ldswims

I read your blog and was thinking to myself that it's interesting reading all the thoughts that are just coming out of those fingertips and it all makes me wonder what it will be like for me when I get there. I am one month into my six month weightloss program. And then there was the paragraph at the end. And then it all clicked. So here's what I say. If you can have one little tiny 1/2 of a table spoon of icing - it's your birthday. But do you want the icing because you want the icing or do you want the icing because you miss your husband so very much? Either way - It IS ok! But be careful of letting 1/2 tbsp turn into 1 tbsp into 1/4 cup...and so on and so forth. Cause those will NOT be satisfying calories. And something else to think about. At least you are HAVING a birthday. Yes, without your hubby, they aren't as special, in a way - you miss him. But you will have future birthdays that you can share with him because you are taking control. So start now! (Don't eat the icing.) And think of what your hubby will see when he comes home. Imagine the surprise and the pride that he will exude. Think of how you will feel when THAT happens? Is the icing worth it? I can be idealistic cause I'm not banded yet. But was that bite of chicken worth the possible problems that might have caused? Be very careful, I'd say. You are on this path to make changes - so embrace those changes. YOU are changing your life - not this band.

Just checking in. Friday I visited a cardiologist I was sent to earlier this year. I suddenly started getting heart palpitations and my PCP wanted to rule out anything "wrong". I would be sitting on the couch watching tv with Hubby and my heart would go from its resting rate of 65 up to 140. It was ANNOYING. Nothing was ever wrong. But in an effort to try and provide comorbidities last month I mentioned this at my first appt. It wasn't a comboridity they were interested in - but now I needed to get the cardiologist to approve me for surgery. I went in almost two weeks ago to explain my case and he had me come back last Friday for a stress test. I was given the stamp of approval. I was actually told that I "have the heart of a very fit person". I like hearing stuff like that! (since I think I'm fit and all...) Yesterday I went in for my follow-up with the Ph.D. Psychologist. I'd been in there two weeks earlier to do the testing for my psych consult. I could have been back sooner but I was scared to schedule appts last week as I had jury duty. I live in Galveston county. In Galveston county they get their jury pool and put everyone on call. We can be sent out to any of the district courts or we can be sent out to any of the justices of the peace. I never did get selected but I had to call in every night at 6PM and find out what I may or may not be doing the next day. I took a gamble with scheduling an appt for Friday but it worked out. Anywho - so the follow-up with the Psychologist was pushed back until this week. And he proclaimed me "normal" yesterday. Did anyone else worry about that? I don't think I'm in danger of any bad diagnosis there, but it worried me nonetheless. Do "abnormal" people pursue this above and beyond ordinary? Thursday I go in for weigh in number two. And I have zillions of questions that have formed over the last month. I'm hoping they can help me with some information that will help my husband and I decide which route to take with the insurance. We are hesitant to be switching back and forth between his and mine. We know that what my employer is offering is better long term - it just isn't helpful with this procedure. It seems like the sooner we make the switch the better off we are. But do we wait one year? Do we bite the bullet? I had been thinking along the lines of my deductible is going to be outrageous based on the self-pay price. However, my insurance provider has negotiated prices on about everything they will pay out on - and since they will pay out on this - that self-pay price is not my price. So that might change what I would pay as a deductible to reasonable. And if that's the