ldswims

Am I lieing to myself? I have generally always considered my weight struggle a hormone problem. I don't eat perfectly but I don't think I eat worse than the people I'm surrounded by who are thin and not struggling. We go out to dinner - they clean their plates - and they order feasts - and I nibble on salads. I cook for them once a week and they don't gain weight off of my food - but I do. I watch them eat desert night after night after night while I don't eat desert all that often. Not because I am holding myself back - but because I generally don't like sweet things. I HATE chocolate. I HATE ice cream. I dislike cake unless it's a very specific kind of cake with a very specific kind of frosting. I only like about three pies known to man. And in most cases, I don't bake them nor do I order them when we eat out. My one weakness for desert is creme brulee but I rarely end up in restaurants that offer it so would say I eat the stuff about three or four times a year. I don't generally eat bread except for with sandwiches. I don't go crazy with grazing throughout the day, in fact I eat three meals and one afternoon snack. Breakfast is a fruit smoothie with nonfat plain yogurt. Lunch is a turkey sandwich on wheat bread with a smidge of mayo. And dinner varies - during the week it's generally leftovers and on weekends is when I cook. It can range from pot roast to roasted chicken to sushi at our favorite sushi bar to Vietnamese grilled beef vermicelli to grilled fish... So am I lieing to myself? Is food my problem? Am I food addict and I don't know it? I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be. I DO eat out probably too much. But I also think I order wise things, for the most part. I'm not big on fried food - although on occasion some fried chicken IS good. Am I lieing to myself? Have the six nutritionists I've seen over the years been wrong when they said "your food is not your problem?" I've had TSH tests run on me multiple times just to find out I have HYPER-thyroidism. THAT does not make sense so no one treats it. I have had my metabolism measured a few times just to find out I have a fast metabolism. And yet the weight packs on. So am I lieing to myself? I swim, walk, lift weights three or four times a week. Swimming in the summer, walking otherwise. I garden - that burns calories when you are out there pulling out all those weeds with all the built up frustration you don't know you have. I am like a ping-pong ball when my husband and I TRY to sit down and watch a movie. I'm up every fifteen minutes to do this or that. My dog used to get so mad at me...he'd get all curled up and cozy and then ping, I'm off again. He thinks he has to follow me everywhere but by the time he was about three years old or so, he said 'forget it, do whatcha gotta do and I'll be here when you get back'. He has now found solace in the fact that my husband gets irritated by this, too. Just curls up with my husband if need be and they sit idly by watching me ping and pong about. So am I lieing to myself? Am I setting myself up for failure here? If I'm not lieing to myself - will this work for me? Can it help me? It almost seems like if I am lieing to myself, then yay. I can fix that!

Am I lieing to myself? I have generally always considered my weight struggle a hormone problem. I don't eat perfectly but I don't think I eat worse than the people I'm surrounded by who are thin and not struggling. We go out to dinner - they clean their plates - and they order feasts - and I nibble on salads. I cook for them once a week and they don't gain weight off of my food - but I do. I watch them eat desert night after night after night while I don't eat desert all that often. Not because I am holding myself back - but because I generally don't like sweet things. I HATE chocolate. I HATE ice cream. I dislike cake unless it's a very specific kind of cake with a very specific kind of frosting. I only like about three pies known to man. And in most cases, I don't bake them nor do I order them when we eat out. My one weakness for desert is creme brulee but I rarely end up in restaurants that offer it so would say I eat the stuff about three or four times a year. I don't generally eat bread except for with sandwiches. I don't go crazy with grazing throughout the day, in fact I eat three meals and one afternoon snack. Breakfast is a fruit smoothie with nonfat plain yogurt. Lunch is a turkey sandwich on wheat bread with a smidge of mayo. And dinner varies - during the week it's generally leftovers and on weekends is when I cook. It can range from pot roast to roasted chicken to sushi at our favorite sushi bar to Vietnamese grilled beef vermicelli to grilled fish... So am I lieing to myself? Is food my problem? Am I food addict and I don't know it? I'm not perfect. I don't pretend to be. I DO eat out probably too much. But I also think I order wise things, for the most part. I'm not big on fried food - although on occasion some fried chicken IS good. Am I lieing to myself? Have the six nutritionists I've seen over the years been wrong when they said "your food is not your problem?" I've had TSH tests run on me multiple times just to find out I have HYPER-thyroidism. THAT does not make sense so no one treats it. I have had my metabolism measured a few times just to find out I have a fast metabolism. And yet the weight packs on. So am I lieing to myself? I swim, walk, lift weights three or four times a week. Swimming in the summer, walking otherwise. I garden - that burns calories when you are out there pulling out all those weeds with all the built up frustration you don't know you have. I am like a ping-pong ball when my husband and I TRY to sit down and watch a movie. I'm up every fifteen minutes to do this or that. My dog used to get so mad at me...he'd get all curled up and cozy and then ping, I'm off again. He thinks he has to follow me everywhere but by the time he was about three years old or so, he said 'forget it, do whatcha gotta do and I'll be here when you get back'. He has now found solace in the fact that my husband gets irritated by this, too. Just curls up with my husband if need be and they sit idly by watching me ping and pong about. So am I lieing to myself? Am I setting myself up for failure here? If I'm not lieing to myself - will this work for me? Can it help me? It almost seems like if I am lieing to myself, then yay. I can fix that!

Awesome! It's always the simplest things that can make it all seem worthwhile, eh?

