ldswims

The MIL and her sweet hubby had to come to Houston for business. They arrived Weds morning and stayed in a hotel on the north side of town that day. Claimed the 50 miles they would have to drive by staying with us was too great to be of a benefit. I will never understand that...I don't think. It makes no sense to me that staying in a hotel that is within 50 miles of your son is "easier" than not seeing your own son, who you rarely get to see - and always complain about not seeing enough of. To me, if I'm getting within 50 miles of anyone in my family, I'm gonna see them! But if I had kids - I'd be staying with them and dealing with 50 friggin miles. But this isn't about that... Cause she kinda sorta did some redeeming last night. At the very least she reminded me of why I used to think we clicked so well in the first place. Initially they asked us to drive that 50 miles to see them after a long day of work and sitting in extra traffic to do so. Because of a certain situation my sweet hubby and I are dealing with, we asked to meet in the middle. The next day they say to us, well, it just won't work out. But it worked out for the better. Because since it "just wouldn't work out" they decided to stay in Houston an extra day. And not having business on the north side of town on that additional day, they could just come stay with us. So they did. They were there and waiting (inside, of course) when we got home yesterday and we spent a wonderful evening together. I did my chicken in the crock pot. Take a whole roasting chicken, wash, pat dry, then, sprinkle with salt and pepper and throw just that in the pot. Set the pot to low and when you come home from work or errands or whatever, the chicken is so tender and juicy it's falling apart. (ok, takes about 8 hours min, but more time in the pot on low just makes it better...) It's SOOOO tender and juicy. And whatever you want to do to it for flavor works as well as doing nothing. I served that with a zucchini souffle. Wanting less starch, I thought that was a good balance of having A LOT of veggies and a little starch. Mix up a cup of flour, a tsp of baking powder, a pinch of paprika and some salt and pepper; then add 4 beaten eggs; and finally add 1 chopped onion and 3-4 zucchini. I added about a cup of cheese last night - a blend of cheddar, monterey and jack. Throw that in the oven at 350 for about an hour and you get a nice light fluffy thing. It's got bunches of protein - for a veggie/starch dish - and not a lot of carbs. (16 grams) Not something I'd make every day or even often, but for a change of pace and just something different, it was a nice dish. So we sit down to dinner and they are just in awe over how wonderful the chicken was, how flavorful the zucchini was, and how easily it all came together. As a working person, I gotta say, I DO love the crock pot! So after dinner was eaten, we set the hot tub to heat. Eventually it was warm enough to move out to stew ourselves and so we did. And once we did, the conversation really relaxed. And then she did it. She started to redeem herself. It all started with her bringing up the breakfast casseroles she made the last time we visisted her and when she did, my sweet hubby made sure to mention to her that she cannot make those for me anymore. She made one for me and one for my hubby. My hubby's was a grits casserole. I HATE grits. Can't stand the consistency and generally no flavor unless you add crap. For me, she made a hash brown casserole. And it was LOADED with hash browns. If it had been loaded with sausage and had some hash browns that might have helped but it was about a 1/4 lb of sausage and 3 pounds of hash browns all mixed with about 2 eggs. Anywho, since I AM trying to keep the protein up and the carbs down, that's not a great start to the day. And the interesting thing was, until I ate lunch and could get some protein in me, I was famished. It was kind of interesting to me and really drove a point home (a point I was pretty sure that I had already learned). So when he said last night, you can't make that stuff for Lori anymore, she said... I don't remember. But it did turn into a long conversation about nutrition and dietary needs/concerns/awarenesses/issues. She is, like sooooo many people, soooo worried about eating "too much meat". And the category "meat" encompassed chicken, fish, etc in this conversation. I told her about the "equation" to determine how much protein she should be eating in a day. My hubby and I talked about how to take good-for-you-foods and make them better. And all the while I was kind of getting the impression that, like my sweet hubby, she's going to try and lose weight vicariously through me. What I learn, she employs. What I try - she will too. So from this whole conversation, she's going to go home and 1) eat the protein first, 2) figure out how much protein she needs in a day for her current weight, 3) eat as much protein as she needs instead of trying to cut back on it, 4) use our smoothie ideas and knowledge. Like us, she likes a smoothie best for breakfast but, like so many, has the idea that it should be pretty liquidy and not have any additives (like flaxseed oil or protein powder). My hubby and I have learned that in addition to switching to Fage (finally found it) and adding flaxseed oil, that if it's thicker, it holds us over longer. That whole slider vs. substantial food thing. She questioned me on the zucchini souffle - good for her. I had never made it before, and while I will make it again, it will be special things like visits from the in-laws. I talked about something I believe which is that I don't want to diet to lose weight. I want to eat normally and more important,healthily. We had a whole long tangential conversation about if you do ketosis to lose the weight (even with the band) and then you get to your ideal weight and then the band is loosened for maintenance weight, well, you could be in trouble if you suddenly have to learn how to eat all over again. Without the band, that switch could be even worse. You should do, to lose weight, what you will do, to maintain weight. Lose weight = less intake. Maintain weight = optimal intake. But if you eat differently for either "phase", well, it could be a recipe for disaster. She agrees. She's going to try for <1200 calories a day until maintenance mode. Now I have to mention here that both she and my sweet hubby (who is also doing this vicariously through me) would both qualify for Lap-Band®®® surgery. They are both overweight, although in the 35-40 BMI realm, not over 40. MIL would be self-pay so no worries on insurance stuff but my sweet hubby would have to prove co-morbidities for insurance coverage. MIL thinks she can do this on her own. Sweet hubby thinks he can do this on his own. MIL has never really tried. Sweet hubby has been trying for years and can only get 20 or so pounds off before it comes back again. I don't know what will happen for either of them but I suspect when (if it can happen at all) it starts to happen, for me, they will say oh...wait... But they are holding out for now. And so this conversation in the hot tub went on for well over a couple of hours. And then it led to great conversation in general in which she finally proclaimed, I just miss you guys. Well, then...start spending time with us - and start letting us spend time with you!. We go see them - and we are heralded around for everything else but time with them. They come see us and we share a meal and then they leave. If you miss us, then let's stop this ridiculousness and spend some time together! Cause we certainly miss them. So I'm getting pretty long. But it was a pretty good night filled with interesting conversation and even some affirmation. I love affirmation! I used to think I loved her dearly (and, of course, I do still think that) because we could talk so easily and I could say what I thought - which isn't too common, I don't think, especially when it comes to saying what you think to the person you think it about. There was a level of openness between us that I really appreciated! It made me think I'm-so-lucky-in-the-MIL-department. But the lack of visiting started me questioning priorities which left me disappointed. However, the candor last night was great, to me. For example, if one of my neighbors who is judging me about this decision asked me about the souffle, I'd go on the defensive. But with the MIL, I was pleased she questioned it, appreciated her reasoning for questioning it - and she agreed with my answer for why I chose to make it, too. No one has ever said the band is about eating boring, dry, flavorless, uninteresting food. It's about eating less of all of it - good and bad - and really questioning why or how much of the "bad stuff' you need. And the answer to needing bad stuff is YOU DON'T NEED IT. So then Why do you want it? And sometimes, just sometimes, the answer is ok. And sometimes, just sometimes, it's ok to go ahead and eat a very small portion of that bad stuff. Anyway, if I don't stop here, I will never stop typing...so I'll just finish with...what started out as a long week with too much to process, for my sweet hubby and I, has turned out to be a week full of blessings and revelations. Life is good. (and then I think of Haiti...my heart goes out to the people of Haiti and I wish that my sweet hubby and I could do something and/or more to help than just donate to Red Cross. But at least that's something... sigh....)