case, we are better of switching. So it's back to information research mode as we try to find the balance between what's best for next year AND the long term. Does anyone else know anything about Aetna's requirements? When I read their document there is talk of a six month program AND a three month program. I am wondering which of those programs is most like the one I am currently doing. Right now, for Cigna, I am doing six months of once a month check-in's. I am trying to do a lower calorie diet and for me, I'm trying to start mimmicking what I will have to do post-band (although there is still some cleanout of the pantry going on, so it's not there yet). I am also doing an exercise program. I keep track of this on paper and turn this in each month. So, did anyone do the Aetna requirements? And if so, how does this compare? I am looking forward to Thursday's appt. I hope to get some answers. And I'm even down a few pounds. Not many, just a few. I want to see if I can even get some clarification on this - can I lose weight and be ok? Or do I need to try to stay steady? As of last week I was down 7. And over the weekend I did a few things to gain some of it back, on purpose. So now I'm down 3. But I'd rather be down 7. :smile: If I weren't trying to stay steady, I'd actually be down more. One question about switching to Aetna is about my BMI, too. Does my BMI have to be 40 when Aetna starts covering me? Or is it quite simply from the beginning of this process? Since my BMI is so close to the edge, it's making me wonder....I started with Cigna with a higher BMI and am following their requirements. But if I switch to Aetna midway - does my BMI have to be above 40 from the day Aetna gets me? No sodas in over a week and a half. No sugar or cream in my coffee. When I want a snack in the middle of the afternoon I eat broccoli and cucumbers. Protein is something I am eating more of - and carbs less of. Sad story, though. I live in this awesome neighborhood where we are all friends and we are always watching out for each other. We use any excuse to get together and typically raid each other's pantrys to come up with the best Saturday evening meals. As is the case in any situation where friendships are easy, there are also cliques. Our cliques are not exclusive and we all mingle well. But we also have the clique where they are our closer friends. The cliques have names. My clique became known as the "first wives club". We have our "first wives club" dinner every Tuesday. It's a lot of fun and a nice time to be away from the Hubby. One of us will cook the main entree, one the veggies and starch and one the desert. Here is where the sadness comes in. There are five of us in this group. And they LOVE starch. So much so there is usually, in any given week, bread, potatoes AND pasta. EEKS! :ohmy: I make ONE starch at home with any given meal. ONE! That's MORE than enough! But THREE? AND desert? EEEEEEKS! :ohmy: Starch is my weakness. Baked potatoes - I can walk away from. Country fried potatoes - I can walk away from. But mashed? GIMME! :drool: Roasted? GIMME! :drool: Pasta? I hate spaghetti. But something with alfredo? GIMME! :drool: I don't care for penne and pasta salads are hit or miss. But anything smothered with cheese? GIMME! :drool: And bread. Uggg. Bread! Sourdough? GIMME! :drool: About the only bread I don't like is potato rolls or loafs or whatever. I feel like it's getting to the point that I need to withdraw from the dinners for self-preservation. Cause the other "first wives" don't have to care. They don't have to worry. They should - but they don't have to. Anyway. That's my sadness. I love them, love being with them, and love our Tuesday's. But I don't think I can beat these temptations YET. Maybe some day. But the sodas and the coffee and some of the other little things I have done this month are already quite a lot. I know I can get to the point where I don't even serve myself those things :tt2: but I'm just not there yet. And so long as I don't serve 'em, I won't care that it's in the bowl on the counter. But for now - I CARE.

