ldswims

And the blog is even likely to be short! This regards the blogs Sigh....part 1 and Sigh....part 2 and Really? Seriously? I emailed my 'advocate" this morning with what I now know to be true for Cigna. I figured maybe just maybe I can help some other poor soul to not have to go through a day like this. Course, it's a whole list of things that all fell inline yesterday to make yesterday happen. And just a few minutes ago I heard back from her. With my news, their clinic called Cigna to verify this for themselves. And it IS true. You do NOT need a two year history with Cigna. So with that said, looks like I do NOT have to do the sleep study. I am good to go. So here we go... :smile2::party::huh2::party:

BG - I think you should be proud of yourself for what you have done already! I can't wait to read your next adaptations!

Whoever would have thunk it - but having all the doctor's appts last month made the first month of my "unweightloss" program fly by. However...with all the doctor's appts now out of the way...now what can I look forward to? The only thing remaining besides the few weigh-ins I have left is to do some blood work. They told me that they would give me the lab slip for that at my next weigh in so that I can do the blood work in January. Eeeks. Sooooooo slowwwwwww. Those appts had me feeling like I was making progress all the time. Now I feel like I can easily get derailed from all of this. When you have something to work towards, that helps. This is odd, though - I feel as though I have nothing to work towards anymore... Sigh...I guess I'll just keep waiting. :biggrin:

What about exercise? What kinds of things do you do? Because sometimes changing that up can help, too...

Yay! That's awesome! I'll be cheering you on at the finish line in spirit!

Whoever would have thunk it - but having all the doctor's appts last month made the first month of my "unweightloss" program fly by. However...with all the doctor's appts now out of the way...now what can I look forward to? The only thing remaining besides the few weigh-ins I have left is to do some blood work. They told me that they would give me the lab slip for that at my next weigh in so that I can do the blood work in January. Eeeks. Sooooooo slowwwwwww. Those appts had me feeling like I was making progress all the time. Now I feel like I can easily get derailed from all of this. When you have something to work towards, that helps. This is odd, though - I feel as though I have nothing to work towards anymore... Sigh...I guess I'll just keep waiting. :thumbup:

1) It's a Friday. It's the 13th. Friday-the-13th's tend to lucky days for me. I have won three contests in my life - and they've all been on Friday-the-13th's. 2) FIVE more months? REALLY? Ok. Four months and three weeks. But I want to start NOW - not play games...but here I am. I guess four months and three weeks IS better than five months IS better than six months.... 3) How to eat post-band. How will it be different than now. I struggle to get my protein now, although becoming aware of this battle has helped. In the past two days I have been getting enough. I have approached Atkins in the past as eat whatever I want - protein like. But you can't sustain that for very long without causing other problems for your body, I believe. But what if I'm incredibly selective about the proteins I select? Instead of bacon, I pick salmon. Instead of cheese cubes, I eat broccoli dipped in hummus. Can my body sustain THOSE choices longer? I wonder. When I get banded, I am supposed to follow a high protein diet. Eat protein and then if you still can eat, then eat the veggies and then if you still can eat, then eat the carbs. Well. Out of seven days, I am supposed to avoid the carbs for six. On the seventh day, I can eat those carbs. It's my "cheat" day. If I pick a Sunday, though, to be my cheat day, then my cheat day should always fall on a Sunday. So hey, everyone, get your birthdays scheduled accordingly! Sorry, just a little blithe sarcasm, there. Anywho, say it takes me a year to lose my weight. For a whole year - I have not really eaten "normally". When I get into maintenance mode, then the band would presumably be loosened a smidge. Which should mean my caloric intake might be sufficient for actually getting to eat the carbs. Wouldn't that cause my body to say "here we go again, better start hoarding?" Now, Band_Groupie pointed out to me this morning that with restriction, by default, you essentially are doing an Atkins diet. You just quite simply can't eat enough food to get ALL the necessary protein AND ingest the carbs. Fair point. But as my weight decreases my necessary intake of protein will, too. This has me wondering and I will do more research. In esseance all of this came from - you guessed it - Band_Groupie's blog! It really got me to thinking when she was blogging about not wanting to diet. She’s been there done that – and this is a lifestyle change. I agree with that whole-heartedly. And that got me to thinking – so how is doing the Atkins AGAIN, even though with a band this time, not a diet? But. But But But But But. I can see why people would get into smoothies and shakes because although they are sliders – they also would be a way that you might actually be able to ingest the daily recommended protein and carbs (and all that other stuff that goes with them). I, like BG, do not want to be a smoothie/shake chick, either. With one exception. As is, right now, unbanded – and it’s been this way for years – I do drink smoothies in the morning. I will not stop that post-band. Lots of thoughts in this one little thought. Lots of research to do, too! Next… 4) I’m such a whiner. I don’t generally consider myself a whiner – but it sure is coming across that way when I reread my blog. I am sorry for that. With the insurance situation under check, I should be getting back to my non-whiny self. Sorry for the detour… 5) I am so glad I am done with all the Dr. appt’s. I have an appt with my cardiologist this afternoon. He had me do a stress test a couple weeks ago and stated I was cleared for surgery. Today is the formality of getting the written clearance that I can turn in. With this appt done, I literally only have the weigh in appt’s left. Two of those down – four to go… 6) Four appt’s to go sounds better than five months to go. I think I’ll switch to that song and dance…33% done. 7) I want to remember what it feels like to be bloated but thin. It’s bad enough that I have to be bloated on a monthly basis, but to be bloated and fat – well…that’s just downright uncomfortable!!!! I don’t remember ever feeling this uncomfortability (like my word?) before my heavy days. And even with the heavy days – it’s still pretty recent that it’s become so dagged uncomfortable. Now there’s a strange milestone for myself… 8) Maybe my cramps will get better, too! (TMI?) 9) Does anyone else see anything wrong with failing the unweightloss program on purpose? Does our insurance industry not get what they are causing here? Added expense, wasted time, a whole plethora of negatives by creating this game. My very own insurance company cites study after study in their very own weightloss surgery policy document. One such study states that a sample group of about ~300 patients was put together. ~50 of those patients were forced to do what I have termed the “unweightloss” program. ~250 were just given the surgery. (All cases used the Lap-Band.) The ~50 who were on the “unweightloss” program did it for real and were losing weight. Of those ~50 people, ~60% decided to not do the surgery. A year later all ~300 people were examined. The ~250 people who had the band surgery had ALL lost a minimum of ~50% of the weight they wanted to shed. Of the people who were on the weightloss program that did have the surgery, they had ALL lost weight, although not as much as those that just went straight to surgery since at the recheck they’d only been banded for six months vs. a year. But the people who thought the diet was going well and opted out of the surgery – they had ALL regained ALL of their weight back plus more, in most cases. So here we have it. Cigna has a document citing what their policies are. In this document they backup those policies with study after study after study. And in this particular study it shows that the unweightloss program hinders weightloss! There are quite a few other studies cited in that document that show similar results. Quite a few show that the efficacy of the lap-band is substantially greater long term than any other weight loss surgery option. And yet there they are, playing games. Oh well. On with life. Only four more appts to go! I think I’ve blogged enough today. So with that, I bid you adieu. I will be back this weekend with additional thoughts I may or may not have.

The cauliflower mash sounds awesome. I know I'd like it - but I think even my husband would, too, and THAT would be an accomplishment! I have been reading a lot of blogs and info, as well, and I get the opposite impression. I think most surgeons do start with fluid in the band and a very few leave it empty. I know my surgeon will be putting 3cc's in the band as well. It seems to range from 0-3 and it certainly does change the process. I will be following you closely as I suspect that bandster hell will not be quite as long for you as it is for those with 0 in the band. Here's to hoping! I'm glad it's going so well! Keep us posted!

I have my water within arm's reach. Let's go! (Sarcasm dripping) Of course, I ALWAYS drink ALL of that water that's ALWAYS within arm's reach... I do better on weekends than during the week, which is funny. During the week I have to sit at my desk. On the weekends I am always bouncing around. You'd think it would be harder in bouncy mode....

