mike30

I am just researching the surgery now. I have struggled with weight my most of my life. I was an overweight child, until I reached highschool. In highschool, I grew into my weight ( the growthspurt helped ) but I also found sports. I struggled through the first year as a 3 sport athlete ( football, wrestling and track ) but started my second year in excellent shape and found weight lifting. I was extremely fit through the rest of school ( even had nice abs ) My senior year, we did a class survey.. You were asked to write one positive word about each person in the graduating class... The word that came up for me most often ..... "ripped"... I enjoyed that feeling and the way people saw me, I had spent the first 12 years of my life as a " fat kid" and now I was "ripped"! I had the pull up record for the school, as well as the three lift record ( bench press, dead left, and squats )After high school, I discovered  power lifting and worked out almost three hours a day.     I  met a girl, and we had a child. Soon after, I bacame a single father and have raised a beautiful 9 year old girl on my own. I have taught her the proper way to eat, and she sits at a perfect weight for her height, but i have struggled unsuccessfully. I have fallen back into the slump that was my childhood. at 325, I do not get out and play sports, I do not run anywhere ( I think I would run short of breath very fast if I did ), I have body aches, my feet hurt, back hurts if I stand too long, and I am flat out embarassed of the way I look. 3 years ago, I decided I wanted to start testing to become a firefighter. My younger brother and I started together, but when it came to the physical agility, I fell on my face. I decided to quit testing when my brother came to pick me up for a CPAT test, and I pretended to be sick so that I wouldn't have to go and fail in front of him... He is now a full time fireman and has been for two years. He loves his job, and I am 30 pounds heavier than I was when I decided to quit testing. He was recently married, and I was the best man. I saw the pictures, more directly, myself standing next to him, and I felt ashamed.. Ashamed at the way I looked, and even ashamed of how my tux fit. I could just "feel" the photographer telling me to stand in weird  places as to " blend" me in a little better, so I didn't take up so much space or just plain draw attention from the bride and groom.Here I stand, now, even worse. The more I weigh, the more depressed I get, and my self esteem drops farther. I have pulled into parking lots, and parked my car, but not gotten out to shop because of the way I look. I shy away from any kinds of pictures, and i find myslef eating " snacks " late at night on a regular basis. Snacks like burritos, or a full bowl of cereal.... I justify it by saying I will start my diet next week, but as you may know, the actual word" next week" is always a week away... as is my diet. I get tired going up stairs if it's more than a floor, and I even get light headed after minmal physical activity. I come froma heavy family, and after having a brief couple of years of feeling what healthy is, I am ready at thirty to start living my next thirty as healthy ones. or even living the next thirty at all! This is my start...