One of the things that Greeks do with it is add dill and toss it with cucumbers. Add lemon juice. Are there any herbs you like? You can add just about anything to change the flavor. A true Greek yogurt will be creamier - and should not have that sour milk taste at all. Greek yogurt is made with cream instead of milk, hence the difference. Hope that helps...

Just checking in. Friday I visited a cardiologist I was sent to earlier this year. I suddenly started getting heart palpitations and my PCP wanted to rule out anything "wrong". I would be sitting on the couch watching tv with Hubby and my heart would go from its resting rate of 65 up to 140. It was ANNOYING. Nothing was ever wrong. But in an effort to try and provide comorbidities last month I mentioned this at my first appt. It wasn't a comboridity they were interested in - but now I needed to get the cardiologist to approve me for surgery. I went in almost two weeks ago to explain my case and he had me come back last Friday for a stress test. I was given the stamp of approval. I was actually told that I "have the heart of a very fit person". I like hearing stuff like that! (since I think I'm fit and all...) Yesterday I went in for my follow-up with the Ph.D. Psychologist. I'd been in there two weeks earlier to do the testing for my psych consult. I could have been back sooner but I was scared to schedule appts last week as I had jury duty. I live in Galveston county. In Galveston county they get their jury pool and put everyone on call. We can be sent out to any of the district courts or we can be sent out to any of the justices of the peace. I never did get selected but I had to call in every night at 6PM and find out what I may or may not be doing the next day. I took a gamble with scheduling an appt for Friday but it worked out. Anywho - so the follow-up with the Psychologist was pushed back until this week. And he proclaimed me "normal" yesterday. Did anyone else worry about that? I don't think I'm in danger of any bad diagnosis there, but it worried me nonetheless. Do "abnormal" people pursue this above and beyond ordinary? Thursday I go in for weigh in number two. And I have zillions of questions that have formed over the last month. I'm hoping they can help me with some information that will help my husband and I decide which route to take with the insurance. We are hesitant to be switching back and forth between his and mine. We know that what my employer is offering is better long term - it just isn't helpful with this procedure. It seems like the sooner we make the switch the better off we are. But do we wait one year? Do we bite the bullet? I had been thinking along the lines of my deductible is going to be outrageous based on the self-pay price. However, my insurance provider has negotiated prices on about everything they will pay out on - and since they will pay out on this - that self-pay price is not my price. So that might change what I would pay as a deductible to reasonable. And if that's the case, we are better of switching. So it's back to information research mode as we try to find the balance between what's best for next year AND the long term. Does anyone else know anything about Aetna's requirements? When I read their document there is talk of a six month program AND a three month program. I am wondering which of those programs is most like the one I am currently doing. Right now, for Cigna, I am doing six months of once a month check-in's. I am trying to do a lower calorie diet and for me, I'm trying to start mimmicking what I will have to do post-band (although there is still some cleanout of the pantry going on, so it's not there yet). I am also doing an exercise program. I keep track of this on paper and turn this in each month. So, did anyone do the Aetna requirements? And if so, how does this compare? I am looking forward to Thursday's appt. I hope to get some answers. And I'm even down a few pounds. Not many, just a few. I want to see if I can even get some clarification on this - can I lose weight and be ok? Or do I need to try to stay steady? As of last week I was down 7. And over the weekend I did a few things to gain some of it back, on purpose. So now I'm down 3. But I'd rather be down 7. If I weren't trying to stay steady, I'd actually be down more. One question about switching to Aetna is about my BMI, too. Does my BMI have to be 40 when Aetna starts covering me? Or is it quite simply from the beginning of this process? Since my BMI is so close to the edge, it's making me wonder....I started with Cigna with a higher BMI and am following their requirements. But if I switch to Aetna midway - does my BMI have to be above 40 from the day Aetna gets me? No sodas in over a week and a half. No sugar or cream in my coffee. When I want a snack in the middle of the afternoon I eat broccoli and cucumbers. Protein is something I am eating more of - and carbs less of. Sad story, though. I live in this awesome neighborhood where we are all friends and we are always watching out for each other. We use any excuse to get together and typically raid each other's pantrys to come up with the best Saturday evening meals. As is the case in any situation where friendships are easy, there are also cliques. Our cliques are not exclusive and we all mingle well. But we also have the clique where they are our closer friends. The cliques have names. My clique became known as the "first wives club". We have our "first wives club" dinner every Tuesday. It's a lot of fun and a nice time to be away from the Hubby. One of us will cook the main entree, one the veggies and starch and one the desert. Here is where the sadness comes in. There are five of us in this group. And they LOVE starch. So much so there is usually, in any given week, bread, potatoes AND pasta. EEKS! :ohmy: I make ONE starch at home with any given meal. ONE! That's MORE than enough! But THREE? AND desert? EEEEEEKS! :ohmy: Starch is my weakness. Baked potatoes - I can walk away from. Country fried potatoes - I can walk away from. But mashed? GIMME! :drool: Roasted? GIMME! :drool: Pasta? I hate spaghetti. But something with alfredo? GIMME! :drool: I don't care for penne and pasta salads are hit or miss. But anything smothered with cheese? GIMME! :drool: And bread. Uggg. Bread! Sourdough? GIMME! :drool: About the only bread I don't like is potato rolls or loafs or whatever. I feel like it's getting to the point that I need to withdraw from the dinners for self-preservation. Cause the other "first wives" don't have to care. They don't have to worry. They should - but they don't have to. Anyway. That's my sadness. I love them, love being with them, and love our Tuesday's. But I don't think I can beat these temptations YET. Maybe some day. But the sodas and the coffee and some of the other little things I have done this month are already quite a lot. I know I can get to the point where I don't even serve myself those things :tt2: but I'm just not there yet. And so long as I don't serve 'em, I won't care that it's in the bowl on the counter. But for now - I CARE.