In addition to the missing protein, keep in mind that fat is what makes you feel full. Don't be afraid of the fats - just be selective. Olive oil and vinegar, for example, instead of salad dressing. Or add avocados. The protein will carry you further, the fat will sustain you short term. 40% of your diet should be protein, 30% fats (HEALTHY fats) and the rest carbs - but try to make those carbs "the naturally growing" kind. I am pre-band myself and I am working on getting used to eating protein first followed by the veggies. For some of my veggies, afternoon snack, for example, I dip them in homemade hummus - which is higher in protein as well. I'm finding that I was severely lacking in my protein intake and with trying to increase that, I am being sustained longer between meals. If you want to know where you are as far as protein/fat/carb intake, check out www.fitday.com and start tracking it....amazing what I discovered there, I think.

I wrote up a really nice blog. I was happy with it. It was great, IMO. I was ready to post and I was reviewing it for the typos that always get through in spite of knowing better. And then it happened. My gosh-darned IE FROZE. Dead as a doornail. Couldn't do a gall-derned thing. And there it went. LOVE the computer... So I am going to try and replicate the great news in a great blog as best as I can. But you know how it is - the second version - from scratch - is never as good as the first. Great thing number one - my husband and I got some news last night that totally has me relaxed about my "insurance issues". I now KNOW that I won't be the reason this doesn't happen. My ducks are in a row and things are good. I felt like I was getting signs that were telling me to question this whole thing. And now I feel like I've got the sign that says go forth and be successful. Furthermore, go forth and be successful and shoot for the April banding! So I feel better. Great thing number two. And here is where I can't do this rewritten blog justice. I will certainly try too hard to capture what I had there - and that will mean that I've tried too hard and the message will be lost. Love the computer. ^&*$($^(&%&&^*()^%&$^&*$^*:confused: So here's my re-effort... A bit of background. I've been working my way through another blog on here - a blog by band_groupie. It is an amazing blog that is very well written, very amusing, very personal, very real! She does a lot of research for quite a lot of her blogs and she is quite able to articulate what I believe many struggle with even identifying. Her blog has been an eye-opener for me. It's also pointed out places where I am doing well, IMO. I totally recommend, at the very least, checking it out. I know there are other fantastic bloggers on here and I expect to find them and wander through their journey, too. To be honest, I appreciate band_groupie's opinion, perspective and insight - I think her approach to the band is successful because of those three things and I think I can always learn how to form better opinions, have a more positive perspective and insight is always great - the more insights I can read/hear about the better able I will be to form better opinions and maintain a positive perspective. With that said (and I'm telling you, this rewrite is totally NOT doing justice to the original blog lost somewhere in cyberspace), band_groupie (and I know many others, because she got this from somewhere, herself) talks about www.fitday.com in a few of her blogs. And here's great thing number two. So I wandered off to www.fitday.com to see for myself. And I decided to play with it while I'm on this "unweightloss" journey. I so totally was not expecting what I have now learned. I have been tracking what I'm eating each day on that website for about a week now. I learned last week while visiting the nutritionist that for my current weight I should be consuming about 90 grams of protein per day. On my best day in this past week or so that I've been tracking this, I consumed 63 grams. I am nowhere near where I should be. And oh nelly, that actually makes things start to make sense! I have been proclaiming left and right that my calorie intake is already pretty low. And it is. My highest day was a little over 1300 calories - and that was a "binge" day for me. But of those calories, the majority are coming from carbs and fat. I never would have expected that. NEVER!!! So now I have something to work with and play around with. Of course, this being my "unweightloss" period, I can only do so much. But this is the perfect time for me to be adjusting to this - not later, I think. Ugh, I wish I had my original blog back - because there were other things I pointed out and now for the life of me, I can't even remember what they were, so I can't even try to rewrite them. Let me just say again, band_groupie's blog is quite educational, it's fun to read and it's a great place to really learn what this process is really like. She does a great job of articulating each new discovery on her path. This process is necessarily life changing - but if you never get into the introspective phase of self-examination, I predict struggles. By reading that blog, I think I am exposing new questions which I must ask myself. And the sooner I ask - the better! Every person's jouney will be different. Each body is unique and each's body's reaction to this process is different. Furthermore, each mindset is unique and that mindset is just as important, if not moreso, in determining success. The questions are quite important - even though the responses will all be different. So two things here. Check out www.fitday.com and band_groupie's blog. What a difference a day makes!

