MourningFuneral

Merry Christmas/Yule/Solstice/hanakuh/kuanzaa (sorry if i butcherd the spelling some) Today i woke up and did different, we opened our stockings from the inlaws and they filled my husbands with candy, alot of candy and mine was no candy and im thankful. but i did ask my husband to hide his candy. Last night he came in from work with a christmas gift for me, me being me I didnt want to wait so i opened it, and at first i was lost to what it was, but i figured an mp3 player. But low and behold this little man of mine smiled and showed me that not only was it and mp3 player but it counts calories burned, its a pedometer, a stop watch, it's the new sport sony tube 2g. and its sweat proof! he did this to motivate me to work out and get out and walk. he actually cared for me when i thought i was alone. so today i am thankful for not eating candy, for eating a healthy breakfest and for my little husband who cared enough to marry a fat girl and help her on her way to see a healthy girl.

What is wrong with me? Well I "tried" to eat right and I must admit I did ok with the eating good stuff part, but when it came to the eating stuff that was bad part, i did even better. As I posted before I went pecto(seafood)vegatarian where you eat tofu and veggies and nuts and stuff but you include seafood. Well I have kept to it but that damn chocolate crack kill's it for me. Just yesterday my husbands grandmother came over and what did she bring us for christmas? food. sugar free candy(which is loaded with fat) and such. So i went in the room and staired at the gift bag with this little or rather big green box of russel stoffers milk chocolate for what seemed like an hour.... then blam! I was like "ok, christy just one piece, the package states 5 pieces is 190 calories, so if you eat just one you will be ok" well dont you know, one ended up being the whole box of like 25 pieces? I ate that whole box in a day/night..... So last night I got sick, this wierd sickness of a headache and gas and such and food seemed like blah crap. but what i realized is i ate a little handful of nuts and it filled me up.... I am tired of the pain when eating to fast or to much.....i'm tired of feeling bad.... So today i woke up to start over, i had just a tofu scramble which was yummy but only a little and yet in my head im dreaming of sweets and french fries.... what makes it worse is im in los Angeles and on march 1st i am moving to knoxville TN to help raise my 5 yr old daughter, something i thought id never get the chance to do but was asked... so everytime i'm stuck saying "hey you christy, you keep shoving that stuff in how are you going to be a roll model" AAAAAHHHHHHHH! I'm so lost.:help:

Ypu are very right on the subject. I am now trying to take control over my life by asking people to not give me candy and for my diabetic husband to hide his sugar low candy from me. I know its sounds horrid to have to hide but it is the only thing i think will work for me right now. I started getting rid of everything, everything bad,fried,ec... and i went to the store and bought seasoned tofu and tofu light for breakfest scramblers and veggies. i have been eating it for a few days and it is working, i dont feel sad, i get full from it and im not over eating. actually turning pecto-vegan helped me (pecto mean i still eat fish and seafood).... I know i have alot to over come with my past and my current but i think the next i will tackle will be excercise and i hope ill be down a 100lbs in six months. but im not gonna worry about all that, im focusing on whats hurting me then ill focus on how to rebuild me. thank you for taking the time to chat and if you have yahoo im around under spookylittlegoth.... i'm sure ill have my downs and ups and ill show my face in here again<3

I am in Downey california which is los angeles county. if you are a bandster and want a buddy like i do please contact me. anyone from anaheim,los angeles, los angeles county,bellflower,norwalk,ec... I am looking for a buddy to meet up with, trade stories and work out together. i am a supersize band ster and are looking for someone to relate too....:help:

I hate being this way aswell... *sigh* at first when i got the band it worked great and i think mentally i was scared to eat but once i started seeing that i could eat more and more with soup i went back to just binging soups.... then i said "let me try this again after igained back 8 lbs of the 22 i had lost.... so i got my band filled tight but my problem went back to making soups and eating a but load....or eating alot of chocolate.... So i got tired of it and decided to start slow and eat healthy again, meaning light tofu and soy beans(edamame) in the morning then at lunch firm seasoned tofu with baby bella mushrooms,bean sprouts,and 1 oz of udon wheat noodles and i would have that for dinner aswell... then i noticed recently im going out of control again...eating sweets like crazy... i ate, no lie, one bag of peanut butter cups and hershey chocolate bells making it equal two bags over 3 days.... i feel like a failure... and i notice when my husband is around i eat more...weird.... i just want to stick to eating vegan and i enjoy tofu. ecspecially the spicy galic tofu steaks, i cut those up and one pack lasts 5 days.... right now im at it. im at my end of my rope... i really need someone close to me...is there anyone near me out there? going through the same thing? downey ca.... but im moving march 1st to knoxville tn....

Well here is the thing, I truthfully have no idea of what to eat. I got my surgery done in Mexico by a great doctor but all he says to me is "Dont worry about calories or carbs or fat, just eat till your full" and he says "eat protien", so i'm lost. I don't want to eat alot of animal products and i dont want to eat like rough stuff that gives me the "golf ball syndrome"... I'm thinking of maybe getting some Tofu and mixed veggies with Edamame(soy beans) to start but the thing is when my husband got paid we went and bought a ton of baby food, first stage and protien mix powder. so untill he gets paid again next thursday I'm kinda stuck with that somewhat. I mean we live with his parents and his mother cook's, but only easy carb full things and pies and buys only FAT Snacks, so i have to stay away.... or i will be sneaking food like no other. Today is a new day so i'm going to try to stay on my path today. One day at a time.:eek:

I had the surgery on july 24th of this year and in the beginning it would be me like loosing weight eating hardly anything, then one day i was like "its ok ill cheat a little only one time", well that was it. The one time turned into Now, I went from 413 at surgery to 392 in sept, to back to 400lbs this past week when i seen my doctor, and i told him, "i dont think this thing is working, i can still eat what i want", i had only had 3cc's in at the time, and he said "ok, ill tighten you up", so he put in 2 more cc's and i had 1 cc of air so all together i had 6 cc's and after the doctor i had three bites of chicken and threw it up, so i was like "finally, i wont be able to eat" so that i can loose weight. Then now being 5 days later im finding i can eat anything with liquid., i was eating baby food but it was not filling me up... i have so much head hunger and binging. i feel like im a failure and i want to stop. Today i realized just how bad it was when my family left the house i stole food. and hid and ate it all..... Should i be eating solids? will it help? should i just give up? i'm so lost....

I had my lap band on july 24th and in my 6 week post op in aug i had lost 21lbs. but since then ive been well eating whatever. its like im so down on myself for doing it but i feel like the band is not working, i mean i didnt expect a merical but i did expect to eat alot less and be full. this is my rutine, mon-fri i work from 5am and do not get home till almost 8pm during the day i have nothing for breakfest or a cereal bar then lunch is at 12:30 so i eat whatever i bring in a small 2 cup container, i.e. potpie,ec. or i do not eat, then when i get home im starving and since we live with my husbands parents until we find a place we usually just eat what she makes, but instead of one plate i have seconds, then i want cany of some sort then a snack. arghhhhhhhhh. i feel like ive lost this battle like i cant start over again. before i was eating bar for breakfest, steamed veggies and tuna for lunch and dinner would be almost like lunch. but its hard when i dont get paid but every two weeks so when i run out of healthy food i just eat whatevers in there, plus when it comes to weekends i feel hey its ok, have that fast food. sometimes i think im worthless. i feel like im just stuck.:think

ok, im going to try to get this done, i woke up this morning and had a plum,toast,eggs. so im on my way. I do feel like i owe it to myself to change. i mean i almost died getting this band, surgery took 4 hours to do because of my liver being so big and i just get let down easy, but now i know its ok as long as i get this under control. i get paid on friday and im going to buy enough food to last the two weeks till the next check. ill check into protien powder to. thanks. ill keep updating with whats going on. also i am gonna get a scale too. thanks to all.

OH!!!!! ONE MORE THING! Do you guys know anything good for diabetics to drink, like protien drink? thanks.

I have to say this. you guys have been the most inspiration ive had in a long time. and about depression i do have C.Depression and anxiety i was on zoloft, but like ive said, lack of money = lack of things. but now that im working for the first time in years im getting back on that path. im getting my H.S Diploma Oct 21st and I have decided to go to college in Janurary. I've had alot of trama in my life and i know we all have but i have these moments like i have had PTSD Post Tramatic Stress Disorder from abuse as a kid and have almost all of my family die before i could grow up makes me feel alone and now im know i have a little spot here, and thats nice. i'm sure we all know what its like to be stared at and googled at. i know i have heard the whispers. and for along time i used tough-ness and anger as a release. i will take you up on that and go see another DR. I think i need it now more than ever, I'm hoping tomorrow starts a new. Once again thank you all. and if any of you guys need a good friend, even tho im down, hah i can be a good one. take care <3:D

I didnt get any guidelines on food, i was just told to not eat high sugar/carb foods. yes it has been hard im going to try to start over tonight *sigh* i was making a grocery list of like string cheese, tuna, cod fish, veggies, fruit,soymilk,crystal light, and those new low fat lunchables that have like ham,cheese,fat free pudding cup(tiny) but i was only going to get 4 of those so like on the weekends instead of going out id get a treat of those like one sat/sun. also i put tofu on my list. i work a desk job for Sprint pcs so i dont do activity and i really dont have any family to help me learn excersise. but i was trying to figure out what good a gym membership would do seeing they close all week by the time i get home unless i go to 24 hour fitness but i do want to get in a pool, and yes i had one fill on my six week post op, 3cc's. i felt like i was full with it for a few weeks then i started getting "golf ball" so it just went away, the fullness, maybe i stretched it. but anyways its not like i dont want to do this cause i do i just wish there was someone near me whom i could go through this with, like a lapband buddy...:straight

I am going through the same thing. I've been out like 8 weeks post op and everytime i eat i get this pain feeling like i got to burp up swallowed air then it hurts really bad but goes away. now i know im eating too fast and too big of bites. i'm going to go today and get a kids utinsil's set. i do find it easier when i eat the tuna light in pouch mixed with steamed frozen mixed veggies.

I like you all have alot to get right. its so hard being with the cravings. i catch myself sneaking like a mini candy bar or something like that. i hate it i cant wait till i move out and have our own place so that i can buy my own food. it sux so much. argh.

WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!:clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2::clap2: i Bet you feel like ... So do I. and it is nice to share our progress :eek: maybe we can chat sometime oh one more thing love, how do you work those tickers? how does it change when your weight does? do you have to change it every time?

I went today to my first band tightening since surgery and it went great! even tho i cheated some during the time before i was tightened, i still lost 21lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! since surgery! so i went from 413lbs at surgery to 392lbs now. I got 3cc's put in my band and I go back november, my next goal is 350lbs!

I have decided i did this for me and ive got to STOP trying to hurt myself so tommorrow im going back on my flush for two weeks until i see the doctor. thank you guys for being here for me sometimes i feel so alone. i know i can do this and i will:faint:

I got my band on 7/24/2006 and i was on liquids for two weeks and now i find myself *sneaking* things i shouldnt have:embarassed: i feel like a failure i mean i went this weekend to long john silvers and got a kids meal and ate one piece of fish and mashed potatos and a chocolate chewy bar. i dont know whats wrong with me. now i find that i am eating bigger portions:help: like instead of a little cup of cream of wheat for breakfest im having two. stuff like that. how do i start this over and try again? i have not had my band tightened till sep 2nd. should i go back through the detox part and do liqiuds again for a week? i feel so hopeless and sad that im even posting this but i thought id ask:think

I'm doing good. i went to the store last night and bought some baby food and some gerber graduates small meals the new ones that are 170 cals and thats what im gonna be eating for dinners and breakfest will be cream of wheat and lunch soup or babyfood. so im gonna go up to 700 cals a day:hungry: but im taking it slow ya know, thank you for caring! much love!:clap2:

I went and got my surgery in mexico and the doctor really didnt explain how much i should be intaking. i only thought it should be less than 500 cals. ooops i guess im wrong. but i feel bad if i eat more,like im eating too much. the only thing im eating in 2 kinds of cream soup,jello,broth,cream of wheat. i tried cottage cheese a few times but those are my reg's. and i have not been tightened yet, my first will be sep 2nd.:help:

Hello im Christy and i am new here. I got banded 7/24/2006 and ive been banded now for 3 weeks and i am eating like under 500 cals a day but i feel like these voices in my head tell me i need to scarf down food and being ashamed when people are around that when they leave i contemplate going in the kitchen and eating till my hearts content:cry but then i talk myself down. *sigh* im 5ft8in and at surgery i weighed 413lbs. i have no idea what i weigh and sometimes i think maybe i should of got the bypass, atleast id loose weight fast:think, ya know? i'm 23 yrs old and i feel like on some days im fighting so much just to get through the day. well i just wanted to post and say hello and whine a little,LOL hope to be as good of a loser as you all