BrokeGranny

MY WEIGHT ..THE GOOD AND BAD AND UGLY   Wow..where do I even begin to tell you about my weight problems? I guess I would begin by saying that back in 'high school' and up to the age of 16, I was slim and trim and very active.I ate healthy and was active with softball and took pride in myself.When I was almost 17, I got into a 'little trouble' and was sent to the Youth Development Center for girls. It was there that it all seemed to go awry.You were required to eat what was put in front of you and was 'punished' if you didn't. Punisment could range from being in seclusion for 3 days with your only meal being 'government' peanut butter sandwich and milk to not being allowed to go 'off-campus' with your parents.  I remember one cook that our cottage had that was a wonderful cook. but she was also known to make enough food for 10 girls stretch to feed 20. She would add lard or some other type of 'filler' to accomplish that.  Course, for obvious reasons, we couldn't go running or ride bikes so the only exercise we really got was gym class.I gained about 65 pounds in the 10 months I was there.  After I was released, I got a job and worked at a fast food place. I worked 12-16 hours a day and slept the other. Again..no exercise.  My self esteem, I'm sure, was close to zero.  Finally, I decided that I was tired of being overweight. I talked with my friend and we decided to lose weight together. And we did. We ate one meal a day and rode bikes every evening. And then I met a man.  We were married in 1975 and I weighed about 130 pounds. I stayed right around that weight until I got pregnant with my first child. Then the weight started creeping up.  My first child was born in November of 1977 and just a few months later..before I could get the 'baby fat' gone..I was pregnant again. My 2nd child was born in March of 1979.And then my marriage fell apart in late 1980.  I had probably gained 50 pounds or so in the course of that 'marriage'.So now I was about 185 pounds and a single Mom with 2 kids. WOW..what an image.I threw myself into my supporting my children. I held 2 full-time jobs and spent a few hours with my kids and slept.I lost weight, mainly through not eating, during this time. I also had a very physical road construction job so I was also very active.In mid 1981, when I was down to about 150 pounds, I met my next ex-husband. (course he didn't start about to be an ex) and I got pregnant. My daughter was born in January 1982 and 8 months later her Daddy was 'in the wind'.  So now I was a single Mom with 3 kids and I had to do something. I was working all the time and never getting anywhere. I would grab a bite to eat here and there and my kids were spending 75% of the time at my parents. I saw my weight creeping up there again and felt powerless to do anything about it. It was also at the time that I decided that I no longer could support my children on what I could make as a waitress or Nurse Aide ...so I started nursing school.  So 20 some years after graduating high school I was now having to learn new things. And I will be the first to admit..it was hard. Whoever said you can't teach an old dog new tricks was almost right. But I made it and started working right away.It was a littlle easier financially but I noticed that my body has not taken the going to school, studying and sleeping well. My weight was around 190 pounds.  So in 1992 I started to attend a TOPS group with my friend. I lost weight..about 10-15 pounds in 6 months. But then my work schedule changed and I couldn't get to to the meetings. I think I needed that support cause the weight that came off came back on so easily.  Then I heard about the Cabbage Soup Diet.. it worked..for awhile. Then it seemed to just stop. I did several OTC diet aides. Like Propelene, Dexatrim and Acutrim. I just didn't see the results they advertised and the expense was taking more then I could justify.  Oh sure, I lost a little weight and I got down to around 175 pounds. In 1996 I married my current husband. He is my best friend and my biggest support. He has supported me through so much in the years we have been married.  I continued to try to lose weight with exercise through Sweatin to the Oldies tapes (which by the way scared my dogs) and Metabolife. Then in late 2001 I got a work related back injury. I could no longer do the exercises on the tapes. And I was very limited to what I could and couldn't do. While I was trying to recuperate from the back injury I developed, what they now call, Severe Autonomic Dysfunction. I  had a pacemaker placed in late 2003 to attempt to control hypotensive episodes.  I continued with the Metabolife until it was found that it was not interacting well with other meds I was now required to take.  Due to my health and back injury I now receive Disability. They determined I was Disabled from the date of my back injury and met criteria for being totally disabled due to other health related issues.  Since then it has been a losing 'battle of the bulge'. And when I say losing I don't mean a decrease in pounds. In fact I have gained weight.  I have also had to have cardiac stents placed (I think there is 4 in there).  I have also had a 'small' stroke. Did I also mention that I had been a smoker since the age or 15? YES... and besides losing weight..that has been the hardest to quit.  After contacting my surgeon's office and being told that I had to be smoke free to be a candidate for a procedure..I had to finally make the decision to stop.  And I did. My friend, that had also been in my life since 4th grade, died April 1, 2009 of cancer. Through the help of Chantrix, the memory of my friend's fight for her life and a very supportive husband..we quit. (he did it easier then me) But the smoking has taken a toll. I do feel the need for oxygen with activity....some days more than others.  But I do feel like if I could get some of this weight off things would improve considerably. I think I would be able to breathe so much easier if I wasn't carrying around an extra 100 pounds. And then mabe I could get in some good exercise to build my heart back up and maybe everything all tied togther would make my Autonomic Dysfunction controllable.