ldswims

Once upon a time I was thin and fit.  Now I'm just fit.  No one believes it, though, and everyone loves to judge.  When I was thin, I had to work out 4-5 hours a day seven days a week to make it happen.  Back then I thought I was fat - because everyone told me I was.  A 26 inch waist is NOT fat.  But I believed them because I was young and easily influenced.  I served in the Navy for 10 years.  While in the Navy my foot was destroyed in a strange and bizarre accident.  That ended running for me.  Still can and do swim all the time.  Swimming is like breathing for me, though, and unless I can swim for 4 hours a day, I don't get "enough" of a workout.  And who has four hours in the working world to spare?  A day.  Every day.  I gain thirty pounds every time I get off of birth control.  I've gotten off of birth control four different times.  That weight I cannot seem to lose.  If I do, as soon as I ease up my schedule back to realistic, I gain it all back.  Yo-yo'ing has caused me to gain an additional thirty pounds overall.  I am so tired of the "I can't's".  I can't do what I want because my injured foot isn't happy even when I'm lighter, it certainly isn't happy with me being fat.  I can't get comfortable.  I can't look cute.  I can't be on my feet for more than half an hour without causing myself severe pain.  I can't keep up with my husband.  I can't stand the idea of not being able to chase my kids around when I have them.  I can't stand the idea of developing type II diabetes or hypertension like my father did, or cancer like my mother.  Both parents were deceased by the time I was 31.  I won't do that to my children, when I have them, if I can help it.  I won't do that to my husband, if I can help it.  I want to look good for my husband.  I want my husband to smile when he sees me.  He's never seen my face, he's only ever seen my fat.  I want him to see what he's got!  So here I am...trying to do something that will work and last.  I've tried various diets from Atkins to Nutrisystem.  I've had memberships at gyms and even have a gym in my house (I love love love weight lifting).  I want to be active all the time - not have to save up energy and stamina to be able to tolerate the pain of doing what I love to do!  I want and need change!  And so here I am...