Madison

I started this topic to keep track of my success with VSG surgery while having severe PCOS (all the bad symptoms including excess hair, hair loss, bad periods, cramps, pain in ovaries, mood swings). I noticed that there isn't too many information on the VSG experience with PCOS, so I thought I'd post this publicly for future sleevers curious about what to expect. 8 weeks post-op (10 weeks "dieting" if you include pre-op) my period seems to have normalized. I think this is due to the weight loss (55 lbs) but mostly to all the exercise I did. I started walking daily for 30-60 mins 2 weeks before the surgery, and kept it up afterwards. After a few weeks, I lowered it to 4-5 times a week. The first 3-4 weeks after the surgery, I actually had pain in my ovaries (probably cysts). Eventually this went way. 2 weeks after the pre-op diet (and a day after my surgery) I noticed that a majority of my mood swings were gone. It felt like the unsteady cloud in my mind had finally been cleared. I attribute this to all the exercise and lack of carbs. I've noticed that the white sugary carbs have very negative effects with my PCOS. My weight loss so far has matched others (and even exceeded non-PCOSers!) but I notice it stalling if I have bread/pasta. I limit myself to half a serving of toast/whole wheat wrap and one serving of either crackers/pasta/potato per day. I usually have less but never more. When I have my period, I don't get horrible PMS like before. I have an appointment for laser hair removal next week, I will keep you updated on the experience/success. My past experience with American Laser Center was a waste of time and money with no results, so I am trying a different clinic. This is strictly my experience and it will vary among us, but I truly think that the activity is what's really pushing me towards greater success. It's hard but anything helps. I will post more under this topic in the upcoming weeks to let you know of further progress!

Hey all! Just wanted to share my experience so far... I was down 55 lbs when I weighed myself at exactly 7 weeks post-op!! I have severe PCOS so I was afraid my weight loss would not be as efficient as I wanted. I have had zero complications, and no more cholesterol/blood pressure/sugar/period issues! Not only that but I feel that this journey helped me open up a little and actually share myself with others and accept help from people. My life has significantly improved and I am so happy I decided to go through with this. The only weird thing is, I don't actually "see" a difference, though my friends/family swear there's been a drastic change. I'm still experiencing some depression from the "grieving phase" of missing food as comfort, but now that I'm actually opening up to people, I find that I'm not so emotionally vacant anymore. Thank you everyone who helped answer my questions along the way, wish you all the best of luck with your journey!

Congratulations on the birth! I hope your baby is healthy and happy. That's actually a beautiful reason to gain weight hehe in my case I was very depressed and could not stop "cheating" my sleeve. I started having chocolate and fast food for the first time in 3 years! Was not pretty O_O I admit, the excess skin and hair loss hit me the hardest. I did find that my hair grew back healthier when I cut a good chunk off. That was a very hard moment for me because I always had straight waist-length hair. Now it's mid-length and wavy, it's so different but I do like the way it looks. I think what made the transition difficult was how often my family/friends commented on how thin it looked. I discovered that using Lush products (specifically their Big shampoo and Roots hair treatment) made a nice difference on how my hair looks/feels. Honestly, I'll take no hair over feeling like I used to at my highest weight. I forgot to mention my current progress with excess skin, which I have on my belly/thighs/arms. Weight lifting has helped the arms/chin significantly. I carried a lot of my weight in the middle (like a lot of women with PCOS) so there's a lot of drooping there. I'm hoping to have cosmetic surgery in a month to remove the tummy skin, and possibly reshape my arms/chest next year. I found a surgeon that I love and who is actually encouraging me to take it slow. It's a long process, but I'm enjoying life in the mean time. All in all, I'd say I don't regret getting this surgery. It sparked the best changes in my life and I was able to do amazing things I've never done before in my life! I finally crossed learning martial arts and traveling (comfortably without the belt extender) on my list.