I love reading everyone's blogs because I find out a lot of information. I am not reading too much about other people that are stuck in the unweightloss program from he!! just like me - and I kinda wish I were. But I can go back to some other blogs and see what they were thinking/saying/feeling back then and I say "ok". But I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like when I'm done with this and waiting on approval. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like to finally get a date. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like to have the surgery. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what the healing will be like. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what the initial weightloss might be like. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like at six months and then a year and with each 10 pound loss, etc. I try to make my blog be pertinent and about life and I don't know that I pull it off. But I try... And my thougts today are not that I need to add another blog (like so many of the others) saying something to the effect of: "I lost another pound yesterday which means, I'm down 3 for the "month" (which for me started on the 7th) and that's significant to me because I'm at that time of my cycle where I should be gaining. I'm bloated as all get out and my jeans are still loose on me. I just need to keep this going..." No. I don't need to add that. But it seems like the "recipe book for Bandster blogs" states that you must say how many pounds in how many days. And isn't that a given, on this website of all websites, that we are here to proclaim we lost weight? Instead, I want to say, today, that somehow, I'm at peace with this danged program that I think is such a joke (sounds like it, eh?). I'm closer to done than not. On the one hand, I want so much to move on. I can't exercise or my weightloss will get out of control and that could be bad. Might not be, but could be. But I WANT to! I want to be walking - because I already feel better with what little I've done. I want to be lifting weights, because I already feel better with what I've done. And "with what I've done" I mean the weight that I've lost already - and it's not much. I am struggling to not exercise. Really struggling. Is anyone else dealing with this? I want to say that this process, this path has led me to examine other things in my life. And like so many other bloggers/bandsters - this is my year for change. I am cleaning out the proverbial closet and throwing skeletons away. I'm not really sure why I was even hanging onto them. Turning over new stones and leaves and I feel very very fortunate that I'm doing these things at 34. I keep reading blogs about details. But not about the why's behind them. Those why's tell the story - and they might help someone else in this process. Why am I losing weight without trying? Because I'm focusing on protein. Not ketosis. I still eat my starches amongst all the other "shoulds" and even a few of the "should-nots". But my protein was way too low for way too long. Who knew that protein intake can matter more than fat intake! I feel like this year is the year I get back on track. I'm not even sure what the track is - track sounds so uni-directional. But in multiple arenas of my life, I've just been trying and trying and trying to swim upstream in a river that's overflowed it's banks. I got so far off course...I couldn't even begin to tell you where the river once flowed. And I'm not going to try that anymore. I'm going to try something else now. To me, the band represents a new approach. In each of the stones my husband and I are turning over, there are new approaches being discovered. That's the nice thing about life - there is no "one" way to do anything. And if what you are doing doesn't work - find a new way. An obstacle pops up? Go around it - the view from that approach may just be better.

I love reading everyone's blogs because I find out a lot of information. I am not reading too much about other people that are stuck in the unweightloss program from he!! just like me - and I kinda wish I were. But I can go back to some other blogs and see what they were thinking/saying/feeling back then and I say "ok". But I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like when I'm done with this and waiting on approval. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like to finally get a date. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like to have the surgery. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what the healing will be like. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what the initial weightloss might be like. I do get a sense from all the other bloggers out there what it will be like at six months and then a year and with each 10 pound loss, etc. I try to make my blog be pertinent and about life and I don't know that I pull it off. But I try... And my thougts today are not that I need to add another blog (like so many of the others) saying something to the effect of: "I lost another pound yesterday which means, I'm down 3 for the "month" (which for me started on the 7th) and that's significant to me because I'm at that time of my cycle where I should be gaining. I'm bloated as all get out and my jeans are still loose on me. I just need to keep this going..." No. I don't need to add that. But it seems like the "recipe book for Bandster blogs" states that you must say how many pounds in how many days. And isn't that a given, on this website of all websites, that we are here to proclaim we lost weight? Instead, I want to say, today, that somehow, I'm at peace with this danged program that I think is such a joke (sounds like it, eh?). I'm closer to done than not. On the one hand, I want so much to move on. I can't exercise or my weightloss will get out of control and that could be bad. Might not be, but could be. But I WANT to! I want to be walking - because I already feel better with what little I've done. I want to be lifting weights, because I already feel better with what I've done. And "with what I've done" I mean the weight that I've lost already - and it's not much. I am struggling to not exercise. Really struggling. Is anyone else dealing with this? I want to say that this process, this path has led me to examine other things in my life. And like so many other bloggers/bandsters - this is my year for change. I am cleaning out the proverbial closet and throwing skeletons away. I'm not really sure why I was even hanging onto them. Turning over new stones and leaves and I feel very very fortunate that I'm doing these things at 34. I keep reading blogs about details. But not about the why's behind them. Those why's tell the story - and they might help someone else in this process. Why am I losing weight without trying? Because I'm focusing on protein. Not ketosis. I still eat my starches amongst all the other "shoulds" and even a few of the "should-nots". But my protein was way too low for way too long. Who knew that protein intake can matter more than fat intake! I feel like this year is the year I get back on track. I'm not even sure what the track is - track sounds so uni-directional. But in multiple arenas of my life, I've just been trying and trying and trying to swim upstream in a river that's overflowed it's banks. I got so far off course...I couldn't even begin to tell you where the river once flowed. And I'm not going to try that anymore. I'm going to try something else now. To me, the band represents a new approach. In each of the stones my husband and I are turning over, there are new approaches being discovered. That's the nice thing about life - there is no "one" way to do anything. And if what you are doing doesn't work - find a new way. An obstacle pops up? Go around it - the view from that approach may just be better.

