Paige59

Has anyone used Dr Stephen McKenna (from Frederick, Maryland) ??

I'm sitting here wondering if I should even be writing this. I'm reading through all these posts here in the 200+ forum and I'm so proud of all of you, but it's making me hate myself even more. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. I feel so much like I just want to crawl into a large hole and never surface again! I have NOT yet had the lap band surgery, but am working on getting it approved by my insurance. However, while trying to wait it out, I'm researching and reading through all the forums, and I just had a mental breakdown. I am so ashamed of myself. I weight 400 lbs. I'm 5'2". I just turned 50. I'm completely sedentery. I recently lost my job due to a company down-size. I have no friends I guess due to my size and the fact that I rarely leave my house. I'm so upset and depressed and ashamed of myself. I cannot believe I let myself get this heavy. I cannot stand or walk more than 30 feet without breathing like a freight train and feeling like I will pass out from the pain in my back and hips and legs. In order for me to have this surgery, I need to lose about 40 lbs first, and start exercising. My response to this was "EXCUSE ME?? if I cannot move, I cannot lose weight. How in the world am I supposed to do this? If I could do this on my own, I wouldn't need surgery!!" Well, needless to say, not much sympathy from the insurance company or the doctor for that matter!! Know what their advice was? "Just start moving." WELL...could someone explain to me how to do that? At 400 lbs, when I cannot walk more than 20-30 feet, just how am I suppose to do this? AND yes, I am feeling sorry for myself I guess you could say, but I have so many mixed emotions at this point. It's not that I don't want to do this, it's just that it is impossible. Well, maybe not impossible. Just SEEMS impossible. Then I come here and read all of your posts about how you started to walk just a little here and a little there....and now some of you are walking miles. BUT...I must be missing a point somewhere because I don't understand how you motivated yourself to just start. That's where I'm having the biggest problem. I know I need to do it, and I want to do it, I just can't. The being out of breath and the pain is enough to just make me not even want to try. And then I think about it...and if I start with just 20 steps at a time, then maybe I could start, but.... what good does just 20 steps do? I feel like it's just useless. I can't get past this point of feeling like I'm nothing, and I'm useless and stupid and deserve to just be this heavy and die. And no, I don't want to die and no, I'm not suicidal or anything like this. I'm think I'm just feeling sorry for myself and can't see past this point. Can someone PLEASE help me get a grip? Please tell me how you first felt. Tell me what you did from day one and how you got up the courage and motivation to get yourself started. Tell me how to do this, please! My life is depending on it....and even though I know this fact, I still can't seem to motivate myself. I'm sorry if this is too boring or upsetting or self-less for you all, but I just needed to get this off my chest because I can't stop crying right now. Thanks for any help, suggestions, etc., you can offer me at this low point.

What good is the band if it doesn't do the work for you? Okay, I know this sounds stupid, but please read on.... I sat through a lapband seminar the other night, and after listening to this doctor and the people who gave their stories, I am beginning to wonder if I am just crazy. I thought I was ready to have the surgery (meaning I had no fears of the surgery itself) but was struggling over having to lose 40 pounds (yes, the doctor says this has to be done first). However, after sitting thru the seminar, now I confused myself and messed up my thinking. I am hoping someone out there can help me straighten out my thinking process on this one!! IF you have to work just as hard (or harder) at watching what you eat, and how much you eat after being banded, then what's the sense in having the band in the first place? It seems to me that IF I could watch what I eat and how much I can eat, then I wouldn't be obese and searching for other options (ie: weight loss surgery). SO...I guess what I'm asking is... If I can not be discplined enough NOW to watch what and how much I eat, how is the band going to change that?? IF you have to work just as hard or harder after the banding, then what good is the banding? What exactly is it's job? I know everyone calls it a "tool", but what good is the tool if it doesn't help me change the way I choose foods and their amounts? I hope this makes sense to someone out there!! Please help if you can!

Hi there! Have either of you had your surgery with Dr Long yet? I went to one of her seminars last week and it was very informative. She seems like a people person. Very easy to speak with - stayed afterwards to answer those of us who didn't want to ask in front of everyone. Even answered questions during the seminar and didn't seem to mind the interuptions from the audience. Please let me know if you've had surgery with her (or are scheduled) and what your impression is? Thanks so much!

Oh, you guys are so awesome! Every one of you! Thank you so much for the responses and your support and encouragement. I really do appreciate it. You guys made me cry!! Even though I knew that there are so many of you out there that felt at one time like I do, at the time I wrote this initial post, I was feeling like I was the only one, you know? I'm feeling a little better now. Still ashamed and embarrassed that I let myself get this way, but.... it happened. So now I just need to deal with it and try to reverse it. Well, I have some bad news....the surgeon I want to use no longer accepts insurance (not just my insurance, but ANY insurance), and I have gone 'round and 'round with my insurance company trying to get them to approve him as an "out-of-network" provider, but due to a provision that my husband's employer has on the insurance policy, they have denied my request. I have the option of appealing it with the employer, but am wondering if it is even worth it at this point. If I do get him approved as an out-of-network provider, they will only pay like 60% of the "reasonable and customary" which means I will still wind up with a large out-of-pocket expense, and since I was recently laid off permanently from my job (in June), the out-of-pocket expense is out of the question for me. So.... have had to search for another surgeon who is par with my insurance. I have found two, and one of them is local, but I'm having a huge problem in that I'm not sure that I am comfortable with either one of them. I LOVE the surgeon I had already planned to use, and was very very comfortable with him and had no qualms about the surgery at all--I trust him that much!! But now that I cannot use him, and have had to search for another, I am just very upset. I am doing research on both of these surgeons, but so far that hasn't taken away my worrry and fear. So..... I guess we'll have to see what happens with that. Anyway, just wanted to let you all know I didn't crawl away and hide forever. I'm here and I'm trying to work this out. And I truly appreciate every one of you for taking the time to respond. I will keep you up-to-date on what is happening. Thanks!

Thank you to everyone that has responded. This is such a wonderful site and I appreciate everyone's input. I think some of my problem is just head-games. But I'm not sure why.

Congratulations on your wonderful weight loss! Could you please explain to me how you got over the mind games and bad food choices. I think this is probably where some of my biggest pitfalls are.