Thursday night last week I went to the seminar. I don't know that it would have ever been required of me but I'm so glad I went. My husband went with me. And we both learned a lot. A lot almost seems like an understatement. And what's weird, was I already knew a lot - but it makes a difference hearing it from the surgeon. It makes a difference being able to ask questions of someone QUALIFIED to answer the questions. My husband learned a lot, too. And my husband and I both learned that he is on the border of being eligible for this himself. He thinks he can lose the weight on his own - by following the "diet" I am doing and continuing with his exercise program that he likes. I think there is potential for his yo-yo'ing to continue, though. I also think if we were doing this together, at the same time, on the same page - that would make it "easier". If we both had to do the liquid diet at the same time, for example, t'would be "easier" than if I do it and then six months later, he does it. If we both do the six month supervised weight loss together, t'would be easier, than if I do it and then he starts his program. He is like me - I KNOW he can lose the weight. But he's gained it back before, like me, multiple times. There is no easy answer for this, that's for sure. I surely can't push or cajol or try to convince him. He needs to decide on this for himself and no matter what he decides, I am and will always be by his side - just like he is for me. And no matter what, I know he is just as in this as I am. We had a long conversation this morning and some last night about cleaning out our pantry, about changing our approach to grocery shopping, about setting a menu on a Sunday, for example, doing our grocery shopping accordingly, and what we will no longer buy. Before I met my husband I was not an impulse buyer. I was also not in the shape I am currently, either. :wub: After I met my husband, I was able (as we wifes do) to retrain some habits - mostly not buying the little debbie crap and things like that. But he retrained me, too (as husbands do) and I now keep chips on hand, whereas the single me would not have. I now keep a second freezer full of meat and a second refrigerator full of sodas. We now both completey agree with each other that we quite simply CANNOT DO THAT! I grew up eating well, cooking well, exercising frequently (some might say too much), and generally active even when not exercising. From the age of four through high school I was on a swim team and I was good. I still am. I had to be on two sports teams all the time and the second thing bounced around from soccer to basketball to volleyball. Around junior high I switched to drill team and chearleading as my second thing. Around high school I was just doing swimming and drill and in my spare time I was in the choir and drum line. My mom ALWAYS steamed our vegetables - they were not soaked in broth and bacon fat or cheese or anything else. My mom always baked our fish and chicken - it was never fried and very rarely was it poached. We ate very small servings of carbs, if at all. We did not keep sodas in the house - we drank sugar free cool aid. I didn't eat my first dorito until I was 8 years old - and while it was good, I didn't care about them. And then I went in the Navy. Who in the world goes in the military to see their activity level DECREASE? Their food quality go bad? Their portions go up? The Navy is aware, though, that they have a problem. They were aware then and they were trying to fix it. But suffice it to say, in the Navy - I gained weight. In the Navy, in BOOT CAMP of all places, I lost a LOT of muscle tone which was my first step in the wrong direction. Anywho. I know how to do this. That's the story there. I have spent more of my life living healthy than not. However, add in some hormone complications of my late 20's and here I am...unable to lose it AND keep it off. And sadly, it, in the last year or so, has gotten to the point where I think, apparently, that if I'm going to look like this, I might as well eat what I want. And that's the part that's changing NOW! So Friday, I went to my first "weight loss appointment". I met the Nurse Practitioner in the new place - the practitioner that will be following me for my six months of supervised weight loss and exercise. I like her. Friendly. Non-judgemental. And straight forward. And she said - you already know what to do. So do it. And I'll see you in a month. She didn't sit there and preach to me about the importance of portion control. About the importance of balanced meals. About the importance of not drinking sodas. About the importance of exercise. She said "YOU ALREADY KNOW". And she's right. We ALL do. I read on here somewhere last week "If you want to know how to lose weight - ask a fat person" and that is so true. We KNOW how to lose it. We can't keep it OFF! I told a "friend" that Saturday night - a skinny girl who eats FIVE, yes FIVE pieces of PIE in one night and doesn't gain an inch and yet is always trying to lose weight - and she scoffed at me like :confused:. So I asked her - knowing she is ALWAYS wanting to lose weight - do YOUR "diets" work? No. See. Mine DO. I just can't KEEP it off. And hopefully this is the tool to help me be able to. Her answer. "Whatever". She seems to think that human beings cannot live on restricted calories. Since she can't (and doesn't need to) therefore no one should/could. Anyway... Friday was good. I was happy to be getting everything OFFICIALLY started. I go back on Nov 5 for the next check in. Now time seems to have slowed down. In the meantime - I should be able to pick up the letter of medical necessity from my PCP this week. Since my OB/GYN is someone with ongoing care, I should get a letter from him, too. I see him later this month. I need to also see a cardiologist since I have had issues with heart palpitations in the past. I see him later this month, as well. Finally, I've started trying to get into do my psych consult as well - although that's not been easy. I got a list of In-Network Providers from my insurance company and when I attempted to call SIX different practices on Friday, they were ALL closed for the day! Seriously. Not ONE mental health practitioner in my area works on Friday? Really? Whatever. My goal is to be able to turn in as much as possible when I go back on Nov 5th. This weekend was strangely emotional to me, though. Friday I was excited, happy, and certain. Saturday morning as I was waking up I was vaguely depressed. I just kept thinking in the back of my pea brain - no more bread EVER? But by the time I was fully awake I was back to my normal opinion - whatever. I am not a bread-aholic... Saturday night, had friends over for dinner - and skinny minny stood there in my family room judging me. I've had issues with her judgements already and am now of the opinion that she is just not ever going to understand. Sunday I had the vaguely depressed notions coming up again as I realized - no 'this', no 'that'. How to juggle this and that. Can I really not just do this on my own? That skinny minny got to me. Finally got to talk to my hubbie last night and he thinks that I CAN do this on my own - but thinks that this might also be a fail safe that would be worth it in the long run. He thinks that I should nevermind that skinny minny and chalk this up to experience. He thinks that no matter what, I should do this six month thing and then make a better informed decision then. So I woke up this morning thinking - we need to change how we grocery shop. We need to change our pantry. We need to change our refrigerators. And I need to go back to what my mom taught me, what I was raised with, what I know. And my hubbie is along for the ride. He's such a great man!

That is a great idea. I will suggest that this evening, in fact. The one hard part here is he is just under the 40 BMI line. And he has no comorbidities. Our insurance plan requires two - I suspect he does have sleep apnea, but other than that, he doesn't have the other required. So at this point, he'd have to actually gain some weight to start the program. And I'm figuring that would put him about a month off of me. Nonetheless...tis quite worth suggesting!