Maybe I should also say that these are not recipes to eat on a weekly basis. Like I said, I like variety. I don't cook most meals in the crockpot, but these are just some ideas. If these recipes get in the mix once a month or so, they are being used frequently. But they do provide a good amount of leftovers. I use the chicken leftovers in chicken broth with veggies for a light soup for a meal, for example. The pork leftovers we scramble in with scrambled eggs and onions, bell peppers and jalapeno peppers (cleaned well) - a high protein start to the day. The chili freezes well and my hubby likes to take it for lunches. But like I said - not eating this stuff every week...usually not even once a month...just some alternatives...

The chicken and pork are both high in protein and surprisingly low in fat. I am sure some docs would say those are a no-no but I've been losing weight while eating it. I think, personally, I subscribe more to the everything in moderation theory - but I do make sure I use good, natural, wholesome ingredients. The chili, depending on how you do the beef, can be not so bad, too. For my specific recipe, if you use lean sirloin beef it amounts to just under 400 calories and only 8 grams of fat. The protein is not as high, though, as the pork or chicken. Like I said, I'm losing weight on this. But I'm like a few others on here, too - I'm not going to "diet", I'm going to eat normally, just less. *just in case you don't know this about me, I'm not yet banded. So take this all with a grain of salt, I guess. I am 4 months into my 6 month weightloss program for insurance purposes. And with just changing what I'm eating (and it includes all three of these recipes) I've lost weight. Not exercising (although that's killing me) and not cutting calories - but I am tracking my protein more. I like variety and I love to cook so I love to try new things. Hubby's eating this - and losing weight. Neighbors/friends/family are eating this and saying it's healthier than what they cook. But like I said, feel free to take it with a grain of salt.

There are some amazing recipes out there for slow cookers. Want the juiciest, tenderest, most awesome-ist roast chicken you've ever had (and I used to hate roast chicken). Just throw a thawed chicken in the crock pot on top of a quartered onion so that it's not sitting directly on the pot, set it on low for the day and when you come home - falling off the bone goodness. (yes, no broth, no water, no fluids, no nothing. you can dry rub the chicken if you like, but not necessary, either) Pulled pork? Again, throw a thawed pork shoulder in the crock with about a cup of beer. Set the crock pot on low and when you come home - it will already be shredded. Tons of leftovers, too, so you'll be able to do many things with those. Freeze what you have left when the appetite says "no more pork". Pot of chili? Brown 1 lb of beef and then throw that together with sauteed onions and garlic, 2 cans of diced tomatoes, 1 can of tomato paste, 1 cup of beer, chili to your liking, pepper to your liking and about 1/2 cup of water. Let it simmer on low all day - wah lah, great chili! The nice thing about the crock pot is you can make "bigger" meals and take those leftovers and freeze them. Then you can reheat those leftovers two weeks down the road for another home cooked meal...

I am so sorry to hear that and I can imagine how you felt getting a sobbing call during rush hour. At least everyone is safe and healthy! And take it from me, sometimes, getting laid off is actually a blessing. This is a tough economy and that sure isn't helping, but I was laid off at one point and found a new job for more money with better hours and way more interesting people to work with. I just needed that nudge that sometimes only the universe (God) can throw at you... And you've still lost 80 pounds, too!

I like to blog. I think I've established that in the past. And I want to blog right now. But I have nothing to blog about! How do you blog about nothing? I'm sure I can find a way but I'll save the time and energy and just not, mostly. I am down 2 - two - dos - deux - more pounds. I don't know how. I don't know why. I just woke up yesterday and it was gone. I don't know what I did to lose it. And I don't know where I put it - not looking for it, though. It's just gone. Poof. It's weird to just lose weight. Without trying. I've done this before. I'm sure I'll do it again. But it's weird. It makes me think I can do this sans the band. But then reality hits and I know that if I don't get banded, I'm likely to continue to yo-yo and that's what I want to STOP! It's never been a question about whether or not I can lose the weight. And in some ways, I'm fortunate. I don't go crazy for chocolate - don't like the stuff, actually. I don't like pie/cookies/cakes/sweet breads/candy/you-know-that-generally-sweet-stuff-that-most-people-will-kill-for. Love to bake/make it. Don't love to eat it...in general. Yes, I eat cookies. Yes, I'll have a piece of birthday cake. But I don't crave it. And I don't want piece after piece after piece of it. And in that, I'm fortunate, I think. I do love potatoes. And bread. But I don't want piece after piece after serving after serving of that, either. I consider that fortunate, as well. I am quite pleased/relieved/happy about having gotten back to healthy eating. Which is not to say I'm a health food junkie - I certainly enjoy my guilty pleasures, on occasion. But I am way more conscientious about what's going in my mouth, how much and even how much I've already had for the week. For example, where I used to eat cheetos I now eat carrots. And with choices like that, and it's just one of many, I think - why can't I do this myself? I think the band will offer a kind of security, though. A feedback mechanism, of course. But, when the hormones go crazy from pregnancy (I hope) I can go get the band tightened up until I'm through it. I hope this is how it can work. I hope I'm not setting myself up for future failures. I feel like I've already had enough in my life...but I'm not going there today.... One week down...three to go...and then the last month... Here's to hoping!

Yay!!! Congratulations BG! I can't wait to join you in the abnormal-in-the-head-but-normal-in-the-BMI-category realm! I like the idea of keeping my biggest pants for a awesome pic somewhere down the road! Thanks for that!

