ouroborous

I don't really think talking to a counselor would help me very much, because I don't believe that this is a problem that is amenable to rationality. I agree about the causes -- a body-shy mother who never really gave physical affection, coupled with a great deal of body shame my entire life to reinforce that. But knowing the genesis of a problem doesn't make it go away; in fact, in some ways, I feel like trying to get counseling on the topic would just reinforce the idea that this somehow makes me "broken" or defective. I'm not broken or defective any more than someone who is afraid of heights or dogs is broken or defective; I don't need years of intensive therapy. What I need are effective strategies for overcoming what is, effectively, a phobia. And I really believe that some of the strategies that are effective for other phobias -- namely desensitization -- will help. One thing that will really help me is to dissociate touch from sexuality; by understanding that not all touch has to "go somewhere" that will let me understand that giving and receiving hugs, pats, and other gentle touch doesn't necessarily have to spin my monkey mind into thoughts of whether or not we're going to "get busy." That sort of thinking is really destructive to being genuinely present when interacting with someone. I do appreciate the advice, however, even when I somewhat disagree And allmyjoy: I'd love volunteers. Sadly, however, I can't find any who live less than one million miles away...

Still too soon. I tried just changing my pants (slightly looser) and underwear (snugger and 'smoother') yesterday and it... SEEMS a little less today. But I'm guessing that if I've sort of "rubbed myself raw" over a period of weeks or months, it will take more than a day to fix things. I'll do the same clothing changes today, and if things seem to be on the mend, I'll make a habit of it. If not, I may try some of the other suggestions!

It would definitely be easier if I didn't enjoy touch, but I really do. I'm just quite averse to it. I'm curious if others have had the same experiences, and what -- if anything -- they've done to get over it. I'm hoping that maybe some kind of desensitization might work; regular massage, perhaps? There is a connection to body shame, but not so much -- I'm just not really ashamed of my body anymore. LadyIvy: this has been my entire life, unfortunately. Before I lost the weight it was even worse, because it was wrapped up with a great deal of body shame. Now I'm borderline PROUD of my body (as you may have noticed in my initial post! I've been working hard to look good) despite my flaws. But I'm still sort of unconsciously averse to touch. And I hate it! I really think that you limit your ability for warm, connected human relationships if you can't gracefully give and receive loving touch. I'll see if I can find a masseuse who is not of the "happy ending" variety in my area; I really think I might benefit from some "professional help" in this one particular area of my life.

To be honest, I'd love to have a friend like that; and it would be best if it were non-sexual. Hard to explain why, but part of the problem for me is that touch and sex are really tangled up in my head. If someone touches me -- even just a pat on the back from another guy I **know** is hetero -- my mind immediately starts going into sex mode (what do they want from me? what do I want from them? is this where I want to be?)... and that keeps me from being "in the moment." Ultimately, I know that's about trust, but it's super distracting; that's why I think that having a flirty, touchy friend that I wasn't sleeping with would be WONDERFUL -- it would help me desensitize. Unfortunately, they don't seem to exist...

I actually looked into pilates, and it wasn't for me. But I've been trying to get more involved with its very distant cousin -- yoga -- for some time. There's a lot of work in yoga with the core and the legs. There's just not much you can do about the "spare tire" since core work tends to shrink you down, making loose skin *worse*. But the other stuff can build up muscles in the legs and butt and back and arms, which will counteract some loose skin.

My suspicion is because that's how I... er... dress. I'm NOT going to go into that level of anatomical detail

Yeah, and it's frustrating -- because you can unconsciously be giving "go away" signals when you are really interested in being near the person and being friendly. It's also complicated by the fact that our society is a little mixed up on the connection between touch and sexuality, so talking about this is difficult -- when you say you want to touch someone, often the response is a nudge and a wink, like you're trying to "get lucky," when all you mean is that you want to be able to react to a hug with warmth and acceptance, not with a stiff posture and pulling away. I had a "dating coach" (don't laugh... too much!) test my "personal bubble" to see where I'm comfortable with people being. First, I have a rather large "bubble," relatively speaking! Second, when he intentionally "intruded" on my space, it was SO BIZARRE; I actually FELT my body tense up, I automatically looked away from him -- without even intending to, even knowing exactly what he was doing! It was like a hiccup, so completely out of my control. Normally I wouldn't pay too much attention to this, but I find that it's really a hindrance to having a warm romantic life (even if you aren't actively dating and are monogamous, I can see that touch shyness would be a concern with your partner because as far as I can tell, it doesn't care WHO the person is, it's just an instinctive thing! And even if you don't care about romance at all, it's a hindrance to having close friends, because humans rely upon touch -- small touches on the hand or arm or other "safe" areas -- to stay connected and emotionally close. And I LOVE touch. I crave it! I'm not anti-touch! But I have this weird part, deep down in me, that tenses or shrinks away from it; I want that part out of me! I'm glad to find someone else who deals with the same thing, even though it's a tough thing to deal with.

Thanks for the advice. Part of the reason I saw the doctor (and got the full STD screen) was that I realized that this has been going on for a LONG time, which worried me. Since the discomfort is mild... somewhere between an itch and a slight chafing/burning feeling... I paid it no heed. Now that I know it's not anything serious, I am definitely open to figuring out the cause, since there's no need to live in pain (in the "junk" or anywhere else). I almost wonder if there haven't been some dietary causes, too; my nutrient levels are all good (according to the massive bevy of blood screens my doc just did), but maybe I have a mild food allergy or something. Or, it could all just be topical -- ill-fitting clothing, or something. I shower and wear clean clothes every day, and I haven't changed my bathing products or laundry detergent for a long, long time, so I doubt it's a sensitivity or allergy to that.

*laugh* Seriously? I didn't even use any naughty words, just hinted at crazy-good-times! I thought you were made of sterner stuff

LOL... really knowledgeable folks on here, especially the women! I won't say I haven't had any... um, rougher activities, but -- as much as I'd like to brag -- not enough to cause this degree of chafing. No, sadly, the cause this time was cotton and denim, not vodka and wild nights out

Gonna definitely have to check out this monkey butt powder. It's safe for the, um junkal area?

I find this particularly interesting because sleeve surgery can produce some disruption to the vagus nerve. Feels like there's a connection here... http://www.scienceda...20509123854.htm Hot Sauce Ingredient Reduces 'Beer Belly' Fat as a Weight-Loss Surgery Alternative Ali Tavakkoli, MD, BWH Department of Surgery, and his team have published a study investigating whether two surgeries called vagal de-afferentation-which uses capsaicin, the component responsible for the chili pepper's burning sensation-and vagatomy can achieve weight loss and reduce the risk of obesity-related diseases with fewer side effects when compared to today's bariatric surgical options. The study is published in the May issue of Digestive Diseases and Sciences. The study is accompanied by an editorial by Edward A. Fox, PhD, Purdue University. After testing the two surgeries in the lab, the researchers found that vagotomy significantly reduced total body fat, as well as visceral abdominal fat-the "beer belly" fat that pads the spaces between abdominal organs. Vagal de-afferentation also reduced these fats, but to a lesser degree. However, according to the researchers, the reduction is still remarkable.

OK, let me reiterate: this study isn't about eating capsaicin. It's about a surgery that uses capsaicin to partially or completely deaden the vagus nerve. The headline is a little misleading, true, but I think folks are missing the point -- it may be possible to gain significant weight-loss benefits just from altering the vagus nerve.

Well if you read the study, it IS a surgery, not just "eating hot sauce." It's just a somewhat less-invasive surgery.

Yup, telogen effluvium is usually from 2-12-ish weeks post-op. After that it's more likely due to dietary changes.

It is common to lose hair after any surgery, it is called telogen effluvium (see for example: http://www.follicle.com/section2/5.html). This is unfortunate, but unavoidable. The good news is that it is completely reversible; if you can live with its effects for a few months, your hair should come back as thick as before. It's also possible to have thinning hair (technically a slowdown in the regrowth portion of the hair cycle) after weight loss surgery due to Protein and Iron insufficiency. This is avoidable as long as you make sure that your blood levels are sufficient; generally speaking, if you follow all of the doctor and nutritionist guidelines to the letter, you should be able to minimize this variety of hair loss. Biotin and silica, unfortunately, don't do much for telogen effluvium, which is the initial hair loss after surgery that most people complain about. They MAY help (studies are inconclusive, IIRC) long-term after WLS to keep your hair healthy. But they won't really slow down that initial, alarming hair loss. Best thing is just to try to cope with it and realize that it's temporary, and adopt an attitude of "okay, my hair isn't as pretty right now, but that's just temporary, and every OTHER part of me is improving in health and appearance." And also try to take good care of yourself

I have to say that living in Seattle is very kind to atheists; we even have a monthly meet-n-greet that is pretty well packed. I can't imagine living in Small Town, USA or in God's Country with my (non) beliefs. I would want to strangle someone, quickly. And yes, the whole "you don't believe in God, so you must be amoral!" thing gets old. Fast.

I've been saying this for a while: low weight/high reps is the smarter choice for building strength and toning/bulk. It's far, far safer -- not only are you at less risk of catastrophic injury, you're at less risk of the kind of ongoing, degenerative injury that eventually sidelines all champion bodybuilders. The idea that muscles somehow "know the difference" between being worked to exhaustion via low weights and lots of reps or high weights and a few reps is ludicrous... and the research is confirming that: Protein. So they took a group of 21-year-old men who were weight lifting novices. Three times a week, they had them do knee extensions on a weight machine. That isolates and strengthens the quadriceps muscles on the front of the thigh. "Those are the most important muscles for standing up and getting out of a chair," Phillips points out. With one leg the study volunteers did the conventional 80-percent-of-maximum lifts until they reached fatigue, at 8 to 10 reps. The other leg lifted 30 percent of maximum until fatigue set in, around 25 reps. At the start of the study and 10 weeks later, the researchers put all the volunteers into MRI scanners to measure their quadriceps. There was essentially no difference between the heavy and light lifters. The results appear in the Journal of Applied Physiology. ... But the findings are controversial in some quarters. As word has begun to get out, Phillips says he's "been deluged with emails from trainers" who challenge the results. "They're very resistant to these types of findings. It challenges dogma." [emphasis added] Of course, you DO need to use enough weight and reps to work out to exhaustion; if you're not using enough weight and reps to actually get to failure (the point where you literally cannot lift the weight again), you're not really pushing yourself hard enough. The only thing this study confirms is that you don't need to use HEAVY weights to achieve the same results, as long as you work till failure (and trust me, you power lifters, even a 15 or 20 lb. dumbbell will eventually turn your biceps into useless rubber if you do enough curls with it... I promise you.)

So, I'm happy with my weight loss -- let me start with that! I'm not complaining. But at this point, the weight loss has really started to slooooow dooooooown. I'm at the point where I MAYBE lose a pound a month. I am not as active as I could be -- I know that. I'm moving, and with the move I'll be much closer to work; about a 20 minute bicycle ride down/up a steep hill. I'm determined to use the opportunity to start some new habits instead of always being a car commuter. That being said, I've hovered around a BMI of 28-ish for a long time now. To reach a "normal" BMI (25 or under) would require me to lose almost another 20 lbs., which at this point seems rather herculean. I can't imagine myself at 190 lbs.! I also want to make sure that I stay lean and fit and muscular, and don't start losing muscle mass. So -- how many people (especially guys, especially guys in my age range -- 40's -- who started around my BMI -- mid 40's) have been able to reach and maintain a BMI of 25 or less? Even more interesting to me than BMI (because BMI is a sort of primitive measurement, given how different our bodies are!), how many people have been able to get to and maintain a body fat percentage of 20% or less? I'm just trying to figure out how realistic my goals are. I suspect that with my present food/activity level, I'll eventually plateau around 210, which would put my BMI in the high 26 area, and would definitely still be a huge improvement over my original 340 lbs./44 BMI! But I'd really like a shot at getting really trim and muscular at least ONCE before I'm a senior citizen, and I'm trying to figure out if that's in the cards, or if I'm just too old/started too fat for that!

Thanks for all the replies, guys. What I'm reading from y'all is that if I want to break into the low 20's BMI (or, more interestingly to me, the <20% bodyfat range), I need to ramp up the activity yet again. I'm pretty heavily muscled (at least in my upper body... see my "yoga" post for my trials and tribulations re my lower body and core) so I'm sure that throws the BMI ratings off a little, plus I still have some loose skin. But I know there's fat there, too, and I want to ditch more of that. Thanks again.

As long as you can work out to exhaustion with them, it doesn't matter if it's a giant stack of weights, a tiny "girly" weight, or a thick sheaf of rubber bands... all that matters is the effort expended over time.

Yeah... the science is becoming pretty conclusive. I think the reason that I (personally) keep harping on it is that I've been bodybuilding for a long time, and I'm continually amazed how resistant bodybuilders are to actually listening to science and research. Every year, at least one of my bodybuilding friends and colleagues injures themselves (sometimes quite seriously) trying to lift a huge stack of weights (often, as you intimate, with improper form). It's ironic and frustrating that they could be getting just as effective of a workout using a light stack, proper form, and more reps. But I guess that (especially for the guys) a little weight doesn't look as impressive. That's one reason that I work out at home now -- nobody to impress except myself