Thursday night last week I went to the seminar. I don't know that it would have ever been required of me but I'm so glad I went. My husband went with me. And we both learned a lot. A lot almost seems like an understatement. And what's weird, was I already knew a lot - but it makes a difference hearing it from the surgeon. It makes a difference being able to ask questions of someone QUALIFIED to answer the questions. My husband learned a lot, too. And my husband and I both learned that he is on the border of being eligible for this himself. He thinks he can lose the weight on his own - by following the "diet" I am doing and continuing with his exercise program that he likes. I think there is potential for his yo-yo'ing to continue, though. I also think if we were doing this together, at the same time, on the same page - that would make it "easier". If we both had to do the liquid diet at the same time, for example, t'would be "easier" than if I do it and then six months later, he does it. If we both do the six month supervised weight loss together, t'would be easier, than if I do it and then he starts his program. He is like me - I KNOW he can lose the weight. But he's gained it back before, like me, multiple times. There is no easy answer for this, that's for sure. I surely can't push or cajol or try to convince him. He needs to decide on this for himself and no matter what he decides, I am and will always be by his side - just like he is for me. And no matter what, I know he is just as in this as I am. We had a long conversation this morning and some last night about cleaning out our pantry, about changing our approach to grocery shopping, about setting a menu on a Sunday, for example, doing our grocery shopping accordingly, and what we will no longer buy. Before I met my husband I was not an impulse buyer. I was also not in the shape I am currently, either. :tt2: After I met my husband, I was able (as we wifes do) to retrain some habits - mostly not buying the little debbie crap and things like that. But he retrained me, too (as husbands do) and I now keep chips on hand, whereas the single me would not have. I now keep a second freezer full of meat and a second refrigerator full of sodas. We now both completey agree with each other that we quite simply CANNOT DO THAT! I grew up eating well, cooking well, exercising frequently (some might say too much), and generally active even when not exercising. From the age of four through high school I was on a swim team and I was good. I still am. I had to be on two sports teams all the time and the second thing bounced around from soccer to basketball to volleyball. Around junior high I switched to drill team and chearleading as my second thing. Around high school I was just doing swimming and drill and in my spare time I was in the choir and drum line. My mom ALWAYS steamed our vegetables - they were not soaked in broth and bacon fat or cheese or anything else. My mom always baked our fish and chicken - it was never fried and very rarely was it poached. We ate very small servings of carbs, if at all. We did not keep sodas in the house - we drank sugar free cool aid. I didn't eat my first dorito until I was 8 years old - and while it was good, I didn't care about them. And then I went in the Navy. Who in the world goes in the military to see their activity level DECREASE? Their food quality go bad? Their portions go up? The Navy is aware, though, that they have a problem. They were aware then and they were trying to fix it. But suffice it to say, in the Navy - I gained weight. In the Navy, in BOOT CAMP of all places, I lost a LOT of muscle tone which was my first step in the wrong direction. Anywho. I know how to do this. That's the story there. I have spent more of my life living healthy than not. However, add in some hormone complications of my late 20's and here I am...unable to lose it AND keep it off. And sadly, it, in the last year or so, has gotten to the point where I think, apparently, that if I'm going to look like this, I might as well eat what I want. And that's the part that's changing NOW! So Friday, I went to my first "weight loss appointment". I met the Nurse Practitioner in the new place - the practitioner that will be following me for my six months of supervised weight loss and exercise. I like her. Friendly. Non-judgemental. And straight forward. And she said - you already know what to do. So do it. And I'll see you in a month. She didn't sit there and preach to me about the importance of portion control. About the importance of balanced meals. About the importance of not drinking sodas. About the importance of exercise. She said "YOU ALREADY KNOW". And she's right. We ALL do. I read on here somewhere last week "If you want to know how to lose weight - ask a fat person" and that is so true. We KNOW how to lose it. We can't keep it OFF! I told a "friend" that Saturday night - a skinny girl who eats FIVE, yes FIVE pieces of PIE in one night and doesn't gain an inch and yet is always trying to lose weight - and she scoffed at me like :thumbup:. So I asked her - knowing she is ALWAYS wanting to lose weight - do YOUR "diets" work? No. See. Mine DO. I just can't KEEP it off. And hopefully this is the tool to help me be able to. Her answer. "Whatever". She seems to think that human beings cannot live on restricted calories. Since she can't (and doesn't need to) therefore no one should/could. Anyway... Friday was good. I was happy to be getting everything OFFICIALLY started. I go back on Nov 5 for the next check in. Now time seems to have slowed down. In the meantime - I should be able to pick up the letter of medical necessity from my PCP this week. Since my OB/GYN is someone with ongoing care, I should get a letter from him, too. I see him later this month. I need to also see a cardiologist since I have had issues with heart palpitations in the past. I see him later this month, as well. Finally, I've started trying to get into do my psych consult as well - although that's not been easy. I got a list of In-Network Providers from my insurance company and when I attempted to call SIX different practices on Friday, they were ALL closed for the day! Seriously. Not ONE mental health practitioner in my area works on Friday? Really? Whatever. My goal is to be able to turn in as much as possible when I go back on Nov 5th. This weekend was strangely emotional to me, though. Friday I was excited, happy, and certain. Saturday morning as I was waking up I was vaguely depressed. I just kept thinking in the back of my pea brain - no more bread EVER? But by the time I was fully awake I was back to my normal opinion - whatever. I am not a bread-aholic... Saturday night, had friends over for dinner - and skinny minny stood there in my family room judging me. I've had issues with her judgements already and am now of the opinion that she is just not ever going to understand. Sunday I had the vaguely depressed notions coming up again as I realized - no 'this', no 'that'. How to juggle this and that. Can I really not just do this on my own? That skinny minny got to me. Finally got to talk to my hubbie last night and he thinks that I CAN do this on my own - but thinks that this might also be a fail safe that would be worth it in the long run. He thinks that I should nevermind that skinny minny and chalk this up to experience. He thinks that no matter what, I should do this six month thing and then make a better informed decision then. So I woke up this morning thinking - we need to change how we grocery shop. We need to change our pantry. We need to change our refrigerators. And I need to go back to what my mom taught me, what I was raised with, what I know. And my hubbie is along for the ride. He's such a great man!

Me. And it should be me. This is MY life. This is MY future. This is MY well-being. No one else's. I was told yesterday to, in my own words, sit patiently by the phone and wait for THEM to call me. I'm not patient. Can't do it. Won't lie and say I can. So I searched and dawdled and explored and cajoled and got myself a phone number out of thin air. And I called it. And I said - I can't wait. :thumbup: Ok, not really, I was a WHOLE LOTTA nicer than that. But that was the general jist of it. And they made me an appt. Not for two weeks from now. Not for two weeks from two weeks from now. Nope. For TOMORROW. Friday. 10/9. At 10:30. And here's what I know about this. My six months starts TOMORROW. At the end of the conversation with the lady who really didn't care that I had called even though I was told not to, I asked - is this going to cause a problem? She said no, it's a good thing actually. I then asked if they'd have my paperwork on time? She said she didn't know but if they didn't they'd call the other office and get it. Oh. Ok. That was so NOT difficult! I went to a friends house for dinner last night with my husband. She is recently retired and was an office manager for a asthma and allergy clinic. That clinic is a lot like this place I'm being sent to. They had offices all over Houston. So this place I'm being sent to - it seems to me they have satellite offices in all the corners of Houston and once they know you're a candidate they send you to the main office for all the workup stuff. And then when it's time for surgery, you go back to your satellite location, if you want to. And fills may or may not be done there. And support may or may not be done there. Her office was similar. It was a bunch of satellites. She said here's what happens. The Nurse Practitioner has to get her notes done. Because she's a Nurse Practitioner, she has to get the surgeon to sign off on them. Once he does that, then the paperwork can be sent into this main office. Once it's in the main office, they will call me and schedule the appt. They generally say two weeks so that if anything goes wrong, they are covered, but it doesn't generally take that long. She said, though - that in scenarios where offices or clinics are set up like this - they love love love people like me. Instead of sitting in a quagmire of paperwork, I'm saying "this is what I want, this is when I want it, this is how I want it" and they are happy to comply because now they aren't waiting, either, AND they know I'm serious about moving forward. Enlightening. So - as is generally the case - although not always, there are always exceptions - it's a good thing to be in control of my own life and my own outcome and my own future. :biggrin: So I'm excited, eager and ready for tomorrow!