The first month is about healing, not about weightloss. Don't be afraid or frustrated yet - you are doing well to have lost 20, from what I know. As you get a couple of more fills in you it will all start to come together. It will all be fine. *Not yet banded, myself, but I've been reading other bandsters and their stories while I'm waiting for my insurance stuff to pass and can at least tell you this is quite common.

I like to blog. I think I've established that in the past. And I want to blog right now. But I have nothing to blog about! How do you blog about nothing? I'm sure I can find a way but I'll save the time and energy and just not, mostly. I am down 2 - two - dos - deux - more pounds. I don't know how. I don't know why. I just woke up yesterday and it was gone. I don't know what I did to lose it. And I don't know where I put it - not looking for it, though. It's just gone. Poof. It's weird to just lose weight. Without trying. I've done this before. I'm sure I'll do it again. But it's weird. It makes me think I can do this sans the band. But then reality hits and I know that if I don't get banded, I'm likely to continue to yo-yo and that's what I want to STOP! It's never been a question about whether or not I can lose the weight. And in some ways, I'm fortunate. I don't go crazy for chocolate - don't like the stuff, actually. I don't like pie/cookies/cakes/sweet breads/candy/you-know-that-generally-sweet-stuff-that-most-people-will-kill-for. Love to bake/make it. Don't love to eat it...in general. Yes, I eat cookies. Yes, I'll have a piece of birthday cake. But I don't crave it. And I don't want piece after piece after piece of it. And in that, I'm fortunate, I think. I do love potatoes. And bread. But I don't want piece after piece after serving after serving of that, either. I consider that fortunate, as well. I am quite pleased/relieved/happy about having gotten back to healthy eating. Which is not to say I'm a health food junkie - I certainly enjoy my guilty pleasures, on occasion. But I am way more conscientious about what's going in my mouth, how much and even how much I've already had for the week. For example, where I used to eat cheetos I now eat carrots. And with choices like that, and it's just one of many, I think - why can't I do this myself? I think the band will offer a kind of security, though. A feedback mechanism, of course. But, when the hormones go crazy from pregnancy (I hope) I can go get the band tightened up until I'm through it. I hope this is how it can work. I hope I'm not setting myself up for future failures. I feel like I've already had enough in my life...but I'm not going there today.... One week down...three to go...and then the last month... Here's to hoping!

It's cold. I love it! I hate the idea that next week it heats back up. And by heat I mean temps in the upper 50's and lower 60's. I think this up-down-up-down has got to be hard on us! And that's what my weight does...odd...parallels are always interesting to me... I'm not up. That's history. I have lost about 15 pounds so far. That's insignificantly significant! I am on the "unweightloss" program, as required by my insurance. Maybe it's ok that I lose weight on this program but I don't ever get the impression that it is. So I'm holding back. I'm living it up on some days, too - 6 months full of 'this might be the last time ever" crap. I hate crap. I don't play the crap game well. Now craps in Vegas - that I can do. But the malarchy-game-playing-crap...not so good at it and tend to avoid it. Yet, here I am.... So 15 pounds. What does that mean? Here's what I'm noticing so far. I have one pair of jeans that "fit". I get to wear jeans on Friday and on weekends depending on what we are up to. Not a lot of necessity for jeans. So I am not worried about having only one pair. This one pair changes from comfortable and relaxed after being washed to tight and tight. I hate washing them. It's a necessary evil. I will love the day when I don't have to worry about this anymore as I don't remember "normal" jeans being so drastically different after a wash. Anywho. 15 pounds means that these jeans, when I put them on this morning - and it was the first time in almost two weeks - were almost comfortable starting out. Yes. Just washed. And I didn't have that stuffed feeling I get until they get to comfortable and relaxed again. I could almost like these jeans... Another thing on my noticed list. And these are all small, mind you. But they are starting to appear and I LIKE that! This weekend I cooked up a lobster risotto for some visiting friends. Lobster risotto is a bit of work. There's the cracking of the lobsters to extract the meat. There's the making of the lobster broth. And then there's the actual making of the risotto. Anyone ever make a real risotto? It requires a long stint of standing at the stove keeping the rice just moist enough to cook while not drying out and not drowning. It's easy to do - but it requires usually about 40 minutes of standing at the stove before all is done and perfect. 3 months ago when I made this dish my feet were KILLING me! This weekend when I made this dish....my feet were just a little mad once I finally sat down to eat. :thumbup::thumbup::biggrin::thumbup::thumbup::thumbup: Another thing on my noticed list. After I noticed that....I realized...my feet haven't bugged me in what seems like quite awhile. Wow. I can't say anything else about that but WOW! Another thing on my noticed list. I just actually am feeling like I just feel better! And this is just 15 pounds! I can't wait until I no longer have to hold back. I can't wait until I can get back to my weightlifting and/or swimming. This is just 15 pounds. How will I feel when it's 50? When it's 75? When it's 100? And finally, when it's 120? :thumbup:

I love your blogs. While we are at different stages you can put into words, very eloquently, I might add, what I'm thinking as well as what I anticipate looking forward to. Your blogs are inspiring and I, for one, appreciate the candor and straight-forwardness. Thank you for sharing this with us! I look forward to developing my very own headband, I think the basic structure is/has been getting started. But I know I have lots of work ahead of me, too! Come on, bring it!

