BANDSTER45

Thank you everyone for sharing! Very interesting. I'd have to say that I am fat because I too LOVE FOOD! I love the taste, tectures, smells, and the way differnt things go together. I love it ALL! I was also born with the tendancy to be over weight. I come from German and Dutch decent which means I'm fairly large boned. I'm the biggest in my family. My older brother just turned 50 and he is 5'10" wears 34" waist jeans, my sister is 10 years older, 56 and has never worn over a size 8 when she was 9 months pg. She is 5'2" and small boned. I am 5'5" and have always been chunky starting around puberty. My dad is 5'11" and has never worn over a 36" waist at his heaviest. My mother was 5'1" and never weighed below 190. She was obsessed with dieting, and had terrible insecurity problems with her weight. Always felt she was less than human because she was fat. Ashamed the whole bit. We had a close loving and model home life. Mom was a stay at home mom, dad worked, we all loved eachother and respected everyone and everything. We all had a blast at the dinner table all together and later we would have snacks/drinks in front of the TV watching old Westerns, War Movies, (Kirk Douglan, err err baby!) We went fishing during the summer with the Dagwood Sandwiches/chips/drinks/home made cookies etc. All our happyness together as a family involved FOOD! And really super good food. My mom was well known as being a GREAT cook as am I too. We all loved food. My mom and I would watch cooking show, (loved Julia Childs) and then my brother and I would cook and play like we were doing our own cooking show. He is quite the cook also. But I was the one who developed the weight problem. There were times when I dieted and starved myself, (anerexia in high school and missed several months of school in the hospital) and was always able to keep my weight under control as far as the scales went. Got married and was in a controlling/verbally abusive relationship for 10 years. I got to my highest weight of 250, got divorced and lost down to 172, which on my frame, I was wearing men's 30 inch waist jeans. My hip bones stuck out. I stayed at that size by taking diet pills and exercising and dieting until I hurt my back in 2001. After steroid injections, other steroids, lack of exercise etc. I gained it all back plus some. I'd diet and lose 30 then gain it back. I was so sick and tired of being HUNGRY all the time, and not being able to have a cookie crumb once a week without gaining 5 pounds. When my freind told me about the band I first thought, "Oh, yeah, like it will work for me. LIke every other diet program out there did." But she did great and I sat down and figured that over the previous 5 years, I had spent the same amount of money on fad stuff that didn't work and only made me sick, that I decided what the hell. I AM SO GLAD I DID! I can't remember what a hunger pain feels like, and I know that once the weight is off, IT AIN'T NEVER COMING BACK! No more yo yo. That's the best thing. I still love food, just in smaller amounts. But I can have a bite or two of what ever I want and don't have to feel GUILTY! All of us fat people have dealt with the GUILT with every bite we take. That guilt has been lifted from us along with the deprevation of dieting. Even if I can only have one or two bites of dessert, it's much more wonderful and tasty without the guilt. I can enjoy it completely which leaves me more satisfied. So to say why I"m fat?? 1) I was born with the tendancy, 2) I LOVE FOOD, 3) food is my emotions, food makes me happy and happy times demand food, sad times demand food too 4) I was a woofer, eating fast and LOTS of food, 5) hunger/guilt/shame/frustration and all the other bull we put our minds to. Basically, I think what makes us fat is that it's just how we are! That's how we were born and it's who we are. Even after losing tons of weight, in our minds, we will still see ourselves as those fat people. We will always think and feel like a fat person does because that's who we are. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. tee hee

Lindaa, ddidre, lainee, and blueeyedkitty: I agree 100% with all of you. I also think that us who have been the "fat girl" all out lives have more appreciation for things. Especially our weight, or better, the "lack there of" after we lose it. It's like they say, "you appreciate more, what you have to work for". And just look at what we all have given up and go through on a daily basis to get where we want to be!!! We are awesome!!! I know thin gals who put on weight after having babies etc. and couldn't get it off. THey were baskets cases! Literally! And I'm thinking, "so what, it's just 20 or 30 pounds, I've gained and lost that like 10 times in my life." But it totally messed up their entire life. So I guess we who are born with weight problems are "special", we can handle what ever its thrown at us cuz after all, we weren't born with everything perfect, perfect bodies, perfect life, thus we've learned that there is more to life and more to a person than what they look like and what size they are. Incidentally, I see a lot of the skinny gals and most of them are not very pretty. I've often thought, "Wow, I'd like to have her body, but with my face." I know that's not nice, but it's true. I see us big women and we are BEAUTIFUL! Beautiful skin, smiles, laughs, spirits. Not only are most of the thin gals ugly on the outside, a lot of times they are ugly on the inside too. Like the saying goes, "Ugly goes to the bone." Those little Fat girls in our heads will soon realize that having been fat, makes us "SPECIAL" and perhaps a little better than the others for it. Our little fat girls in our heads will help keep us humble and "special", and keep us as beautiful on the outside as we always have been on the inside. I want my Fat girl in my head to stay and keep me "special". Make sense?? Thanks for the read and I pray that we all can embrace our "Fat Girl" and love her and love ourselves. We are beautiful people, period!! Love you all, and have a great day!!!!

