neumeby50

Hi everyone,I am neumeby50 and I am a soon to be lapbander.  I am scheduled for surgery in mid Aug. I am a life long heavy weight and been through a nightmare of medical problems and sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I am 3 days into my liquid diet and while it is no fun, I am spending my down time with you guys instead of doing the "why me" while everything and everyone is pointing to eating something yummy, fattening and part of my old standby group of foods.I am a foodie if there ever was one.  I love to cook, I love to eat, and grew up as the chief ambassador of the "clean up club".  I am afraid of what lies ahead but I am going to be positive and hope for the best.  I have a family member who had lap band about a year ago and she is down almost 100#.  My nephew went through gastric bypass and lost over 200# from being close to 440#.  He looks great and feels wonderful.  I want in on it all.I went to a seminar several years back when my nephew had his gastric bypass and my brother and I were at the seminar at the same time.  My brother is 4 years older and already a below the knee amputee from Diabetes and is now on Dialysis.  He and I are very Diabetic and I particularly am more insulin resistant than he is.  I take more insulin than anyone I have ever heard of.  I am a nurse and never gave a single patient the amount of insulin I take in the course of a day.  I knew I wanted to have the lap band back in 2005 and by the time I was pretty much ready, my husband lost his job and so I had no insurance to cover it.My husband got a different job and I was approved after 2 denials.  It took me several months and lots of classes, psych eval, cardiac workups and you name it....all in all I am good to go except that my husband lost his job again this past couple of weeks.  Thank God I am on medicare disability and I am ok for my August surgery.  I am excited about the new band but really apprehensive.  I don't want to be sicker than I already have been.  I am a tough old bird.  I have already had 16 kidney stones, 7 ruptured ovarian cysts, and 6 surgeries to help with biliary stenosis.  Trust me, all of these are painful things to endure.I have yet to really set my goal wt. I guess the whole idea is to get off most of my insulin and perhaps even not be diabetic at all. I have never felt comfortable in my own skin.  I was a fat little girl but always told, "she has such a pretty face", it was like a slap in the face actually.  I must say that I met the love of my life when I was heavy and he loved me for me.  I am now 60# heavier and Diabetic and disabled and older, we have 2 kids that were big babies, both well over 10#.  I have lots of abd.hernias and had a few fixed along with a bad hysterectomy and abdominal surgery but now I have a very large hernia that needs repair quickly.  If I can lose enough wt, I can get my whole abdomen re-upolstered!  I hope to go from a couch to a chair!My untimate goal is to be healthier, see myself as beautiful, turn back the hands of time and live a life that is full of better opportunities and travel.  I want to be well enough to go to the Vatican and visit Italy.  As it is now, I am in too much pain, I have a balance disorder that won't ever go away, but I want to be able to walk a long way without feeling like I'm going to die.My lapband story hasn't really started yet.  My journey began the day I saw my nephew 1 day post-op after gastric bypass and the hopes were that after every diet in the world,that I have tried, perhaps Iwill finally find something to help me more.  I know it won't be easy but so many have made such great progress that I figured I'll write and read my way through the rough patchws and that's where this forum is going to come into play.  Anyone wanting to visit the wizard, I'm headed to OZ and you can come along.Looking for anything you have to comment on....neumeby50