Hey everyone - It's been a while but every often I remember to find this thread and post any updates. I remember what it was like before the surgery, searching through forums for anyone who shared my issues. I hope others can benefit from this. It's been almost 3 years since the sleeve. I lost 180 lbs total and stayed in "onederland" for a year. 2013 was a very difficult year and I ended up gaining 30 lbs. I've worked hard on a low-carb and restricted sugar diet, and I'm almost back to my lowest weight. I'm still very active and enjoying life. My closet is filled with nice clothes and shoes I've dreamt of having, sometimes I just stare at my closet like it belongs to a different person. Where are the Old Navy 3XL sweats?? lol Sometimes I get depressed that I had the surgery done, but only because I want to eat a lot but can't! It should be good news that the restriction is still there, but I sometimes feel so left out of social events. I have so many new people in my life who don't know that I used to weigh almost 400 lbs. Right now, the most I can eat is two small slices of pizza and some wings (which I only have once a week). My hair is still thin (it used to be so thick and full of volume) but at least it's regained its shine and health. I don't have any bald spots, which was my main worry. It doesn't seem to be either falling out or coming back, which is annoying since I exceed my Protein intake guidelines all the time. But, it's something I'm willing to accept in exchange to finally wearing clothes from Forever21 or CharlotteRusse (yes it is superficial, but it's life-changing to be able to shop in the mall and try on clothes with friends. I haven't been able to do that my entire life). I have very little hair on my face/chest after a year of Diode laser sessions. I only do a quick shave once every few weeks (compared to twice a day), and that's only because I like to be completely hair-free. I go in for a laser touch-up every few months. No medication ever helped with the facial hair. It will hurt badly at the first few sessions, but then it's practically painless and over in 10 minutes. All the labwork comes out fine, and I recently discovered that all the hormones affected by PCOS are actually at a normal level for the first time ever. This was without medication, and simply keeping up with an active and healthy lifestyle. I still don't get my periods, but it did come briefly when I tried birth control. My life has changed, not just because of this surgery, but because of how much I believed in myself. I believed that I could do that, and I tried my hardest to follow all the guidelines. I didn't break down when I failed, I just kept on going. I hope you remember to keep going through struggles, especially if you feel you are alone in this. There were hardships and obstacles along the way, but that's how life is. I'm very happy with where I am right now. If anyone has any questions, please leave a comment and I will check back on this thread.

Hi! You have to make sure you strictly follow both the pre and post-op liquid plan - after the third week I lost interest/cravings because I really wanted to lose weight and noticed that carbs made me feel sick and bloated. However, after one year out, I started having a bit more carbs and sugar (peer pressure is ridiculous over the holidays) and that was honestly the biggest regret I've had. The cravings instantly came back and it was hard to get back on track. As long as you make sure you follow the plan to the best of your abilities, you will see amazing results! Don't cheat your body by cheating on your plan best of luck!

Wow, again thank you so much for sharing these. You look amazing! It's making me more and more excited about my upcoming procedures Hope you're recovering well!