WOW! I can't imagine 30 pounds in one week. That's mind blowing. THe most I have ever lost in my life was 30 pounds in one month and I was in high school, marching in band 2-5 miles everyday. I was doing high protein, low carb. But since I hit 40 I've been a really slow loser. The first month I lost 11 pounds and then 8 and has leveled out around 6 pounds a month. There were a few months in there where I didn't lose bu 1 or 2. But I started making better choices and pretty much eat the same as I did before when dieting. Low fat and sensible. I've never been a big sugar eater so that's not a problem. BUt what I really miss is the bread and STUFFED PIZZA CRUST! It just doesn't go down at all. And Pizza isn't the same when I ate just the topping. So I usually just skip it. On days that I have a lot of restriction I keep baby meats on hand and mix them in with mashed potatos etc. I've found that when you're hungry, you can blend up almost anything and it tastes good from a spoon. For example, I was starving and had yogart, soft oatmeal for lunch and breakfast, I'm a meat eater and was HUNGRY, so I blended up sardines in mustard sauce and ate them with a spoon. It was a mental game, but I ate it and enjoyed every bite. I was satisfied finally too! Same way with baby ham mixed in with mashed potatos, YUMMY! Well, keep up the good work. Nice chatting with you.

MichelleC: Your male surgeon is silly. My surgeon has the band himself and he said men have the same issues. I've noticed once a month a few days before when I start my normal bloating, my restriction is really tight and I will only be able to eat mushy and blended food, sometimes very soft fish. BUt then after a few days it loosens back up and then I can eat really good for a few days. (usually, one meal a day will do me) I talked to a man at the office who heard me talking about that and he said he experiences the exact same thing. Altitude affected his too. It's just the body and how the fluid retention and organs all function. I've also noticed that when I'm nervous/upset/stressed it's really restricted. It's a very interesting process. So you are not silly at all.

Wheetsin: It's amazing you've lost 155 lbs since banding in March 06. How have you boosted your loss? Exercise? Mine has been slow, but I have always been a very slow loser. Your poll was very intersting. I"m in the majority with my restriction. So I guess it's just the nature of the beast. I never know how my meal will go until I get into it. I have been trying to keep my main meal to noon. Evening meals don't work for me as I reflux pretty bad all night unless I stick to mushy stuff, and then I'm very sparing with the portions. I get the hiccups when I'm full but usually know about two bites before this happens. I also have a horrible time burping. I will feel like there is a burp in there and it just won't come out. At the very begginning and early stages it was easy to burp but now it's very hard. Any suggestions???? Keep up the good work. You look GREAT!

Rainer, you're NOT whiney at all. Reading your blog is my life 100%. I know what you mean about that little Fat Girl in your head. I have her too. I've lost 65 pounds in the last year and everyone says I am a totally different looking and acting person. New hair style, new way of dressing, new attitude. I'm more myself thin, than I was Fat. When I was FAT in school, my mother used to tell me that I had to dress nicer, work harder at getting better grades, and be nicer because I "wasn't built as nice as the other girls so I had to try harder". She did'nt mean any harm at all, she was trying to help me, but that little fat girl in my head still feels that I'm "not as good" as the other girls. When in reality, I'm WAY better than most of those stuck up skinny girls. (no offense intended to "naturally" skinny girls) But that little fat girl in my head keeps telling me I'm not "as good". All those little girl insecurities come out daily. People tell me I'm beautiful on the outside as well as the inside, and they all say I act so self-confident, but inside I"m not. I go out and see all these sexy, thin women and I feel like a fat slob, even though I get hit on just as much if not more than them. I've been told that I'm more approachable and freindly. I don't care what or who the guy is, if he asks me to dance, I'll dance. I love to dance, and I go there to dance, by be picky about who I dance with. So I understand and sympathize with you 100% but I don't know how to git that Fat Girl out of our heads. Maybe in time she will realize that we aren't the same and she will grow up and work better with us. We have to keep encouraging her everyday. No matter what others opinions and viewpoints may be, we are unique and special and will always have our special ways. Keep up the good work. I'll keep you in my prayers.

I am so sorry! I guess I was PMSing a bit. I get annoyed at some of these though. Some people seem to be such pansies. I have more trouble with eating and reflux etc. at different times during the months. Especially before my period, it gets really tight and I can only drink blended food. I've gotten to where I can eat blended sardines with a spoon. When you're hungry, it's amazing what you'll eat. I just refuse to think about what it looks like. I try to picture in my mind that it's Patee' or something. tee hee Last night I blended up veggie beef soup with extra baby beef and drank it with a straw. Tasted pretty good!!! I was starved. Again, I APOLOGIZE! 55 pounds is great, keep up the good work.