Call it's name back. And tell it to go jump off a bridge.... I have a funny thing with candy. Don't like the stuff, don't crave it, don't generally want it. But if I have none in the house - it's all I can think about. Get some back in a drawer somewhere and I'm fine so long as it sits there. I never eat it. I'm rubbing off on Hubby, too, cause he used to ransack those drawers for the candy and now he never bothers. We have a drawer with some candy in it...and it's been there for almost two years now. The Halloween candy all went lickity split. We discovered Saturday night that we live in "that" neighborhood where all the folks go to so their kids can get "the good candy". Our subdivision is still being built and this year was the first time that happened (average age of a house on my loop is 3 years). So we are gonna have to prepare better for next Halloween. I can't tell you how many "hay wagons" were driving through our streets...it's fun though, we turn it into one great big block party. My husband and I and some neighbors tailgate. One dad suggested we turn it into a real tailgate next year. Not a shabby idea - but I don't want to be providing for all the parents bussing their kids in...

I got on the scale this morning because I'm a scale-aholic. I like the feedback. I don't generally expect to see a loss but I want to know when there is a gain. So this week, I've cut my breakfast lunch and dinner down by half. I am supposed to be trying for 1200 calories a day. This week I also went three days without a single soda. I have been drinking water, iced tea and coffee. Iced tea unsweetened. Coffee sweetened with about a third of a teaspoon in an oversized cup. I really could cut that sugar out and it's next on my list. But one thing at a time is my approach. So funny story - last night - I about ripped my husband's head off because he wouldn't tell me which door he was picking me up at. I have three doors I can exit and I just wanted to know which one to exit. He wanted me to tell him where I'd exit and he'd go there. I wanted HIM to make the decision. Is it really that hard? I WAS STARVING and I was not thinking let alone thinking clearly and who the frick cares? Normally, I don't. But 1200 calories a day is HARD! I knew it wouldn't last. And this isn't that self-fulfilling prophecy kind of thing. It just isn't feasible. Especially since I am trying to do this WHILE cleaning out the pantry. So I'm not necessarily eating protein intense foods or the right kinds of things to make this work out. For now, I am just eating what I want to get out of the pantry - and never buy again, at least not for a daily lunch. Things like potato chips that just do not satisfy hunger. I would not talk to my husband for about thirty minutes over this REALLY stupid thing. And when I DID talk, my voice was cracking like I was thoroughly exhausted - which I wasn't, although I certainly didn't have my normal energy. And when I realized JUST how hungry I WAS - I said FEED ME. And he said ok. And we went out for sushi. And before we ate - I apologized and said I was wrong and he, being the sweet sweet man that he is, said, it's ok. Sushi is good! And then I was not hungry. Nor was I for the rest of the evening. However, this morning, I woke up famished. And I got on the scale and I'm down. Now THAT is significant because this is the time of the month where I gain five pounds overnight, keep that weight for about five days, then drop it all just as suddenly. I should have gained that five pounds last night, in fact. I decided I need to go about this much more wisely. The potato chips will get gone. I have about half a bag left and they will get added to lunches until they no longer exist and that will be the end of them. But where I was bringing a bag to eat with lunch and a bag for a mid-afternoon snack to get them gone faster, now I will bring one bag - for lunch - and a protein snack for the mid-afternoon lull. I am hoping this will tide me over until dinner better. I do know that as the pantry gets worked through over the next few weeks/months, that the snacks and light meals will be replaced with more protein rich foods, for example, or veggies instead of chips. I have known that all along - but I just can't throw food that is edible. Even if it's not the best food for me, it's not something like I have it so I sit there and eat the whole bag of chips all at once. And I also know that 1200 a calories a day just isn't likely. I'm striving for it. But I'm not going to walk around famished, either. My husband doesn't need to endure that - and I have a brain intense job that needs me to be able to think quickly and accurately. If I end up having to do rework because I was striving for a calorie count that is just not satisfying, well, it's just not worth losing my job over that. On average, I take in about 1800 calories - and I think that's not too shabby. I think I'd rather shoot for 1500 and have enough energy in me to be able to work out! Cause that was the other downfall last night - I managed to fix myself - but I still didn't get enough energy in me to hit the lake for a brisk walk... So one pound. If I continue to lose one pound a week over the span of this supervised weight loss thing - that would be about 24 pounds. 24 pounds would mean a BMI of about 38. But I'm sure I'll plateau before this time is up... Have to chuckle, though. This is such an odd thing to be concerned about...

What great news. I can only imagine that you must be feeling relieved with all of this starting to subside. The other one - in addition to the more you sleep the faster you heal - is the more you move. Make sure you are walking and keeping all the muscles active. The increased blood activity, even for short periods, can also help heal faster. Good night...

