, which means I can enjoy it without it being the centre of my life.
 
- Forgot that that for most people, achieving 'fullness' at every meal is not their goal. This is something I realised just recently. My partner is not a big guy, and he stops eating when he's no longer hungry. I have spent my whole life stopping only when I'm full. This is a FUNDAMENTAL difference between us, and the reason I have struggled with my weight all my life. But not any more.
 
- Tell myself I don't have time. If I can find time to be there for others, I can find time to be there for me. Whether it's exercising, sitting on the couch reading a book, or just doing what I want to do instead of what someone else wants to do. In this way, I nourish myself and allow myself to be a better person for everyone around me.
 
- Focus on being skinny instead of being healthy. This is important - I got to a BMI of 21 at one stage, and my ribs were showing and my hip bones stuck out. I had no muscle tone to speak of. That's not healthy. My BMI is 24 now and I get sick less, I feel strong, and I feel womanly. My body fat percentage is lower now than when my BMI was 21. I was so focussed on losing, I was losing sight of why I did this, which was to be healthy.
 
- Hate my body. It has borne 4 beautiful kids, and my eldest is now 23 and watching how women hate their bodies and themselves in the process. That's not a lesson I want my daughter to learn. I have parts of me that I don't like, that's just human nature and it's silly to pretend I could stop doing that, and that's actually ok in small doses, but I will not hate my whole self. I am beautiful, whether I was big or small, and I am the same person on the inside. And I will value that, even if society may not (yet).
 
- Compare myself to others. This is part of the above point too. Envy is a nasty, self-destructive thing. "I wish I was younger, prettier, smarter, thinner, richer". I now say "I want to be happy" and to do that, I need to stop hurting myself by wishing my life away and not seeing the things I should be thankful for.
 
- Sit by and do nothing. Counting my blessings doesn't mean I just sit by crying into my soup about the things in my life that make me unhappy either. I change what I can if it's important to me, don't change what isn't important and accept what I can't change. And know that no one is responsible for my happiness but me.
 
I'm writing this because in the last few years these ideas have formed in my head but I've never said them out loud in one place. Yet I think it's important for me now to see it in black and white. And while it's not just about me being a lapbander, but a person, I thought that this was a good place to put it.

I started my pre-op diet (Atkins - no more than 20 grams of carbs a day) last Tuesday. It's been relatively easy. I've only had a few times that it was truly difficult. The first time was the s'mores on vacation, the other was cutting the Bluebonnet Cafe pancakes for my son, and the third was the banana bread from yesterday. I overcame all of these events because I didn't want to jeopardize my surgery.
 
Today I weighed myself on my fancy new Weight Watchers scale and I have lost 8 pounds since starting the pre-op diet! While this is good news...it's made me question whether I should go through with surgery. Maybe I should just stick it out and keep working on it...But I know myself. Honestly and thoroughly...I know myself. I can sustain a program for a while, but as soon as I get off of it...I GO WAY OFF. The band will help me monitor myself.
 
I go in to meet my surgeon tomorrow. I really hope they weigh me and are excited about my loss so far. If this loss continues, at the end of next week I should be back to where I was before I jumped off of Weight Watchers in May.
 
I am looking at everyone's before and after surgery pictures. It is very inspiring, but I have a hard time imagining myself under 200 lbs again. A REALLY hard time. It's seemed so out of reach for so long, it feels like a fantasy to let myself think about it. Like I should be laughing at myself for thinking that far ahead.
 
In OTHER good news, a friend of mine that blogs a lot is going to work with me to fancy up my page and help me make it look more appealing. I had blog envy yesterday when I looked around at a lot of other blogs. I thought this blog was going to be helping me so that I didn't talk about weight loss, weight loss surgery, or the things I'm going to do after surgery during every waking hour. To the unspoken dismay of my friends and family...it has started working yet. I'm still blabbing away!
 
I can't wait to post about tomorrow!

Very little riding this week, but in my travels I ran across a Perl Izumi Outlet store (High end biking clothes) and look what I found on the clearance racks. Now, I like bright but this was a bit much even for me. Two things convinced me: 1. 200.00 off list price. 2. Wolf whistles from my wife and and the fact that I had to promise I wouldn't just wear it for biking. :wub:

I was banded 6/6 and am down about 15 lbs. since( trying very hard not to weigh-in daily) I have been feeling great. I'm lucky that I have had no issues. It made my day today when a co-worker commented that I looked like I lost some weight. I carry most of my weight in my middle so my pooch is slowly melting. It just put a smile on my face on a busy Monday morning. I feel great since I gave up the diet soda. I quit cold turkey about a month go. I sleep better and feel lighter if that makes sense. I look forward to my evening walk. I'm just so happy I followed through and I hope I stay this positive & motivated in the months ahead.