If you've read anything on these blogs you'd know that everything you said you had trouble with like bread, fruit skins etc. is exactly what you need to stay away from. I haven't had pizza in 9 months! Eggs, if they are boiled are dry, thus causing problems, the same with the wadding that bread does. They get stuck in the opening. It's all a sacrafise and a lot of mind control. I can't eat bread of any kind, cakes, donuts or anything else doughy. But hey, THOSE THINGS are what made me fat to begin with. Being thin is all worth it, I don't miss those things all that much anymore. It's been a new way of life since I was banded. Thin and sexy again, with my future ahead of me. It's just food, living thin is worth so much more than any food I'v had to give up. If you've just had your first fill, and already griping, you shouldn't have had it done. It only gets worse if you look at it as a negative. I looked forward to every fill and what I COULDN'T eat. I knew it was doing it's job. And I was a self pay and it's worth every penny I've paid.

Gotta Love 'em!!! My mother-in-law did that. I was always dieting, losing/gaining, we all know the routine. SHe told me one time that she didn't understand how I stayed to heavy with no more than I ever ate? (Me either??? ) But at this time, I had gained about 30 pounds and was wearing a 2X, she bought me a new robe for my B-day. SHe got a 5x and as I was opening the present she kept saying over and over, "Oh, I hope it's big enough, I didn't have a clue what size to get so I got the biggest they had." I took it out and held it up to me and everyone just fell off their chairs laughing. I tried it on and my husband immediately climbed in WITH me. He said, "Mom, I think it's plenty big for BOTH of us." He was an XL size himself. She was embarrassed and apologized all over and promised to take it back and exchange it. I told her don't worry I'd do it. Then to make things worse she turns to her other son and asks if it will fit his girl-friend. (She wouldn't even try it, but we are all sure it would have been way too small.) She just didn't know when to stop. God Bless Her!! She is a very good hearted well-meaning person, just clueless! Incidentially, since the lap-band, I gave her some of my 2X clothes and she's wearing them. She mentioned, "maybe I"ve put on a few pounds??" YA THINK???? But it feels really good to have her on a diet for a change. She did comment on how hard it is to eat right and diet and to lose a few pounds and then it's right back on. Now she understands the "Life and Trials of the Overweight".

I finally got my score even with a co-worker. She is a very skinny, ugly, and heavy smoking gal who thinks she's God's gift to the world. For 7 years she has been using every aid she can find to stop smoking. Me and some other gals were sitting and talking at lunch about my band etc. I had only had it about two months and had lost about 15 pounds. Well, I'm explaining it and she butts in and says, "Well, why couldn't you just stop eating. Why do you need that band thingy to keep you from eating?" I stopped and looked at her and said, "Well, why do you need all those stop smoking thingy's, why don't you just stop smoking?" To say the least, the whole room went silent. She just looked at me with her dumb blonde look and said, "Well, I"ve smoking for 10 years since I was 15." I said, "I've been fat for 46 YEARS, my whole life!" She turned and walked away. Since then, she has stopped smoking and has gained about 15 pounds (her bones aren't protruding like they used to) and she is always commenting on how good I'm looking. (I've lost 65 pounds so far) She's still skinny but looks much better in most everyone's opinion. She did jokingly say that if she kept eating like she was, she'd need a lap band, or have to start smoking again! Non weight challenged people just don't understand that we can be fat even if we didn't eat hardly anything at all. It's just how our bodies are. The best thing about the band is "the weight will never go back on". Once it's off, it's off forever!!!! No more YO YO!! That's worth every penny!

So sorry to hear you're not doing well. I had a very bad reaction to the gas they pump you up with, lots of nausia for about three days. For about a week I had horrible gas and couldn't sleep laying down. I slept in a recliner for about a week. The best thing for the gas is to get up and walk. I also found that a long HOT shower helped to move the gas. I was so weak I couldn't hardly move but I forced myself to and it helped. I would only get about three hours sleep at a time and then up for two or three and then all over again. Then for about the second week I had a bloated feeling in my mid section. My Dr. said that is swelling in the stomach. Two or three sips was about all I could do also. I found cold liquids, Gaterade, Powerade were the best things. The cold felt good. Good luck, and I hope you get to feeling better soon. I remember feeling so bad and down that I cried and wondered, "What the hell did I do to myself???" But it gets better and it's all WORTH IT.

Wow, I had an experience last night. My son and I did a bunch of running around and didn't get supper until late. I was starving, and as a result, I ate one chichen strips too much and too fast. Old habits die hard!! I was miserable! I learned a lesson big time. Next time I will take a couple bites of a good snack or drink a little juice to keep the hunger edge off before I start eating my meal. I felt terribly guilty and ashamed and beat myself up for a while, but I worked through it. I WON'T do that again. That's the first slip I've had in three weeks. I haven't had my first fill yet and I already notice a BIG difference in my portion size. I hate to admit it but before, I could eat two pc fish/fries/coleslaw and hush puppies and a large drink from LJS. Now I'm satisfied with one & 1/2 pieces of fish and about 5 fries. I opt for my favorites. Big difference. So far 12 pounds off and today is my three week post-band mark. I have my first fill 9/5/06. Good day to everyone!!!!!!! :confused: