BJean

BTW, the portrayal of the families of victims of malpractice living the high life off these settlements is very distasteful. That's like talking about the families of the victims of 9/11 living well on their settlement money. It is more distasteful to me to think about the doctor who goes on his merry way after practicing really bad medicine and continues having unsuspecting patients putting their lives in his hands and paying him good money for it.

You make some very good points Marimaru. I know that the whole system has gotten way out of hand. On the positive side of that, we the people are much more aware of what the possible consequences are of awarding huge settlements. Judges and juries are not as ignorant of the whole story as they were when this cycle started. My fear is that if we take away more of the rights of individuals in this country, we will be "handled" even more than we already are by the insurance companies. They're all for setting limits, you know. They'd like for us to believe that these huge settlements are making us pay more for insurance. No, bad doctoring and malpractice insurance is what is causing rates to go up. Not the settlements. If doctors were practicing good medicine, there would be no huge settlements. Juries and Judges don't go for big settlements when there is an unanswered question about whether a doctor was at fault or not. Insurance companies just keep getting richer, and richer and more and more powerful. Most individuals who have been harmed by someone's negligence only have that tool to help keep the medical profession in check. It makes me very nervous for the insurance companies to be able to effectively put pressure on us to ensure that they continue to amass the huge fortunes that they enjoy today. You're right about some negligent doctors being put out of business if it weren't for malpractice insurance. But isn't that probably for the best? Yes, losing your mom is hard enough, but to think that she could have lived another 30 years or more is utterly earth shattering to those of us who loved her so dearly.

If you are writing YOUR feelings then they are valid. Your feelings are yours alone and others may not feel the same way you do about a given subject, but that doesn't make your feelings wrong. Your feelings are as a result of many things - experiences, beliefs, even hormones and other things. How can they be wrong? They are what they are. You have to deal with them as they are. You can learn and grow and your feelings can change, but someone can't just come in and tell you that you shouldn't FEEL a certain way and then expect you to adopt their feelings and deny your own. I don't know what's going on between you and your DH, but I wonder if maybe he's doing a number on you. My first husband did really stupid, uncaring and hateful things to me. When I finally decided I needed a divorce in order to survive, he was very vocal about not wanting a divorce. Told all of our friends and family that he was the one who was being left and that he didn't want a divorce. But in reality, I realized later that he pushed me as hard as he could into divorcing him. He just didn't want to be the bad guy and he sure didn't want to have to pay me alimony. If I turned out to be the bad guy, he got everyone's sympathy and he got away without the baggage of the enormous guilt he put off on me. I hope that's not happening to you. Good-hearted people can be very vulnerable to someone who is willing to take advantage of them.

Lucy I believe we can be nice to people who post even if we don't agree with them. I have no knowledge of him discussing pedophilia. I am not quite as up to date on his rants as you are. But is that a good reason to accuse me of being "...as sick as he is..."? Frankly I do find discussions on Rants & Raves very entertaining and lots of fun. And if I do not find a topic interesting or if I think a topic is in bad taste or just plain wrong, I usually do not participate. That's not the only reason I post at LBT, but it is why I read and post on Rants & Raves; it's fun and entertaining. I also disagree with people frequently, but I really try very hard not to insult the people who post, and I try very hard never to make assumptions or diagnose them as being sick. But that's just me. You must go wherever your heart and mind lead you.

Sounds like the whole tribe depends on you nume130. It usually feels really good to have people need you. And it feels good to be able to help them. Until it doesn't feel good anymorre. Then you come to realize that you're being taken advantage of. You are probably the only one who is looking out for you. And that is very important too! After all, if you aren't healthy and happy, how can you be the best you can be for your loved ones? You are not being totally selfish by wanting the LB. It is in all of their best interests for you to be healthy and happy if you're going to be able to continue to provide for them and just be there for them as wife and mother. Journaling definitely can help to clarify things sometimes. If you get too worried about someone else reading it, you can always delete it and dump it from the trash bin. That way no one can stumble onto it. After you've written it and read it a couple of times, it may be time to move on anyway. I know a guy (former BIL) who, after his heart attack, he decided to write his autobiography. At that point he was still with my sister, but he wanted desperately to leave her. He wrote and wrote and wrote some more which turned out to be very cathartic and gave him the strength to finally leave her. He hid his writings in a small safety deposit box. He eventually bundled it all up and handed it to my sister. (My sister was extremely verbally abusive to him their whole married life.)

I agree too!

The GhOst--- verry funny!

LRBloom8: Well said comments about name-calling and personal attacks!

Yes, her statement does appear to be discriminatory. I mean what ever happened to the politically correct "size doesn't matter?" (Nice to see you're up and at 'em laurend)

P.S. I feel I must add that I do not believe that ALL priests are pedophiles! And I should also add that not all lawsuits against medical professionals should end in astronomical settlements. Let's see... where else did I say something that I need to qualify so I can make my point without being accused of speaking in absolutes. Oh yeah, ALL Republicans and ALL Christians are not bad. Some of my best friends are Republicans... Oh and we even have a priest as well as a nun in my DH's family. They can't all be bad either. In fact, some of my best friends are Catholic. Carlene notwithstanding.

L8BloomR: I was referring to events just after Bill Clinton took office. The eventual bill that was presented to the then Democratic controlled congress was definitely complicated, but one of the reasons there was no possible way for elected officials, from either side, to seriously consider working with it at all was because of the uproar in 1992 created by the spin doctors. To spend any time on it seriously would not have been politic. So yes, I do believe that it was a bipartisan issue at that point and it shouldn't have been. But that's giving too much credit to the men and women in Congress and in the White House. Heavy-handed politics is how they get there and also how they manage to stay there. That is not unique to either party. One reason that I feel so qualified to speak my piece about both parties' actions is because I have voted for both. I am very embarrassed to say that I voted for G.W. Bush the first go 'round. Contrary to your assessment of my comments, he and his kind are not, "ALL" Republicans. And extremists from the right are not "ALL" Christians. Thank the good Lord for that! And just because I used Bill Clinton's name in my post does not make me a Bill Clinton lover. I was talking about issues, causes and events. You and gadget and others do not like the way I've described them and I certainly understand that. But that's the way I see them. It isn't fair for you to attatch meanings to my words that I do not mean, and accuse me of using verbage that I have not used. Where did I say or infer or suggest that universal health care "would be a breeze to implement and run..." I don't believe that at all. I don't know if I could even support a bill for universal health care. Right now it looks like out of necessity that is where we're headed, and if we are, we better think about it, talk about it and get better informed. The time is way past for us to be declaring that it will never work. It does work in some countries. There's a good chance it could work here. But we shouldn't fight it so hard that we wind up getting ourselves in such a desperate situation that we settle for a plan that is bad because we quickly made some knee-jerk response. I take issue with your statement about a '$500 million settlement" for a "botched" surgery. I think people's lives are worth a lot more than that. When it is proven that a medical professional caused a death or causing someone to be disfigured or to become a vegetable, I am very happy that we have such extreme measures to punish them. I have had a family member whose death was as a result of an imcompetent doctor. Although we had grounds and we had the support of other medical personnel who were involved, we did not sue because it would not have brought my mother back and we were way too deep in our own sorrow to put ourselves through a lawsuit. That was our choice. Probably not a good choice, but the one that we made. I believe people have a right to go into a court of law if they have grounds for a lawsuit and ask for whatever compensation they deem necessary to shut that medical professional down so that he/she cannot continue to do harm to other people. If the medical profession policed its' own, we would not have to have those kinds of lawsuits. But that's like asking the Bishops and Pope to police their priests who are known pedophiles. And no, I do not think that the California settlement of over $600 million dollars is too high a price for the Catholic Church to pay for doing what they did in those cases of abusing priests. Do you? Marimaru: Your post is thoughtful and inciteful and I agree!

Wow, man all this hostility is lost on me. I just don't get it. Not that I think this character is necessarily trying to get an honest debate going. I think he probably is just trying to have some fun during his down time. Aren't we all? I am amazed at some of the hostility that comes out in some of these threads at R&Rs. I guess it is easy sometimes to push each others' buttons when we're essentially anonymous. Plus there are some days that I am just not willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. I guess in reality I'm just usually ambivalent when it comes to these threads. Maybe everyone else is too, depending on what's happened throughout their day. Tonight Lee, I just figure you for someone out for some fun and entertainment. This thread just didn't pan out well for you, but I think you should try, try again until you get something good going.

gadget it would be a beautiful world indeed if all Americans were moved to help others, like you and the people who participate in "sharing health costs" that you sent a link to. Unfortunately that is not the case. But please understand that it is you and LRBloom8 who are tossing out terms like "evil" - not me. That's just spin that you're using to try to discount the points I'm making. I haven't accused anyone of being wicked or evil. Greedy... well on the other hand, I'm guilty of believing some Americans are very, very greedy. You're right about that. In America we have a good number of beliefs, needs and choices open to us. I'm thankful for that. Bit there's absolutely no way that we're all ever going to agree on all the important issues that affect us every day. You should continue to do the work you do for the greater good and I will too. I doubt seriously if anything I do affects you personally, or anything that you do affects me either - except perhaps on this forum. We definitely can hurt each other here if we choose to. I don't think that a discussion here needs to get so personal and accusatory just because one doesn't agree with another. But if that's your thing, have at it.

L8Bloom: You're wrong about me. You're just as quick to paint me with a brush as you accuse me of painting ALL Republicans, Right Wingers and Christians. If you're serious about wanting to understand others, you should read my post more closely without all the presumptions you've heaped on it and me. One of the primary points that I attempted to make was that the Clintons were only proposing a study to see what options and plans were possible, practical and feasible for Americans. The Republicans responsible for the backlash presented a case that the Clintons were going to try to push through a plan for socialized medicine. That was way, way, jumping the gun. But they succeeded in getting it quashed and obviously succeeded in convincing many people that socialized medicine is horrible and unfair and exactly what the Clintons were trying to do. And probably most importantly they intimidated the Clintons into making a hasty retreat. The practical reason for not putting a cap on payouts to victims of malpractice is that then victims would have little recourse when they have been maimed or killed by really bad people. It is just not the fair thing to do. Yes, high awards in malpractice suits have pushed insurance prices so high that doctors have to be concerned with making and managing money, instead of just raking it in like many of them used to. But there need to be ways to throw out frivilous lawsuits, not put a restriction on how much a person who is found to be guilty of malpractice is punished monetarily. If it weren't certain Republicans, certain Christians (I am one, by the way), and some Right Wingers who have done the things that I mentioned, I wouldn't have used those terms. I didn't say that ALL Republicans or ALL Christians are responsible. You said that. The fact that you don't know any of Republicans, Right Wingers or Christians who do those things is very nice for you. I wish I were as fortunate.

Ha, ha, ha, oh goodness no, Monk! I was completey lost when I started reading threads here. DH = Dear Husband; SIL = Sister-in-law; DD = Darling Daughter; MIL = Mother-in-law, and so forth. Hang in there... it won't take you long and before you know it you'll be tossing those things in your posts just like the rest of us. I have a feeling I will never get the hang of all the quick lingo kids use today when they text message!

Nursekathy: Tipping can be a lot of fun when you do it as a reward for good service, or as a gift to someone who you know needs it. My beef is that nowadays some tips are mandatory and they are depended upon by workers who are often underpaid for the jobs they do. When did that happen? Why did we let it? Guilt plays into a lot of required tipping these days. If workers should be getting more money for the jobs they do, then they should be paid more by their employer and it could be reflected in the price of the goods. Tips were originally created to reward good service and I think if it is called a tip, it should be discretionery on the part of the tipper. Tips are one way that workers are able to break the rules and not declare part of their income on their IRS forms. And if you think about it in those terms, they're screwing other taxpayers once by requiring them to do the tipping and again when they don't pay their fair share of taxes. It has become a system that works, but it isn't really ethical or above board and consequently it is resented by many consumers, instead of being something that most of them enjoy doing.

watchband: There are things you can eat that will help keep you from being so hungry. Are you doing any protein shakes? They are very important. I found during the first few months after surgery, I did better if I just ate very small amounts every few hours. My dietician didn't like the idea - she wanted me to stick with just 3 meals a day. But I did better if I had something about 5 times a day. One of my favorite and most satisfying things was cream of chicken soup. I have no idea why it worked, but it did. I got very sick of the sugar free stuff, although I found sugar free popcicles and fudgcicles (Popcicle brand) to be very helpful and they're only 25 calories a pop. Also Laughing Cow makes an awesome cheese product that is relatively low in calories and is incredibly good and satisfying. They come in individually wrapped wedges. But the most important thing for you to stave off hunger is to be sure that you're getting enough protein every day. The protein shakes are the best way to go and I couldn't have made it without them. I lost 40 lbs. in about 4 months. Good luck!

The health care system and pharmacutical situation in this country are not working for a whole lot of people. I have health insurance and hospitalization with coverage for my teeth and eyes, but the cost is ridiculous and the care I get is incredibly inferior to what my parents had and what I had as a child. Doctors used to care about their patients. There are some who do today, but most of them are mostly all about money. Health care in this country is not about keeping people healthy - it's about keeping them sick. It's not about diagnosing and treating causes it is about hiding the symptoms; it's about putting a pharmacutical bandaid on symptoms, and then dispensing more drugs to treat the side effects of the original pharmacutical bandaid. Sometimes we just get sicker. But the doctors and pharmacutical companies benefit and they have powerful lobbies in Washington and we're stuck with whatever treatment and drugs they choose to use on us. When Hillary tried to head up a STUDY about the dire condition of medical care in this country not long after Bill Clinton got elected, the Republicans used it as a perfect scenario to lambaste socialized medicine. They got their spin doctors all working overtime and the media ate it up. They accused Hillary of trying to do the president's job. They said she had no business running this country because she hadn't been elected. They said that she and Bill were pushing "Socialized Medicine" in this country and that none of us would be able to choose our doctors or hospitals and that we would have our drugs dispensed en masse. We would have to stand in line to get our drugs, stand in line to see some random doctor, and we would have to wait months, perhaps years, to get needed surgeries and that many of us would die waiting. Everyone went berserk. There was a huge uproar and it was a huge scandal. It was so bad that it threatened to cripple Bill Clinton's ability to govern. So they backed down. All of the plans were tossed to the wayside, all of the experts that were going to participate were released from duty. The Republicans staged and won an enormous coup! Now we all know that the Clintons were right - our health care system is woefully lacking and it has only gotten worse in the past 14 or so years. Many of us have done our own research and we know that universal health care can work and is actually used and appreciated by the citizens of some of the countries who have it. The one thing that we know for sure about Republicans is that they have an amazing talent for creating an uproar about something they don't want in this country - like TommyO said - they have us all thinking that guns save lives, universal health care is bad, and global warming is a myth. They also have an amazing talent for getting nincompoops elected. We better watch out... they're likely to do it again in 2008. As for those of you who buy into Republicans being anti big government, do your research... we have bigger government now than ever before, we are going deeper and deeper into national debt by billions of dollars every week that passes, while this latest nincompoop is in office. But not to worry - the rich are amassing huge, huge assets and there are more BILLIONAIRES now than there were probably millionaires just a few years ago. Let's just hope that they will get so fat and happy, they'll let down their guards and we'll get someone elected who actually gives a damn about us and our country. The thing I have a hard time understanding is how they get away with calling themselves good Christians, and how they can set up a "Christian Coalition" and have a "Christian Agenda", when what they really have is a personal agenda. How dumb are we to let them get away with it!:faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint::faint:

I use humor a lot too, Monk. To me it only makes sense to yuk it up and be happy instead of being so intense and taking ourselves so seriously. Many times people do not understand that I am trying to be funny. They think I am flaky and inappropriate. Well I decided a long time ago that it's okay if people don't understand me. I don't understand people who have a chip on their shoulder or who think they have all the answers to the meaning of life. It used to crush me if I felt misunderstood. No more. I just don't have time for all that. I can actually walk away without worrying myself to death over it. It's a much nicer place to be in. My SIL just came back from a business trip in CA. He said they had just closed some pot shops. They were places where people who had a prescription could buy "pharmacutical" marijuana. He said that the one he saw looked like a candy shop but with dope instead of candy. He said they are being closed because they were price gouging. They made $95M in the past 3 years. Price gouging??? Now who would be able to figure that out and why would that keep it from being legally sold? I guess the reason we don't get smart and control dope in this country is because there is so much money to be made illegally, they're able to keep it illegal, with lots of bribes I guess. And they keep lacing it with more and more unusual highly addictive substances. Hmmm. Reminds me of the tobacco companies. Capitalism. You can't live with it and you can't live without it.