So just a little vent...
 
I think i have been pretty good on here lately with keeping my mouth shut. lol... i can think what i want... Anywho.
 
The amount of people come on and saying they are getting them band to "control" there eating... ONLY.... Because they eat "healthy". People that eat healthy are not fat.... have you ever seen a fat vegetarians ... or a fat organic eating person? I haven't... Those people eat Healthy.... WEEEEEE are fat because WEEEEEE eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell..... Just because you go to Wendy's and order a Salad to go with your burger instead of the fries... Dose not make you a "healthy" eater.....What kind of delusional world do some living in. And i'm going to the all caps now......
 
IF YOU ATE HEALTHY, YOU WOULD NOT BE NEEDING THE LB..... WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!
 
We all needed the LB because we ALL eat too much and eat not the best choices.
 
Be real people.... if you can't come here, in a forum, of fat and former fatties and be honest... what do you have too look forward too. I tell you what you have too look forward too.... blaming your band for not losing weight.
 
I know why i have gainded back 7 lbs in the past few months.... because 1. my hubby lost his job and has been home and I have been making bad choices.... 2. i have been eating way too much junk. 3. I need to get my butt back too the gym.
 
End vent... Peace and Love...

So just a little vent...
 
I think i have been pretty good on here lately with keeping my mouth shut. lol... i can think what i want... Anywho.
 
The amount of people come on and saying they are getting them band to "control" there eating... ONLY.... Because they eat "healthy". People that eat healthy are not fat.... have you ever seen a fat vegetarians ... or a fat organic eating person? I haven't... Those people eat Healthy.... WEEEEEE are fat because WEEEEEE eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell..... Just because you go to Wendy's and order a Salad to go with your burger instead of the fries... Dose not make you a "healthy" eater.....What kind of delusional world do some living in. And i'm going to the all caps now......
 
IF YOU ATE HEALTHY, YOU WOULD NOT BE NEEDING THE LB..... WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!
 
We all needed the LB because we ALL eat too much and eat not the best choices.
 
Be real people.... if you can't come here, in a forum, of fat and former fatties and be honest... what do you have too look forward too. I tell you what you have too look forward too.... blaming your band for not losing weight.
 
I know why i have gainded back 7 lbs in the past few months.... because 1. my hubby lost his job and has been home and I have been making bad choices.... 2. i have been eating way too much junk. 3. I need to get my butt back too the gym.
 
End vent... Peace and Love...

So just a little vent...
 
I think i have been pretty good on here lately with keeping my mouth shut. lol... i can think what i want... Anywho.
 
The amount of people come on and saying they are getting them band to "control" there eating... ONLY.... Because they eat "healthy". People that eat healthy are not fat.... have you ever seen a fat vegetarians ... or a fat organic eating person? I haven't... Those people eat Healthy.... WEEEEEE are fat because WEEEEEE eat McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell..... Just because you go to Wendy's and order a Salad to go with your burger instead of the fries... Dose not make you a "healthy" eater.....What kind of delusional world do some living in. And i'm going to the all caps now......
 
IF YOU ATE HEALTHY, YOU WOULD NOT BE NEEDING THE LB..... WAKE THE HELL UP!!!!!
 
We all needed the LB because we ALL eat too much and eat not the best choices.
 
Be real people.... if you can't come here, in a forum, of fat and former fatties and be honest... what do you have too look forward too. I tell you what you have too look forward too.... blaming your band for not losing weight.
 
I know why i have gainded back 7 lbs in the past few months.... because 1. my hubby lost his job and has been home and I have been making bad choices.... 2. i have been eating way too much junk. 3. I need to get my butt back too the gym.
 
End vent... Peace and Love...

Just so you all will know.... The devil had multiple homes... Not only does he live on my bathroom floor.... But he lives here also.... Stay away
 
He make a hypnotic concoction.. of Red velvet, cake batter ice cream and chunks of cream cheese icing.... and he calls it Red velvet cake ice cream..... You all have been warned...lol
 
i have to pass in front twice a day.... sometimes... I say... NO Devil... i don't want your amazing ice cream... but, my car... well she is not as strong willed as me... and she gives in... and before i know it... i'm parking and turning off the engine.. and saying... my car wants a quart to go please...

