mandie175lbs

Hello Guys... I am here... all alone and trying to pick myself up."I have fallen and I can get up" That phrase has a new meaning to me and I am so MAD at myself for getting here. Yesterday, was a hard day for me...I had to take the walk into a plus size store for clothing. This is actually one of my favotite stores... It was certainly there when I needed it before the surgery. I visit this store alot, but I haven't been there to purchase clothes for myself since the lapband surgery. I would go just to purchase accessories and look at all the beautiful fashion for plus size women. I felt so low and so ashamed of what I had done to get back to shopping for clothes in this store. As I was walking through the store, it took everything in me not to just break down in tears. When I couldn't take it anymore, I grabbed some clothes off the shelf and rushed into the dressing room to let some of the tears out... I seriously couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Once I let some of the tears out and got myself together enough to contine shopping. As I walked around the store to try and find something to wear for this coming up Friday's event, I got overwhelmed again, this time it was at the thought that I couldn't find anything to wear. It just seemed like there were wall to wall clothes there but there wasn't anything there for me... well, in my size. I decided to leave the store so that I could cry in my car. I just wanted to cry guys! When I got to my car, I cried so hard that I got an headache from it all. I started telling myself that I didn't deserve any new clothes and that I needed to take my fat, weak a#! home and stand in the mirror until I couldn't stand there anymore. I felt like kicking my own a#! for being so easy and so greedy to food and letting it take over my life! Right now guys, I hate myself and I feel that I don't deserve to have any friends, clothes or food! I am mad at the world for... I don't know what for... all I know is that I am mad, fat and stupid for paying all this money for the surgery to only eat Bojanols combo meals w/ sweet tea, loads of chocolate and butter pecan ice cream everyday. I need help guys. I need whatever help that any of you can offer. I know I don't deserve it and I know I did this to myself, but I need it like I need my next breath. I need a friend, a buddy, someone that won't tell me just what I want to hear, but someone who will tell me what I need to hear. I need someone who isn't afraid to tell me that I need to get my a#! up and and exercise! All i'm saying is that I can sugar-coat words to myself and I can tell myself lies (which is what I've been doing) I need someone who is forceful and would be committed to hanging in there with me for the long haul and I will do the same for you. I want to make a pack with someone and hopefully one day we will meet as long lost friends and we will both be in shape and living a healthy life. I'm looking for a life-long friend and motivator. I want to be able to skype or send pictures and really be each others lifeline when it comes to this band. I don't care if you are a man or woman, black or white or other, young or old, tall or short, need to lose 20lbs or 200+lbs, gay, straight or other or neither... all I'm saying is that I want someone who is real and who wants that same push that I so desparately need. I am a good motivator when it comes to motavating someone else! lol! I will only tell you the truth and I will promise to stay connected. We will send progress pictures to each other and hold each other accountable. I will watch your weight as if it was affecting me! lol! I just want to team up with someone who is ready to change and someone who is ready to be honest with themselves and honest with me. So... are you out there? If so, let's be friends and help each other through this. We can do it together. I'm not the best speller (i'm not ignorant by any means) but I couldn't find the spellchecker and I got tired of looking for it, so please excuse all misspelled words and punctuations. Is misspelled one "s" or two? I'm terrible at it guys and to make matters worst, I am an Administrative Assistant! lol

Yes Jami! I have to try my hardest to stay away from chocolate. I rather have junk food than to have a nutritious meal. I eat out everyday 3 times a day. Eating out wasn't a problem for me before. Well, that was before... and this is now. I have to change this and get this weight under control. You are so right, I have to stop purchasing the foods that I can't stop eating. I have never had a problem overeating fruits and vegetables. lol! I just want to say thank you guys... I mean, I was feeling some kind of way yesterday and now I feel so hopeful and I feel that I am among friends. We can help each other thorough this. Thanks for answering my desperate call. I'm getting back on track and it feels so good! I even declined luch with the girls today and I am packing my luch for the remainder of the week!

Thank you guys for reaching out to me. I made the first step by calling my doctor's office and signing a consent to have another doctor take a look at my band. It seems that everytime I go in to have my band adjusted, they come up with a different number as far as how much Fluid is in my band. I want a second opinion because I need to know why this number keeps changing and why I am able to eat and eat and eat without any restrictions. Thanks Terry for that suggestion. I guess I had given up on this band. This is a perfect place to start. Cindy, you have had the band 4 years, have you had any complications? Are any of you guys able to eat a combo meal (sandwhich, fries and ice tea and then have dessert all in one setting? Are you able to eat biscuits? I once had restriction and it was impossible for me to eat large amounts of food and when I tried to clean a plate, I paid for it dearly. I got down to a size 12 and weight 170lbs. I don't know what happen, but one day I started eating and didn't stop. I am soooo looking for this doctor's appointment. Thank you guys for showing me a little love. I will post a picture soon. Thank you guys.

How do I set up my ticker?

Thanks queenie, and you are right. I'm stronger than this... I don't know where or how I'm going to start, but I have to start and I have to start today. I think if I post a before photo for the world to see just what I've done to myself and then I make myself look at it everyday, then maybe I'll think twice about my actions when it comes to eating... I'm going to pick myself up and give this band another try starting today. I have to make this band my best friend or it will work against me.

Yep! i have had my share of feeling like I can barely walk to the bathroom because of not having any energy. Good luck to you.

I know what you mean girl! This has happened to me before! I didn't get to the vomiting part, but I did overeat an let me tell you, IT HURT SO BAD!!!!!! I vomited only once since I had the surgry and that was because I took pain medication on a empty stomach. I hate vomiting!

I just might be a little too tight! I went in for a fill on Friday, it's now Tuesday and I have lost 5lbs! It doesn't hurt to eat, but I accidently went 8 hours and didn't eat OR drink anything. I was out shopping at the malls and just didn't think about it until I went into Jareds(jewelry store) and I was offered a bottle of water. I then looked at my watch and realized that I hadn't taken any vitamins, had any water or had anything to eat! I was mortified! My band is so tight that when I went in I was hungry to the point that my stomach was growling, but when she filled me, I instantly felt full! I know this is going to sound crazy but I could feel tightness in my chest area when she put in the extra saline. Could this be? I mean, I almost got a little scare at the feeling of feeling like something was being closed off! Was I supposed to feel like this? Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm tight…. As tight as a bandster can be and I don't know if I should feel good about this or not. I'm going to give it a few more days and see if anything negative happens and if not, I'm going to leave it the way it is. I don't even think about eating now and I like that. I feel too full to think about food. Is it natural to feel like I've just eaten at the buffet, when I've only had a teaspoon of this and a teaspoon of that? This full feeling last all day! It's like I have to set a timer for water and vitamins!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?