Me. And it should be me. This is MY life. This is MY future. This is MY well-being. No one else's. I was told yesterday to, in my own words, sit patiently by the phone and wait for THEM to call me. I'm not patient. Can't do it. Won't lie and say I can. So I searched and dawdled and explored and cajoled and got myself a phone number out of thin air. And I called it. And I said - I can't wait. :tt2: Ok, not really, I was a WHOLE LOTTA nicer than that. But that was the general jist of it. And they made me an appt. Not for two weeks from now. Not for two weeks from two weeks from now. Nope. For TOMORROW. Friday. 10/9. At 10:30. And here's what I know about this. My six months starts TOMORROW. At the end of the conversation with the lady who really didn't care that I had called even though I was told not to, I asked - is this going to cause a problem? She said no, it's a good thing actually. I then asked if they'd have my paperwork on time? She said she didn't know but if they didn't they'd call the other office and get it. Oh. Ok. That was so NOT difficult! I went to a friends house for dinner last night with my husband. She is recently retired and was an office manager for a asthma and allergy clinic. That clinic is a lot like this place I'm being sent to. They had offices all over Houston. So this place I'm being sent to - it seems to me they have satellite offices in all the corners of Houston and once they know you're a candidate they send you to the main office for all the workup stuff. And then when it's time for surgery, you go back to your satellite location, if you want to. And fills may or may not be done there. And support may or may not be done there. Her office was similar. It was a bunch of satellites. She said here's what happens. The Nurse Practitioner has to get her notes done. Because she's a Nurse Practitioner, she has to get the surgeon to sign off on them. Once he does that, then the paperwork can be sent into this main office. Once it's in the main office, they will call me and schedule the appt. They generally say two weeks so that if anything goes wrong, they are covered, but it doesn't generally take that long. She said, though - that in scenarios where offices or clinics are set up like this - they love love love people like me. Instead of sitting in a quagmire of paperwork, I'm saying "this is what I want, this is when I want it, this is how I want it" and they are happy to comply because now they aren't waiting, either, AND they know I'm serious about moving forward. Enlightening. So - as is generally the case - although not always, there are always exceptions - it's a good thing to be in control of my own life and my own outcome and my own future. :thumbup: So I'm excited, eager and ready for tomorrow!

The best thing I can say is get in there to do the consult with the surgeon's office. They will spell out for you exactly what you need to do - and they will hold your hand while doing it. It might help to find an office that is like that, if not. Even if it is 2 years, so what? For two years, this surgeon's office will be weighing you in and hearing what you've tried - and will give you ideas for new things to try. They will, over the span of this, get you used to how you will HAVE to eat after surgery. So this two years might not be the immediate result you want, but so what? It's a step in the journey. And it may not be two years anyway. When you go in for your consult they will have verified what the requirements are to see if you are eligible on the insurance side. I am right there with you. I just started this process last week and thought there would be a quicker turn around on this process. But there isn't. For me it was six months - and six months was enough to make me freak out, too. But over the past week I've realized this is an incredible opportunity. Instead of having to go cold turkey on everything I do - sodas being my worst habit, I'll have some time to ween myself before these habits can truly cause pain. The surgeon's office I am going through referred me to a clinic that has everything in place for people to hold my hand all the way through this, including submitting and probably resubmitting my paperwork after the six months are over. And when I think about it, I'd be setting myself up for failure if this wasn't required. It will be fine - and what's the worst that comes with supervised weightloss, really?

I think about the hardest thing that I will have to get used to is no drinking. All of my life I have been drinking for all hours of the day. I rarely get dehydrated because of this - and growing up in the "semi-desert" of Southern California and now living in Houston, that is saying something. I've been dehdrated once, in the Persian Gulf while deployed there. It's darned hot there! But I could do that, not ever get dehydrated, because I ALWAYS have something to drink. It's not a meal thing, it's just what I do. It ranges from Water to iced tea to coffee to "the big no-no" - a soda. But there is always something within reach. My mom used to think it was pretty cool, funnily enough. Said she never had to worry about me getting dehydrated. And there's a lot of other issues that come from not drinking enough, too. So this is going to be flat out weird for me. So I'm practicing already! Is anyone else like me on this? How did you get used to it?

Went in for my appt today. Thought I was excited and thought I was so ready to go and couldn't wait to get started. And I have to wait... Turns out, if I'd already done my six months supervised thing then I could just move on and go on with the process. But since I still need to do that - they need me to go somewhere else. I can still have the same surgeon. But the location just became a pain in the something. Whereas I thought I'd be going to an office about 10 miles from home, now I get to fight traffic to get to the medical center which is not even remotely near my normal beaten path - and my normal beaten path encompasses a lot of Houston. I can still do the surgery at the same hospital which is close to home. But I will most likely have to do the fills there at that place I did not want to go to. This Dr. is trying to get a program up and running with all of the extras - the fills, the nutritionist, the mental health professional, you know, all of the above - at the hospital where his office is. So there might be a chance that by the time I can have the surgery they might be able to do fills there. This Dr. just moved into this office that I visited today. Boxes of medical records are still sitting everywhere. 'Just moved in' means - a month and two days ago. I asked because I found it odd that the pictures are not on the walls, just propped against the walls, found it odd that the records are not filed in a nice looking file cabinet syste, found it odd that entire counters are blank. You'd think they'd want to get settled... On the good side, the Nurse Practictioner I saw told me about this surgeon's philosophy and I like it. So between what I've heard from my friend the nurse anesthetist and my own primary care, I am feeling comfortable with the surgeon and these groups. And this office is affiliated with the one they referred me to. That same Nurse Practictioner told me that office has a group of office staff that absolutely KNOW how to get these things approved and having them on my side will be good. She told me I DO need to prove a comorbidity even though my insurance company is claiming I only need one if the BMI is 35-39. Since my BMI is over 40, shouldn't need one, but I will follow their lead on that! She told me this office has everything in place to do everything basically. And a number of their people who are on staff for the various aspects of this have had the procedure done themselves. She said there's a great support structure that comes with this office, whereas the office I visited cannot make the same claim. So now the part that I really don't like. I have to wait for them to call me to even get the appt to get things going. And it can be up to two weeks before they call. I don't care if my appt is next month, I'll just feel better when I know I have an APPT! Please call, please call, please call!!!