My husband and I finally received the information on his insurance options for next year today. His options are staying the same - which means we can switch to his plan and still have something deductible and out-of-pocket-max free. Add to that it will save us $8 a payperiod of my own plan that's going away. So we will be switching to Aetna. From things I read around here, seems Aetna is good about this. But I don't know what my specific case will be. Right now I am on Cigna. Cigna required a six month supervised weight loss program which I am one month into. Cigna required a pysch consult which I have done the testing for. I go back on Monday to get the results. Yes, I'm nuts. Not sure why anyone has to pay for that info. :smile: Cigna required letters of medical necessity from any practictioners with ongoing care. In my case that's my PCP and my OB/GYN. I got one from my PCP. I see my OB/GYN next Thurs but don't expect an issue here as he has mentioned this in the past. The good news about Aetna is all of my doc's - the pcp, the ob/gyn, even the surgeon, are still in-network. So there will be no change of care. Cigna required a nutritionist consult. I will have that on Thurs when I go in for my weigh in. When I go in for that weigh in, I'll see what they might be able to say about this switch. Seems that some with Aetna only have to do three months of supervised weightloss. So maybe this is happening sooner? But in perusing Aetna's website, I found a document that says I have to have documented severe obesity issues for two years or more. I have not been over a BMI of 40 for a year, let alone two. I've been at 40 (and counting) since the start of this year. Last year I hovered around 37-38. Got off BC at the beginning of the year and that threw everything out of whack. Problem is that while I have history of a BMI over 35, I do not have any comorbidities.... I feel so much better about the insurance. There may have to be a delay in getting the insurance requirements sorted out after that insurance plan goes into effect (Jan 1 2010) but in the meantime I can keep plugging away on all this other stuff. I do know that I will still have to have the psych consult and a nutritionist consult. I do know there is a supervised weightloss time period - may be 6 months may be 3. But I can keep all this going. And the motivation is back. I no longer feel like there's a potential hurdle to overcome. YAY!:crying::thumbup::thumbup:

My husband and I finally received the information on his insurance options for next year today. His options are staying the same - which means we can switch to his plan and still have something deductible and out-of-pocket-max free. Add to that it will save us $8 a payperiod of my own plan that's going away. So we will be switching to Aetna. From things I read around here, seems Aetna is good about this. But I don't know what my specific case will be. Right now I am on Cigna. Cigna required a six month supervised weight loss program which I am one month into. Cigna required a pysch consult which I have done the testing for. I go back on Monday to get the results. Yes, I'm nuts. Not sure why anyone has to pay for that info. :wub: Cigna required letters of medical necessity from any practictioners with ongoing care. In my case that's my PCP and my OB/GYN. I got one from my PCP. I see my OB/GYN next Thurs but don't expect an issue here as he has mentioned this in the past. The good news about Aetna is all of my doc's - the pcp, the ob/gyn, even the surgeon, are still in-network. So there will be no change of care. Cigna required a nutritionist consult. I will have that on Thurs when I go in for my weigh in. When I go in for that weigh in, I'll see what they might be able to say about this switch. Seems that some with Aetna only have to do three months of supervised weightloss. So maybe this is happening sooner? But in perusing Aetna's website, I found a document that says I have to have documented severe obesity issues for two years or more. I have not been over a BMI of 40 for a year, let alone two. I've been at 40 (and counting) since the start of this year. Last year I hovered around 37-38. Got off BC at the beginning of the year and that threw everything out of whack. Problem is that while I have history of a BMI over 35, I do not have any comorbidities.... I feel so much better about the insurance. There may have to be a delay in getting the insurance requirements sorted out after that insurance plan goes into effect (Jan 1 2010) but in the meantime I can keep plugging away on all this other stuff. I do know that I will still have to have the psych consult and a nutritionist consult. I do know there is a supervised weightloss time period - may be 6 months may be 3. But I can keep all this going. And the motivation is back. I no longer feel like there's a potential hurdle to overcome. YAY!:thumbup::scared2:

Welcome! I have found the blogs are a great source of information and support. I hope you enjoy this site as much as I seem to be. And I agree, I think the successful people are the people that use all of their resources - and this is one of them. Welcome!