It's cold. I love it! I hate the idea that next week it heats back up. And by heat I mean temps in the upper 50's and lower 60's. I think this up-down-up-down has got to be hard on us! And that's what my weight does...odd...parallels are always interesting to me... I'm not up. That's history. I have lost about 15 pounds so far. That's insignificantly significant! I am on the "unweightloss" program, as required by my insurance. Maybe it's ok that I lose weight on this program but I don't ever get the impression that it is. So I'm holding back. I'm living it up on some days, too - 6 months full of 'this might be the last time ever" crap. I hate crap. I don't play the crap game well. Now craps in Vegas - that I can do. But the malarchy-game-playing-crap...not so good at it and tend to avoid it. Yet, here I am.... So 15 pounds. What does that mean? Here's what I'm noticing so far. I have one pair of jeans that "fit". I get to wear jeans on Friday and on weekends depending on what we are up to. Not a lot of necessity for jeans. So I am not worried about having only one pair. This one pair changes from comfortable and relaxed after being washed to tight and tight. I hate washing them. It's a necessary evil. I will love the day when I don't have to worry about this anymore as I don't remember "normal" jeans being so drastically different after a wash. Anywho. 15 pounds means that these jeans, when I put them on this morning - and it was the first time in almost two weeks - were almost comfortable starting out. Yes. Just washed. And I didn't have that stuffed feeling I get until they get to comfortable and relaxed again. I could almost like these jeans... Another thing on my noticed list. And these are all small, mind you. But they are starting to appear and I LIKE that! This weekend I cooked up a lobster risotto for some visiting friends. Lobster risotto is a bit of work. There's the cracking of the lobsters to extract the meat. There's the making of the lobster broth. And then there's the actual making of the risotto. Anyone ever make a real risotto? It requires a long stint of standing at the stove keeping the rice just moist enough to cook while not drying out and not drowning. It's easy to do - but it requires usually about 40 minutes of standing at the stove before all is done and perfect. 3 months ago when I made this dish my feet were KILLING me! This weekend when I made this dish....my feet were just a little mad once I finally sat down to eat. :thumbup::thumbup::smile2::thumbup: Another thing on my noticed list. After I noticed that....I realized...my feet haven't bugged me in what seems like quite awhile. Wow. I can't say anything else about that but WOW! Another thing on my noticed list. I just actually am feeling like I just feel better! And this is just 15 pounds! I can't wait until I no longer have to hold back. I can't wait until I can get back to my weightlifting and/or swimming. This is just 15 pounds. How will I feel when it's 50? When it's 75? When it's 100? And finally, when it's 120?

That's a lot of snow. I'll gladly take some off your hands. I'd send sunshine but we don't have much here - cloudy enough to say it's partially sunny - but I think it qualifies more as barely partially sunny... We have a chance of snow flurries this afternoon...but I don't it will appear where I am - at work or at home... And yes, I think shoveling counts as exercise and then some. Aerobic AND anaerobic...

Happy New Year! Christmas is put up, and the fire place has even been cleaned out. Good thing since it's supposed to be cold in Houston this weekend! Yes, to all you wonderful yanks, I mean cold. Not a southerner/Cali-girl griping about the 60's. COLD. Not supposed to break freezing tomorrow. Low's in the teens and 20's. Windchills in the single digits. I'm lovin it!!! (I miss my year in Chicago...baffles me how I can live in hot places when I thoroughly enjoy the cold as I do...but then I love my summers, too, and being able to swim 3 "seasons" of the year!) I had my weigh-in appointment today. Appointment number four of six. I was down 2.5 pounds, by their scale. What's sad about that is it's more! But it's a major weather day and with temps falling to below freezing during the daylight hours, I was NOT going to wear my capris and short-sleeved shirt that I wore for my last visit. So with a sweater and slacks on, I headed for my weigh in. And to be "down" with these bulky clothes on me was good, I think. Another good thing is it gives me wiggle room. Next month, maybe I can wear those capris and that short sleeved shirt. So I figure it will all come out in the wash. It was just enough, too. About 2.5 pounds. Enough for them to be wow-ed again by losing weight over the holidays without a band. I keep saying it's not that I can't lose this weight. It's the fear that I have of it coming back again that is driving me to do this! Every time my hormones adjust for any reason whatsoever, my body responds by packing on weight. I know I am as "at fault" as my hormones are because while my hormones make me hungry all the time, in those cases, it is ME that picks up the food and puts it in my mouth. I know I will have more hormone fluctuations in the future. I hope the band can be there to remind me I don't have to eat a double sized portion of pasta to feel full. I don't normally eat badly, but when I am going through a hormonal fluctuation period, I eat A LOT. And here I am. And by hormonal fluctuation period I'm not talking about that time of the month. This happens to me when I get off the pill, for example. If anyone has been reading my blog, you've heard this before. But what is new today is that I am finally admitting my very own part in this. It's not all hormones. It's as much that as it is me giving in to the hormones even though I know better. I know that when I get pregnant that I will have a major hormonal fluctuation and my hubby and I hope to multiply that event by 2. And I know how my body responds. Some of these fluctuations have been induced by getting off the pill. Others are just getting older. But they happen. And I don't do well with combating them. This process has been a definite one of learning. In the future, when the hormones go crazy, it will be on ME to beat them back into submission and hopefully this tool will be there to help me do that. I have lost 15 pounds in 4 months without really trying. I am actually trying not to on some days. Haven't ever been trying to gain weight. But I'm on that precarious edge of a BMI that isn't "enough". Today I am at 41.2. I have some wiggle room.:thumbup: But not much. I had a moment this morning where I said "crap" cause I put in my normal height. I am 5'6" and 7/8. So almost all places round up - cause it looks better on paper. But, luckily, for this endeavor, places have been rounding down. To 5'6. But when I calculated the BMI - I used my "generally accepted height" and not my "for the records height". And using 5'7", I'm at 39. Using 5'6, I'm at 41. So I think I have to figure out how to slow down - not aiming for 3.5 pounds this month, aiming for 2 again. Maybe I shouldn't wear the capris and short sleeved shirt, even if weather-wise I could, for the next visit. I love the RNP I visited today. I think she's great. The absolute perfect mix of friendly, knowledgeable, non-judgemental, helpful; just someone great to have on your side. I did my blood work this morning so we will see what that says. I'm sure I still have high-cholesterol. It's been high for eons but never high enough to start treating medicinally. The only other thing I had left besides two more appts was to do an EKG which she said we'd do next visit. But when she looked further into my file, since I had to get clearance from a cardiologist and I brought along the EKG from the visits with him and turned them in at a previous visit, she said we are actually good to go. So literally, all I have left is 2 appts. The blood work was interesting. It was one of those that just left me with 'this phlebotomist needs to be fired'. She stuck me without ever feeling for a vein. And imagine that - she missed it. And then she just dug around, nicely, but digging, nonetheless, for the vein. Filled up the first vial, popped in the next. Filled up the second vial, popped in the next. Filled up the third vial, popped in the next. And in that last switch she lost the vein. So she starts digging around again! Couldn't find it so she picks up the third vial and sticks the needle in that to get blood into the fourth vial. Both the third and fourth vials did not have or need any serum, so should be ok, and since I watched it all, nothing was cross-contaminated. But I do hate that. On the other hand, my alternative was for her to stick me again and I certainly was NOT ok with that! Nonetheless, I have this feeling of 'who can I call to report this'? Cause this stuff leads to some questionable stuff and if she'd understood how to stick someone in the first place, it all could have been avoided. Add this to she kept me and another gentleman waiting for 20 minutes so that she could visit with a friend who dropped in to say hi. Just not stuff I'm ok with.... I suspect time will slow down for me, now. Getting through the holidays was a pretty major distraction. But luckily it's only two more months and at least this ridiculous program is over. I have no idea how this will play out or where it will all go but I can only hope. But I will feel so much better when this "unweightloss" program is behind me! Of course, continuing to knit and etch and now sew and I need to go shopping for some cross-stitch stuff...well that might keep me distracted a little. The etched glass was all a hit - some people I expected to say "oh, wow" and then some people I expected to say "holy moly, wow - you did this?" Namely, I expected the SIL to be the "oh wow" and the MIL to be the "holy moly, wow - you did this?". What I actually got was SIL = "holy moly, wow - you did this?" MIL = ooh, thanks. In other news, the MIL just keeps digging herself in further and further. My sweet hubby is about done with her...although not writing her off. But he is hurt and sad, among many other things. Maybe that will be my next blog - all the crazy things she thinks and says and how it's affecting her attitude towards us. Suffice it to say that the BIL and his wife (the awesome SIL who claimed "holy moly, wow - you did this?") are feeling the same way we are. And the four of us have kind of banded together. So that's pretty cool for now... I hope everyone is staying warm! I can't wait to get home and get a fire going in the fireplace. We buy our wood by the 1/2 cord and that generally lasts us two seasons. But this season has been a bit cooler than normal so we've gone through the wood faster and will probably have to restock that 1/2 cord within the month. That just makes me giddy with glee. I love cold and I love fires in the fireplace! And that's about all I have...

