bluestategirl

I haven't blogged in a bit. Been pretty discouraged by the whole pre-surgery process because I just feel like the weight isn't coming off. This is even with working out for an hour or more every day and staying on the meal plan and taking Phentermine. It's a horribly frustrating experience and reminds me why I need this surgery. If I could do this on my own without this tool I would. I'm still convinced I've got a thyroid issue even though all my doctors tell me I don't. I will wait until after my surgery date is set to but my PCP to start me on me medication or send me to a specialist for this. But I don't see how you could not think I've got a thyroid issue when I have all the sx of one. Anyway. This morning I realized that in 31 hours I will be meeting with my surgeon. The immediate emotional response is to eat nothing today and just fast so that I can lose as much extra weight as possible but then I realized that I get sick when I try to do that, it's why anorexia never worked for me. I've been faithful and careful and diligent about what goes in my mouth, been going to gym most days. Sometimes I get really tired and my heart just isn't in it but those are the days when I need to go the most. I just feel discouraged so much when the scale shows no weight loss. I feel like I'm working so hard for nothing and this is usually the point when I give up. So hopefully I can keep this going. I know that God wants me to be healthy and I know that he gave us doctors who could come up with surgeries like this to help people like me. I do take responsibility for being obese and I know that I didn't get this way by eating pounds of veggies but I also know that my body is wired with horrible awful metabolism that makes it very difficult for me to lose weight even when all the right things are being done. God's timing is perfect and I know that I'm ready for this surgery. I am praying that my appt goes well tomorrow because I truly want to get this done and over with as soon as possible. I'm greatful that I have such a great support system and so many people have been positive about this with me. The ones who don't understand are the outsiders but even my knitting group ladies who I just barely met are supportive of me having this done. I'm having lunch with my sister today, just the two of us, no children. I'm looking forward to talking to her without being interrupted every 5 seconds. It will be a good way to spend my day off. Well here's to me finally getting to my surgery appt. Let's hope they have a surgery date next week!:cursing:

I haven't blogged in a bit. Been pretty discouraged by the whole pre-surgery process because I just feel like the weight isn't coming off. This is even with working out for an hour or more every day and staying on the meal plan and taking Phentermine. It's a horribly frustrating experience and reminds me why I need this surgery. If I could do this on my own without this tool I would. I'm still convinced I've got a thyroid issue even though all my doctors tell me I don't. I will wait until after my surgery date is set to but my PCP to start me on me medication or send me to a specialist for this. But I don't see how you could not think I've got a thyroid issue when I have all the sx of one. Anyway. This morning I realized that in 31 hours I will be meeting with my surgeon. The immediate emotional response is to eat nothing today and just fast so that I can lose as much extra weight as possible but then I realized that I get sick when I try to do that, it's why anorexia never worked for me. I've been faithful and careful and diligent about what goes in my mouth, been going to gym most days. Sometimes I get really tired and my heart just isn't in it but those are the days when I need to go the most. I just feel discouraged so much when the scale shows no weight loss. I feel like I'm working so hard for nothing and this is usually the point when I give up. So hopefully I can keep this going. I know that God wants me to be healthy and I know that he gave us doctors who could come up with surgeries like this to help people like me. I do take responsibility for being obese and I know that I didn't get this way by eating pounds of veggies but I also know that my body is wired with horrible awful metabolism that makes it very difficult for me to lose weight even when all the right things are being done. God's timing is perfect and I know that I'm ready for this surgery. I am praying that my appt goes well tomorrow because I truly want to get this done and over with as soon as possible. I'm greatful that I have such a great support system and so many people have been positive about this with me. The ones who don't understand are the outsiders but even my knitting group ladies who I just barely met are supportive of me having this done. I'm having lunch with my sister today, just the two of us, no children. I'm looking forward to talking to her without being interrupted every 5 seconds. It will be a good way to spend my day off. Well here's to me finally getting to my surgery appt. Let's hope they have a surgery date next week!:thumbup:

Being overweight definitely has a lot of disadvantages. Almost every obese person has a plethora of health problems. I've always had stomach issues my whole life, migraines, joint pain, back pain etc. Now that I'm losing weight a whole new set of sx is cropping up. I have developed costochondritis and hypoglycemia. These are just mild sx and will eventually go away. I was having a really rough day today because I was just feeling so discouraged and exhausted. I wanted to stay in bed and do nothing until it was time for me to get up and go to work but I dragged my sorry butt out of bed and went to the gym instead. My heart just really hasn't been in it lately but I'm forcing myself to go because I know it's good for me. I was feeling pretty down when I realized that the stupid scale isn't showing any progress still. I feel like a failure because my weight hasn't reduced and I'm so tired of this pre-surgery battle. I just feel like I want to get this over with and move on. It's like being single, why can't I just move on from here? Don't I ever get to graduate. I would like the scale to show me as being less than 220 at some point. I wish I could just sleep for the next week until my appt with my surgeon. This is an exhausting battle and I know it's barely begun even though I've been fighting for almost 2 years. I hope by the time I turn 31 I'll be under 150. It seems like a lofty goal right now but if I get my surgery soon I know I can get there. I want to be a whole new sexy me and be able to wear gorgeous shoes without being in instant pain because there are 220 pounds on a 3 inch heel. ahhh dreams. I can't wait.

Being overweight definitely has a lot of disadvantages. Almost every obese person has a plethora of health problems. I've always had stomach issues my whole life, migraines, joint pain, back pain etc. Now that I'm losing weight a whole new set of sx is cropping up. I have developed costochondritis and hypoglycemia. These are just mild sx and will eventually go away. I was having a really rough day today because I was just feeling so discouraged and exhausted. I wanted to stay in bed and do nothing until it was time for me to get up and go to work but I dragged my sorry butt out of bed and went to the gym instead. My heart just really hasn't been in it lately but I'm forcing myself to go because I know it's good for me. I was feeling pretty down when I realized that the stupid scale isn't showing any progress still. I feel like a failure because my weight hasn't reduced and I'm so tired of this pre-surgery battle. I just feel like I want to get this over with and move on. It's like being single, why can't I just move on from here? Don't I ever get to graduate. I would like the scale to show me as being less than 220 at some point. I wish I could just sleep for the next week until my appt with my surgeon. This is an exhausting battle and I know it's barely begun even though I've been fighting for almost 2 years. I hope by the time I turn 31 I'll be under 150. It seems like a lofty goal right now but if I get my surgery soon I know I can get there. I want to be a whole new sexy me and be able to wear gorgeous shoes without being in instant pain because there are 220 pounds on a 3 inch heel. ahhh dreams. I can't wait.

I went to the doctor today and was so excited when their scale showed I had lost a pound. I get so discouraged some days because I feel like I am working so hard, I'm always hungry and my weight isn't changing. This weekend I'm staying at my mom and dad's house which will be really nice for me because it's almost like a little vacation as their house feels like a hotel to me. I was watching So You Think You Can Dance tonight with my roommate and a friend and I was just dreaming of the day when I will be able to dance again. When I was 19 I used to go swing dancing every Sunday night. It was always so much fun and I have to say, I'm not a bad dancer. At the building that my church meets in there is a grand ballroom upstairs and every Friday they have swing dancing there. This fall I will have Friday nights off. I think it would be really fun to actually go dancing and feel confident that I'm not just the fat friend, or the fat sister. Man, I'm really looking forward to that. I would really like to get into dancing again. It's not something that I want to make a career out of or anything I just like to dance for fun. I have often felt like I can't because I'm so overweight and I miss it. I often do wonder what I will look like when I get to goal. I was also thinking about my wedding. It's always been something that is way far off in the future because I've been single for so long. I've always wanted to wear a beautiful grecian style dress with an incredibly low back, but no one wants to look at a really fat back. People say it's wrong to call myself fat but I look at it as taking ownership of the situation. I got this way because of myself, not because of any other person or reason. I've always been a little chubby but it's never been this bad. I don't like it. But there's hope. I know my surgery isn't a magic cure and it's not going solve all my problems, but I'll sure be a lot happier. I want to be healthy and be able to run around after my nephews and maybe my own children someday. And to get back out on the dance floor. I want those great ballroom legs!:smile:

I went to the doctor today and was so excited when their scale showed I had lost a pound. I get so discouraged some days because I feel like I am working so hard, I'm always hungry and my weight isn't changing. This weekend I'm staying at my mom and dad's house which will be really nice for me because it's almost like a little vacation as their house feels like a hotel to me. I was watching So You Think You Can Dance tonight with my roommate and a friend and I was just dreaming of the day when I will be able to dance again. When I was 19 I used to go swing dancing every Sunday night. It was always so much fun and I have to say, I'm not a bad dancer. At the building that my church meets in there is a grand ballroom upstairs and every Friday they have swing dancing there. This fall I will have Friday nights off. I think it would be really fun to actually go dancing and feel confident that I'm not just the fat friend, or the fat sister. Man, I'm really looking forward to that. I would really like to get into dancing again. It's not something that I want to make a career out of or anything I just like to dance for fun. I have often felt like I can't because I'm so overweight and I miss it. I often do wonder what I will look like when I get to goal. I was also thinking about my wedding. It's always been something that is way far off in the future because I've been single for so long. I've always wanted to wear a beautiful grecian style dress with an incredibly low back, but no one wants to look at a really fat back. People say it's wrong to call myself fat but I look at it as taking ownership of the situation. I got this way because of myself, not because of any other person or reason. I've always been a little chubby but it's never been this bad. I don't like it. But there's hope. I know my surgery isn't a magic cure and it's not going solve all my problems, but I'll sure be a lot happier. I want to be healthy and be able to run around after my nephews and maybe my own children someday. And to get back out on the dance floor. I want those great ballroom legs!:cursing:

This morning I have an appt with my doctor to check out the mysterious chest pains that have been coming and going. I am more nervous about the stupid scale than anything. I just really hope it shows my actual progress because I've been working so hard to get to this goal, not that I'll quit working hard, but I just want to have some peace of mind that I'll be able to get my surgery before summer ends and I'm in the throes of another semester. I did so well yesterday so I don't know why I'm feeling so down this morning. Maybe it's just a device to try to get me off track. But I won't do it because this is too important to me. Someone the other day asked me if I was sure I wanted to give up beer. "I'd rather be thin." was my reply. Also when I was at the gym I started to become afraid of the excess skin issue. I've got to meet with a personal trainer and make sure that doesn't happen. I'm not really a plastic surgery fan. But at the moment it seems my boobs are shrinking faster than anything else. This is annoying on one hand because I would rather have other parts of my body shrink and I don't want to have to buy new bras right now. On the other hand, I don't really care what shrinks as long as something does, I've got plenty of chest to spare.:smile2:

I finally have my appt with the Surgeon for August 12. I'm pretty excited but I'm also a little anxious about it. What if they tell me I can't have surgery or something else goes wrong? Also I really was hoping to have surgery before school starts but I start August 24. I don't know if I can wait any longer though. I'm a little tired of people asking me why I'm doing this. Isn't it obvious? I'm fat people. I'm unhappy. If I could lose weight easily on my own I would do that. People keep asking me why don't I just work out? I do work out. I work out every day. Obviously there's other issues involved and I think this is the best choice for me. I'm going to stop telling people because they just don't understand. But I am excited because I feel like I'm at the end of my pre-surgery journey. Blogging how I feel about it is really helping. I weighed at the gym yesterday and it said 222, we'll see what the doctors scale says. I woke up with horrible pain in my back today and I haven't taken any pain meds in weeks. I think I will have some this morning though because I cannot deal with this on my own. Usually I just push through the minor pain but this is not minor pain. Oh well. that's what the meds are for. I just want to sleep until my appt comes then I can't gain any weight and I won't have to deal with any of the anxiety. It's too bad I'm not a wizard who could invent such a potion. But then I would also miss out on the next three weeks of life-not really what I want to do.:cursing:

I finally have my appt with the Surgeon for August 12. I'm pretty excited but I'm also a little anxious about it. What if they tell me I can't have surgery or something else goes wrong? Also I really was hoping to have surgery before school starts but I start August 24. I don't know if I can wait any longer though. I'm a little tired of people asking me why I'm doing this. Isn't it obvious? I'm fat people. I'm unhappy. If I could lose weight easily on my own I would do that. People keep asking me why don't I just work out? I do work out. I work out every day. Obviously there's other issues involved and I think this is the best choice for me. I'm going to stop telling people because they just don't understand. But I am excited because I feel like I'm at the end of my pre-surgery journey. Blogging how I feel about it is really helping. I weighed at the gym yesterday and it said 222, we'll see what the doctors scale says. I woke up with horrible pain in my back today and I haven't taken any pain meds in weeks. I think I will have some this morning though because I cannot deal with this on my own. Usually I just push through the minor pain but this is not minor pain. Oh well. that's what the meds are for. I just want to sleep until my appt comes then I can't gain any weight and I won't have to deal with any of the anxiety. It's too bad I'm not a wizard who could invent such a potion. But then I would also miss out on the next three weeks of life-not really what I want to do.:smile:

So today I got an e-mail back from my doctor saying to call the Bariatric nurse and set up an appt with the surgeon. It's currently scheduled for August 12. This is a little disappointing but I'm glad to have it scheduled. I'm just praying that in the next month I'll be able to go under the knife and have this pre-surgery battle done with. I'm ready for the post-surgery battle to begin. I ate some candy today because I was down, it was before I talked to the dept but I told myself I would do double at the gym tomorrow as pennance. Anyway a lot else happened today and I am very exhausted so I'm just going to pass out here and now.:thumbup:

So today I got an e-mail back from my doctor saying to call the Bariatric nurse and set up an appt with the surgeon. It's currently scheduled for August 12. This is a little disappointing but I'm glad to have it scheduled. I'm just praying that in the next month I'll be able to go under the knife and have this pre-surgery battle done with. I'm ready for the post-surgery battle to begin. I ate some candy today because I was down, it was before I talked to the dept but I told myself I would do double at the gym tomorrow as pennance. Anyway a lot else happened today and I am very exhausted so I'm just going to pass out here and now.:smile:

Just woke up, not only is it already almost 90 degrees outside which makes my blood boil and makes me cranky but I'm pretty down already. My doctor's visit didn't go so well yesterday. The stupid scale said I haven't lost any weight at all. I know this isn't accurate because my clothes all fit differently. He said not to worry about the scale because he can tell I'm losing weight and that as I work out I build muscle which weighs more. Unfortunately the surgeons go by the weight, no matter how I look or how my clothes fit. I'm upset. I will probably have to wait until Christmas break to have this surgery. It's very hard for me to accept that because I was really hoping to get it this summer and I don't want to go through another semester as a fat girl. I also can't risk missing any class this semester because I have some that are only 1 day a week and are condensed into that one day. I'm at a low point but I won't give up. I was grocery shopping yesterday and saw all the nice sugary treats that I would love to eat but I just kept telling myself, "That will not help you reach your goal." I succeeded in overcoming the temptation but this battle is so hard. Today's another day I'm sure it will be better.:smile2:

Just woke up, not only is it already almost 90 degrees outside which makes my blood boil and makes me cranky but I'm pretty down already. My doctor's visit didn't go so well yesterday. The stupid scale said I haven't lost any weight at all. I know this isn't accurate because my clothes all fit differently. He said not to worry about the scale because he can tell I'm losing weight and that as I work out I build muscle which weighs more. Unfortunately the surgeons go by the weight, no matter how I look or how my clothes fit. I'm upset. I will probably have to wait until Christmas break to have this surgery. It's very hard for me to accept that because I was really hoping to get it this summer and I don't want to go through another semester as a fat girl. I also can't risk missing any class this semester because I have some that are only 1 day a week and are condensed into that one day. I'm at a low point but I won't give up. I was grocery shopping yesterday and saw all the nice sugary treats that I would love to eat but I just kept telling myself, "That will not help you reach your goal." I succeeded in overcoming the temptation but this battle is so hard. Today's another day I'm sure it will be better.

This morning I have an appt with my doctor to check out the mysterious chest pains that have been coming and going. I am more nervous about the stupid scale than anything. I just really hope it shows my actual progress because I've been working so hard to get to this goal, not that I'll quit working hard, but I just want to have some peace of mind that I'll be able to get my surgery before summer ends and I'm in the throes of another semester. I did so well yesterday so I don't know why I'm feeling so down this morning. Maybe it's just a device to try to get me off track. But I won't do it because this is too important to me. Someone the other day asked me if I was sure I wanted to give up beer. "I'd rather be thin." was my reply. Also when I was at the gym I started to become afraid of the excess skin issue. I've got to meet with a personal trainer and make sure that doesn't happen. I'm not really a plastic surgery fan. But at the moment it seems my boobs are shrinking faster than anything else. This is annoying on one hand because I would rather have other parts of my body shrink and I don't want to have to buy new bras right now. On the other hand, I don't really care what shrinks as long as something does, I've got plenty of chest to spare.

Today I woke up feeling pretty good, no back pain, no joint pain, no fatigue. This is the first time this has happened in awhile. I got up and watered the plants and put on my gym clothes and went to the gym. I was fearing the scale because it's been a few days since I lost any weight but I know that I'm not really supposed to weigh myself every day so I had a hope that I would have dropped a little. I'm down to 222 now and only have 6 pounds left to get to my goal, but I have a hope that maybe I'll weigh less on the doctor's scale tomorrow when I go in for an appt. I did very well at the gym this morning too. 65 minutes on the elliptical trainer and then 4 laps in the pool to cool off, should have burned about 1000 calories just since I woke up this morning. I had a chicken sandwich, no mayo or oil from subway for lunch. There's less calories in it than I burned off at the gym. Normally I don't eat out but I was really hungry when I was done with my workout and needed something fast but healthy. I made a good choice and I'm proud of myself. I'm nervous about going to see my doctor tomorrow because I have been having chest pains and I am afraid it's going to hold up my surgery. I just don't want anything to go wrong with me. Hopefully it's just something harmless. The only good thing about going is I get to be weighed on their scale which will tell me how much I've really lost. :smile2:

Today I woke up feeling pretty good, no back pain, no joint pain, no fatigue. This is the first time this has happened in awhile. I got up and watered the plants and put on my gym clothes and went to the gym. I was fearing the scale because it's been a few days since I lost any weight but I know that I'm not really supposed to weigh myself every day so I had a hope that I would have dropped a little. I'm down to 222 now and only have 6 pounds left to get to my goal, but I have a hope that maybe I'll weigh less on the doctor's scale tomorrow when I go in for an appt. I did very well at the gym this morning too. 65 minutes on the elliptical trainer and then 4 laps in the pool to cool off, should have burned about 1000 calories just since I woke up this morning. I had a chicken sandwich, no mayo or oil from subway for lunch. There's less calories in it than I burned off at the gym. Normally I don't eat out but I was really hungry when I was done with my workout and needed something fast but healthy. I made a good choice and I'm proud of myself. I'm nervous about going to see my doctor tomorrow because I have been having chest pains and I am afraid it's going to hold up my surgery. I just don't want anything to go wrong with me. Hopefully it's just something harmless. The only good thing about going is I get to be weighed on their scale which will tell me how much I've really lost.

So it's been a year and a half since I started this journey toward my lap-band surgery. I've lost 13 pounds over that year and gained none back, which I supposed should be satisfying. It was only until recently that I really started to feel like the program was going to work for me. I feel like I've been this way my whole life and don't know how to change my habits. Then my bariatric psychiatrist requested I go to the classes they offer and I'm so glad that I went to them. They really changed my outlook on food and I feel like it's starting to have so much less power over me. I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to have a heart attack at 33 because I'm obese. I want to go out with a guy and have him reject me based solely on the fact that my personality is that of an obnoxious bitch, not because I'm fat. I want to go shopping and pick something up and just try it on. I want to go to the gym and not have everyone stare at me or the grocery store and not get the stink eye no matter what is in my shopping cart. So many things to look forward to. I know with God's help and my hard work and determination I can do this, I just hope I can have my surgery before school starts because that is something I definitely need to have done before then otherwise I'll be waiting until Christmas.:blushing:

So it's been a year and a half since I started this journey toward my lap-band surgery. I've lost 13 pounds over that year and gained none back, which I supposed should be satisfying. It was only until recently that I really started to feel like the program was going to work for me. I feel like I've been this way my whole life and don't know how to change my habits. Then my bariatric psychiatrist requested I go to the classes they offer and I'm so glad that I went to them. They really changed my outlook on food and I feel like it's starting to have so much less power over me. I don't want to be this way anymore. I don't want to have a heart attack at 33 because I'm obese. I want to go out with a guy and have him reject me based solely on the fact that my personality is that of an obnoxious bitch, not because I'm fat. I want to go shopping and pick something up and just try it on. I want to go to the gym and not have everyone stare at me or the grocery store and not get the stink eye no matter what is in my shopping cart. So many things to look forward to. I know with God's help and my hard work and determination I can do this, I just hope I can have my surgery before school starts because that is something I definitely need to have done before then otherwise I'll be waiting until Christmas.

Think you are on track. My mother had Lap-Band in February and was depressed for the first 6 weeks. She was actually grieving the loss of her friend, food. Give it some time to adjust. Weight loss, even with surgery is a journey, not a magic wand.

It sounds like you are doing really well actually. That's a healthy weight loss for the first few months. I haven't had the surgery yet but I do know lots about depression in any form. Make sure you are following the meal plan as best as you can, get a lot of protein and water and fruits and veggies. Also you say you are walking which is awesome but maybe try walking a little further or a little faster each day because it's been proven that Exercise raises seratonin levels and makes you feel better. Lastly make sure you are sleeping 7-8 hours a night. Being healthy this way helps you stay on track. Don't get discouraged.