pursegal21

I have a great doctor that has always stressed to me that weight loss surgery may be an option for me seeing as thoughI had tried other things. I am 32 year of Resource Coordinator for a utility company in my state and work shift work. My job is very  to a 911 operator. I work tons of hours but it is not an active job at all. Because of the nature of the job we rarely leave our seats and do a lot of eating really just because. When I get home, I am exhausted and preparing a meal is just out of the question. I have consistently packed the pounds on over the years and become progressively less and less active. After breaking my ankle a few years back and combined with this weight it is almost impossible for me to stand more than 2-3 minutes without feeling anxious and tired. I am definitely on my way to become immobile. Everyone around me including my husband will tell you I have this unmeasurable confidence about myself. It has becomea mask now because I really see myself as 2 people. The person I see in my rear-view mirror in my car is gorgeous, confident and can do anything she wants in this world. The person I see in my mirrors at home is a huge ugly monster. I have put up this facade but I'm really miserable. I have young adult nieces and I cant go the mall, concerts or even graduations anymore because I'm afraid of the walk or the seats and being an embarrassment for myself and my family.    Every time my doctor would mention weight loss surgery the tears would flow uncontrollably. I told her one day that I was going to give myself a year and if I was unsuccessful that I would consider the surgery. I just woke up one morning getting ready for work and suddenly was at peace with starting the process for lap band surgery. I was worried and did not want to have this surgery for vanity reasons. I have just had blood work ran and all is well with me health wise. Not even any cholesterol issues, but for how long. I have really simple goals for the results of this surgery: I want to walk from my car to my desk without feeling winded, I want to be able to water my grass, I want to be able to clean myself properly without feeling exhausted, I want to be able to accompany my parents at the mall and I want to drive without my belly touching my steering wheel. I will admit I would love for the first time in my life not have to shop in the plus sizes.  Although I must admit one of my fears is getting too small. I come from a culture that loves and appreciated women with meat on their bones and I know my husband feels this way as well. I want to be healthy at a weight and size I am comfortable with.    I am in the very early stages of the surgery my doctor has just sent over her referrel to the insurance company and I am now awaiting a response. I have been searching for a forum like this so I could meet others for support and expressing some of my feelings it is like additional therapy.  Thanks!