Went in for my appt today. Thought I was excited and thought I was so ready to go and couldn't wait to get started. And I have to wait... Turns out, if I'd already done my six months supervised thing then I could just move on and go on with the process. But since I still need to do that - they need me to go somewhere else. I can still have the same surgeon. But the location just became a pain in the something. Whereas I thought I'd be going to an office about 10 miles from home, now I get to fight traffic to get to the medical center which is not even remotely near my normal beaten path - and my normal beaten path encompasses a lot of Houston. I can still do the surgery at the same hospital which is close to home. But I will most likely have to do the fills there at that place I did not want to go to. This Dr. is trying to get a program up and running with all of the extras - the fills, the nutritionist, the mental health professional, you know, all of the above - at the hospital where his office is. So there might be a chance that by the time I can have the surgery they might be able to do fills there. This Dr. just moved into this office that I visited today. Boxes of medical records are still sitting everywhere. 'Just moved in' means - a month and two days ago. I asked because I found it odd that the pictures are not on the walls, just propped against the walls, found it odd that the records are not filed in a nice looking file cabinet syste, found it odd that entire counters are blank. You'd think they'd want to get settled... On the good side, the Nurse Practictioner I saw told me about this surgeon's philosophy and I like it. So between what I've heard from my friend the nurse anesthetist and my own primary care, I am feeling comfortable with the surgeon and these groups. And this office is affiliated with the one they referred me to. That same Nurse Practictioner told me that office has a group of office staff that absolutely KNOW how to get these things approved and having them on my side will be good. She told me I DO need to prove a comorbidity even though my insurance company is claiming I only need one if the BMI is 35-39. Since my BMI is over 40, shouldn't need one, but I will follow their lead on that! She told me this office has everything in place to do everything basically. And a number of their people who are on staff for the various aspects of this have had the procedure done themselves. She said there's a great support structure that comes with this office, whereas the office I visited cannot make the same claim. So now the part that I really don't like. I have to wait for them to call me to even get the appt to get things going. And it can be up to two weeks before they call. I don't care if my appt is next month, I'll just feel better when I know I have an APPT! Please call, please call, please call!!!

of supervised exercise and diet - what kind of diet was it? Were you given a menu and then had to cook accordingly? What about exercise? I'm oh so curious about what happens next. When you went to your consult - was that the start of the six months? Or did you have to get in for another appt with someone else to get things started? I'd love to hear what things were like for you! Although, I know every doctor is different...

If you are asking if you are a candidate, you may be. Your BMI calculates at 39.5. From what I know, if you have any comorbidities, that qualifies you - you need a BMI of 35 if you also have comorbidities. If you have no comorbidities, you need a BMI of 40. From other things I am reading, if you are self-paying and find a surgeon willing to go along, then there seems to be that option, too. I don't really know though. As for deciding whether or not to do this or not, that is completely up to you and no one, really, can help you with that other than to share their experiences. I can't do so yet as I'm just getting started in the process, but personally, I no longer can see NOT doing this.

Hi Waynooo, You can call your insurance company and find out the answer to that specifically, but what mine told me is that it's the BMI at the start of this process that matters. MY BMI will certainly fall below the threshold before my six months are up - BMI is only 40.4. But it should be ok because my BMI was high enough when I started everything. There are also things like your height that might play a factor. I am 5'6" and 7/8. Everyone has always rounded that up to 5'7". But for this, we are using 5'6". Using 5'6", my BMI becomes 42. Should still fall below that, but it was a better starting point. As for comorbidities, is that what your insurance company is saying? 40 AND a comorbidity? From what I'm running across, over 40 - that's enough. If you are between 35 and 40, then you need the comorbidity. Again, I'd call your insurance company and hear it directly from them. When you go in for your consult they should have those answers then as well. I would imagine you can have your tests done with your PCP and you can hand carry the results to your surgeon. I am using my PCP for some things but will be primarily using my surgeons office - as in my case, the surgeon's office is closer than the PCP - 5 miles instead of 10 with some dreadfully long traffic lights. :tongue: I hope this helps.

What feels to me like the biggest hurdle has been jumped! And it's fine! I came down on the other side on both feet! I had my appt with my PCP today. I need from her a letter of medical necessity. And I wasn't sure how my visit with her would go - whether she would make me defend and justify this, whether she would be adamantly against it, whether she would emphatically support it...I just wasn't sure at all! And she said she would absolutely give me that because while she's only known me for a year, she's seen enough to know that I'm not lieing when I say "I TRY!" And it comes off. And it comes back. She said we would do some testing to prove a comorbidity that she thinks I may have. She said we will jump through those insurance hoops and give them NO REASON to deny this! She also said three or four years ago she would have been hesitant, would have said, 'do it yourself' but she's seen those people she told that lose the weight and then gain it back plus some. It's something about a BMI over 40 that makes your body NOT WANT TO LET GO! And she's seen lap-band® after lap-band® do wonders for people. She said my choice in surgeon is fantastic. Can't beat him in my area and she would have suggested him had I not found him myself. She recommended doing the supervised exercise and diet program with them because she likes their nutritionist and the staff in that office are all fantastic. She gave me copies of everything I need for the consult tomorrow - which should help some of this role along faster. I did some blood work because I had questionable liver function earlier this year and she wants to see if we can prove it's fatty liver. If the blood work warrants it, I already have the order in hand for a abdominal ultrasound. She said even if we can't prove that comorbidity, it's enough that my parents are ALREADY deceased - were deceased by 55 (mother) and 61 (father) - for things that are comorbidities. I already have tons of odds against me, I don't need this weight stacking my odds even further! To me, getting her approval was potentially my biggest stumbling block. Had she said no, I would have gotten myself a new PCP and kept trying. But I like her and I didn't want that hassle which would also potentially become a demotivator. And I KNOW I'm fat enough. She laughed at that. Was impressed at how much research I've done, what I knew, and how I've been taking care of myself in this endeavor. Wasn't asking for the answers, was asking for endorsement - and from what she said, the people willing to do this from start to finish like this, on their own - if you will, are the successful ones. The people on this website, I'd venture! Can't be done on your own - don't get me wrong. But I'm not being spoon fed my information. This wasn't suggested to me, I explored the thought. That's what I'm talking about... Anywho... She said she has seen it before where people are like me, on the fence with the BMI with no comorbidities. And she's seen - and even supported - minor weight gain to get them to the "acceptable level of fatness". I find that sad. But it's the game we have to play, apparently. Comorbidities help, but I've enjoyed my food this weekend to ensure my weight today and tomorrow would not be an issue. And hopefully tomorrow can start the six month supervision. And hopefully I can be looking at the March/April time frame. And if not, I'll take it as it comes. My biggest stumbling block has been passed. I just feel like now I can say "Ok, hope is on the horizon!" YAY!