One of the memories I have that makes me very uncomfortable is... my much older cousin (a creep, if I ever saw one) and I were walking down the street from his house to mine. He told me that our "secret word" would be "sidewalk" and that I should never tell anyone and that it would refer to what we had just done at his house. I can't remember doing anything. I seem to know, however, that "sidewalk" is a a really bad thing. He always disgusted me before and after that event, and I did everything it took to keep my distance from him after that. In a couple of years, they moved many states away from us and I was very relieved. When I was involved in all the pre-wedding events when I was 19 and getting married the first time, his mother and he showed up at my parents house (unannounced) with a lavish wedding gift. My mom couldn't understand why I was too busy to come see them and unwrap the gift. They had not been invited to the wedding. I suppose my mother had talked to his mother on the phone and mentioned it. They traveled 1800 miles and as I said, came unnounced. I avoided mom's house like the plague until they left. Everyone in the family was impressed with their gift. I immediately gave it to my older sister. His little brother is a comedian. Seriously. He came to Orlando for a gig when I lived there and my older sister and her family and me and my family went to see him and his wife after his show. It was extremely awkward. He said something to the effect..."I'm still seeing a shrink and you certainly know what that's all about." He then insisted on buying my dinner. I still have no idea what he was talking about and none of my family did either. I would like to talk to him now and find out what he meant. He's no longer living in Kansas City and I have completely lost touch again. Anyway, it isn't the only mysterious missing memory I have. There are at least 2 more. And I've always wondered if what is hiding somewhere in my brain are memories of sexual abuse. I was married for 4 years to my first husband and never was "fulfilled" sexually. I learned to just fake it so that he wouldn't ask the question if I had "gotten there." I was always a very reluctant sexual partner. And after my divorce, sometimes I slept with a guy in the hopes that he would think I was cool enough to love. I participated totally for my partner's pleasure - never, ever for my own. It was way too embarrassing to ever allow myself to feel good during sex. I made no sounds and was always anxious for it to just be overwith. Fortunately I met and married my current DH, who was extremely patient and kind and understanding and persistent. He explained to me once that since it made me feel good to do things for him, why wouldn't I allow him to do things for me, which would make him feel good. I saw the logic in that and began to relax. I have done much better, have learned to enjoy it, but have never fully ever let my guard down - after 30 years! I used to wish I was bulimic or even anorexic, believe it or not. I tried throwing up a time or two but it was too painful to keep that up! I love to lose weight...it is the most incredible feeling to be in control of my food intake, but as soon as I look at the scales and they show a loss, I am on an out of control binge until I put the weight I've lost back on. Am I screwed up, or what! I don't expect anyone to psychoanalyze me here, but if any of you can relate, I'd love to know that I'm not a totally off the wall, completely alone nut-case. BTW, I have been BANDED!!

Yup, I'm sure you're right. Maybe that's why he's worked so hard... he was always waiting for his bubble to burst and be carted off to the slammer. Guess his tactic worked. Doesn't look like there's much chance he'll be paying for that little accident (if you call someone dying, little).

Well TommyO, I think we should let everyone die, smart or dumb. Whatdaya know... scarcasm just doesn't work for me. There are a couple of posters who use it all the time and I thought I'd give it a try. Just doesn't feel right or make much sense to me. I have a very difficult time with the whole idea that some Americans hate the idea of paying taxes to help anyone in need. They want all their money to themselves. They want to decide who they'll let die and who they won't. Like any of us really believes they're concerned enough to pay the bill for someone else's health care by choice. Sorry, you just can't leave it up to the wealthy to take care of the poor. They just won't do it. Not that there aren't many wonderful philanthropists in this nation, but there are many more who don't give a damn and who are greedy to the max. It sounds like a plausible argument: government doesn't do a good job of using tax money so get rid of government programs... but that's a cop out. If the system isn't working properly we CAN fix it. But greedy wealthy people and greedy wealthy corporations are in control of much of the health care and insurance industries in America as well as the government and although it is working well for the wealthy (all getting wealthier by the moment) THAT isn't working for most of the rest of us!

Oprah did a show on forgiveness once that I had a hard time getting into initially. I just couldn't grasp the concept of forgiving someone who didn't admit their guilt, didn't ask for your forgiveness, and only displayed scorn for you. The context was in a drunk driving incident. The parents of the child who was killed forgave the drunk driver. It was very powerful and I did understand how they could go to him in prison, speak with him, and forgive him and even invite him into their lives when he was released. It was good for everyone involved. I'm not sure if sexual abuse can be handled in quite the same way, although they seemed to say that it could be and should be for one's own mental health. Accomplishing it fully might be extremely difficult, but certainly a worthy goal. On the porn issue, rather than porn causing deviant behavior, I think you're saying that we might find that deviants just like pornography. That could be the reason why one person found that in every sexual abuse/violence case he came up against, the abuser used pornography. The way it was presented initially made me think that the speaker was presenting a case claiming that porn causes sexual violence.

I never could understand at the time Why Mass. voters kept Ted Kennedy in the Senate after the Chappaquidick(sp?) incident. However he has been a very powerful force in the Senate and has done some very good things for the people of Mass. as well as other Americans. He has been a tireless worker - and player - and Mass could have done much, much worse over the years.

Sure TommyO. If they're dumb enough not to buy insurance (which I am sure they can afford if they want it), they deserve to die.