kjburleson

I have been fighting weight and food issues since puberty. I have done everything out there and I have been successful several times. I have clothes in my closet from a size 4 to a size 20. I used dancing and starvation as a teenager. Then I joined TOPS when I was 20 at a size 16. I spent a year and lost to a size 12 then got pregnant and gained 60lbs. I got sick and lost down to 89lbs., had open heart surgery at 22 and gained back up to a 16. I joined Overeaters Annonymus and lost nothing. My husband was stationed in England and I joined TOPS and lost and gained and it has been like that since. I joined E-Diets online and lost down to a size 4 then I had to leave that restricted life and go take care of my grandchildren and I regained back up a size 20. I was one of the idiots running around with irratating painful staples in my ears. $50.00 STUPID, STUPID, STUPID! E-Diets was terrific but I put the weight back on in 1/4 the time it took to take it off. I have done Deal-A-Meal and Sweating to the Oldies and Weight Watchers. I tried Dr. Phil but he is way over my head. If you ask my husband and kids the one they hated most they will tell you "THE CABBAGE SOUP THING". I am tired, just plain tired of feeling like a complete failure and at a size 20 I was miserable, I couldn't reach my shoes without setting them on a stool to tie them. I now have reflux and asthma and high blood pressure and sleep apnea and I have no energy. My lap-band was done Sept. 30th and I am still terrified of failure but I have hope. I know that people who are extremely obese are going to look at my weight and say I should not have had the surgery but have a heart, I am tired of the losing battle and the thing is I never gave up, I fought and fought and fought even with others telling me that yo-yo dieting was as dangerous as being overweight. I feel for you, please understand my desperation. I can't imagine wearing the same size for 2 weeks in a row! Now I am 6 days post surgery and so confused. I am supposed to be on full liquids which made perfect sense when the nutritionist explained it but none of the things on that list have more than 4 grams of protein in it. I'm not supposed to use the protein shakes for all of the 60 grams of protein I am supposed to get in every day but nothing else has protein. How does that work? I haven't really had much pain, but interestingly sometimes I get like a fluttering muscle spasm which feels kind of like the baby is moving. What's with that? I have lost about 6 or 7 lbs., my weight fluctuates so much, my WII can't figure it out!