I love your blogs, too - and especially your superstar story! That's awesome! I hope you are enjoying your success - it sure sounds like you are!

Are you self-pay or are you going through insurance? Have you had your consultation? They will be able to answer this question for you - it's so very different for everyone.

Since I am posting to explain 12th Man, I want to start with - yesterday I read another blog of yours - from June I believe. You had been out in the yard all weekend working working working. And over that weekend you gained 4 pounds. By the end of the week it was gone and a few more dropped. So I think this might be like that - it was a different activity. If your body gets used to something, it stops reacting as well if at all. So when you change it up - it says "what" and goes into starvation mode. And when it realizes you were just being different - it says "ok, here you go". I predict an overall loss at the end of this week. :confused: (Eeeks, I hope I'm not just spewing forth words here.) Ok, 12th Man. It's actually patented. The Seattle Seahawks tried to steal it from us a few years ago and we took em to court. That's another story. 12th Man was born in 1922 when our football team had all of 11 players. If anyone of them had been injured we would have had to forfeit the game. So E. King Gill stood up and suited up and said "coach, I'm ready if you need me". No one was injured and we went on to win the game, but ever since, all students must stand through the entire game to let the coach and the team know that the fans are there if they are needed. We also create a buzz by constantly yelling "A" when the opponents offense is on the field. It gets so loud in there that when they are in a huddle they cannot hear the quarterback talk. I am a former student (no, not an alum) and so technically am an "elephant" and no longer need to stand. But most alum do still stand - especially those of us that pay to remain on the student side. Our entire east side of the stadium is student seating save two sections. We are known for getting that stadium rocking - when we sing our "Fighting Texas Aggie War Hymm" at one point in the song we lock arms and legs and start to sway. Announcers have gotten sick from that "swaying" and claim that the stadium is moving. Aren't you glad you asked? I'll stop here even though there's a ton more I can tell you!

Weekends are always the hardest time for me to continue watching what I eat, I think. During football season the downfall is beer and bar food. During the rest of the year the downfall is beer and bar food, but on a lesser scale. When you are sitting in front of the fantabulous tv we spent a fortune on last year you want to eat chicken wings and french fries. And you reason to yourself - how often does football season come along? Come on, enjoy... Ok...so not really. I'm exagerating. I generally can't sit still long enough to watch a game with my husband and I'm generally bouncing into the kitchen to make some something or another for the guys that accumulate in front of the amazingly fantabulous tv that cost a fortune. But I had a breakthrough nonetheless. Saturday mornings I can usually claim that tv for myself while the hubby snoozes away the morning. And I will watch one or two of the shows that I have dvr'ed over the week while I can. So yesterday, I sat down to watch one of those shows, all nuzzled up in a cozy throw with my doggie curled up in my arms. I was happy as a clam and snug as a bug in a rug. It's things like that that make me proclaim "I love the fall!" Towards the end of watching that show, an hour long but when you count in the fast forwarding through commercials, it turns into 40 minutes, I started to think to myself I've got the munchies. And then I asked myself the best question I've ever come up with for anything in life. "Why?" And I couldn't answer it. There was no answer. I was not hungry. I'd had a great breakfast and it was holding me over. It was nowhere near time for lunch. And when I realized all of that - I was fine. I went on with my morning. When the show was finished I moved myself to my computer to take care of the bills and such. As I was sitting here thinking about things, I realized I had the munchies again. By this time, I had eaten lunch and I had a fantastic glass of water sitting beside me. I interrupt this program to say "I have not had a soda in over two weeks now!" Back to the program at hand. So I ask myself again - that most awesome-ist of questions... "Why?" And I got the same result. I couldn't answer it. There was no answer. I was not hungry. I'd had a great lunch and it was holding me over. It was nowhere near time for dinner. And when I realized all of that - I was fine. From there the day progressed. Through watching football and the rest of the afternoon, I never did have a munchie moment again. I ate a dinner that was fantastic and quite satisfying. And then the day was over. I always munch on Saturday's and Sunday's! Today was not so successful. I made home made snickerdoodles last weekend. We freeze our cookies and pull out what we want when we want them. But when you have to thaw a cookie it makes you question whether you really want it - if you even remember they are there. So I had two cookies today. I did not eat a satisfying breakfast or lunch today and that equated to "needing" something this afternoon. But when I realized that, I did go for a more protein rich snack. So...interesting... Ironically, I generally give myself credit for being someone that doesn't eat unless I'm hungry. My mom said that about me, actually. But in this journey to being overweight, I am discovering, I rewrote my definition of hunger. I'd call that a break through. Can I get back to my once upon a time mentality?

