LB Anonymous

:smile2::tt1: Hi everyone, for personal reason I chose the screen name LB Anonymous. I do not want friends or family to know about my surgery. I am 50 years old, have been worried about my health, and because each year I’ve gained another 10 pounds or more and have become more depressed about my life. I do not go out and I have isolated myself from friends and family. I miss wonderful opportunities to be with my husband because I am embarrassed. When I was 40 I was a personal trainer with body fat of 18%. :wink2: I have never felt so good, healthy and fit my entire life. I began taking care of myself when I was 32 through 42 and about 45 I lost control.:laugh: Since I was a teen I have struggled with my weight and when I turned 32, I was going to go to get fit before I turned 40’s. I did it. During a yearly check up with my OBGyn they found abnormal cells; they knew if I waited another 6 months or year they were cancerous so I had a hysterectomy. Well, I thought this is not going to change my life but it did. No matter how hard I worked I could not fight the weight and the more I fought the more I was discouraged and it became a cycle. A couple years later, my 16-year-old daughter started doing drugs, drinking and having sex with her 19-year-old boyfriend. Our home was chaos: run away, police, screaming, and fights – just a mess. Therefore, we decided to place her in a “wilderness” program and that year in half was the worst months of my life. Because of all the chaos, it rubbed onto my youngest and she began to have her own issues. She did not want to be like her sister. She wanted to be perfect and when she was not she began to cut her arms. I blamed myself for many years of being a horrible mother; going for help, depression, gaining weight. I blame myself that if only I was not too involved with my training and being self absorb maybe things would have been different. So, I ate myself past 200 lbs. :laugh: In all my life, I never thought I would weigh more than my Dad weighs; :tt2: or be 60 lbs more than my husband is. I cannot live like this any longer. After depression and suicide thoughts, I knew I needed to do something for myself. My daughters are fine and now it is my turn to live the next 25 years with my husband happy and wonderful and not waste another minute of feeling sorry for myself or limiting myself from living. So I was banded June 30th and I lost 9 lbs on my first visit. My next visit is on Monday, Aug 3rd for my first fill; I am nervous but I am getting discourage about my weight because my clothes are not fitting loser than I wish. I have not weighed myself because I do not want to get anymore discouraged than I am today. Therefore, I am excited about my band fill and hoping it will help with some of the hunger pangs and cravings. I know those are two different issues. A hunger pang should stop by the first fill but the craving will require work on my part something I will need to rein. I have procrastinated writing on this board but I know I need the help and support from people who are going through the same thing I am going through. I do not talk to anyone about my lap band but do plan on going to these support groups starting in August. The first week of August, we go on vacation then I come back and go back to school August 24th (I am an assistant teacher). I was truly hoping I would lose enough weight that they might notice I lost weight at school but I am not sure they will. I expect I will l lose about 20 pounds; and that might be another month or two. I also need to start exercising and get off my tuff. So this is my story and I need help with all areas: emotional, motivational, advice, ideas, how to get my protein in; what to eat and not to eat; so I am struggle in all angles. So if anyone can give me a few encouraging words that I will have a life again :tt2: I would be very grateful. Thank You.

JuneAct2 'Brighter days are ahead. You'll see when you go back next week for a fill. Good luck to you' I wanted to take a minute to thank you for reading and responding to my message. I just went for my first fill yesterday and lost a total of 20 lbs. so I there are brighter days. I was scared getting my filled because I did not know what to expect and it didnt hurt a bit; just a little prick but all went well. I really didnt want to look at the screen but maybe next time. Anyway, thank you for your support and hope to hear more from you. Again, good luck and talk to you soon. LBAnony

Thebandedgirl; Remember that the time that passes between the time you are banded and the time you get your first fill is for HEALING. ..... Don't stress about it! ....When all else fails, come to other bandsters for support You are absolutely not alone Thebandedgirl - thank you for your support and for all your words they helped me that someone at least took the time to read my post. There are so many and it is so easy to miss someone who is feeling alone. I am trying to come here and read as much as I can and like you answer when I can. I just had my first fill Aug 3rd and found out I lost more weight. Yeah!!! So - like you suggested I am not going to TRY not to stress and know that I have bandster supporters. Again, thank you for your kind words. Take care LBAnony

isaviolinist "For the emotional issues, you should try to find a counselor or psychologist that you trust. Also, does your husband know about your surgery? Is he supportive?" I am on antidepression medication and I do talk to him about what I am going through. But what I am looking for is support from the board and I am still new on how to get around the board to get some answers. My husband is wonderful; he is the best of best and supportive. I just had my first fill and I am very happy because now I have lost 20lbs which surprised me. Now I am on two day liquids, 2 day mushy and then Friday I can eat again. I just want to thank you for taking the time to read and answer my post. I know there are tons of them out there to read and I appreciate you taking the time to response. I am still taking one minute, one day, one week at a time and I will meet my goal. Thank you. LBAnony