I haven't been on these forums in so long!!! A lot of life changes/busy schedule kept me away but I have to come back to share good news with all of the amazing online friends who have been there for me throughout this entire journey. 1.5 Year Post-Op Stats: Highest Weight: Around 360 Current Weight: 190 Biggest Size: 34 / XXXL Current Size: 12 / L The topic title is "Forever21" because I've never been able to shop at that store for pretty and cheap-y clothes my entire life though desperately wanting to - and now it's become a staple of my college wardrobe. I can't believe I'm under 200 lbs. I didn't think I would be so successful since I have PCOS. I haven't had any complications from the surgery, with the exception of hair loss (which seems to be recovering) and brief bouts of acid reflux (not significant enough to be a concern). My life? Well, I'm doing things i never dared to dream about. Shopping, traveling, dating, exploring, and enjoying. I'm still not used to the positive male attention. Sometimes I freak about that I can "fit" into places and buckle plane seatbelts and stuff. Just enjoying life and living it the way I've always longed to. I am so grateful that I did this. I beg anyone who is hesitant or has fears of doing this surgery to come to me with questions, I will answer any. But I must be completely honest and state that I do not, in any way, believe that the surgery is entirely or even mainly responsible for my success. It truly is just a "tool." I have put in a lot of hard work into getting the results I have. It takes a lot of serious time and dedication. Funny mini-success: -A guy I used to know asked me out, not realizing that he knew me back when I was over 300 lbs. He would not believe that it was actually me until I showed him my ID. Man, was he embarrassed! You don't realize how truly overweight you were until you notice that new people you meet just accept you as "one of them" and not their one super morbidly obese friend. It's weird being part of the gym crowd. It's weird dating fitness enthusiasts and realizing they wouldn't have given the old me a second look. It's weird getting comments like "oh you wouldn't understand, you're not fat." Really, really weird. Making new friends and having them never know that I was (and on the inside, still feel like) super morbidly obese. I feel like I sometimes need to "come out of the closet" and confess this to them! I still don't recognize myself in pictures/video, but in a good way. Sometimes I feel like the world/my reflection is trying to trick me into thinking that I'm average-sized, because I can't believe that I'm no longer so overweight. I've been thinking seriously and I believe these are the most important steps to take in order to make the best use of this surgery and to hopefully get similar or better results than I have: -Start a simple walking regimen at least two weeks before the surgery, and keep it up afterwards. -Weight train. I'm serious. Don't put it in your "to do later" list. Start doing it now because the strength and muscle building will seriously burn fat and make your loose skin look SO much better. -Take good Multivitamins. -Don't ever get back on the cycle of eating sugary/fatty foods because it will be very hard to stop. -DON'T cheat on your pre-op diet. Prove to yourself how serious you are about this. -Avoid smoking/alcohol. Some concerns/negatives: -The hair loss (somewhat resolved) now that my weight has stabilized. No weight gain so far. -I no longer feel the same amount of restriction. I still can barely eat a fraction of what I used to, but now I can have a small salad, a meal of 4 oz Protein + side, and a tiny dessert. Basically, I can fit in the minimum amount that a healthy eater should be having. But it's no longer just 1/2 a cup of cottage cheese! -It is still a little uncomfortable to have fizzy drinks. I'm so happy with my life right now. I feel like people give me more respect and listen to what I say, which can actually be frustrating at times. People treat me immensely better, and although it feels good, I feel sad that it took all this weight loss for it to happen. I'm talking giving me free stuff, opening doors, going out of their way to do things for me. Why the hell am I getting special treatment? It still feels similar to unfair treatment I got from being obese, only now it is positive. I go out of my way now to treat everyone with equal respect and courtesy. Update: I'm looking into getting surgery to remove a lot of the excess skin that I have. Thank you for all of the support in the past few years - I hope to have more great updates in the future!

So inspirational. Thank you for posting these. You look stunning! I think you're going to really have fun this summer!

Thank you Thank you Thank you for posting in so much detail! I'm going to get mine done soon and this was just the encouragement I needed! Best of luck to you and I pray for your continued success <3

I'm sorry I haven't been on these forums in forever! I kept promising to come back here and post an update but I'm just so busy with my "new" life. I just can't believe how much things have changed. It's been 1.5 years. A little over 170 lbs lost. For the first time in my entire life, I'm in the "one-derland!" From 360 to 190 lbs. I can shop in trendy "normal" stores at the mall and no longer fit into the smaller sizes at some of the plus size stores I've grown attached to. Started as a size 32-34 and now a size 12-14. I would be wearing mostly 10's were it not for all the loose skin that I have. Went to a lot of plastic surgeon consultations, and they say I am carrying about 8-12 lbs of excess skin. Don't let the fear of saggy skin scare you away from this surgery - i absolutely hate the way it looks but I hide it very well! Wearing things like spanx, tights, and leotards (really pretty ones are available for cheap on amazon.com) help conceal the loose skin. Some added benefits of weight loss were that size of my fingers and feet shrunk as well. I didn't realize I would have to buy new shoes! Not like that's a bad thing I had a lot of extreme hair loss. It got so bad that I regretted doing the surgery for a while. 6-12 months post op was the worst. But I am recovering because it's gotten thicker, healthier, and people have been complimenting me on it again (my hair used to be my fashion statement when I was ashamed of my body). It may be hard to hear this, but believe me when I say this is true: I no longer deal with facial hair. I remember desperately reading through the pcos-related forums before committing to this surgery and wondering if my hair problem would ever go away. It did, but it was a result of laser and not just weight loss alone. Make sure to follow-up with laser hair removal appointments (now I touch up every 3 months for $75). It barely hurts anymore and is just a quick 20 minute session. I started doing my chest as well, and got some great results. I really encourage anyone battling with this to visit a qualified dermatologist. You don't need to regulate your hormones to get the results I did. My weight has been stable. No regain so far! I haven't had my period in over 8 months, my doctor says that is due to the extreme weight loss. All my labwork, including pressure, pulse, cholesterol, insulin is better than average now. I do heavy strength training three times a week and cardio three times a week with one day off. I have built a lot of muscle and that really helps with the appearance of saggy skin. My advice: -Don't fall back into the cycle of having sugar/fat/soda. I briefly slipped over the holidays and it took a tremendous amount of work/willpower to work my way back on track. -Do both aerobic and anaerobic exercise. -Get a good prenatal Multivitamin to make up for all the nutrients we may be lacking. -For hairiness: laser hair removal and epilating became my best friends. -Don't let the excess skin bother you or scare you out of doing the surgery. I wish you all the best of luck, sending out a lot of love and support. Please message me if you have any specific questions, I am planning on checking back a lot more frequently!

Congrats on deciding on the sleeve! DQ doesn't offer anything that's sugar-free, and most stores only have 1-2 items that have no added sugar (likely to still contain a ton of natural sugars).

18 lbs is a lot! I lost only 23 lbs in the first four weeks, and I'm 5'7. I eventually caught up though, especially size-wize. I'm at a higher weight but I look a lot smaller than most people in my weight range. Which is a shocker for someone with PCOS because we have a tendency to carry our weight in the most annoying areas -.- I sometimes forget the person I used to be before the sleeve. All the painful, embarassing things that used to be a normal part of my routine. Reading the things you discuss brings back so many memories...I also used to carry a pad everyday and pantyliners for "fear" of my period sneaking up on me randomly. I used to shave twice a day. I can't accurately express the amount of liberation I feel. I'm still paranoid though I no longer need to shave, because I've gotten used to waking up and removing it everyday. I can go days without hair on my face, and when they appear it's just a couple of fine strays that can be plucked out. I don't understand why my body has to be so annoying sometimes though I'd like to lose the hair on my body not on my head!

Hi everyone! They should've mentioned that one of the side effects of WLS is having an overly active social life I can't believe how far I've come from just less than a year go. I have severe PCOS so I was afraid I would not lose as much as others, but so far I have dropped 140 lbs and am no longer in the "obese" bmi category! I'm shopping in regular stores and simply live a much happier, much more fulfilling life. I do deal with bouts of hormonal-related depression, but that seems to go away with exercise. This was the best decision I've made in my life. I went from a size 30-32 to a size 14-16. I don't even recognize my own reflection. It's so weird seeing myself look like how always imagined myself to be. I had zero complications and the only negative side effect I've experienced was severe hair loss. It's very sad and made me cry many times to be losing so much hair at a young age, but I luckily decided to keep it long and the weight loss results are so satisfying that it makes up for it. My blood pressure, cholesterol, and sugar levels are healthy. I've been very dedicated to following a serious nutrition/activity plan. I'm hoping to lose 20 more lbs for my 1 year post-op so that I will no longer be considered "overweight"!!! I'm so happy I did this and I'm thankful for the support of everyone I've met here. Please let me know if you have questions! I'm tempted to post pics but I'm overly shy :wub:

Thank you all for reading and participating! PCOS is a really emotional subject and not a lot of people come out to discuss it frankly. I forgot to mention that I was also no longer insulin resistant very soon after the surgery! I think it has a lot to do with eliminating junky foods high in carbs/sugar. I'm so happy for all of you, I know it's scary but you will have so much success! I've been waiting a long time for a solution to these problems and I'm still in shock that I'm vastly improving. I encourage anyone with questions to message us! Congratulations on your pregnancies, I'm happy it's still very possible to have children with PCOS!

I was in the same boat pre-surgery! Severely overweight with very long thick hair--pretty much the only thing I loved about myself and received plenty of compliments about. It was one of the few things I took pride in. I'm 8 months post-op, and for the first time ever, able to shop in normal stores. I did lose a LOT of hair, but I kept it long so it still looks beautiful. It really thinned out but there aren't any bald spots and at least my body is physically attractive now (if that matters ) Now I'm much, MUCH slimmer with thinner (but still pretty) hair. My advice is to take great care of it, be positive, and learn to love your new self...trust me once you see those numbers go down on the scale and remember what your previously morbidly obese used to feel/look like...you'd trade all the hairs on your head to never go back there.

Hello everyone! I received some messages from "lurkers" that don't comment but are curious about updates. I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while...but my life has been so busy in a GOOD way. I don't know where to start, because as I look over my past posts it doesn't even sound like the same person. It's been so long since I posted because I've been so active with my "new" life. I have to reiterate this for everyone who might be reading this (I used to silently lurk on WLS/PCOS forums for a long time)...I had possibly the worst case scenario for PCOS. Extreme hair loss and excess body hair (required shaving 1-2 times a day and still wasn't smooth). I'm not that way anymore. I'm going to tell you something that my fellow PCOS sisters will be shocked by: I'm on a weeklong trip, and didn't bring a razor for the first time in my life. My results were astounding. -150 lbs lost so far. I can shop in normal-sized stores. -Excess skin not as much as an issue I feared it would be. -Social life much more active, confidence level at incredible highs! -Mood swings rarely occur, and are nowhere near as noticeable as pre-weight loss. -Rarely get pain in ovaries. -I still don't get my period, but my doctor is certain it's from the extreme weight loss because my labwork looks PERFECT. -I still have the Vitamin D deficiency that comes with PCOS, but that is taken care of with a daily Celebrate Protein shake and sun exposure. -I lost a LOT of hair after surgery. It is very thin and I have cried a lot over it. I don't have any bald spots, but I had such thick hair before it's very traumatizing to see it so bare and thin. However, it looks healthy and shiny. I'm VERY glad that I decided to keep it long and not cut it, because it looks beautiful now. -Facial/body hair. For body hair, I started sugaring which keeps me hairfree for 3-4 weeks. I just had my fifth laser hair removal appointment and I no longer have facial hair. This is the biggie that most of us PCOS'ers are concerned about. I don't need to shave everyday, and I don't need to wear foundation anymore to cover the bumps/stubble. I have a light shave every few days, but even then it's not necessary and only out of paranoia. The laser type used on me was a pulsed diode. I went to a dermatologist center. I MUST STRESS THIS. American Laser Clinic is a giant scam and I regret wasting my time/money there. A real dermatologist gave me great results at a much cheaper cost. I owe a lot of my success to extreme activity and very careful nutrition plan. That's all I can think of for now. I will update again in a few months. If you have any questions, please message me!

I thought I'd post on my success so far. I was terrified I was going to need skin removal surgery (one of my biggest fears pre-weight loss) but eight months out I'm confident that I won't be needing surgical intervention. I've lost 150 lbs so far, I still have a bit more to lose but I've noticed the only thing that truly helped flabbiness was extreme exercise (intense cardio/weightlifting). Oils/creams seemed to moisturize and improve the appearance, and light activity just helped with weight loss and not with toning. It was only after I started doing very intense workouts (with a nutrition regimen specifically for toning) that I noticed a huge change in my body's appearance. For a while I was afraid I'd have to have a bunch of skin removed all over, but now it seems the only issue I have left is a bit of tummy/arms which my trainer is confident can be reduced with more exercise. This has been my experience, so others might have different results...but I really think intense activity (yoga, weight-lifting, boxing, martial arts) will give you satisfying results. It may not be the perfect sculpted body we long for, but your body will appear so fit and healthy that no one really notices little patches of skin. Youth and elasticity definitely play a huge role, but you've got nothing to lose by giving it a shot. Good luck everyone

WELL! I ended up finding a shop I really liked on my first attempt! The employees were super laid-back, very kind and courteous. They helped me pick out a great bike with a comfy seat and changed the tires so they weren't so clunky. I was was surprised that the "normal" cheaper bikes could hold my weight/size. Ahem, now the only issue is that I still have trouble riding!! I must get back to practicing However it was a lot of fun just to be on it, and have my own bike again. Hopefully in a few months I will be able to whizz by on it! I wish everyone the best of luck in their own biking journey haha

All I've been doing for activity is walking 30-60 mins at least 5 times a week. I wanted to take things to another level, but nothing seems to motivate/interest me. I have my own heavybag and love to box, but I get so winded down that it's not a very effective exercise at this point. I was recently motivated by a fellow sleever to try something new, something that my pre-sleeve self would've thought was CRAZY. I'm visiting a few bike shops to buy a bike, and teach myself how to ride again. I'm still very overweight, but to hell with it, I feel like having FUN with my exercise! I'm nervous but I'm also excited. I think it's going to be a hilarious and exhilarating experience. Has anyone had any experience/success with riding bicycles at a heavier weight? I know it's gonna be hard but I LOVE A CHALLENGE!

I'm almost 3 months post-op and feel a HUGE difference! Updates: -My weight loss actually EXCEEDS my non-PCOS sleeve friends. I really attribute this to all the Protein I've been having. I've been very strict about only having Proteins, with certain fruits/veggies and maybe whole grains as a treat. I've also been swimming 4 times a week and boxing once a week. -I don't have those crazy mood swings I had pre-op. -My period seems more normal. it's not always on schedule, but I'm no longer "spotting" in between (TMI I know ) -I don't have any pain in my ovaries. -hair loss: Last year, I had huge bouts of massive hair loss. Nothing helped except reducing stress and taking a bunch of Vitamins. Right now, I feel a few more strands falling out, but nothing extreme. My hair looks very shiny and healthy, better than it did before surgery. -The most important thing : THE EXCESSIVE HAIR has almost been resolved!!! This doesn't have to do with the surgery, but with the Dermatologist I went to. I went to American Laser Centers for a YEAR and didn't see any results, honestly I think they're a scam! I went to this particular dermatologist just ONCE and 2-3 weeks later I no longer have to shave everyday. The stubbly dots are mostly gone. Let me tell you, my excess hair was EXTREME. She said my results were the best possible due to my pale skin and dark hair. So if you tried laser without success, go to an actual dermatologist to try a different type of laser. At my next laser appointment, I will ask her what type she used so you can try it out to see if it works for you. I am so extremely pleased and grateful for these results. I can actually go swimming without makeup! I would have never gone out without make up/shaving everyday before laser treatment. The procedure itself actually hurt A LOT and it took my face 5-10 days to heal. I only started seeing results 2 weeks after, but they were unbelievably worth it. As someone with severe PCOS (which meds like Spiro and Byetta coudln't help), I can honestly say there is great hope for a cure!!! That's it for now. I hope this is helping anyone interested in doing the surgery. It was the best decision of my life, just make sure you do the best you can! Please message me if you have any questions.

wow I'm so happy (and relieved) to hear all of this positive feedback about biking! My mom was kind of being a jerk about it because of my size >.>" She's been making a lot of snide remarks after all the weight loss, so I kept getting discouraged from doing this. I think I just want to experience the freedom of biking that many of you described! I have 5 bike shops that I'm planning on visiting next week, hopefully I'll find a comfortable place that matches me with a suitable bike. I think a cruiser might be the best to start out with, thank you for all the great tips! I'm so excited for next week!