Read Band_Groupie's blog.

I wrote up a really nice blog. I was happy with it. It was great, IMO. I was ready to post and I was reviewing it for the typos that always get through in spite of knowing better. And then it happened. My gosh-darned IE FROZE. Dead as a doornail. Couldn't do a gall-derned thing. And there it went. LOVE the computer... So I am going to try and replicate the great news in a great blog as best as I can. But you know how it is - the second version - from scratch - is never as good as the first. Great thing number one - my husband and I got some news last night that totally has me relaxed about my "insurance issues". I now KNOW that I won't be the reason this doesn't happen. My ducks are in a row and things are good. I felt like I was getting signs that were telling me to question this whole thing. And now I feel like I've got the sign that says go forth and be successful. Furthermore, go forth and be successful and shoot for the April banding! So I feel better. Great thing number two. And here is where I can't do this rewritten blog justice. I will certainly try too hard to capture what I had there - and that will mean that I've tried too hard and the message will be lost. Love the computer. ^&*$($^(&%&&^*()^%&$^&*$^*:confused: So here's my re-effort... A bit of background. I've been working my way through another blog on here - a blog by band_groupie. It is an amazing blog that is very well written, very amusing, very personal, very real! She does a lot of research for quite a lot of her blogs and she is quite able to articulate what I believe many struggle with even identifying. Her blog has been an eye-opener for me. It's also pointed out places where I am doing well, IMO. I totally recommend, at the very least, checking it out. I know there are other fantastic bloggers on here and I expect to find them and wander through their journey, too. To be honest, I appreciate band_groupie's opinion, perspective and insight - I think her approach to the band is successful because of those three things and I think I can always learn how to form better opinions, have a more positive perspective and insight is always great - the more insights I can read/hear about the better able I will be to form better opinions and maintain a positive perspective. With that said (and I'm telling you, this rewrite is totally NOT doing justice to the original blog lost somewhere in cyberspace), band_groupie (and I know many others, because she got this from somewhere, herself) talks about www.fitday.com in a few of her blogs. And here's great thing number two. So I wandered off to www.fitday.com to see for myself. And I decided to play with it while I'm on this "unweightloss" journey. I so totally was not expecting what I have now learned. I have been tracking what I'm eating each day on that website for about a week now. I learned last week while visiting the nutritionist that for my current weight I should be consuming about 90 grams of protein per day. On my best day in this past week or so that I've been tracking this, I consumed 63 grams. I am nowhere near where I should be. And oh nelly, that actually makes things start to make sense! I have been proclaiming left and right that my calorie intake is already pretty low. And it is. My highest day was a little over 1300 calories - and that was a "binge" day for me. But of those calories, the majority are coming from carbs and fat. I never would have expected that. NEVER!!! So now I have something to work with and play around with. Of course, this being my "unweightloss" period, I can only do so much. But this is the perfect time for me to be adjusting to this - not later, I think. Ugh, I wish I had my original blog back - because there were other things I pointed out and now for the life of me, I can't even remember what they were, so I can't even try to rewrite them. Let me just say again, band_groupie's blog is quite educational, it's fun to read and it's a great place to really learn what this process is really like. She does a great job of articulating each new discovery on her path. This process is necessarily life changing - but if you never get into the introspective phase of self-examination, I predict struggles. By reading that blog, I think I am exposing new questions which I must ask myself. And the sooner I ask - the better! Every person's jouney will be different. Each body is unique and each's body's reaction to this process is different. Furthermore, each mindset is unique and that mindset is just as important, if not moreso, in determining success. The questions are quite important - even though the responses will all be different. So two things here. Check out www.fitday.com and band_groupie's blog. What a difference a day makes!

Congratulations! I hope you get a date soon and that this is everything you expect it to be.