Can I eat sushi (on occasion)? Can I drink black coffee (Monday-Friday)? Can I eat rice with my favorite Japanese rice topping (on occasion)? Can I drink a soda (on occasion)? I suspect soda will soon stop tasting good to me and so don't think I'll really miss this, but I'm just wondering... Can I eat a small sandwich of wheat bread and turkey for lunch (on occasion)? How long will I have to not lift weights following surgery? Can I lose this weight? For good?

Apples2, my condolences to you and your family. You are all in my prayers.

I sure have a lot of catching up to do but this looks like a great thread. Just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. Hi. I'm Lori. Ok, with that said - I'll be back tomorrow to see what great info I can gather from this.

Congratulations! I can only imagine the relief you must be feeling! I wish you continued success! :thumbdown::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup::huggie::thumbup::wink2::thumbup:

Can I eat sushi (on occasion)? Can I drink black coffee (Monday-Friday)? Can I eat rice with my favorite Japanese rice topping (on occasion)? Can I drink a soda (on occasion)? I suspect soda will soon stop tasting good to me and so don't think I'll really miss this, but I'm just wondering... Can I eat a small sandwich of wheat bread and turkey for lunch (on occasion)? How long will I have to not lift weights following surgery? Can I lose this weight? For good?

Relationships are not built on secret fantasy's they are built on communication. When I met my husband I was just starting to REALLY enjoy being single. I thought to myself, as we shook hands during our introduction, "please don't like me". And it was downhill from there. :thumbdown: I'm glad I didn't tell him that secret until later. Now we laugh about it. But I still told him. Do you want to or can you be friends with him if the feelings aren't mutual? I had a friend in college who was exactly like you are describing - we'd go on trips together and we spent almost all free time together in addition to scheduling all our classes together. I had a crush on him but the feelings weren't mutual - I did tell him I wanted more at some point. The friendship feel apart because he thought I was always thinking something - even though I wasn't. He couldn't trust that I was just a friend after that.

Congrats! I understand about it not being a goal you thought you had - I can't cross my legs without sitting on my side, if that makes sense. I can't remember when I had to start sitting weird to get the legs crossed - but I'm aware of it now and am aware of what chairs it won't work in. I can't wait to not have to think about it anymore!

I struggled with having a large frame as a teenager/early-20-something year old. On my mom's side of the family all of the women are tiny little (BUT VERY TALL) petite things. They all thought that since I was large framed that meant I was fat. And they all told me about it all the time until I actually started to become fat. At 18, I weighed 136. According to happy weight calculator I should weigh 142 nowdays. Using my answers for 25 and 21, I should have weighed 141 at 25 and 139 at 21. At 18, I was 136 with A LOT of muscle as I swam 4-5 hours a day three days a week, and on the off days from training I swam 2 hours. On those off days I also lifted weights and ran for another hour. I actually thought I was fat, too. I wasn't fat. I have what I call powerhouse legs. Very large VERY muscular thighs. At 18, I had measurements of 36/26/36. My friends called me Barbee, which I didn't understand at the time. Afterall, my family wouldn't lie to me - I WAS fat. I couldn't find pants that fit because my waist didn't match my hips. Nonetheless, my pelvic bone stuck pretty far out. I REALLY thought I was fat. Now I KNOW I was not. Thank you family! Anywho. It was in my late 20's that I realized and then accepted that I did not get my bone structure or my easy ability to create muscle from my mom's side of the family but rather from my dad's side. On my mom's side of the family, no matter how hard they try, they cannot build muscle. As they are getting older that inability to create muscle with ease is working against them. I would love to get back to 142. I will happily accept 154 - which is the high end of my ideal range. That's a little over 100 pounds for me to lose as of today...

I'm right there with you, renebeau. I have started the six month weight loss program that my insurance requires - but my insurance is changing so my requirements might change. But I figure I want to see how I do with these six months. A life of no sushi is not appealing to me! I don't eat a ton of it - once a month or so - but never again? That seems harsh. I'm struggling with that idea. With the band, sliding backwards will be much harder. Without the band - there's nothing there telling me I'm going wrong. And you are right - if I could do it myself - wouldn't I have already AND kept it off? On the other hand - have I ever been this serious? I definitely want to ask these questions next week, though, when I go see my NP again - about sushi and rice. Really? Never? My surgeon says champagne and beer are ok - but to remember those are cheating calories because they just slide right through. It IS interesting how all the surgeons say such different things.