What feels to me like the biggest hurdle has been jumped! And it's fine! I came down on the other side on both feet! I had my appt with my PCP today. I need from her a letter of medical necessity. And I wasn't sure how my visit with her would go - whether she would make me defend and justify this, whether she would be adamantly against it, whether she would emphatically support it...I just wasn't sure at all! And she said she would absolutely give me that because while she's only known me for a year, she's seen enough to know that I'm not lieing when I say "I TRY!" And it comes off. And it comes back. She said we would do some testing to prove a comorbidity that she thinks I may have. She said we will jump through those insurance hoops and give them NO REASON to deny this! She also said three or four years ago she would have been hesitant, would have said, 'do it yourself' but she's seen those people she told that lose the weight and then gain it back plus some. It's something about a BMI over 40 that makes your body NOT WANT TO LET GO! And she's seen lap-band® after lap-band® do wonders for people. She said my choice in surgeon is fantastic. Can't beat him in my area and she would have suggested him had I not found him myself. She recommended doing the supervised exercise and diet program with them because she likes their nutritionist and the staff in that office are all fantastic. She gave me copies of everything I need for the consult tomorrow - which should help some of this role along faster. I did some blood work because I had questionable liver function earlier this year and she wants to see if we can prove it's fatty liver. If the blood work warrants it, I already have the order in hand for a abdominal ultrasound. She said even if we can't prove that comorbidity, it's enough that my parents are ALREADY deceased - were deceased by 55 (mother) and 61 (father) - for things that are comorbidities. I already have tons of odds against me, I don't need this weight stacking my odds even further! To me, getting her approval was potentially my biggest stumbling block. Had she said no, I would have gotten myself a new PCP and kept trying. But I like her and I didn't want that hassle which would also potentially become a demotivator. And I KNOW I'm fat enough. She laughed at that. Was impressed at how much research I've done, what I knew, and how I've been taking care of myself in this endeavor. Wasn't asking for the answers, was asking for endorsement - and from what she said, the people willing to do this from start to finish like this, on their own - if you will, are the successful ones. The people on this website, I'd venture! Can't be done on your own - don't get me wrong. But I'm not being spoon fed my information. This wasn't suggested to me, I explored the thought. That's what I'm talking about... Anywho... She said she has seen it before where people are like me, on the fence with the BMI with no comorbidities. And she's seen - and even supported - minor weight gain to get them to the "acceptable level of fatness". I find that sad. But it's the game we have to play, apparently. Comorbidities help, but I've enjoyed my food this weekend to ensure my weight today and tomorrow would not be an issue. And hopefully tomorrow can start the six month supervision. And hopefully I can be looking at the March/April time frame. And if not, I'll take it as it comes. My biggest stumbling block has been passed. I just feel like now I can say "Ok, hope is on the horizon!" YAY!

As I am weighing this decision I have only told a handful of people. And the response has been varied. Five people to be exact, in addition to the only opinion that matters, my husband. Husband - very supportive, curious, almost as "excited" as me. Supervisor/friend - very supportive and encouraging. Colleague/friend #1 - judgemental...really? surgery? you think THAT is going to help? Colleague/friend #2 - supportive, understanding, all around just there for me no matter what decision I make. Friend #1 - judgemental - well you should, you are in bad shape and you HAVE to do something, I'm lucky that I don't have to go to that extreme, but you certainly should. (Interesting tidbit here - she's even bigger than me.) Friend #2 - judgemental - just keep in mind that you are more likely to fail than succeed, so is surgery really necessary? So how do you deal with this? What have your experiences been like? What about your experiences with your physician or surgeon? Are they judgemental or helpful? Judgemental or concerned? I will be curious to see how mine behave next week but it will certainly cause more harm than good if they are even remotely negative about me and this. Sometimes I think that's the worst part about being overweight, fat, heavy, whatever you want to call it. Everyone just assumes you don't want to do anything about it. They cannot seem to understand that I do NOT want to feel or look like this. They don't struggle with weight so therefore this is me not taking care of myself.... I'd love love love to hear about experiences and how you handled it! Thank you so much for listening to me!

I may be out of line here but I would absolutely NOT recommend contacting him. I was raped while in the Navy and have had to deal with years of my own personal he!!. I know what you are talking about and I can say in no uncertain terms that confronting him will not make this better. Nor will it stop it from happening to others. In fact, it's more likely to make it happen to others as he attempts to justify what he did. You can go to the police about it (which isn't really going to do much given how much time has past) or you can go to therapy. Furthermore, holding onto anger towards your parents will not resolve anything either. I remember when I told my mom what happened to me, she just listened stoically and then went on with life. I didn't find out until AFTER she died that it tore her up and so in order to stay strong for me, which was what I needed then, she did nothing. My mother was molested as a little girl and so knew what I was enduring, to an extent. Personally, I went after the food after all was said and done to "make myself unattractive" thinking it would save me from a possible rape repeat. Ridiculous thinking. Therapy was my answer. And now the weight won't leave. As for the grief you think you aren't feeling - that's what numbness is. You can't be happy, even with all this. You have anger at your parents and at Kenny but not Edna and deep down you know that. When my mom was on her deathbed after a long hard battle with colon cancer I was numb. I couldn't feel anything. I could and did understand that feeling anything wasn't going to change it. And you will enter a new stage of grief when it's over. But this is part of the process, it isn't abnormal and you have a choice here - support your mother or give yourself something to regret later. Believe me, hard as it is to "let go" of the past, it's even harder to hang on.... Again, sorry if I'm out of line, but I couldn't keep mum on this. You are right for everything you are thinking and feeling. And you are not out of line for having your very own perspective in your very own world.