Thank you so much for your support! I was scared before doing this as I didn't find many reviews of VSG surgery for women with PCOS, but I took a chance and I never regretted it. I was scared of failure because I tried everything beforehand, and have very bad PCOS symptoms (the excess hair, hair loss, period issues, etc) and tried met/byetta/spyro without much success. It's unbelievable how my life has change so drastically in just 8 weeks. I may not be my goal "size" but I am living the life that I've been wanting to have for so long. I still sometimes deal with depression, but otherwise my confidence is so high and I feel so open. Random strangers seem friendlier towards me, I know it's not because of my weight, it's because of the positive energy/confidence that my body releases now. I was so angry and closed a few months ago, now I feel myself opening and slowly becoming the person I envision myself to be on the inside. I wish all of you the best of luck, especially those with upcoming surgeries! The greatest tip for anyone doing this surgery (but especially for those with PCOS) is to strictly follow the guidelines, and try to limit your "bad" carbs (the kinds that PCOS chicks have trouble with). I notice my weight loss severely slowing down if I have too many starchy carbs.

I choose anonymity not because I fear judgment, but because I fear being pitied. I've always been afraid of showing any signs of weakness, especially since I grew up in an abusive household. I equated being small with being weak, and so I started to gorge on massive piles of food. I wanted to make myself as large as possible so that no one could hurt me. I was also emotionally neglected, so after a while, the action of binging was a stable source of comfort for me. Eventually the overeating led to morbid obesity. It created a thick shell for me to hide underneath. I lived my life like a zombie, never truly experiencing anything. I've sought help several times over years, never really finding anyone that could help. I've tried the weirdest weight loss techniques, from liquid diets to acupuncture. I never succeeded but I also never gave up, because I love to win. I don't believe in losing, and to me, the only way to fail is to quit. It was actually a school counselor that helped spark a the greatest change in my life. I told her about how my childhood severely affected the way I act today, preventing me from doing many things that other "normal" people could do. She replied with something so simple, but it felt like a slap in the face. "The past is in the past." It seems so stupid and obvious, but she was the first person to sense that I needed someone to carve that into my mind. The past is over, and none of the horrors of my childhood can actually physically hurt me. She told me that the only way I can ensure that the past does not seep its way into my future is to change my present actions. I decided to take more control of my life. I was afraid of being fully in control because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to treat my body properly. I didn't want to fail miserably and have all the blame fall on me. I was so used to blaming my weight and childhood for things going wrong. If I took this weight loss journey into my own hands, then I might be severely disappointed. I knew I had to rely on a group of people, dietitians, physical therapists, surgeons, and behaviorists. But to me, opening up to people was more painful than the surgery. I'm not an overly social person, I have trouble trusting people even though I loyally love and appreciate everyone who manages to claw their way into my life. The older I got, the harder it became for me to live. It's hard being overweight in the entertainment industry. It's hard to volunteer and take care of animals while carrying such a heavy weight. Even college seemed difficult, it's hard to get support as an international student. I never had trouble learning and was always the student that got by with A's despite doing little work. I was constantly harassed and berated at my school, due to both my weight and ethnicity. Somewhere along the way, my body desperately pushed me towards the option of having surgery. It was in my mind after seeing several close friends lose a staggering amount of weight. I always tried hard to do it the natural way, but many conditions such as PCOS, PTSD, and addictions kept preventing me from achieving the results I deserved. I spent months with a personal trainer and didn't drop a single pound. The sneers I received at the gym constantly made me question why I even bothered. I'm not here for them. I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing this for myself, so that I can finally be free. I was dedicated and ready to change my life, and a very great opportunity opened up for me to have the vertical sleeve done. It's only been 4 days since I had the surgery but I already feel myself getting stronger than ever before. I have great hope for the future, and am learning to appreciate the present for what it is. I will be discussing my journey in its entirety so that anyone contemplating WLS can be fully prepared as to what to expect. In the next few entries I will be discussing how I successfully followed the 2 week pre-op diet without cheating, the exact process of surgery for my situation, and helpful tips on shaving/makeup in the hospital for women with PCOS. I appreciate any comments/suggestions and hope that my entries can help another person create a better future for themselves. Thank you for reading =)