I have a job that is fun and interesting. But it can also include a lot of waiting on computers to get their act together. So I tend to blog and write emails and play games in those times... This is one such time. And I have been doing this all day long and have read back through some of my blogs and want to update where things are TODAY. Still not sure what's happening on the insurance front. From yesterday's blog, I was UP four pounds - after being DOWN four pounds on Sunday. Today I am DOWN three. The pantry is getting cleaned out slowly but surely. The potato chips are gone and I am glad for that. Still have tortilla chips in there but I am not so worried about them. You see...I LIKE tortilla chips and I do NOT like potato chips. Potato chips are NOT satisfying and yet you always want more. Tortilla chips, on the other hand, do satisfy an urge and they are filling and depending on what you buy, may not be so bad for you, either... Once upon a time I wrote a blog asking if I was lieing to myself. And here's my answer. Yes. And No. I think the reality is that I DO know how to eat well and healthy and I DO know what proper portion size is. I think that the reality is that somewhere around about two years or so ago I decided somewhere deep in the pea I have for a brain that if I'm going to look like this, I might as well throw what I know out the window. And around about two years ago - I started letting myself, almost making myself, actually, eat those potato chips I actually don't even really like and actually never crave. Does that make sense? No. But it's how I resolved myself to what was happening. If you can't beat it, join it, was the premise. With the cleaning out of the pantry well underway, things ARE changing. My husband is eating in a way I don't think he ever has before and the weight is quite simply melting off him. Good for him. If I do what I inherently know - and am discovering I have seriously missed - I should be ok. An interesting conversation came up with friends last night. One friend is married to a power lifter. He competes and he owns his own gym so he can teach others the differences between power lifting and body building. He's cooky. He lifts TIRES instead of weights. Big ol' huge 750 pound tires - turns them over instead of rolling them along. Anywho. He has a competition in about a week and a half and so is on a no-carb diet for the rest of the time until the competition so that he can beef up as much as possible before hand. Great. Good for him. Except - it is a major undertaking for him to give up those carbs. Ok, so what's wrong with this, you ask? Well. As he sits there and eats all the "bad stuff" (in normal times, not prepping for competitions) he WILL NOT let his kids touch it. And so, of course, that's all they want - is what DAD eats. Mom cooks healthy, lean, good food. And they don't want that - cause DAD doesn't have to eat that. So, that's the background. In this conversation we were talking about the double standard and how that is likely to rear it's ugly head later in their lives. And I think that's true. And I think I had never really thought of it THAT way before. My mom cooked healthy, lean, good food. It was a very balanced diet. And we did not pack in sugar - wasn't allowed to have regular Kool-Aid, wasn't allowed to have sweetened cereals like Lucky Charms. Wasn't allowed this or that or this or that. And the truth is, I don't like the this or that's that were excluded from my childhood. BUT. My DAD did get that stuff. And he did eat that stuff. And he also died from diabetes and heart disease. But when I moved out and on my own - I said you know what - Dad ate it, so so can I. And almost to prove a point, I bought the stuff. And I ate the stuff. And here I am. And the irony? The "stuff" doesn't taste good to me. That good, lean, healthy stuff DOES but that "bad stuff" does NOT. And I'm finding, as I'm making the switch back to what I did for so long - that I AM GLAD AND RELIEVED to be making this switch! And my husband. He's so cute. I swear by sugarfree Kool-Aid. He thought :crying:. And then I made a pitcher of it. And he took a sip (cause he'd never had it before and wanted to be sure it really WAS :thumbup:). But he LIKED it. :smile: If he cuts the sugar out - that's huge - cause he DID grow up on the stuff. I don't know why it matters what you grew up with - I keep saying that - but there is personal choice in that realm, too. That matters as much as anything. One would think. Anywho. I am glad the pantry is getting cleaned out. I am glad my husband is so onboard with this lifestyle change. I am glad I actually do know how to do this and that it's turning out to not be a struggle, even. I am glad I have this time, this six months mandatory supervised weight loss time, to work this all out because I DO think this would be HARD HARD HARD if it was just all cold turkey, all just done, all just over with all with the snap of a finger. And that's what I know. As for me and the scale - believe it or not - it just cracks me up. How do you lose four pounds over night and then gain back four pounds the next night and then stay steady for two days and then lose three pounds overnight? I really get on the scale for the humor - so what humorousness will I discover tomorrow?