Just so you all will know.... The devil had multiple homes... Not only does he live on my bathroom floor.... But he lives here also.... Stay away
 
He make a hypnotic concoction.. of Red velvet, cake batter ice cream and chunks of cream cheese icing.... and he calls it Red velvet cake ice cream..... You all have been warned...lol
 
i have to pass in front twice a day.... sometimes... I say... NO Devil... i don't want your amazing ice cream... but, my car... well she is not as strong willed as me... and she gives in... and before i know it... i'm parking and turning off the engine.. and saying... my car wants a quart to go please...

Wow you come here trying too help and give people advice and the crap all over you. I know I have been harsh. I know my faults but I try and be respectful. But good lord.

Wow you come here trying too help and give people advice and the crap all over you. I know I have been harsh. I know my faults but I try and be respectful. But good lord.

today is day 1 of getting back on the right track. Good so far, turned down a bad breakfast idea... good for me.
Breakfast is Coffee, 1/2 sausage patty.

today is day 1 of getting back on the right track. Good so far, turned down a bad breakfast idea... good for me.
Breakfast is Coffee, 1/2 sausage patty.

today is day 1 of getting back on the right track. Good so far, turned down a bad breakfast idea... good for me.
Breakfast is Coffee, 1/2 sausage patty.

In fact I'm pretty much feeling 100% now. My port incision still hurts a little but that's the extent of my discomfort of late. I'm even back to wearing the jeans that I couldn't quite get into earlier this year. This pic is of me in those very jeans TODAY.
 
I did my post op appt early too, by one week, because I can't make it next week. So I saw my surgeon yesterday, two weeks post band replacement. He was SO pleased with how I was healing, weighed me (I've officially lost 4kgs since he last saw me) and he put 4cc into my 10cc band to 'start me off'. I'm nowhere near my green zone but I'm feeling a tiny bit of restriction and you know what feels amazing? It's NOT disappearing, like it always did with my leak.
 
I'm so hopeful for the future now. I'm not even stressing about getting back to the green zone. I didn't have much to lose to get back to my stable weight of 60kgs but I'm already at 65kgs 2 weeks out of surgery so if I don't lose anymore now, I'd be perfectly happy. As long as I don't have to struggle not to gain, I'd be happy!
 
So regrets? No, not anymore.

I know this sound.... vane... but i was thinking about getting a Belly Button Percing. What do you all think....? Be honest..I can handle.. the Truth...lol
 
I know i'm 44 (45 in July)... i just think they are sexy.

Ok, so i am ready for the wrath that I'm sure i will get about posting this.... but i really want to know how others feel.
 
How do you feel about Medicare and or Medicaid paying for Lapband?
 
This infuriates me...... I get up every freaking day and head to work for 7am and work till 4.... then I clean office building on the weekends to supplement our family income to be able to get the "extras" in life.
 
I work because i have to and because my family need food, house, car, electricity... and insurance. So not only do we pay for the insurance, but the co-pays, the meds, the deductibles and the 20% after that.
 
In the meantime, people are getting all their pre-certs, surgery and fill...... for free. Why should i have to pay for your surgery when you don't have a job or insurance to pay for it your self....
 
Then come on here and complain about and or wonder if your fills will be covered......Really!!!!
 
I wish the government and other peoples taxes would have paid for mine....Oh and my recent Tummy tuck... i sure could use the help paying that $8800.... any takers
 
Ok, Bring it.....

Ok, so i am ready for the wrath that I'm sure i will get about posting this.... but i really want to know how others feel.
 
How do you feel about Medicare and or Medicaid paying for Lapband?
 
This infuriates me...... I get up every freaking day and head to work for 7am and work till 4.... then I clean office building on the weekends to supplement our family income to be able to get the "extras" in life.
 
I work because i have to and because my family need food, house, car, electricity... and insurance. So not only do we pay for the insurance, but the co-pays, the meds, the deductibles and the 20% after that.
 
In the meantime, people are getting all their pre-certs, surgery and fill...... for free. Why should i have to pay for your surgery when you don't have a job or insurance to pay for it your self....
 
Then come on here and complain about and or wonder if your fills will be covered......Really!!!!
 
I wish the government and other peoples taxes would have paid for mine....Oh and my recent Tummy tuck... i sure could use the help paying that $8800.... any takers
 
Ok, Bring it.....

Ok, so i am ready for the wrath that I'm sure i will get about posting this.... but i really want to know how others feel.
 
How do you feel about Medicare and or Medicaid paying for Lapband?
 
This infuriates me...... I get up every freaking day and head to work for 7am and work till 4.... then I clean office building on the weekends to supplement our family income to be able to get the "extras" in life.
 
