ldswims

You are totally describing me, save I'm a month farther along. I have had three fills plus the fill at the time of surgery. And the third fill was way too much. I started eating around the band because it was the only way I could eat, I was too tight to eat Protein or even many veggies. I just went in on Tues of this week for an unfill as I started getting crazy heartburn - something I've never had a day in my life. The RNP took out 0.2cc's leaving me at 4.2cc's. And now I can eat again. I can eat protein, I can eat veggies, I can eat the right stuff and instantly, my interest in the sliders has vanished. I actually think they could take out another .1 or .2 and I'd be better but I'm going to see how this goes just awhile longer. But I hope this helps...sounds like you might actually be too tight. I was. Same exact scenario! Oh, and all fills (and unfill) are done under fluoroscopy for me. So while it all looked ok under x-ray, it sure didn't feel ok in reality!

I had surgery on April 12th. I am loving the band and currently have 4.2cc's in it. I've had three fills so far and am finally at a good level after having 0.2cc's taken back out. I've lost 30 pounds since surgery and 51 pounds since starting the whole process. My incisions seemed to heal just fine and life was moving forward. At the end of May, the main incision re-opened at one end. By the end of June it was a mess. I had fill #3 on July 7th and the RNP I saw that day didn't like it so she called in a prescription for Clindamycin, 10days. I took it and at the end of the course, things looked a lot better. Around day 8, I had a follow-up with my surgeon who scraped the scab off and declared it "ok". Fast forward to Aug and it looks a mess again. I had an appt Tues of this week, and wouldn't you know it, of all the days, the wound looked alright. The RNP I saw this time acknowledged "that would be irritating to not have it healed four months later" but "it looks ok for a wound". Um. HELLO? A wound? Four months later? Does that in itself not freak you out? I don't care if it looks ok, it should be GONE! Something's causing it and that seems like a problem to me! I go back again on Tues and I'm not doing anything - no hibiclense, no peroxide, no bacitracin, no polysporin, no neosporin, no antiseptic wipes - nothing. But has anyone else had anything like this? What did it take to resolve it? I'm getting freaked out!

Good Morning. Good Day. Happy Wednesday. To some that means Happy Hump Day. I am now rambling on a new website. My very own blog on blogspot. http://ldswims-journeytoembrace.blogspot.com/ I am of the mind that I don't want to read only about the band and it's journey. I want to read about the person and the person's journey with the band. Namely I want to read about life. And that's what I want to blog about. On this site I feel guilty for doing so - although no one has ever said anything. But because of that guilt (self-imposed) and wanting to have a page that I created, a page that is me, I liked what Band_Groupie did and so decided to do the same. I am still in the midst of transferring my older blogs over there. But anything from 1/22 and onwards is only on http://ldswims-journeytoembrace.blogspot.com/ I hope to see you there! And like BG, I'll still be here - although, in my case, probably just lurking around... PS - the page is still a work in progress - but that will always be the case. :thumbup:

Good Morning. Good Day. Happy Wednesday. To some that means Happy Hump Day. I am now rambling on a new website. My very own blog on blogspot. http://ldswims-journeytoembrace.blogspot.com/ I am of the mind that I don't want to read only about the band and it's journey. I want to read about the person and the person's journey with the band. Namely I want to read about life. And that's what I want to blog about. On this site I feel guilty for doing so - although no one has ever said anything. But because of that guilt (self-imposed) and wanting to have a page that I created, a page that is me, I liked what Band_Groupie did and so decided to do the same. I am still in the midst of transferring my older blogs over there. But anything from 1/22 and onwards is only on http://ldswims-journeytoembrace.blogspot.com/ I hope to see you there! And like BG, I'll still be here - although, in my case, probably just lurking around... PS - the page is still a work in progress - but that will always be the case. :thumbup:

I love Christmas. I love the hustle and the bustle of all the preparations and I love the feeling of togetherness that develops as the season wears on. This weekend was a particularly fantastic weekend! Friday night my hubby and I met up with one of his oldest friends and his girlfriend who were visiting from Denver. We went to our favorite Mexican place and ordered the world's most fantastic fajitas. I could only eat one. Wow! Saturday I spent the day baking and candy-making. I baked up two batches of my family recipe of sugar cookies which probably makes up 140 some odd cookies. I baked up two batches of gingerbread men (another 60 cookies). I baked up three batches of pecan butter balls (my fave - and another 80 cookies). I made up three bathces of english toffee (about 300 pieces). And finally, I made up two batches of fudge - one with nuts, one without. I was on my feet in the kitchen for 15 hours. After all that - I can pretty much bet I will eat barely any of it. I don't sample while I cook. I don't nibble while I bake. I don't eat bits and pieces while I decorate. Almost all of this will get given away. Somewhere around the 27th of December I will wander into the kitchen and grab a glass of milk and a pecan butter ball. And then it will all be over and I'll grab 2 or 3 each day until they are gone. But by the time I start, there will only be about 10-20 left and so this won't last very long for me. I can't explain it - but if I make the stuff, I don't eat the stuff. If I leave it for someone else to do...I will nibble on the stuff then. Furthermore, I spent so much time in the kitchen doing all this that I burned off two pounds. Add those two to being down because of the gastroenteritis two weeks ago and I'm really down for the month. So I can eat those pecan butter balls and not feel too badly for it. Wouldn't it be nice, though, if I weren't trying to lose this weight for good? If just in the normal cycle of things I lost weight and then put it back on...because I was trying to maintain a weight? Wouldn't that be awesome?!?! I have a whole collection of tins I've bought through the getting ready for the season outtings and my hubby and I will load those up with a sampling of the goodies and then take them around to friends and family. We are giving out about 20 tins and 40 baggies this year. I'm telling you...there won't be much left for us. I have always baked like this. My mom did this when I was a wee little one and when I was about 2 she started putting me to work. When I moved out and got set up - I couldn't not bake and make so I kept it up even while she was doing her own batches. Most years we were back together and did all this together but there were two where we did things separately and then joined up for the holiday. But now, with my mom gone, I'm glad I never lost momentum on this. It IS an undertaking and it WOULD be so easy to say "not this year". But the first year I say that will be the year after the last year I do this. And I won't give this up. Especially since this has never been a source of weight gain - I don't eat the stuff. Ok...I do nibble on a piece or two of the toffee and a piece or two of the fudge. And I do eat the pecan butter balls. But I very honestly do not eat very much of it and I have never gained weight from it because the calories do come off of other items through the days and the activity level is way up right now, anyway. But I won't give this up...Saturday night, after hubby and I slaved away and got the kitchen back to clean we (literally) crawled into the hot tub, which we were wise enough to start heating at just the right point so that the hot tub was perfectly ready exactly when we were. While we were sitting in the very perfect water on a very chilly night we were chatting away at each other, as we do. And he told me...he loves that I do this. Anywho. I won't give this up - even when I have a band that is so friggin tight I can't drink water - I will STILL be in the kitchen baking and candy-making! (Hopefully I am never in a situation where the band I will have next year is so tight I can't drink water. I'll have other issues then...and might have to say - I'll bake tomorrow but not today.) :cursing: Sunday was another fantastic day. We got to see the oldest friend and his girlfriend again for a brunch. The brunch was at the friend's parents house and it was great to catch up with his parents. After the brunch we took them up to the airport since we live much closer to it than his parents do and were on our way there anyway. And from there I went home and got to work on my etching. I am loving all of this glass. Each piece I have done I want to KEEP FOR MYSELF! It's all so beautiful. And I just hope that the people I give this stuff to appreciate it! Each piece is personalized in two ways. One - in the design I pick out and two - I am putting their monogram on, as well. And so here we are, on Monday. Back at work with nothing to do...I'm just waiting for today, tomorrow and Wednesday to be over so that I can finish getting all this stuff made and then wrapped - so that it can be unwrapped. I do hope this year is good for smiles. I love giving gifts more than I love receiving gifts and I think I've got a great year on my hands - I just hope it pans out as I think it will. What a wonderful time of the year!

Pecan Butter Ball recipe: 1/2 lb salted butter. The quality of the butter matters for this recipe, so get the best butter you can. Do not use margarine - they won't set up quite right - no matter what they say...(you'll have a cookie but it won't be worth the calories, in my opinion) 2 cups flour 2 tsp vanilla 1/2 cup powdered sugar 1-2 cups of chopped pecans (depending on your tastes) Mix that up with your hands. A mixer just won't work well and a wooden spoon is another alternative but it will take a lot longer. When it's all mixed up, pinch and roll into balls. Bake on 350 for about half an hour. Pay attention to your oven here. In my mom's it took 18 minutes. In my first apartment it took 16 minutes. My second apartment it took 45 minutes. And now in my house it takes 30 mins. I've also tried 375 and watched the oven, too. What you are looking for is a uniform golden brown. Before the cookies are done, get a bag of powdered sugar ready. I'd love to say it takes 2 cups of powdered sugar, but it's different every time and how big the cookies are also makes a difference. I generally always have a bag of sugar in the pantry just for these and add to it as I need to - but I generally make 4x the recipe, too. When the cookies come out, put them into that powdered sugar immediately and shake around. I do two at a time - and then place those cookies on a cooling rack. After all the cookies have their first coat, let them cool. That sugar will "soak in" to the cookie and make an icing. It's where the cookies get their sweetness. When they are completely cooled, put them in the bag for a second coat. That second coat is what makes the cookies look like a little snowball. And finally, enjoy.

You might just be surprised. I see some after pictures and I think maybe there is hope that I can look like what I know I looked like once upon a time. But I do know what you mean about wishing I'd started sooner...although technically, I couldn't have. My BMI just got to the qualifying level mid-year 2009. But I do think of "the years lost" when I could have looked great and didn't...when I could have felt great and didn't...when I could have not been so self-conscious all the time...and was... But you know what? We are making the change for the future. Enough of yesteryear, tomorrow is still to come!

I'm right there with ya on not really caring for pizza. My parents thought I was the weirdest kid on the planet. Eventually figured out I can't stand pizza sauce - so I get "white pizzas" - but I always ask myself whether the grease and calories are worth it. Me personally, pizza is always a let down...but sometimes the hubby just wants pizza and I eat a slice and I'm done. I'm looking forward to the banded days when I can say - I really shouldn't eat the bread...

The thing I love about myself is that when I get down and grumpy and irritated and miserable - it doesn't last long! Yay! I'm back! It's always a tiny little teensy eensy thing that makes me go "what was I so bothered about?" It's this kind of perpetual circle. I want out of the bad mood so badly that I'm running in circles - and getting irritated accordingly - to get out of the bad mood - which just exacerbates my bad mood. And then something eensy teensy happens and I'm fine. Hopefully this blog won't read like me last two. What I do have to say about the last two, though, is that to me, it's part of what this process is like - for those that have to go through the danged program. Those feelings are real and I've read them elsewhere and it's better to be aware than to be surprised when the irritable grumpiness happens. I could have kept it all to myself and I would have gotten over it all just like I have with letting it out. Letting it out didn't make me feel better and it didn't make me feel worse. The people who piped up and said "dude, we're here for you", well, that helped, but me typing out how stupid I was thinking, that didn't make me feel better or worse. But if someone reads it and says to themselves, "that's how I feel" - well then the work of the blog is done. Anywho. I had my annual well woman exam this morning. And this doc is something special. I think he suffers worse PMS than I ever have. Sooooo moody and if you catch him on the wrong day, man, hold your head in your hands cause if you don't, you may lose it. Today was a good day. The last time I saw this doc was in November when I approached him to ask for his endorsement for this surgery. He was not so very kind in saying his opinions on my weight gain were that I was basically stupid. It was a less than fulfilling meeting but at the end of the day, he did give me his endorsement and I figured "whatever". His endorsement meaning a Letter of Medical Necessity. Today, though...wow. I didn't know who I was going to meet today. I've now seen this guy 4 times and I've had 2 wonderful appts and 2 nail-scraping-on-chalkboard appts. I have always loved the office staff there, though, and, in anticipation of having to switch to a new doc in the same office when my hubby and I get pregnant, I've dealt with it. Anywho. Today. FABULOUS GUY! He was chatty, he was sweet, he was positive, he was upbeat, he was in a great mood and even complimentary! Started with - how was your New Year. I'm thinking, ok... Asked if I had questions. I asked his input on actually getting pregnant after being banded. I hear 2 years before we start trying and I don't know that I buy that, personally, especially when considering my case. Not saying I want to get banded and then immediately start trying to get pregnant. What I think is that if I focus this year on losing weight, that going into 2011 we should be in a good place for starting to try. If I can lose even just 66 pounds this year, I'll be at a normal BMI. If I can get banded in Feb or March, as has been discussed, then that seems doable. Say it was the end of Feb - that gives me 10 months to lose 66 pounds which means an average of 6.6 pounds a month. Seems to me that most do better than that when they try...and I'll certainly be trying. So we had a conversation about that. And he thought it was all very doable and reasonable. If I were heavier then it might be more important to focus on two years. But I'm not heavier. And I am older, too. For a first pregnancy anyway. And then he really surprised me. He complimented me. Said "you are doing well already!" What? YOU are saying something NICE to ME? Who ARE you? In a moment I wish I could undo - he said he wants me to do my baseline mammogram this year. This summer. Really? Am I there already? But then the whole thing got eery. He got cute. He says, as we are saying our good byes.... "I can't wait to see you next year and I hope to see less of you." Noticing that he was possibly sticking his foot in his mouth he says - "well not less frequently, just less person". Noticing he was still possibly sticking his foot in his mouth he started to stammer. And I'm just smiling cause I know what he means and I know where he's coming from and it's really cute and not bugging me and I even thought it was funny - and right on the dot. So I Iet him off the hook and said "I know what you mean and it sounds great to me, too!" He smiled and shook my hand and said he couldn't wait to see me next year - keep up the good work. Really? 10 pounds is good work? 10 pounds in 4 months? I guess it's something. But it's not a lot... I have to chuckle - cause it is a lot when I consider how I've done it. Given the program and it's design, it's been half-hearted and half-arsed. Sigh. I really can't wait to just let myself go and TRY! Anywho. Who knows if I will get banded. Who knows if this is all for nothing or all for something. But somehow, this appt gave me a warm fuzzy feeling and now I just feel better. Add to that - the cold is still on the retreat and I feel ~95% finally. Still a bit of a stuffed up nose - but nothing I can't start to attribute to allergies. Speaking of which, I think I'll go get some decongestants...

Holy Schnikies! And we wonder why our insurance industry is a mess...

The thing I love about myself is that when I get down and grumpy and irritated and miserable - it doesn't last long! Yay! I'm back! It's always a tiny little teensy eensy thing that makes me go "what was I so bothered about?" It's this kind of perpetual circle. I want out of the bad mood so badly that I'm running in circles - and getting irritated accordingly - to get out of the bad mood - which just exacerbates my bad mood. And then something eensy teensy happens and I'm fine. Hopefully this blog won't read like me last two. What I do have to say about the last two, though, is that to me, it's part of what this process is like - for those that have to go through the danged program. Those feelings are real and I've read them elsewhere and it's better to be aware than to be surprised when the irritable grumpiness happens. I could have kept it all to myself and I would have gotten over it all just like I have with letting it out. Letting it out didn't make me feel better and it didn't make me feel worse. The people who piped up and said "dude, we're here for you", well, that helped, but me typing out how stupid I was thinking, that didn't make me feel better or worse. But if someone reads it and says to themselves, "that's how I feel" - well then the work of the blog is done. Anywho. I had my annual well woman exam this morning. And this doc is something special. I think he suffers worse PMS than I ever have. Sooooo moody and if you catch him on the wrong day, man, hold your head in your hands cause if you don't, you may lose it. Today was a good day. The last time I saw this doc was in November when I approached him to ask for his endorsement for this surgery. He was not so very kind in saying his opinions on my weight gain were that I was basically stupid. It was a less than fulfilling meeting but at the end of the day, he did give me his endorsement and I figured "whatever". His endorsement meaning a Letter of Medical Necessity. Today, though...wow. I didn't know who I was going to meet today. I've now seen this guy 4 times and I've had 2 wonderful appts and 2 nail-scraping-on-chalkboard appts. I have always loved the office staff there, though, and, in anticipation of having to switch to a new doc in the same office when my hubby and I get pregnant, I've dealt with it. Anywho. Today. FABULOUS GUY! He was chatty, he was sweet, he was positive, he was upbeat, he was in a great mood and even complimentary! Started with - how was your New Year. I'm thinking, ok... Asked if I had questions. I asked his input on actually getting pregnant after being banded. I hear 2 years before we start trying and I don't know that I buy that, personally, especially when considering my case. Not saying I want to get banded and then immediately start trying to get pregnant. What I think is that if I focus this year on losing weight, that going into 2011 we should be in a good place for starting to try. If I can lose even just 66 pounds this year, I'll be at a normal BMI. If I can get banded in Feb or March, as has been discussed, then that seems doable. Say it was the end of Feb - that gives me 10 months to lose 66 pounds which means an average of 6.6 pounds a month. Seems to me that most do better than that when they try...and I'll certainly be trying. So we had a conversation about that. And he thought it was all very doable and reasonable. If I were heavier then it might be more important to focus on two years. But I'm not heavier. And I am older, too. For a first pregnancy anyway. And then he really surprised me. He complimented me. Said "you are doing well already!" What? YOU are saying something NICE to ME? Who ARE you? In a moment I wish I could undo - he said he wants me to do my baseline mammogram this year. This summer. Really? Am I there already? But then the whole thing got eery. He got cute. He says, as we are saying our good byes.... "I can't wait to see you next year and I hope to see less of you." Noticing that he was possibly sticking his foot in his mouth he says - "well not less frequently, just less person". Noticing he was still possibly sticking his foot in his mouth he started to stammer. And I'm just smiling cause I know what he means and I know where he's coming from and it's really cute and not bugging me and I even thought it was funny - and right on the dot. So I Iet him off the hook and said "I know what you mean and it sounds great to me, too!" He smiled and shook my hand and said he couldn't wait to see me next year - keep up the good work. Really? 10 pounds is good work? 10 pounds in 4 months? I guess it's something. But it's not a lot... I have to chuckle - cause it is a lot when I consider how I've done it. Given the program and it's design, it's been half-hearted and half-arsed. Sigh. I really can't wait to just let myself go and TRY! Anywho. Who knows if I will get banded. Who knows if this is all for nothing or all for something. But somehow, this appt gave me a warm fuzzy feeling and now I just feel better. Add to that - the cold is still on the retreat and I feel ~95% finally. Still a bit of a stuffed up nose - but nothing I can't start to attribute to allergies. Speaking of which, I think I'll go get some decongestants...

Too funny. I'm glad you have stuck to it, too! And it really is coming quickly. It'll be here before you know it!

I can feel your frustration and I'm not even banded yet. I'd be irritated, too, though. Nonetheless, everything happens for a reason. For what it's worth, I would think you could still play bunko. You're there for the company, not the food. Take something to sip so that when you have the urge, you can sip some protein, or something. If it were me, I wouldn't let this interfere with what I wanted to be doing... Course, the peeps I play bunko with are hard core. No time for snacking or munching while the game is going on. Once the game starts - that's it...

Thanks, Loseit! I'm gonna keep on keepin on. It helps that I can come here and whine a little and let some of it out. I know that once I feel better - I'll feel better about everything. And I know of a couple things that will make me feel better - so I just gotta work at making them happen.. Thanks for the support - it really helps!

I think the cold that was beating me up on Monday is finally receding. Now there's a recession to appreciate! I don't think I realized quite how badly I felt on Monday. But I think I felt so badly that I was quite grumpy and my perspective is...ummm...not so positive...when I'm grumpy. My mom used to hate me grumpy. I think my husband doesn't know what to do with me grumpy... I don't either for that matter. But it happens. And sometimes I can figure out what's causing it and can then put myself in check. And other times it's just this thing that gets to badger me all day. And Monday was one such day. Didn't feel bad enough to know I felt bad. But didn't feel good enough to feel good, either. (For the record, I'm not grumpy today, I'm stressed. There's a difference, although it's a fine line...) By Tuesday I was done. I slept ALL day yesterday. Alarm went off and I thought to myself - there's just no way. I think this next thing speaks volumes - when I said to my hubby - I'm staying home - he normally says "are you sure?" and yesterday he just said "ok". So I went back to sleep. I woke up at 12:30 and was back asleep by 1. I woke up again at 1:30 and had to run an errand. I was back in bed by 2:30 and slept until 7 last night. And finally I was asleep by 9 for the night. I feel human today! And to make it even better - the scale dropped this morning, too! Didn't take any dayquil today and won't take any nyquil tonight. Not saying I've beat this cold - but it sure is receding! It's been odd this winter. Normally I have one cold when school starts in the fall and one cold when school starts in January. This year - I've had a constant cold since November with a bout of gastroenteritis for good (HA) measure. I'm so sick of being sick. I think that'd make even the happiest of people grumpy. I'm normally pretty happy, too! So the scale dropped this morning. Not enough to make me say "ok, I'm good for the next weigh-in" but it was enough that I can now say to myself "ok, if I do this and this, then I'll be good for the next weigh-in". I have two weeks to make something happen - something meaning a pound or two. Seems do-able. I do think my body has plateau-ed. It has done all it's going to do from just changing what I eat and how I think about it. Now don't take that as me saying "I've got the eating part all figured out" - cause I certainly don't. I'm on an unweightloss program and with this, I have had a bit of, "well, I'm not banded yet, and I can't lose too much weight here, so I'll eat a little more of this, or a serving of that, or..." In other words, I apply the rules only insofar as I can afford to. I don't have the impression that I can just lose the weight and so I'm constantly doing and undoing my progress. And I hate that. But that's neither here nor there. What I do know is that even with this doing and undoing, my body has been responding in manner X. And this month my body is responding in manner Y. Which leads me to believe I've plateaued. So I have to change gears a bit. I feel like I have two options. I can stop the doing and undoing and just do. Or I can continue with the doing and undoing and add in light exercise. For my mental health - I want my endorphines back - I am opting for the light exercise option. I wish someone could get out there crystal ball and tell me that this stress I am feelingis worth it. Will this even happen? I am not the sort that gets colds and flus and gastroenteritis' so easily. I used to work offshore and I went out on my vessel one time with 24 other people. 24 other people shared bronchitis, gastroenteritis, colds and more and I got NOTHING. We were out there for five weeks and these bugs kept getting passed back and forth and all around the crew. I got nothing! I was happy as a clam and not stressed and enjoying life. I got home to a sick fiance (had bronchitis) and still got nothing. Stress matters. And the stress of this gosh-darned-stupid-as-all-get-out "unweightloss" program is killing me! Add to this the economy and this feeling that it's just a matter of time before I lose my job...and I'm stressed. Downright, nothing else to call it, S T R E S S E D! So tell me. This one thing that I am truly adding to myself (cause I'm causing all my stress, but as much as I'm causing it, external factors are also at play) but this one thing - it's all me. I could say I'm not doing it, I'm not stressing about it, I'm done - but then I could just be fat forever. So tell me. WILL THIS STRESS BE WORTH IT? If I get banded, yes. It's worth it. BUT WILL I GET BANDED? ugh. and sigh. and ugh again. I want to NOT HAVE A COLD. For the rest of this year. Not just this season. Not next season, either. I want the economy to turn around. I want job security. Can't we all just get along? I just want this phase to be over. Over dangit, over!

Yay! That's awesome! You can do this and it sounds like you are! You should be proud of yourself. You keep getting faced with choices and you are choosing the wiser and harder of the two! Good for you!

I think the cold that was beating me up on Monday is finally receding. Now there's a recession to appreciate! I don't think I realized quite how badly I felt on Monday. But I think I felt so badly that I was quite grumpy and my perspective is...ummm...not so positive...when I'm grumpy. My mom used to hate me grumpy. I think my husband doesn't know what to do with me grumpy... I don't either for that matter. But it happens. And sometimes I can figure out what's causing it and can then put myself in check. And other times it's just this thing that gets to badger me all day. And Monday was one such day. Didn't feel bad enough to know I felt bad. But didn't feel good enough to feel good, either. (For the record, I'm not grumpy today, I'm stressed. There's a difference, although it's a fine line...) By Tuesday I was done. I slept ALL day yesterday. Alarm went off and I thought to myself - there's just no way. I think this next thing speaks volumes - when I said to my hubby - I'm staying home - he normally says "are you sure?" and yesterday he just said "ok". So I went back to sleep. I woke up at 12:30 and was back asleep by 1. I woke up again at 1:30 and had to run an errand. I was back in bed by 2:30 and slept until 7 last night. And finally I was asleep by 9 for the night. I feel human today! And to make it even better - the scale dropped this morning, too! Didn't take any dayquil today and won't take any nyquil tonight. Not saying I've beat this cold - but it sure is receding! It's been odd this winter. Normally I have one cold when school starts in the fall and one cold when school starts in January. This year - I've had a constant cold since November with a bout of gastroenteritis for good (HA) measure. I'm so sick of being sick. I think that'd make even the happiest of people grumpy. I'm normally pretty happy, too! So the scale dropped this morning. Not enough to make me say "ok, I'm good for the next weigh-in" but it was enough that I can now say to myself "ok, if I do this and this, then I'll be good for the next weigh-in". I have two weeks to make something happen - something meaning a pound or two. Seems do-able. I do think my body has plateau-ed. It has done all it's going to do from just changing what I eat and how I think about it. Now don't take that as me saying "I've got the eating part all figured out" - cause I certainly don't. I'm on an unweightloss program and with this, I have had a bit of, "well, I'm not banded yet, and I can't lose too much weight here, so I'll eat a little more of this, or a serving of that, or..." In other words, I apply the rules only insofar as I can afford to. I don't have the impression that I can just lose the weight and so I'm constantly doing and undoing my progress. And I hate that. But that's neither here nor there. What I do know is that even with this doing and undoing, my body has been responding in manner X. And this month my body is responding in manner Y. Which leads me to believe I've plateaued. So I have to change gears a bit. I feel like I have two options. I can stop the doing and undoing and just do. Or I can continue with the doing and undoing and add in light exercise. For my mental health - I want my endorphines back - I am opting for the light exercise option. I wish someone could get out there crystal ball and tell me that this stress I am feelingis worth it. Will this even happen? I am not the sort that gets colds and flus and gastroenteritis' so easily. I used to work offshore and I went out on my vessel one time with 24 other people. 24 other people shared bronchitis, gastroenteritis, colds and more and I got NOTHING. We were out there for five weeks and these bugs kept getting passed back and forth and all around the crew. I got nothing! I was happy as a clam and not stressed and enjoying life. I got home to a sick fiance (had bronchitis) and still got nothing. Stress matters. And the stress of this gosh-darned-stupid-as-all-get-out "unweightloss" program is killing me! Add to this the economy and this feeling that it's just a matter of time before I lose my job...and I'm stressed. Downright, nothing else to call it, S T R E S S E D! So tell me. This one thing that I am truly adding to myself (cause I'm causing all my stress, but as much as I'm causing it, external factors are also at play) but this one thing - it's all me. I could say I'm not doing it, I'm not stressing about it, I'm done - but then I could just be fat forever. So tell me. WILL THIS STRESS BE WORTH IT? If I get banded, yes. It's worth it. BUT WILL I GET BANDED? ugh. and sigh. and ugh again. I want to NOT HAVE A COLD. For the rest of this year. Not just this season. Not next season, either. I want the economy to turn around. I want job security. Can't we all just get along? I just want this phase to be over. Over dangit, over!

Congratulations, Chooky! I love that... I sometimes think back to when I could see my collar bones (and my pelvic bones)...I'm not quite sure when they went away...but I miss them.

I know how hard it can be to find cotton - and anything but cotton isn't healthy for us women. Just ask me, I know. When I was thin and not like this, I used to try to wear the cute sexy stuff and every time I went shopping I'd buy microfiber cause "this time was gonna be different" and then I'd end up with issues. By the time I was 20 I gave up...I have found JC Penney actually has a great selection on cotton. If I'm doing day to day, I love jockey and when I'm gussying up, then I want what I call "pretties" and that's where JCP comes in handy. I can't wait to start shopping for pretties again. Especially bras! All I wear now are those stupid short camisole things...

It's a Monday. It's January 18th. That's about all I can say today. To those that say the last month or two of the danged "unweightloss" program go by fast - go to friggin heck! This is way slower than it used to was. The first four months I could sit there and think about everything else - still about the band, but it was everything else. But now, I'm in this kind of almost like agony just wondering if this is all for not. Will I even get approved for surgery? Will I have to go through years of appeals? Will this even happen? I know, years of appeals is exagerating. We hope. I have two and a half weeks until my next weigh in. And then presumably four more weeks until my last weigh in. Seems like I should be excited about, conceivably, just six and a half more weeks to go. And yet it feels like torture. Because I don't even know what will happen after these six and a half weeks. In other news, I got my bloodwork results back. I still have high cholesterol. No surprise there. But what IS surprising is that it's not nearly as high as it used to was. It is already coming down. I sure didn't see that coming. I'm supposed to go check in with my PCP about this, but, you know...it's coming down without medical intervention. I want to get banded and see what else happens... So there I go again...will I even get banded? Ugh, six weeks. And that's just to finish this danged program. I thought I was at peace with it but apparently I'm not. I do, however, think I'm at a place where I can start working out again. The weight I thought I lost last week decided it missed me...which means I'm exactly where I was at my last weigh-in. I can wear lighter clothes for my next weigh-in cause it appears winter is over. From four days in freezing temps all the way to mid-70's this week. Ugh! I WANT WINTER! Dangit Texas. Darned temperate climate....:thumbup: Maybe I'm grumpy today. Just maybe. Spent all weekend fighting a cold and sleeping and now sweet hubby is home today with a day off - they call it a holiday at his place of employment. We are here keeping the computers whirring but I'm sooo not feeling it. Probably cause I'm grumpy. Not feeling anything other than GRRRR. And for what. When I feel grrr, lately, I ask myself why. Does the alternative beat this? So what's my alternative. I could not be trying to get the lap-band® and I could still be struggling with my weight. Oh, wait. I am still struggling and even feeling defeated. I could not feel badly because of a cold on top of a cold I still hadn't quite beat. Oh wait, well, I'd rather NOT have the cold! I could not have a job. Ok...I'll pass on that one. I want to keep this job! I guess I could join the ranks of BG et. al. and be plugged up. I'm tellin' you - the smoothie works wonders. I am sooo not the regular type when I don't drink the smoothie. One smoothie and one cup of coffee works wonders on me, though. We shall see what happens after the band...dangit - will I even get banded? I'm so very all over the place and it's so very how I feel right now. I just want to know that this program is/will be worth it. I want to know that I will get banded. I want to know that life is on the mend, so to speak. I want to know that my new efforts are worth it. It doesn't help that at work I'm doing about the most mindless thing we do and it appears this is what I get to do for the next two months or so. It doesn't help because doing this mindless crap means my mind can race to other things I'd rather not even be conscious of - like will I even get banded? At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job... Sigh... And here we are...

It's a Monday. It's January 18th. That's about all I can say today. To those that say the last month or two of the danged "unweightloss" program go by fast - go to friggin heck! This is way slower than it used to was. The first four months I could sit there and think about everything else - still about the band, but it was everything else. But now, I'm in this kind of almost like agony just wondering if this is all for not. Will I even get approved for surgery? Will I have to go through years of appeals? Will this even happen? I know, years of appeals is exagerating. We hope. I have two and a half weeks until my next weigh in. And then presumably four more weeks until my last weigh in. Seems like I should be excited about, conceivably, just six and a half more weeks to go. And yet it feels like torture. Because I don't even know what will happen after these six and a half weeks. In other news, I got my bloodwork results back. I still have high cholesterol. No surprise there. But what IS surprising is that it's not nearly as high as it used to was. It is already coming down. I sure didn't see that coming. I'm supposed to go check in with my PCP about this, but, you know...it's coming down without medical intervention. I want to get banded and see what else happens... So there I go again...will I even get banded? Ugh, six weeks. And that's just to finish this danged program. I thought I was at peace with it but apparently I'm not. I do, however, think I'm at a place where I can start working out again. The weight I thought I lost last week decided it missed me...which means I'm exactly where I was at my last weigh-in. I can wear lighter clothes for my next weigh-in cause it appears winter is over. From four days in freezing temps all the way to mid-70's this week. Ugh! I WANT WINTER! Dangit Texas. Darned temperate climate.... Maybe I'm grumpy today. Just maybe. Spent all weekend fighting a cold and sleeping and now sweet hubby is home today with a day off - they call it a holiday at his place of employment. We are here keeping the computers whirring but I'm sooo not feeling it. Probably cause I'm grumpy. Not feeling anything other than GRRRR. And for what. When I feel grrr, lately, I ask myself why. Does the alternative beat this? So what's my alternative. I could not be trying to get the lap-band® and I could still be struggling with my weight. Oh, wait. I am still struggling and even feeling defeated. I could not feel badly because of a cold on top of a cold I still hadn't quite beat. Oh wait, well, I'd rather NOT have the cold! I could not have a job. Ok...I'll pass on that one. I want to keep this job! I guess I could join the ranks of BG et. al. and be plugged up. I'm tellin' you - the smoothie works wonders. I am sooo not the regular type when I don't drink the smoothie. One smoothie and one cup of coffee works wonders on me, though. We shall see what happens after the band...dangit - will I even get banded? I'm so very all over the place and it's so very how I feel right now. I just want to know that this program is/will be worth it. I want to know that I will get banded. I want to know that life is on the mend, so to speak. I want to know that my new efforts are worth it. It doesn't help that at work I'm doing about the most mindless thing we do and it appears this is what I get to do for the next two months or so. It doesn't help because doing this mindless crap means my mind can race to other things I'd rather not even be conscious of - like will I even get banded? At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job...At least I have a job... Sigh... And here we are...

Sleep better when stressed? Take a warm bath before bedtime (or sit in the hot tub). Chamomile tea. Or drink a bottle of wine...that usually helps, too. Or - and this is the one that really seems to do wonders for me - get tired enough. Couple that with wine and you are really set... Screw that 1/2 pound. With a week like this - I hereby declare you...wait for it... "Normal"! Drink a smoothie for breakfast. We do mango, papaya, pineapple, strawberries, bananas and orange-pineapple-banana juice plus 1/3 cup of fage yogurt, and a splash of milk and dollop of flaxseed oil. Makes me regular as a....I don't know. But on weekends, when I don't drink it...not so regular. :ohmy: That and water water water... Congratulations on the Wii. And a few words to ponder...when life seems to be taking over - sit back and enjoy the ride... "Life is what happens when you are making all those other plans"

The MIL and her sweet hubby had to come to Houston for business. They arrived Weds morning and stayed in a hotel on the north side of town that day. Claimed the 50 miles they would have to drive by staying with us was too great to be of a benefit. I will never understand that...I don't think. It makes no sense to me that staying in a hotel that is within 50 miles of your son is "easier" than not seeing your own son, who you rarely get to see - and always complain about not seeing enough of. To me, if I'm getting within 50 miles of anyone in my family, I'm gonna see them! But if I had kids - I'd be staying with them and dealing with 50 friggin miles. But this isn't about that... Cause she kinda sorta did some redeeming last night. At the very least she reminded me of why I used to think we clicked so well in the first place. Initially they asked us to drive that 50 miles to see them after a long day of work and sitting in extra traffic to do so. Because of a certain situation my sweet hubby and I are dealing with, we asked to meet in the middle. The next day they say to us, well, it just won't work out. But it worked out for the better. Because since it "just wouldn't work out" they decided to stay in Houston an extra day. And not having business on the north side of town on that additional day, they could just come stay with us. So they did. They were there and waiting (inside, of course) when we got home yesterday and we spent a wonderful evening together. I did my chicken in the crock pot. Take a whole roasting chicken, wash, pat dry, then, sprinkle with salt and pepper and throw just that in the pot. Set the pot to low and when you come home from work or errands or whatever, the chicken is so tender and juicy it's falling apart. (ok, takes about 8 hours min, but more time in the pot on low just makes it better...) It's SOOOO tender and juicy. And whatever you want to do to it for flavor works as well as doing nothing. I served that with a zucchini souffle. Wanting less starch, I thought that was a good balance of having A LOT of veggies and a little starch. Mix up a cup of flour, a tsp of baking powder, a pinch of paprika and some salt and pepper; then add 4 beaten eggs; and finally add 1 chopped onion and 3-4 zucchini. I added about a cup of cheese last night - a blend of cheddar, monterey and jack. Throw that in the oven at 350 for about an hour and you get a nice light fluffy thing. It's got bunches of protein - for a veggie/starch dish - and not a lot of carbs. (16 grams) Not something I'd make every day or even often, but for a change of pace and just something different, it was a nice dish. So we sit down to dinner and they are just in awe over how wonderful the chicken was, how flavorful the zucchini was, and how easily it all came together. As a working person, I gotta say, I DO love the crock pot! So after dinner was eaten, we set the hot tub to heat. Eventually it was warm enough to move out to stew ourselves and so we did. And once we did, the conversation really relaxed. And then she did it. She started to redeem herself. It all started with her bringing up the breakfast casseroles she made the last time we visisted her and when she did, my sweet hubby made sure to mention to her that she cannot make those for me anymore. She made one for me and one for my hubby. My hubby's was a grits casserole. I HATE grits. Can't stand the consistency and generally no flavor unless you add crap. For me, she made a hash brown casserole. And it was LOADED with hash browns. If it had been loaded with sausage and had some hash browns that might have helped but it was about a 1/4 lb of sausage and 3 pounds of hash browns all mixed with about 2 eggs. Anywho, since I AM trying to keep the protein up and the carbs down, that's not a great start to the day. And the interesting thing was, until I ate lunch and could get some protein in me, I was famished. It was kind of interesting to me and really drove a point home (a point I was pretty sure that I had already learned). So when he said last night, you can't make that stuff for Lori anymore, she said... I don't remember. :cursing: But it did turn into a long conversation about nutrition and dietary needs/concerns/awarenesses/issues. She is, like sooooo many people, soooo worried about eating "too much meat". And the category "meat" encompassed chicken, fish, etc in this conversation. I told her about the "equation" to determine how much protein she should be eating in a day. My hubby and I talked about how to take good-for-you-foods and make them better. And all the while I was kind of getting the impression that, like my sweet hubby, she's going to try and lose weight vicariously through me. What I learn, she employs. What I try - she will too. So from this whole conversation, she's going to go home and 1) eat the protein first, 2) figure out how much protein she needs in a day for her current weight, 3) eat as much protein as she needs instead of trying to cut back on it, 4) use our smoothie ideas and knowledge. Like us, she likes a smoothie best for breakfast but, like so many, has the idea that it should be pretty liquidy and not have any additives (like flaxseed oil or protein powder). My hubby and I have learned that in addition to switching to Fage (finally found it) and adding flaxseed oil, that if it's thicker, it holds us over longer. That whole slider vs. substantial food thing. She questioned me on the zucchini souffle - good for her. I had never made it before, and while I will make it again, it will be special things like visits from the in-laws. I talked about something I believe which is that I don't want to diet to lose weight. I want to eat normally and more important,healthily. We had a whole long tangential conversation about if you do ketosis to lose the weight (even with the band) and then you get to your ideal weight and then the band is loosened for maintenance weight, well, you could be in trouble if you suddenly have to learn how to eat all over again. Without the band, that switch could be even worse. You should do, to lose weight, what you will do, to maintain weight. Lose weight = less intake. Maintain weight = optimal intake. But if you eat differently for either "phase", well, it could be a recipe for disaster. She agrees. She's going to try for <1200 calories a day until maintenance mode. Now I have to mention here that both she and my sweet hubby (who is also doing this vicariously through me) would both qualify for Lap-Band®®® surgery. They are both overweight, although in the 35-40 BMI realm, not over 40. MIL would be self-pay so no worries on insurance stuff but my sweet hubby would have to prove co-morbidities for insurance coverage. MIL thinks she can do this on her own. Sweet hubby thinks he can do this on his own. MIL has never really tried. Sweet hubby has been trying for years and can only get 20 or so pounds off before it comes back again. I don't know what will happen for either of them but I suspect when (if it can happen at all) it starts to happen, for me, they will say oh...wait... But they are holding out for now. And so this conversation in the hot tub went on for well over a couple of hours. And then it led to great conversation in general in which she finally proclaimed, I just miss you guys. Well, then...start spending time with us - and start letting us spend time with you!. We go see them - and we are heralded around for everything else but time with them. They come see us and we share a meal and then they leave. If you miss us, then let's stop this ridiculousness and spend some time together! Cause we certainly miss them. So I'm getting pretty long. But it was a pretty good night filled with interesting conversation and even some affirmation. I love affirmation! I used to think I loved her dearly (and, of course, I do still think that) because we could talk so easily and I could say what I thought - which isn't too common, I don't think, especially when it comes to saying what you think to the person you think it about. There was a level of openness between us that I really appreciated! It made me think I'm-so-lucky-in-the-MIL-department. But the lack of visiting started me questioning priorities which left me disappointed. However, the candor last night was great, to me. For example, if one of my neighbors who is judging me about this decision asked me about the souffle, I'd go on the defensive. But with the MIL, I was pleased she questioned it, appreciated her reasoning for questioning it - and she agreed with my answer for why I chose to make it, too. No one has ever said the band is about eating boring, dry, flavorless, uninteresting food. It's about eating less of all of it - good and bad - and really questioning why or how much of the "bad stuff' you need. And the answer to needing bad stuff is YOU DON'T NEED IT. So then Why do you want it? And sometimes, just sometimes, the answer is ok. And sometimes, just sometimes, it's ok to go ahead and eat a very small portion of that bad stuff. Anyway, if I don't stop here, I will never stop typing...so I'll just finish with...what started out as a long week with too much to process, for my sweet hubby and I, has turned out to be a week full of blessings and revelations. Life is good. (and then I think of Haiti...my heart goes out to the people of Haiti and I wish that my sweet hubby and I could do something and/or more to help than just donate to Red Cross. But at least that's something... sigh....)

That's funny. I've thought that, myself - to be honest. Not banded yet...hope to be around March after I finish insurance requirements. But I do think that 6 bites of protein does not a "meal" make... Unless it's a bird meal...