ouroborous

So, I'm sure that the ladies have this problem, but more so... So now that I've lost 120 lbs, I'm looking and feeling SO much better, but I have some... trouble spots. Loose skin. Unlike the ladies, I have the option of bulking up to give my skin new adhesion points; if I can bulk up enough, I may be able to avoid plastic surgery. So I have loose skin in three places. On my tummy. Fortunately, not much. Barely enough to pinch. I can live with this, and if not, I'll get plastics. On my inner thighs. THIS, I can fix, by bulking my legs up to tree-trunk levels. I'm working on this with heavy weight squats/leg presses/extensions/leg curls. It'll take time, but I'm confident that I can fill this skin back in with muscle. On my lower pecs; this is where the ladies would have saggy boobs. Fortunately I'm not quite to this level, but I have a tiny bit of pinchable loose skin there, and it makes me self-conscious. I know I can build up my pecs, but all my workouts seem to be bulking up the TOP of my pecs (a LOT), so that I have a huge chest "shelf" now but I still haven't got this lower pectoral region filled out. Any recommendations? Will decline presses work? On my back in the "spare tire" area. This isn't really loose skin, but it's one of the last areas that I'm carrying any real fat. I know you can't spot reduce, but anyone have any good obliques workouts so I can firm up the supporting muscles? I'd like to have nice lean flanks when I go to Hawaii this winter! Thanks in advance for any advice I should take some pics so it'll make more sense...

This was my intent... You're welcome, and yeah... Sex as a fit guy is... um... amazzzzing!

So, I'm getting to the point where I'm considering a tummy tuck. What's left of my stomach is mostly just deflated skin (looks ICKY) and when I pull my loose skin up, I have a nice, taut waistline... under the skin! I know that loose skin won't go away (it's hard to get rid of at 22, and I just turned 42!) without surgery, so... I'm biting the bullet. I'll probably wait till summer is over (since I don't want to be laid up recovering during the few very nice weather days we get here in Seattle), so I'm guessing that I'll go under the knife in the fall or early winter. I need recommendations for a good plastic surgeon in the Seattle area. Anyone know of any that they've had good experiences with? Questions: If my abdominals are crazy-strong (they are; it's not a slack muscles thing) do they always have to rebuild the muscle? Or could it simply be cutting off the loose skin and the last of the fat? I'm hoping I can avoid the muscle cutting and stitching because it will increase the risk and recovery time. Almost all of the fat left around my midsection is in the "flanks" area in the back -- towards the side, right above my hipbone over my butt. Does the tuck remove this, or do I have to lose this last bit of stubborn fat before the tuck? Will the tuck pull the skin on my upper torso/legs and thighs a little taughter? I'm considering the "full lower body lift" procedure but I know very little about it. Thanks in advance!

Bloody pictures need rotation...grr. Thanks for the kind words. I'm feeling good about myself! Still have work to do, and I'm self-conscious about being so pale (fake tan for the win?), but I'm feeling pretty good about myself!

Ummm... If "get fit, be creative, make sure you're doing it as much as possible, and have fun" requires a seminar, I weep for the state of masculinity! Normally I'd make a flity remark about private lessons available for select women (so you can pass the knowledge on to the men in your life, of course -- I only aim to serve others! ) but... This is a PG forum and I'm egotistical-sounding enough, already!

I know, right? I waver between being pissed off that I didn't have this in my twenties, and being so utterly thrilled that I have it now and excited that I get to have at least a FEW good years before I'm too much of an "old man" to enjoy it any more

*laugh* now I'm feeling a LITTLE self-conscious, but... Thank you

NICE! Yeah, I was pleasantly surprised, too I'm not sure if the inch per thirty rule holds forever, but... yeah. It's nice!

you're in for some fun times!

I really wanted to reply to this. Yes, sex is a LOT of work for a big guy. Ladies, all due respect, but most of the time, sex is all about US doing the work -- abs and core, legs, arms. If you're out of shape, as a guy, sex can absolutely destroy your stamina, and let's face it -- collapsing like a pile of Jello halfway through just ain't sexy. So we try REALLY hard to please y'all, but when you're that heavy, it just ain't going to happen! Add to this the fact that fat converts testosterone to estrogen (yes, estrogen. Look up lipid aromatization for proof...) and you see a real "double whammy" for us guys emerging; not only are we expected to be nearly machine-like in our movements, with no reaction to the sheer strain and stress of moving 250, 300, 400 pounds of flesh around (not counting the lady!), but our testosterone can dip so low that we have a hard time keeping an erection (and what THAT means, ladies, is that ANY distraction can make "it" go away -- slowing the rhythm, changing position, even just worrying that "oh god, I'm gonna lose it!" And when you're panting and wheezing and worried about having a heart attack (yes, contrary to urban legend, people can and do regularly have heart attacks or strokes during sex), that's a pretty serious distraction. So, for a heavy guy, sex really ain't much FUN! We want to do it to keep our lady friends happy, and sure, it FEELS good, but it also feels like we're gonna die, it's a race against the clock with whether Mr. Happy will keep playing along, and a lot of times those negatives outweigh (heh) the positives. Now, switch to skinny sex. My muscles are MORE than capable of hauling my carcass around and doing ALL sorts of interesting positional things. Sure, I sweat and breathe hard in the throes of passion, but my heart and lungs are healthy and I have a ton of stamina, so I'm not worried some artery is going to explode. And best of all, because my testosterone MORE THAN DOUBLED without drugs, just by losing the weight, my libido is crazy -- that one hormone makes ALL the difference between just being caught up in my head and worrying about how I'm going to "perform" and getting utterly, absolutely lost in the moment. And that is so insanely sexy. Apparently for both of us! So yes, ladies, if you want a better love life, definitely lose weight, but get your guy to lose weight too. You will NOT regret it!

Well, thing is, I don't feel like I'm some kind of huge stud or something; I just feel like maybe this is what a "normal, healthy" male libido is like at my age when you're near target weight, working on your physical fitness, and are rarin' to go. In other words, it's not so much "I'm such a stud now!" as "Why on EARTH didn't I get this surgery in my 20's..."

Immediate post-op, about a 3, because I was still drugged up. Day 2 (first day after surgery), about a 5 -- all around the incisions. Nothing hurt "inside" Day 3, about a 2 -- just a dull ache, starting to itch Day 4, about a 4 -- itching (healing!) scar driving me insane Day 5-onward, zero -- nothing hurt. I felt better than I have ever felt in my life. Honestly, a case of strep throat is worse. Hell, in some ways, a bad chest cold is worse!

Thank you! I'm feeling great, too!

Thanks! I'll try to keep the bragging and vanity to a dull roar; to be honest, there are still PLENTY of things to feel bad or be insecure about. But after a lifetime of that crap, a little ray of sunshine now and again is a wonderful thing!

Thank you One of these days, I'll be brave and post a photo or two. But I'm so freaking PALE that it's a tad embarrassing

Yup! Men want eye candy, and they want arm candy. We shouldn't it's shallow to want it and vain to want to be it. But we still want it, and we still want to be it. I think that for me, what's changed is that I'm just not going to apologize for feeling that way anymore As MoreganK said: I've earned it!

Well, I had a best friend say "hey, a man on a diet can still look at the menu." Meaning that it might not be TOO bad to remind hubby that you're a catch, and he needs to work to keep you. You don't have to hurt his feelings or anything, but reminding him that you're a hottie and he needs to be damned grateful and proud to have you as his wife...? Yeah, that's not a horrible thing.

It's true. Whether we feel like we should be more "evolved" or not, there are still clear dominance hierarchies among humans. If you watch body language you can see it; with men, look for averted gaze, slumped shoulders, looking "small" (submissive behaviors), challenging grimace or scowl, aggressive eye contact, puffed up chest, exaggerated swagger (threatened, frightened, challenged behaviors), or clear, straight gaze, strong, erect posture (dominant/confident behaviors). With women I'm less clear what the body language is, but I'm 100% certain that there are hierarchies as well. One body language that seems to be cross-gender is this: if you look at a group of men OR women, look to see who everyone looks at, whose conversation everyone listens to, even something as simple as who everyone faces; this will most likely be the most socially dominant one of the group. Like it or lump it, I've discovered that I'm sort of turning into an alpha male. Not in the swaggering, chest-beating, gets-in-fights kind of way (that's not dominant behavior, anyway; it's frightened behavior... it's the behavior of a male fearful of losing his status in the "pack"). But just in the sense of being very confident of my worth and strength and sexuality. It feels so very odd to talk like this. You're not SUPPOSED to talk this way about yourself. You're supposed to be humble and downplay your strengths! But it's the truth, and I want to point out that THIS is what you can gain from losing the weight and doing the work, guys. You can be the man you wanted to be (assuming it's what you want to be; and if not... don't get the sleeve, because you'll be all hot and confident and happy and you wouldn't want THAT!)

While I'm not "in" to BDSM, I do agree; most people misunderstand the sexual power dynamic. Submission doesn't always mean "weak." In fact some of the strongest women I know (in "real life") are submissives. Again, it's not "my thing," but I've learned to avoid sweeping value judgements