I work because i have to and because my family need food, house, car, electricity... and insurance. So not only do we pay for the insurance, but the co-pays, the meds, the deductibles and the 20% after that.
 
In the meantime, people are getting all their pre-certs, surgery and fill...... for free. Why should i have to pay for your surgery when you don't have a job or insurance to pay for it your self....
 
Then come on here and complain about and or wonder if your fills will be covered......Really!!!!
 
I wish the government and other peoples taxes would have paid for mine....Oh and my recent Tummy tuck... i sure could use the help paying that $8800.... any takers
 
Ok, Bring it.....

So Wednesday it will be 5 weeks since i had my Tummy tuck and I can't believe i'm saying this..... but i can't wait to get back to the Gym. I feel so tired and lazy and the daily walks are not enough.
 
It is so true what the say about people never being happy with our bodies. Now that i have a simi-flat stomach (still swollen). I now notice my inner and upper thighs....(guess they were hidden from view by the apron) they are not terrible by any means, but they can use some slimming down with exercise... i can do this...I know i can. Just have to get back into the gym.
 
On another note.... i need a fill.... i have 0cc in my 14cc band. My PS removed it all when he did the TT. I have so been knocked off my "high horse".... I had it in my head that if anything was to happen to my band that i could continue life with out her help....Boy was i wrong. In the past weeks that i could eat all the thing my band prevented me from eating.... I pretty much ate..... Bread, rice, pasta, pizza....OMG what a eye opener. I do need help, I do need my band....
 
So i'm sending up a prayer ..... Dear Lord... Please protect my band and never let anything happen to her... I need her, i know now i can't do it alone.

I had my LB 11/10/2009 and got laid off from my job 11/16/2009 on the day i returned from surgery.... So I lost my insurance. Thanks God my surgery was covered and one years fellow ups... up to 7 fills.
 
Skip ahead to seven months after and now i'm self pay..... my surgeon charges $235 per fill. So i paid for a fill in July 2010 and then waited till Nov. to get another.
 
Went one year with out going back. Last appointment 12/2011. total weight loss .... 80lbs. 14cc band and with all the my visits and my calculations i should have 10.9cc in my band. My doctor has acquired a new doctor in his office and i saw him that day for the first time. Not a good experiences. Never Never had pain while getting a fill.... but this time... hurt like hell.
He stick the needle in and because i had not been in in over a year he pulls every thing out to see what i have.....pulls up .... 10cc. I'm like what the hell happened to my .9cc. he said it sometime evaporates. OH OK. didn't know that. So he puts in .5cc at a charge of $235. Wen home and i knew something was not right... i was STARVING... and could eat solids. so i called him back and went back in the next day. he pulls up 10CC.... WHERE IS MY .5CC that you put in yesterday? He said... I don't know.... but that will be $85..... WAIT.... WHAT...you are charging me again?
 
so after multiply rants and Bi@ch fests..... and me telling him he was wrong and that he is raping people that are self pay for fill....
 
I WON...... He has now changed his fill price too...... $150. To all of my Dr.'s self pay patients...... your welcome.

I had my LB 11/10/2009 and got laid off from my job 11/16/2009 on the day i returned from surgery.... So I lost my insurance. Thanks God my surgery was covered and one years fellow ups... up to 7 fills.
 
Skip ahead to seven months after and now i'm self pay..... my surgeon charges $235 per fill. So i paid for a fill in July 2010 and then waited till Nov. to get another.
 
Went one year with out going back. Last appointment 12/2011. total weight loss .... 80lbs. 14cc band and with all the my visits and my calculations i should have 10.9cc in my band. My doctor has acquired a new doctor in his office and i saw him that day for the first time. Not a good experiences. Never Never had pain while getting a fill.... but this time... hurt like hell.
He stick the needle in and because i had not been in in over a year he pulls every thing out to see what i have.....pulls up .... 10cc. I'm like what the hell happened to my .9cc. he said it sometime evaporates. OH OK. didn't know that. So he puts in .5cc at a charge of $235. Wen home and i knew something was not right... i was STARVING... and could eat solids. so i called him back and went back in the next day. he pulls up 10CC.... WHERE IS MY .5CC that you put in yesterday? He said... I don't know.... but that will be $85..... WAIT.... WHAT...you are charging me again?
 
so after multiply rants and Bi@ch fests..... and me telling him he was wrong and that he is raping people that are self pay for fill....
 
I WON...... He has now changed his fill price too...... $150. To all of my Dr.'s self pay patients...... your welcome.