Snow sounds great. If you can get it here almost immediately that would really help my day resolve in a way more in tune with my desires at the moment....

Happy New Year! Christmas is put up, and the fire place has even been cleaned out. Good thing since it's supposed to be cold in Houston this weekend! Yes, to all you wonderful yanks, I mean cold. Not a southerner/Cali-girl griping about the 60's. COLD. Not supposed to break freezing tomorrow. Low's in the teens and 20's. Windchills in the single digits. I'm lovin it!!! (I miss my year in Chicago...baffles me how I can live in hot places when I thoroughly enjoy the cold as I do...but then I love my summers, too, and being able to swim 3 "seasons" of the year!) I had my weigh-in appointment today. Appointment number four of six. I was down 2.5 pounds, by their scale. What's sad about that is it's more! But it's a major weather day and with temps falling to below freezing during the daylight hours, I was NOT going to wear my capris and short-sleeved shirt that I wore for my last visit. So with a sweater and slacks on, I headed for my weigh in. And to be "down" with these bulky clothes on me was good, I think. Another good thing is it gives me wiggle room. Next month, maybe I can wear those capris and that short sleeved shirt. So I figure it will all come out in the wash. It was just enough, too. About 2.5 pounds. Enough for them to be wow-ed again by losing weight over the holidays without a band. I keep saying it's not that I can't lose this weight. It's the fear that I have of it coming back again that is driving me to do this! Every time my hormones adjust for any reason whatsoever, my body responds by packing on weight. I know I am as "at fault" as my hormones are because while my hormones make me hungry all the time, in those cases, it is ME that picks up the food and puts it in my mouth. I know I will have more hormone fluctuations in the future. I hope the band can be there to remind me I don't have to eat a double sized portion of pasta to feel full. I don't normally eat badly, but when I am going through a hormonal fluctuation period, I eat A LOT. And here I am. And by hormonal fluctuation period I'm not talking about that time of the month. This happens to me when I get off the pill, for example. If anyone has been reading my blog, you've heard this before. But what is new today is that I am finally admitting my very own part in this. It's not all hormones. It's as much that as it is me giving in to the hormones even though I know better. I know that when I get pregnant that I will have a major hormonal fluctuation and my hubby and I hope to multiply that event by 2. And I know how my body responds. Some of these fluctuations have been induced by getting off the pill. Others are just getting older. But they happen. And I don't do well with combating them. This process has been a definite one of learning. In the future, when the hormones go crazy, it will be on ME to beat them back into submission and hopefully this tool will be there to help me do that. I have lost 15 pounds in 4 months without really trying. I am actually trying not to on some days. Haven't ever been trying to gain weight. But I'm on that precarious edge of a BMI that isn't "enough". Today I am at 41.2. I have some wiggle room. But not much. I had a moment this morning where I said "crap" cause I put in my normal height. I am 5'6" and 7/8. So almost all places round up - cause it looks better on paper. But, luckily, for this endeavor, places have been rounding down. To 5'6. But when I calculated the BMI - I used my "generally accepted height" and not my "for the records height". And using 5'7", I'm at 39. Using 5'6, I'm at 41. So I think I have to figure out how to slow down - not aiming for 3.5 pounds this month, aiming for 2 again. Maybe I shouldn't wear the capris and short sleeved shirt, even if weather-wise I could, for the next visit. I love the RNP I visited today. I think she's great. The absolute perfect mix of friendly, knowledgeable, non-judgemental, helpful; just someone great to have on your side. I did my blood work this morning so we will see what that says. I'm sure I still have high-cholesterol. It's been high for eons but never high enough to start treating medicinally. The only other thing I had left besides two more appts was to do an EKG which she said we'd do next visit. But when she looked further into my file, since I had to get clearance from a cardiologist and I brought along the EKG from the visits with him and turned them in at a previous visit, she said we are actually good to go. So literally, all I have left is 2 appts. The blood work was interesting. It was one of those that just left me with 'this phlebotomist needs to be fired'. She stuck me without ever feeling for a vein. And imagine that - she missed it. And then she just dug around, nicely, but digging, nonetheless, for the vein. Filled up the first vial, popped in the next. Filled up the second vial, popped in the next. Filled up the third vial, popped in the next. And in that last switch she lost the vein. So she starts digging around again! Couldn't find it so she picks up the third vial and sticks the needle in that to get blood into the fourth vial. Both the third and fourth vials did not have or need any serum, so should be ok, and since I watched it all, nothing was cross-contaminated. But I do hate that. On the other hand, my alternative was for her to stick me again and I certainly was NOT ok with that! Nonetheless, I have this feeling of 'who can I call to report this'? Cause this stuff leads to some questionable stuff and if she'd understood how to stick someone in the first place, it all could have been avoided. Add this to she kept me and another gentleman waiting for 20 minutes so that she could visit with a friend who dropped in to say hi. Just not stuff I'm ok with.... I suspect time will slow down for me, now. Getting through the holidays was a pretty major distraction. But luckily it's only two more months and at least this ridiculous program is over. I have no idea how this will play out or where it will all go but I can only hope. But I will feel so much better when this "unweightloss" program is behind me! Of course, continuing to knit and etch and now sew and I need to go shopping for some cross-stitch stuff...well that might keep me distracted a little. The etched glass was all a hit - some people I expected to say "oh, wow" and then some people I expected to say "holy moly, wow - you did this?" Namely, I expected the SIL to be the "oh wow" and the MIL to be the "holy moly, wow - you did this?". What I actually got was SIL = "holy moly, wow - you did this?" MIL = ooh, thanks. In other news, the MIL just keeps digging herself in further and further. My sweet hubby is about done with her...although not writing her off. But he is hurt and sad, among many other things. Maybe that will be my next blog - all the crazy things she thinks and says and how it's affecting her attitude towards us. Suffice it to say that the BIL and his wife (the awesome SIL who claimed "holy moly, wow - you did this?") are feeling the same way we are. And the four of us have kind of banded together. So that's pretty cool for now... I hope everyone is staying warm! I can't wait to get home and get a fire going in the fireplace. We buy our wood by the 1/2 cord and that generally lasts us two seasons. But this season has been a bit cooler than normal so we've gone through the wood faster and will probably have to restock that 1/2 cord within the month. That just makes me giddy with glee. I love cold and I love fires in the fireplace! And that's about all I have...