Wow, you sound very fortunate. I hope all continues to go just like this! Congratulations for crossing over to the other side!

I hate insurance. I got slapped with another insurance problem yesterday but it is what it is and therefore that's it. For history's documentation, I'll just say our deductibles are determined by our "eligible compensation". 2008's eligible compensation will be used for 2010's deductible and OOP-Max determination. And since I work in the oil and gas industry and 2008 was a boom year for exploration - my "eligible compensation" was 40% more than it was this year, 2009. So next year I have the highest deductible possible, the highest OOP-Max possible - while making 40% less (at min) than anyone else that will be in that category. No, it's not the insurance company's fault on that one, that's my good ol' employer. And I understand the theory that my salary should always be rising. Doggoneit though I wish it were! I HATE THIS! We've had to make some very drastic cuts this year because of losing >40% of our income - and now to be slapped with this...just no pleasantness about it! Sigh. On with the world, though.... It is what it is. I just feel the need to gripe and whine today. I can't believe what a GRRR process this is and then to aggravate it with these insurance issues...and then time is ticking so so very slowly. Will this even be a possibility? I do not know. That remains to be seen. Given a 40% salary reduction that we are still struggling with and max possible deductions and OOP-Max's, well...this may be a stretch. And that just bites. But it will be next year before I know the answer to that. Which means to continue with this gall-derned "unweightloss" program. This program is so laughable to me. My unassurance company requires you to "fail". Why bother with the expense then? I think my problem is that I want to know how this all turns out! I've said before I don't deal well with uncertainty and it's still true. I've satisfied just about all the requirements my unassurance company has. Psych consult = done Nutritionist visit = done Letters of medical necessity from all following physicians = done Clearance from Cardiologist for a non-existent issue = done All I have left is a physical and letter of medical necessity by and from the surgeon and bloodwork (TSH test), as well as to fail the six month ridiculous "unweightloss" program. So why do all this if 1) turns out I can't afford it or 2) turns out my unassurance company will deny it or 3) who knows what kind of poppycock excuse they'll come up with. I want to feel like there is hope to work toward. And I do not. I want to feel like it is worthwhile and useful for me to continue with the "unweightloss" program. And I do not. I want to feel like I am moving forward. And I do not. I want to feel like five more months and I am officially onto a new life. And I definitely do not! Sigh. Is this unassurance quagmire a sign? Should I be on my husband's coverage aferall? That requires a 2 year history which I don't have...but it is better coverage. Will my husband get a new and better paying job negating all this worry I have about the financial issues? Do I pursue a new job myself? I hate that the business world has developed into a place where loyalty is no longer desired or even rewarded. I want to be loyal to a company. But I can't give them what they can't give me! I started with this company feeling as though - 'wow, they really want to take care of me'. Now that feeling is - 'wow, they really do not care about me!' I'd be fine if the pendulum swung to the middle - but it is now absolutely about the bottom line. Interestingly enough, moral is quite low. There will be repercussions for this, but when and how drastic are yet to be seen. I started today with the notion that I would be begging for time to speed up a smidge. If that would happen I could at least get closer to having some answers. But it's not so much about that as a true whine-fest. Not my normal modus operandi, I believe, but it is something that does happen with me periodically. And so now maybe I can get on with it. This is out of my system - although that isn't really true. This will fester with me for quite awhile. I feel like this whole year has been about being slapped down. And while my husband and I both are fortunate, thus far, in being able to keep our jobs, we are certainly, as are most everyone else, enduring a year we did not quite foresee. Will this - CAN THIS - turn around? I have to chuckle - I think my aggravation with the unassurance slaps is really because of all the fear and worry I am really feeling about everything else. I can generally roll with the punches pretty well - but sometimes the punches I react to are not really what I'm upset about.

