BJean

Sorry. I probably got the thread off track. But I'm glad you came in. You have done really well! You're practically half way to goal!

I don't disagree with your assessment of doctors. That's why they call what they do "practice"! :-) Everytime a person goes under the knife they're a guinea pig. Some docs are better and know more than others. All you can do is research and look at their stats. Doctors know very little about obesity. They sure weren't taught anything in school. Nutritionists and dieticians only know the latest jargon. They're great for people who have no clue about foods, calories and eating better. We have to listen to our bodies. We have to be pro-active. But that's what I thought I was doing with this surgery. I know that there's no real medical answer to my problem. So I decided to use this so-called "tool" to get some assist. The longer I'm online reading all this LB talk, the further I am from feeling like I have a real grasp of what I should do. You shouldn't apologize for your feelings or for talking about your experiences. They are just as valid and real as anyone else's. I'm just dazed and confused right now. Grasping at anything to keep my resolve to not only have the surgery, but to also get to a normal weight for me. I'm not to the hand-wringing yet. But I'm close.

Ok. You're scaring me. I understand that it's only a tool. But I didn't think it would be THAT hard! Right now I'm on a pre-suirgery Protein shake twice a day, with a low-cal meal for supper. My tummy is pretty much growling non-stop. You mean it's always going to be this hard?

I used to have a theory that my taste buds were far suprerior to everyone else's. Now, I realize I'm beyond that. Not only does food taste really good to me, but it also makes me feel good. More than just satisfaction. I mean really good. Happy. Content. All good feelings. Especially with certain food. Except when I overeat and I get so uncomfortable, it is negative that I feel. I think I best describe my feelings about my relationship with food as being like a crack addict. Not that I've ever really been around a crack addict. But what I've heard described as a crack addict. It's to the point that whether I get food or I don't, I am constantly thinking about it. If I'm satisfied, for the moment, I am a happy reasonable person to be around. If I'm feeling deprived, not so much. Think I need psychological help more than the physical help from LB?

StrawartS: Why do you wish you'd seen the chart prior to surgery? Just for the information, or are you shocked as I am, about the number of calories we're expected to eat for so many months?

LOL. You're cute. Thanks for the website. I'll check it out!

By the way... how are you doing??? I see that you're recently banded. I've been online reading about people who aren't losing and are giving up on the band. I haven't had the surgery yet and I'm trying to figure things out. Did you have a rough time after surgery? How are you doing now?

mbprn: the reason I thought I should get off Flonase is because I seem to get a sinus infection every time I miss a dose or two - like when we traveled and I forgot to bring it. We call my doctor "candy man" and he doesn't really care what I take. Don't get me started on that! But I do know it's a good drug. My DH's life has been changed by it. He has always had allergies so bad and pre-Flonase, he spent several months a year in utter misery. I hear what you're saying though. Self-diagnosis and self-medicating is a dangerous business. Thanks!

Kathy- You finally hit the nail on the head for me. You explained, I think, why some posts I read are all about the fantastic successes people are having with the band, and some are all about problems and failure. It also explains why my family doc is against LB. He says you can defeat it and then where will you be... You explained it to me so that I can understand. You find it very difficult to eat 1500 calories of nutritious food when banded, but find it easy to eat 2500 calories of crap banded. Light bulb moment. That's telling me that I need to try to always get the nutritious stuff down first and then I hopefully won't have room for, or a preoccupation with the crap that I usually eat. That's where the difficulty lies with making the LB work! Duh. I'm pretty slow. Now I get it. It isn't so much the LB itself that fails or succeeds. It's about focusing on nutritious foods first! Obviously not easy - but I hope doable!

Pete and StrawartS: I came to this site because I am scared. I have learned that LB is, indeed, a scary proposition. But I totally agree with you. It's all personal and there's no reason to judge someone else. Haven't we all felt judged at one time or other? It's a lousy feeling and being here isn't about that, for sure. It's about learning and support. That's why I'm participating. And boy, am I learning!! Hopefully, it's strengthing my resolve and helping me prepare for success that I've neve before been able to achieve. So having people like StrawartS share her personal experience is vitally important to me. And I am very grateful! I hate hearing that someone has been having any trouble at all, but being able to read and learn is fantastic. I wish StrawartS a much more rewarding future in reaching her goal and a huge thank you for sharing her story. To Pete: let's git 'er done!

I'm scared. But I'm going with Pete. I don't think I have a choice. Either I use the band as a tool and make it happen, or I give up and eventually explode into a million pieces. (PB=productive burp, meaning spit up.) I guess I'm older than most of you. I've not only done all the diets, but I've done Optifast (6 weeks of pure hell), diet pills, already had a tummy tuck, and spent a month at a eight loss spa (a boot camp, really). had acupuncture (more than one kind), exercised until I've damaged one knee beyond repair, and have tried more eight loss gimmicks than you can imagine. For me, the LB is definitely the last resort. I also know it's totally up to me to make it work. I could always lose weight with Nutri System and Jenny Craig and all the rest, but I got sick and tired of those cardboard foods or total protein-no carbs, all fruit, all rice, or whatever, and I always gained whatever I lost back, and usually more. Real food is what I want for myself - in very, very small quantifies. I was slender when I was young, and I didn't eat much. Other things were more important to me and I want to get my head to that place again. I want to feel like I look good, and I want to stop thinking I'm a failure for not being able to make a diet work over the long haul. None of them works forever for most people. If they did, the diet industry wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar a year money-maker. Even Weight Watchers doesn't work forever for most people. If it did, why do people keep having to pay their dues and keep going back and going back and going back... (TOPS is a different thing - I've been a TOPS member too. It is a support group, not a diet.) We need to enjoy food and respect it instead of abusing it and hating ourselves for abusing it. If the LB can't help me to that goal, I will be here eating my words one day. God help me.

I LOVE your cowbell guy! Reading of your experience with this is sure helping me! I haven't been banded yet and I'm trying to learn all I can to avoid such things. I'm trying to not drink with my meals anymore or just after a meal, but I'm realizing how hard that is. I must be taking huge bites and eating way too fast. I have a lot to learn. I am sure glad you are doing better!!! My dr's office gave me a tiny baby spoon to remind me to eat nothing bigger than the bowl of that little plastic spoon. Keep us posted! I use Flonase. I didn't know that it made you more suseptible to sinus infections. I'm going to try to ween myself off of it. I'm sorry you've had problems, but you've been a big help!!

It's great that you had such a productive meeting with the psych person. My psychologist was nice, but I came away from the meeting feeling that I should re-think my decision to have the surgery. He made it sound like I should be able to reach a normal weight without the band. All on my own. Right, sure, no problem. Maybe he was just not used to someone who didn't open up and share their history of unhealthy eating with him. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded telling him, I just didn't think that he was looking for that. Anyway, that's what brought me to this site. He was one of the primary reasons I was getting cold feet. I was afraid there was something about the surgery that was much more dangerous than I had been led to believe. I have learned a whole lot more about possible complicaitons at LB Talk. But I have also come to realize that I am very much like everyone else here. I've spent many years in an unhealthy relationship with food. I need something to help me change that "imbalance" you referred to. Using the LB as a "tool" makes a lot of sense. So, you are fortunate to have found someone you can communicate with who understands where you are emotionally. I believe that if we decide we deserve the aromatherapy and a hammock, we may also realize that we deserve to be beautiful. I'm learning that from what your psych said, and what I've found here online, self-respect must be the key in the journey to real success after LB surgery.

I thought my mother was the only person in the world who would suggest white bread with sugar on it for a starving little kid. I've always been too embarrassed to tell anyone that I ate sugar sandwiches! Also, when there was no sugar, we'd make butter sandwiches. Mom used to make peanut and butter and banana sandwiches. An awesome treat. Guess she musta come from the same background as Elvis.

Anwyn: You have over 30 years of living with a certain mindset about food. How can you expect yourself to reverse that in such a short amount of time? You are moving in the right direction to be able to come out with your childhood fantasy of a stack of Big Macs. My Mom's not alive to either criticize or praise me. I think though, in a very real sense, it's up each and every one of us to work on developing a better self-image. Reading all these stories about people's relationships with food, convinces me that we all could probably use some counseling. But getting someone who is equipped to deal with our inner selves, isn't as easy as it sounds! There are just too many people in the medical and psych professions who, if they've never experienced it for themselves, are secretly prejudiced against obese people. Frankly, I think we all wish we had been able to get a LB sooner. It might have made the "head" part less difficult. Hang in there. You'll get it right and it will be all good.

River: I've heard that finding a place to have the fills is a fairly universal problem. I am glad you don't regret having the LB and that you would do it again. That says a lot, especially since you've had to deal with the fills problem.

Teresita! I used to live in Chantilly, VA. We had one of the first houses in Fox Glen Subdivision. Many moons ago. OMG I loved living there. I've heard that it is very congested with traffic now. That I wouldn't recognize the place. Congratulations on your success! I hope I can follow in your footsteps!