That is just priceless! I tried a shaper in the past when I was starting to bulge in places I didn't know I could bulge. It was so uncomfortable to me - I hate restriction to the point that even bras bug me! I decided if someone had an issue looking at me - they could just not look at me! We shall see where I get to, though. Maybe when I start to get further into this process things will change.... I never knew what that "slit" was for.

Yay! Congratulations! What a Merry Merry Christmas!!! Of course, this isn't a gift - this is ALL YOU!

Is Christmas really over? I guess since I'm back to work and everything is now gearing up for bringing in the New Year, I suppose that does mean that Christmas really IS over. :drool: I had a great Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve evening with my husband's father's side of the family. Aside from having to drive almost an hour and a half each way to get there, it was a good time. We spent Christmas day at home. Mostly. Christmas morning we were home together. That afternoon we got together with our neighbors for a feast. They cooked a turkey and I cooked a prime rib roast. I also did my cauliflower gratin - which is one of my all time fave dishes! In addition to that, I did a batch of my stuffing, my cranberry relish and my green bean casserole which people say is "just different and better" than theirs. I use fresh green beans and I'm sure it's how I cook those green beans that makes the difference. We sat down to our meal around 3 and ate and ate and ate. We played games well into the night and my sweet hubby and I had to run home for about an hour in the middle of that to get our stuff ready for Saturday's festivities. We were commissioned to bring our stuffed jalapenos so we got them stuffed and baked and headed back over for more games. Saturday it was almost impossible to get up. We should have been leaving our house around 9 as our destination was 3 hours away and lunch was scheduled for 1pm. But we didn't even get out of bed until 10. And we didn't get to the destination until 2:30. The destination was a small town on the outskirts of hill country here in Texas. We were having a family reunion Christmas party and this was the first year in over a decade where all members of the family were present. One wife and new baby and one girlfriend on the verge of becoming fiance were missing. I have finally met all of my sweet hubby's family. We got there at 2:30 and as is usual, lunch still had not happened. We ate around 3. Again with turkey but this time it was accompanied by ham and brisket. And lots of fixin's, of course. I was pretty good on Saturday about not hitting the candy, cakes, pies, and sweets in general. I did eat my home made concoctions on Christmas day... We were at that party until well after 10pm and then we headed back to the MIL's house. There the BIL and his wife, MIL and her husband and my husband and I sat down for our gift exchange. My homemade craftiness elicited many excited shouts of glee. I was actually surprised a bit as I had anticipated my MIL being way more "ooh and ahh" about it all but it was my SIL that was jumping up and down saying "YOU DID THIS?" Her craftiness has led to entrepreneurialism and so her compliments and amazement were flattering to me. We finally crashed around 1am and were up bright and early at 9 for breakfast and then church. My MIL is the organist at her church and with all of her family in town many of us descended on her church. One of her brothers played as well, MIL on the organ and her brother on the piano. She had premade casseroles for each of us as SIL can't eat dairy, I dislike grits - and my hubby - her oldest son - LOVES grits. The casserole made with me in mind was a hashbrown casserole stuffed with scrambled eggs, sausage and bacon. While I love it - I had to tell her when she asked if it was good that I hope she understands she can't keep making these things for me. It was way more hash browns than anything else. Don't worry, I said it with tact and compliments as I do like the stuff. But I have also gotten to the point where anything but my smoothie in the morning just causes problems. And yesterday was a case in point. Having had ALL that heavy starch first thing in the morning with not nearly enough protein in it to balance it out...I was FAMISHED all day long! After church we headed over to one of the uncle's homes for lunch which was tacos and fajitas. I ate far more of all that than I would normally. Sweet hubby and I got on the road for Houston around 4 yesterday afternoon and after all that eating, I STILL wanted dinner last night, too. Got salads, though, so that was better than it could have been. After three days of no scale activity I got on the scale this morning and saw a one pound rise. I had anticipated more, especially after yesterday. But I am not convinced this pound will stick as there are some issues working that when resolved will show a drop. Enough said on that one. :crying: But here I am - after Christmas with things settling and only a pound to show for it. I did have this attitude this year of 'I'm just gonna eat and enjoy cause next year I'll have to worry about PB's and everything else' so I've actually eaten more cookies than I normally do. It's been odd. I know I'll still be able to eat cookies. I just don't know that I'll want to. And so I decided to enjoy! I'm still down from my last weigh in and I have my next one next Thurs. So when my issue works itself out, I know I'll be down even more. I know my issue is related to not having drank nearly enough water over the past four-five days. And now that I'm back to work, that will change. It's been a wonderful Christmas this year - although way too busy. I think I will make gifts again - but I'm starting them in January. I think we will attend parties again - but not all of them. We have done too much driving over the past four days and while that was beneficial for knitting scarves, it was just too much time in the car. Visits were too short and my hubby and I are just thoroughly exhausted at this point. And the stressful part there is I'm not sure when we will catch up on sleep as we have more festivities, of course, this weekend - and travel, too. Our efforts to "have Christmas at home" have apparently made Christmas more stressful. :thumbup: So the feeling now...is that Christmas will be spent elsewhere. No more to-ing and fro-ing...that's what I say! Either that...or we move! :thumbdown:

I have not had my surgery yet - I have to do a six month weightloss program for my insurance company. I am half way through that... LD is for my first two initials and swims because I love to swim... Congrats on doing well this Christmas!