I hate insurance. I got slapped with another insurance problem yesterday but it is what it is and therefore that's it. For history's documentation, I'll just say our deductibles are determined by our "eligible compensation". 2008's eligible compensation will be used for 2010's deductible and OOP-Max determination. And since I work in the oil and gas industry and 2008 was a boom year for exploration - my "eligible compensation" was 40% more than it was this year, 2009. So next year I have the highest deductible possible, the highest OOP-Max possible - while making 40% less (at min) than anyone else that will be in that category. No, it's not the insurance company's fault on that one, that's my good ol' employer. And I understand the theory that my salary should always be rising. Doggoneit though I wish it were! I HATE THIS! We've had to make some very drastic cuts this year because of losing >40% of our income - and now to be slapped with this...just no pleasantness about it! Sigh. On with the world, though.... It is what it is. I just feel the need to gripe and whine today. I can't believe what a GRRR process this is and then to aggravate it with these insurance issues...and then time is ticking so so very slowly. Will this even be a possibility? I do not know. That remains to be seen. Given a 40% salary reduction that we are still struggling with and max possible deductions and OOP-Max's, well...this may be a stretch. And that just bites. But it will be next year before I know the answer to that. Which means to continue with this gall-derned "unweightloss" program. This program is so laughable to me. My unassurance company requires you to "fail". Why bother with the expense then? I think my problem is that I want to know how this all turns out! I've said before I don't deal well with uncertainty and it's still true. I've satisfied just about all the requirements my unassurance company has. Psych consult = done Nutritionist visit = done Letters of medical necessity from all following physicians = done Clearance from Cardiologist for a non-existent issue = done All I have left is a physical and letter of medical necessity by and from the surgeon and bloodwork (TSH test), as well as to fail the six month ridiculous "unweightloss" program. So why do all this if 1) turns out I can't afford it or 2) turns out my unassurance company will deny it or 3) who knows what kind of poppycock excuse they'll come up with. I want to feel like there is hope to work toward. And I do not. I want to feel like it is worthwhile and useful for me to continue with the "unweightloss" program. And I do not. I want to feel like I am moving forward. And I do not. I want to feel like five more months and I am officially onto a new life. And I definitely do not! Sigh. Is this unassurance quagmire a sign? Should I be on my husband's coverage aferall? That requires a 2 year history which I don't have...but it is better coverage. Will my husband get a new and better paying job negating all this worry I have about the financial issues? Do I pursue a new job myself? I hate that the business world has developed into a place where loyalty is no longer desired or even rewarded. I want to be loyal to a company. But I can't give them what they can't give me! I started with this company feeling as though - 'wow, they really want to take care of me'. Now that feeling is - 'wow, they really do not care about me!' I'd be fine if the pendulum swung to the middle - but it is now absolutely about the bottom line. Interestingly enough, moral is quite low. There will be repercussions for this, but when and how drastic are yet to be seen. I started today with the notion that I would be begging for time to speed up a smidge. If that would happen I could at least get closer to having some answers. But it's not so much about that as a true whine-fest. Not my normal modus operandi, I believe, but it is something that does happen with me periodically. And so now maybe I can get on with it. This is out of my system - although that isn't really true. This will fester with me for quite awhile. I feel like this whole year has been about being slapped down. And while my husband and I both are fortunate, thus far, in being able to keep our jobs, we are certainly, as are most everyone else, enduring a year we did not quite foresee. Will this - CAN THIS - turn around? I have to chuckle - I think my aggravation with the unassurance slaps is really because of all the fear and worry I am really feeling about everything else. I can generally roll with the punches pretty well - but sometimes the punches I react to are not really what I'm upset about.

My husband and I both want to see a game at PSU. And OSU! I have a cousin who was in the band at OSU (my family is from Ohio, too) and being a Texas A&M Ag myself - I do love halftime shows! Course, A&M is on that top five list of best student sections, too. And my bias must show through somewhere - I don't think our student section can be beat. Come on - what's better than the 12th Man? Ok, I'm off my box. :confused: Odd to gain five pounds. Maybe it was less to do with the food and more to do with the activity? Doesn't seem possible with what you ate that you could have gained. Sounds like a fun weekend no matter what, though - and that's what you'll remember in the future. I'm telling you - THAT is what you'll remember. Repeat after me...you are getting very sleepy... Ok...I'm done. :confused:

Happy Blogiversary! And welcome back - great game this weekend, I hope you enjoyed - and I hope your son is holding up well. I hope you continue to blog. I love your stories and reading about a LP experience as applied in real life. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty - your blogs are priceless!

I am in League City, south of Houston...