I am so eager for these dr appt's/consults/seminars! Who in the world is ever EAGER to see a DR? This is NUTS! Tomorrow I go see my Dr. I hope she feels like I do - that this is a good thing in my case. I know she wants me to lose weight. I'm scared, though, that she's going to say 'do it yourself'. I will be doing it myself - but this tool will HELP give me feedback. I hope I don't come across as using this as a crutch - 'cause I certainly won't be and I certainly am not thinking that way. Seems to me, though, that no matter what I THINK I've said, people hear or read what they want to anyway. So while I say "this isn't a crutch, it's a tool, this isn't a crutch, it's a feedback mechanism", people will hear - "I need a crutch". I don't need a crutch. I need a lasting solution! Suffice it to say, tomorrow scares me. Wednesday, on the other hand, is oddly exciting. It's the consult. I know I'm fat. I know my BMI is too high. I know my insurance covers it and I know they want me to do six months of supervised dieting and exercise. I will be eager to get that started and am eager to meet the folks at the surgeons office and to feel like this is starting to go somewhere. And Thursday night my husband and I will attend a seminar. I figure at this point, with my research and my exploration and the fact that I'll have already been in for the consult, that it might be a lot of repetition. But repetition is good! And my husband and I hearing things together will undoubtedly lead to new questions and even clarification in some cases. I don't know why I'm so scared of tomorrow. Because even if she's not supportive, how hard is it to get a new doctor? One can generally find the answer they want if they look hard enough. And she's generally been supportive or helpful of me and my issues in the past. I just don't want hassle. I don't want demotivators. I don't want frustration. I know there will be some all over the place along this journey - that's what LIFE is and I've certainly encountered it before and come out stronger for it. Everything happens for a reason and all that.... Anyway, as I sit here at my desk trying to look at my data, I just can't stop thinking about tomorrow and the rest of this week!

I am so eager for these dr appt's/consults/seminars! Who in the world is ever EAGER to see a DR? This is NUTS! Tomorrow I go see my Dr. I hope she feels like I do - that this is a good thing in my case. I know she wants me to lose weight. I'm scared, though, that she's going to say 'do it yourself'. I will be doing it myself - but this tool will HELP give me feedback. I hope I don't come across as using this as a crutch - 'cause I certainly won't be and I certainly am not thinking that way. Seems to me, though, that no matter what I THINK I've said, people hear or read what they want to anyway. So while I say "this isn't a crutch, it's a tool, this isn't a crutch, it's a feedback mechanism", people will hear - "I need a crutch". I don't need a crutch. I need a lasting solution! Suffice it to say, tomorrow scares me. Wednesday, on the other hand, is oddly exciting. It's the consult. I know I'm fat. I know my BMI is too high. I know my insurance covers it and I know they want me to do six months of supervised dieting and exercise. I will be eager to get that started and am eager to meet the folks at the surgeons office and to feel like this is starting to go somewhere. And Thursday night my husband and I will attend a seminar. I figure at this point, with my research and my exploration and the fact that I'll have already been in for the consult, that it might be a lot of repetition. But repetition is good! And my husband and I hearing things together will undoubtedly lead to new questions and even clarification in some cases. I don't know why I'm so scared of tomorrow. Because even if she's not supportive, how hard is it to get a new doctor? One can generally find the answer they want if they look hard enough. And she's generally been supportive or helpful of me and my issues in the past. I just don't want hassle. I don't want demotivators. I don't want frustration. I know there will be some all over the place along this journey - that's what LIFE is and I've certainly encountered it before and come out stronger for it. Everything happens for a reason and all that.... Anyway, as I sit here at my desk trying to look at my data, I just can't stop thinking about tomorrow and the rest of this week!

Donnainva - that's the best advice I've heard! I just can't believe that my "friends" would prefer I struggle, would prefer to judge me, don't see that support is what I'm after and that support can matter here... Anywho... This very judgemental person, to help me put things in perspective, also does not want her own daughter to "look better". First of all, what's better? This person is beautiful for her own reasons. Not because of any one thing. And what I am calling beauty may not be beauty to someone else - and someone else might see something different to make her beautiful in their eyes. But sadly, her daughter, 12 years old, has everything falling into place to be a drop dead gorgeous young lady - she already is and from where we (rest of the people in this group sit), she's only going to become more beautiful as she grows into herself. Anywho, if she's going to be hard on her daughter for being beautiful, why in the world would she be supportive of me? This has never been about having their "approval" to motivate me. This has been about getting support for when times are frustrating. These are generally people I share meals with, rather frequently in fact. So support in this group would be beneficial. And a few of them are neighbors. So they are also not going anywhere and will notice a change. It's been interesting. Some new things came out this weekend that makes me think I was just being too sensitive. :frown: Tis always the case with me, too sensitive, doesn't like uncertainty, likes to share too much... I think I said this in my original post - but the only "Approval" I NEED is my husbands. I want his approval AND his support and I have that. The rest is icing.... Just has me being very cautious about who I share this with in the future - and that's said. That's a mark on society, I think, that there is such stigma here. But we all already know that. Question is about how to deal with it effectively? Ugh, rambling...sorry...

lessofm3 and geeky - Yeah, I don't think this is cheating, either. Just to chime in there. This is one step below about the harshest thing you can do to yourself to aid in permanent weight loss. lessofm3 - the person that made the comment about the likelihood of failing with this is a friend. She is a nurse anesthetist and is working for a general surgeon who does bariatric procedures, although not the lap-band. She said 70% of the bariatric procedures they do are for people who have to have it removed. And it has to be removed because they did not follow the diet. So her advice was to follow the diet. And, in her mind, obviously I can't do that, so it's likely I will fail - and don't come begging for her help when it happens. I have told the people I have told because I want to build a support network. And it's apparently not there. :thumbup: But going back to my failure friend - irony here...about a year ago she had a boob job and liposuction because she was not happy with the way she looked. Never occurred to her to DIET. But she's a bit concerned with appearances and the thought runs through the mind - is she afraid of someone else looking good? We are also neighbors and we live on Wisteria Lane, sometimes. And then I start thinking - she has a point, really. This whole thing, from what I am reading and now know, isn't really about the band. That's a feedback mechanism. It's a feedback mechanism that goes along with a lot of deprivation. The key here is portion control, from what I've learned. And this feedback mechanism lets you know when you haven't handled that well. But if I'm seriously serious about being serious (like that?) then why don't I just work on my portions? Why not restict myself? That feedback mechanism, though...could really be the difference between success and failure.