Is Christmas really over? I guess since I'm back to work and everything is now gearing up for bringing in the New Year, I suppose that does mean that Christmas really IS over. :Dancing_wub: I had a great Christmas. We spent Christmas Eve evening with my husband's father's side of the family. Aside from having to drive almost an hour and a half each way to get there, it was a good time. We spent Christmas day at home. Mostly. Christmas morning we were home together. That afternoon we got together with our neighbors for a feast. They cooked a turkey and I cooked a prime rib roast. I also did my cauliflower gratin - which is one of my all time fave dishes! In addition to that, I did a batch of my stuffing, my cranberry relish and my green bean casserole which people say is "just different and better" than theirs. I use fresh green beans and I'm sure it's how I cook those green beans that makes the difference. We sat down to our meal around 3 and ate and ate and ate. We played games well into the night and my sweet hubby and I had to run home for about an hour in the middle of that to get our stuff ready for Saturday's festivities. We were commissioned to bring our stuffed jalapenos so we got them stuffed and baked and headed back over for more games. Saturday it was almost impossible to get up. We should have been leaving our house around 9 as our destination was 3 hours away and lunch was scheduled for 1pm. But we didn't even get out of bed until 10. And we didn't get to the destination until 2:30. The destination was a small town on the outskirts of hill country here in Texas. We were having a family reunion Christmas party and this was the first year in over a decade where all members of the family were present. One wife and new baby and one girlfriend on the verge of becoming fiance were missing. I have finally met all of my sweet hubby's family. We got there at 2:30 and as is usual, lunch still had not happened. We ate around 3. Again with turkey but this time it was accompanied by ham and brisket. And lots of fixin's, of course. I was pretty good on Saturday about not hitting the candy, cakes, pies, and sweets in general. I did eat my home made concoctions on Christmas day... We were at that party until well after 10pm and then we headed back to the MIL's house. There the BIL and his wife, MIL and her husband and my husband and I sat down for our gift exchange. My homemade craftiness elicited many excited shouts of glee. I was actually surprised a bit as I had anticipated my MIL being way more "ooh and ahh" about it all but it was my SIL that was jumping up and down saying "YOU DID THIS?" Her craftiness has led to entrepreneurialism and so her compliments and amazement were flattering to me. We finally crashed around 1am and were up bright and early at 9 for breakfast and then church. My MIL is the organist at her church and with all of her family in town many of us descended on her church. One of her brothers played as well, MIL on the organ and her brother on the piano. She had premade casseroles for each of us as SIL can't eat dairy, I dislike grits - and my hubby - her oldest son - LOVES grits. The casserole made with me in mind was a hashbrown casserole stuffed with scrambled eggs, sausage and bacon. While I love it - I had to tell her when she asked if it was good that I hope she understands she can't keep making these things for me. It was way more hash browns than anything else. Don't worry, I said it with tact and compliments as I do like the stuff. But I have also gotten to the point where anything but my smoothie in the morning just causes problems. And yesterday was a case in point. Having had ALL that heavy starch first thing in the morning with not nearly enough protein in it to balance it out...I was FAMISHED all day long! After church we headed over to one of the uncle's homes for lunch which was tacos and fajitas. I ate far more of all that than I would normally. Sweet hubby and I got on the road for Houston around 4 yesterday afternoon and after all that eating, I STILL wanted dinner last night, too. Got salads, though, so that was better than it could have been. After three days of no scale activity I got on the scale this morning and saw a one pound rise. I had anticipated more, especially after yesterday. But I am not convinced this pound will stick as there are some issues working that when resolved will show a drop. Enough said on that one. :drool: But here I am - after Christmas with things settling and only a pound to show for it. I did have this attitude this year of 'I'm just gonna eat and enjoy cause next year I'll have to worry about PB's and everything else' so I've actually eaten more cookies than I normally do. It's been odd. I know I'll still be able to eat cookies. I just don't know that I'll want to. And so I decided to enjoy! I'm still down from my last weigh in and I have my next one next Thurs. So when my issue works itself out, I know I'll be down even more. I know my issue is related to not having drank nearly enough water over the past four-five days. And now that I'm back to work, that will change. It's been a wonderful Christmas this year - although way too busy. I think I will make gifts again - but I'm starting them in January. I think we will attend parties again - but not all of them. We have done too much driving over the past four days and while that was beneficial for knitting scarves, it was just too much time in the car. Visits were too short and my hubby and I are just thoroughly exhausted at this point. And the stressful part there is I'm not sure when we will catch up on sleep as we have more festivities, of course, this weekend - and travel, too. Our efforts to "have Christmas at home" have apparently made Christmas more stressful. :bye: So the feeling now...is that Christmas will be spent elsewhere. No more to-ing and fro-ing...that's what I say! Either that...or we move! :present:

Merry belated Christmas, BG! I'm so happy for you! Seems to me you are exactly where you should be - enjoying food but not stressing it or treating it specially! What an accomplishment! Sounds like a great Christmas to me!

You will be a new kind of carefree when it comes to food. But you are right, you won't be gluttonous any longer - and really, is that a bad thing? Why can't you eat like everyone else does? Now you will eat what everyone else does...and the same amounts, too. While you are in the weightloss phase you may have a harder time with certain foods - like rice or breads. But when you get to maintenance phase it is most likely (from what I've been told) that you will be able to eat everything - just a whole lot less of it! Like adagray said, you will savor that cookie even more because you will only want one.