Suz1

My whole life I would go through chunky phases and thin phases. When I met my husband I was thin. I went through years of horrific verbal and sometimes physical abuse with my now ex husband. I was called everything from a fat pig, to disgusting to no one would want me and the list goes on and on. I went from 160 to 305 pounds during the realationship. The more abuse I suffered the more I ate  and the more weight I gained.I am now a single parent and my ex is not really a father to her. I thought once I got out of the marriage that I would lose weight. One of the reasons I think that I keep the weight on is because I am so afraid to be attractive to any man. I have been told you have such a pretty face if you only  I lost the weight. I guess I get the mesage that since you are fat no one would want you unless you lost the weight. Don't get me wrong I am not interested in dating not for a long time. My daughter does not need me to date any man until our lives are tottally right. I want to live to raise my daughter and see her grow up. I chose the lap band so I can get the weight off be healthy and live to raise my  daughter. I am getting my surgery on 9-29-2009. I have thought of backing out  of it because I am scared to death.  I  say to myself, I can do this on my own.Well I I have tried every diet and have lost weight but I just gain it back.I know if I do no do this I will die.My dream is to take my daughter   to New York City after I lose the weight since there is alot of walking in New York. I have put life on hold and want to live again