Kat- You described just what I'm hoping for. That's a great thing for someone like me to hear! M.O.M- The story you shared about your sister really touched my heart. I don't want to bring anyone down, but I have to say that my "Irish Twin" sister and I had the same kind of relationship. We were always there for each other. I appreciated and loved her so much. When she died of breast cancer, I didn't think I could survive without her. Make no mistake, I do have a wonderful, loving DH and kids. But Pat was different. Ours was a life long, unconditional love that we shared. We could tell each other anything and know we'd get support. When we were growing up, she used to threaten to beat up any kid who made fun of me. I can't tell you how much I still miss her every day. It's been 13 yrs since she died. I can finally think about her, without crying, and remember all the great times we had - all the jokes we shared. It's great to know that you realize what a good relationship you and your sister have. Not everyone with a sister is so lucky! What you are your sister share is unique. My older sister and I just don't have a thing in common. And I only feel sad when we talk. Thanks for allowing me to share this with you. I wish Pat was here - we'd probably be having the surgery together.

gonnabethin: I believe that obesity is very much like anorexia in some ways. One way is that at some point food becomes the center of our universe. I also think you can "evolve" into either problem if you get too thin or too obese. People who are anorexic don't start out trying to make themselves hideously thin. They just want to look good. They stop eating very much and at some point, something is triggered in their brain and they no longer see themselves realistically. They are told they are putting their life in jeopardy. They want to eat, but they just can't. Obese people don't start eating because they don't care if they're fat. They want to look good, but they also want to feel good. Food makes them feel good. They look in the mirror and they think they don't look too bad. It is difficult to see themselves realistically. They reach some level of obesity and a trigger is set off. They become out of control and they are told that they are slowly killing themselves. They really want to stop over eating, but they can't. It's really wierd. In both cases, one's health is at risk. But it doesn't matter. Food rules our lives. It isn't as simple as I'm making it sound, of course, or people everywhere would discover a cure. You are spot on when you say we all have demons to deal with. Sometimes I feel like I am as out of control as a junkie. Thankfully you are right about us at least having the tool of the LB to help us out of this crazy state that we're in. I am thankful for that. And I have this notion that once I break the cycle of over eating and inactivity, that not eating as much will begin to feel great. My surgery is scheduled for Sept 11. I'm doing all I can right now to reinforce my determination to get my life back. Hearing your story sure helps. Thanks!

Officegirlblues: OMG you said all of that so eloquently! It means a lot to me to be able to read what you're thinking. Yesterday and the day before I spent a lot of time on this forum. Last night I had such bad dreams about being banded that I woke up scared to death to do it. Then reading your blog, I remember how I felt when I was just wanting it desperatly and not so afraid of possiblly getting bad complications. Firm in the knowledge that all the dieting in the world isn't going to work for me without some help, and that the LB is the one thing that makes sense. Your analogy of buying a smaller dress because you think it will inspire you to lose weight is a good one! I don't have any misgivings about whether I will stay on the right eating plan. I totally understand about the band just being a tool to get normal again and to help me maintain. But you reminded me of what I had heard at the first seminar about participating in the support groups, learning the way to handle every situation that you're faced with, including incorporating exercise and all that. So far, the closest I've come to participating is reading a lot on this site. It's going to take more than that, and I appreciate you reminding me that interacting with other people is part of the success plan. And also you stressed that having positive thoughts is extremely important. I believe that too. I was afraid to come online today because I had such scary thoughts last night, and you made me really happy that I did! Thanks so much! (Don't apologize for saying too much - it really helped me when I needed it.)

Goannabanda: I'm so happy to have made contact with you. You're obviously very smart and nice and yet you still have this problem that we share. It has always stumped me why I can be sane and logical about doing all the right things for myself, but when it comes to really staying true to a healthy lifestyle, I lose it. I've read every book on the subject of diet and nutrition, and I have done every form of exercise you can imagine. I don't know why some people cruise through life and never have this problem, and then there are others of us who get "hooked" and can't seem to overcome this vicious out of control behaviour. When I see people nowadays who are of a normal weight, I look at them, completely amazed and can't understand how they are able to do it. I honestly don't know if it is a control thing with me. Perhaps it could be that I have a happy life just on the surface. Maybe I don't like myself. Or it could be that I am just one lazy beeach. I guess this is where the psychoanalysis could help. I've went to a shrink in the past and she told me that all obese people have been abused in some way when they were children. I couldn't wait to get out of her office. She obviously knows something about me that I don't. I was a very happy go lucky little girl. Anyway, I think it's great that you and I have been able to unload a little of this baggage. And please know for sure that I will always be open to any discussion about this topic with you.

I'll work on it.

Ok. Somehow "Tired Old Man" didn't go with your quick wit! I'm still learning how to maneuver this forum site. I've never been in a chat room or participated in any online stuff before. Right now it's a little overwhelming. (Your instructions on how to press different buttons to bring up your name for instance.) It reminds me of the little old lady who called for help to get her computer unfroze, and said to the computer tech... "Sorry, mister, I can't find the 'any' key."

Lisah25: You made some good points. Thanks!

We went on a cruise to Alaska this summer and I was shocked to see how many of the people on the cruise were really huge and could hardly walk. I knew I looked and felt just like that and there was so much food available, constantly, that it sort of actually, quite shocking to me, grossed me out. I was disappointed that I was too big to go on a dogsled ride and hike up on the glaciers, etc. When we got home I found that I had lost 1.5 lbs. I honestly think I have been in denial all these years. I see a photo of myself (when I haven't been able to hide from the camera) and I don't recognize myself. They say Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.