I have had quite the week! I have looked at this procedure before but have never been "qualified". Lately, I've become qualified - which was not something I aspired to, let me tell you. I taught swim lessons in my pool over the summer. I was teaching lessons 6 nights a week (after working a full 9-10 hour day mon-fri) and managed to lose twenty pounds or so. As SOON as the swim lessons came to an end and I was no longer in the pool as much, I gained all that weight back in the span of a week plus a little more to boot. Has anyone ever tried to maintain 6 days of activity, with a minimum of 3 hours of that activity for long? If I was training for something, I could see it. But in that time that I was teaching those lessons, so many other things around the house were not happening. But this isn't about that. That's just one example of my issues I've dealt with over the years. Suffice it to say, I've got good eating habits, a healthy balanced diet. Six nutritionists have agreed with that over the years. I am active. Always have been. Want to always stay that way! And yet here I am. Last weekend, I did too much. I cooked for and played games with some friends on Friday night. Saturday I was up and about for a mere 20 hours full of running errands and playing football in a parking lot before watching football (on my feet) in a stadium. Sunday I was swimming all day while bbq'ing and playing with friends and their kids. Doesn't sound like much. To me it sounds like an ideal weekend. Lots of love and laughter and lots of out and about - not lazing on the couch (which is nice on occasion, don't get me wrong - but only on like weeknights after a long day at work after cooking, cleaning, and working out). But I have a bad foot. When I was in the Navy my foot was injured in a freak accident and it causes problems to this day. Before I got "heavy" my foot rarely had good days. Since I've been heavy, my foot NEVER has good days - and it's now compounded by my feet having to deal with this weight. They both aren't happy. But my bad foot causes my joints to lock up. And it starts with the foot. Then if I don't chill out, it heads off for my ankle. If I still don't chill out, it heads off for my knee. If I STILL don't chill out, it goes after my hip. And then I'm laid up until my foot can relax which lately is running in the two-three day range. So last weekend, I got myself all locked up. I KNOW my weight is at the heart of this. I used to "recover" quicker. I used to be ok. So Monday and Tuesday I was home. Monday I was just me. Tuesday I got a bit sad. And then I asked myself - what can I do about this? Lose weight, obviously. But weightlifting, dieting, walking, swimming - that combination ISN'T working. And when it does work, it only works for so long before it all comes back. And then I saw a commercial of all things. And I hobbled to my computer to see what I could see. And instantaneously I had hope. By Wednesday morning at 8 am, I had an appt with my PCP to discuss this. I called my insurance company Tues night to find out if it's covered and what I need to do. By Wednesday morning at 9 am, I had an appt with a surgeon's office to discuss this even further. I initially thought I would not attend a seminar but by Wednesday afternoon realized it would be beneficial to do so. And I continued doing research. And I continued asking questions. I got myself all garbled up yesterday by thinking about just how long this might all take. My insurance company requires six months of doctor supervised weightloss and exercise. Ok. No worries there. I do that anyway. I can do that. Yesterday, though, I was still thinking "I wanted immediate gratification". I also had over three weeks to wait until the appt with the surgeon, so the six months wouldn't even start until then. But last night I got myself calmed down. That's the thing about me. I can get worked up over nothing. And I can also usually get myself back to functional without much effort. And I did. I wish I could avoid that whole process...but that's me. So here I am, calm and collected again saying "ok". Whatever. I can do this for six months. I can get my good habits in place and situated. I can start this process without the band and use the band to finish it and then maintain it. No, the band is not a magic little thing that is going to work magic on me. I'm calling it my feedback mechanism. I need to recondition myself and I need to recondition myself PERMANENTLY and that's what I see the band as - the reminder. And like I said, here I am, calm and collected. About half an hour ago a strange number called my cell phone. I rarely answer strange numbers so I let it go to voicemail. And a lot of times strange numbers don't leave messages and I say - yay, I didn't waste my time. This strange number DID leave a voicemail. I listened to it and didn't know what to think. The surgeons office called and needed to reschedule. I'm thinking, oh no, they could barely get me in in three weeks - I don't want to wait to start this process until NOVEMBER. So I went in a quiet room which is what we have in this building since each and everyone of us are in cubicles. And I called them back. And they said - do you prefer afternoon? Yes, but I really just want to get in and get this process started and I'll deal with whatever I have to. So she says...the best I can do is Oct 12th? Are you kidding? That's AWESOME! And then she looks a bit more and says, actually, I can't do that. DANGIT! And then she says, it will have to be Oct 7th! At 10:30 AM. So next week will be my starting point. I will meet with my PCP on Tues. I'm fairly certain she'll give me the letter of medical necessity for a variety of reasons. 1) she's mentioned this before. 2) I'm fat - BMI says it all (even though I don't think a BMI is really a true indicator. I am a lot of muscle - but I certainly have a lot of fat on me, too.) 3) parental histories put me at great risk for TONS of stuff all related to weight. 4) she's generally a nice, helpful doctor who wants to help make life better. And at the end of the day, that's my goal. Make life better. I don't want to pay a price for having an awesome weekend. I don't want to stop having awesome weekends because I'm scared of the pain and discomfort that follows. I want to be healthy and feel better. I want to STAY healthy! I want to not follow my parents to an early grave. Like I said, I meet with the PCP on Tues. Meet with the surgeon's RNP on Weds. And then the Lap-Band® seminar Thurs night. I hope it's a good week.

So I'm not really the kind of person that deals well with uncertainty. And the notion of this could be this or this could be this or this could be this DRIVES ME CRAZY! So do I have to do three months of supervised diet/exercise? Six months? None? So do I worry about my BMI falling? It's 40.4 right now. I have no other underlying conditions. I have had a stress test, carotid doppler, full pulmonary workup and echo of my heart in the past six months and all was fine well and good. So if my BMI falls below 40 by next tues, I might be screwed. Now that's a weird statement to make! Screwed because I'm losing weight? Yep. Screwed. Because it WILL come back. It always does. I'm in a cycle right now where without trying, I'm losing. In about two weeks that will switch. But my visit with my PCP is BEFORE that. I want to do something that will curb this! I want to feel better. I want to not be in pain just for trying to do what I love to do. I want to think that I can chase my future children around the house and ENJOY it! I want to think that I can make my husband think - ooh, she's all mine. I want to FEEL BETTER! So my biggest problem is that...what...? I eat too much? I eat three meals a day. A smoothie for Breakfast. A sandwich for lunch. And some sort of dinner that is not over and above on the portion size - a Protein, two veggies and a starch. I do not generally eat desert as I do not generally like sweet things. I swim. I lift weights. I walk. I have been to see nutritionists in the past and they've ALL said I eat well and right. I've had personal trainers who were impressed with my ability to do situps for hours. I've had gym memberships and now a gym and a pool in my own home. And with all this...I STILL GAIN WEIGHT! So if my BMI falls below 40 by next week, I'm screwed. But will this surgery "fix" me? I'll eat less. But can I not do that on my own? I served in the military for a decade. I understand discipline. I am a motivated person, always have been. I am competitive - makes me a fast swimmer. So I called the insurance company. And I DO have to do six months of physician controlled weight loss. It's to "see if my BMI can fall" but it's also " to see if I can do this on my own". And if I can do this on my own, they can throw out the claim just because of that. So then why would I bother with the danged co-pays? I CAN do this on my own. I always have been able to. I CANNOT keep it off! That's why I need help. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster.