ifyourstomachoffendsyou

Sandy, what the heck do you do? There's some kind of depot there where Indiana ends at 130th, there's the market, and there's residential areas including Altgeld Gardens. Where do you work? I can't think of much else on that road. I usually drive down Indiana/State to 130th and cut under the railroad bridge and go to Michigan or State and take them to 111th. I'd love to meet up with you. This is the website for the Retirement Village. . http://www.lutheranl...llage/programs/ I know there's more of them, one possibly in Elmhurst but that one's more expensive. What I'm thinking might happen is that my brother might make that initial investment knowing he'd get 90% of it back. He could get the other 10% from the sale of their house or what's left of their estate when they die, and the rest of their estate (which is only whatever they get for their house which currently is not a lot) they could use to supplement their social in order to make the monthly payments and have spending money. Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's warm enough outside that I think I'm going to go walk out there. TTYL Cheri

Thanks Janet. Still trying to decide what to do on my birthday. My husband has to take my car in. Something majorly wrong with the steering. Hope its an easy fix and still under warranty. Tires also seem to have slow leaks. Especially one of them. But its in the back and shouldn't be affecting the steering. He's leaving me his car. I might go to Border's and get a book and just read. Take a bubble bath. I left a message for my sister about maybe going out for lunch. Ken has to sleep after he's done with my car because he worked all night and has to work again tonight. One of the disadvantages of having only work friends and a life filled with relatives is that when I am off work I have no one to just go out and have a good time with. Limited funds doesn't help either. We pretty much blew our wad having all the parties at our house this year and trying to refinish the basement. Plus we're pre-paying my trip to Europe. And now, there'll probably be a family reunion in MI for my niece's wedding in late July which usually means renting group cottages for a week. I just might have to bow out and just come down for the wedding itself with just an overnight stay at a hotel. My husband hates these things and stays in his room the whole time. My daughter worries herself sick over the expense and everything else. My one son never comes because of the expense and the other son only comes for a day or two. I don't enjoy myself all that much because of my social anxiety, which is worse when my family is all together. It might be better now that the weight is off and I can participate in more of the physical activities. I talk about my husband being a lone wolf, but in a lot of ways I am, too. I like people and being with people more than he does, but I like being with them one on one, not in large groups all the time. In many ways, you guys are more my friends because I can use my writing to communicate. I wish we lived closer because I think you all understand me well enough now that we could just go out and have a good time. That's what I miss. Finding someone who can sit and talk and not judge me but who can also just go out and play. My job and remarriage has kept me from having those kinds of friends. My fault mostly. The job and my grandkids take up so much of my time. But, now that my daughter is avoiding me, I have more free time on my hands. All my parties are over so now I've got to make my own fun. I just have no one to do it with. However, I do like to bury myself in books and always have. Maybe I'll write another children's story. I get ideas but then have no time to sit and work on them. So, maybe I'll do that today and the next few days. I've been going, going, going the whole vacation. Now its time for me. It just takes me time to adjust to that. I always have trouble in the summer, too. I work like crazy till July, and then I'm out of my routine for six weeks and don't quite know what to do with myself. I'm always actually glad to go back to work. Maybe I should just go by myself and come visit some of you next summer. Cheri

Melissa one of the things we deny ourselves when fat is having a good time. Our fear and shame makes us fat and keeps us fat. Go. Have a good time. Get your picture taken. Get an outfit that makes you feel good. Recognize that you're beautiful fat or skinny. You have to love yourself when you're fat, too. Our values in this society and as women are so screwed up. In a recent women's poll, when women were asked whether they'd choose 10 more pts on an IQ test or good hair, most chose good hair. What the heck is wrong with us? People love us. They marry us. They hire us. Our kids adore us. But all we can see is our fat. Poor self-concept is a huge contributor to over-eating. You are worth going out and having a good time. Dance your heart out. Paste a big silly grin on your face and a funny hat on your head and mug for the camera. Get a little drunk. Do it for you. That's my advice. Enjoy your life. Love and laugh yourself thin. Cheri

Karen, thanks for the card. Lori, hope your DD gets those cramps under control. Phyll, so sorry about your friend. You do never know. So, I wanna retire and live in a retirement village. Never cook or clean or do yardwork. Get driven where ever I want to go. Attend many social events on campus and get driven to plays, concerts, etc. Workout, get a massage, go for a swim, get rehabbed if I get injured or have a stroke, and, most important, when my ADHD and CRS get aged to perfection, live in the memory assisted living wing. All I need is $250,000 (almost) and a monthly payment of $2300 and this life could be mine. When I die in hopice care, 90% of my original investment will return to my estate. If I had the money I just might do this sooner rather than later. People in these villages live longer and healthier than people who live on their own or with their kids, and they aren't a burden to their kids. You can be as independant as you want to be. Drive your own car. Have all the company over that you can stand. Or spend your time alone in your beautiful duplex with its two big bedrooms, walk-in closet, 2 bathrooms, laundry room, living room, well-appointed kitchen, dining room and choice of sunroom or sunporch. My parents can't afford the full enchilada, but this place has some older refurbished quads for $100,000. Smaller, but still adequate. And all the amenities. My dad wasn't with us. My brother is going to sit down and talk to him about his need to move into this kind of facility. He'll be around people and receive the care and stimulation that will keep him as active and functioning as long as possible. But his cognition is already impaired and his stubborness already worse. Both of which are symptoms of his Alzheimers. They'd have been better off getting in there sooner rather than later. Hope I've learned that lesson. Now to go save up lots of money. Cheri

Jessica, so proud of you. Tina, this is the girl for you to emulate. If she can do it, anyone can. Laura K, cool that you have a date for NYE. Gotta go. Cheri

Linda, what you thought was your font stalling was your post continually posting. Very wierd. They must still be working on the site because people's problems keep changing. I don't try to do anything other than Fast Reply and hit the color and font size. So far, so good. Had my last Christmas party last night. Sunday we were with Ken's kids and his one grandkid, and last night it was my three kids. My two DIL's were MIA but my four biological grandchildren were all there. I'm going to go to my daughter's on NYE for a while to bring my two stepgrand's their presents. I had my parents over as well because they don't get that many chances to see their greatgrandkids. Plus, they need to get out of the house and the weather wasn't too bad last night. I got each of these grandkids a "pillow pet", which is a really hot item for kids right now. My two grandsons had asked for one for Christmas and after Christmas, when they hadn't gotten one and saw them in the stores, they were giving my daughter fits about buying them one. They were hauling them off the shelves and trying to stuff them in the cart. My husband made his spaghetti with mild italian sausage and angel hair Pasta, and I had leftover KFC I'd frozen after my Christmas Eve party that I reheated in the oven. I had the leftover mashed potatoes from the Christmas Day party and made some gravy for them. Now I know what to do when my husband buys a bucket of chicken for just the two of us. Freezing it worked really well. There's so much grease in the original recipe that the skin crisped up beautifully in the oven. Got rid of a lot of Cookies we'd been given and used up more of the hummus and salsa my DH had bought for the Christmas Eve party. People brought so much stuff to that party they hardly touched the hummus. But my kids like it, so we made a big dent in it. Kids ran all over the basement playing with their new toys while the adults sat upstairs. Very relaxing party, actually. We ate in the basement but had appetizers and Desserts in my living/dining room. I'm taking my mother today to tour a retirement village with various stages of independant to full nursing care living. Both my parents are getting quite decrepit. Playing "catchphrase" with them at my sister's Christmas Day, I could really see my dad's mental deterioration. My mother was also struggling with processing speed and expressive language. It was interesting to see everyone making accommodations for them and for my niece, Olivia, with her processing delays. I'm thinking of making Tuesday night a go visit my parents night. I've got to start getting my mother out of the house more on weekends. On bad weather Sunday's I'm thinking of driving them to their church so my dad's not driving on bad roads. We're all getting very uneasy about him driving at all, but he's pretty belligerant about being able to keep driving and my mother has never been able to stand up to him. Hopefully, his next Dr.s apptmt. the Dr. will insist and will inform the state to take away his licence. I almost hope he get's in a small accident or gets himself lost so that he gives up his keys on his own, but he's not to that point yet. His sense of location is excellent but he is blind in his right eye. My daughter, who goes to the same church as he, said he pulled out of the parking lot and cut them off and never even looked. My dad has always been extremely stubborn and somewhat belligerant, but Alzheimers makes that worse. Both my parents have bad balance now and my mother's knee has frozen. She's supposed to stay off it but doesn't. My dad is very restless and has never been able to stay in one place for long. Taking away his driving would confine him a lot and he already drives my mother nuts when he's home a lot, which is partly why she'll never be the one to stop him from driving. She can't wait for him to leave. It's going to be a very difficult time over the next few years as we get them out of their home and into a more appropriate setting. My brother wants them to move into assisted living village by him in MI but then they'd be away from my baby sister and her kids as well as me and the majority of their greatgrandkids, and they'd be leaving the area they've always lived in and the broader Dutch community with whom they have many connections. They'd also be leaving their church, which they love. So, I'm hoping that it goes well with today's visit. It's near their church and near my daughter's and when I retire I'm likely to move out there. My mother worries about the money, but I think my Dr. brother and sister would help them out. My other brother and I might be able to contribute some each month as well. We'll see. There are no good solutions. In the old days, Iif they'd both lived this long, my parents would have been living with or on or near the same property as one of their kids and their other children would be close by. They'd have grandkids and great-grandkids swarming all over them and a neighborhood community to watch over them. They'd be the neighborhood adopted grandma and grandpa and people would be stopping by and bringing them meals, and shoveling their walks, etc. Now, even though I'm only one town away from them, I'm gone 11 hrs a day and I'm not in the mood to go over there when I'm finally home. We've gained a lot of "things" with our modern lifestyles, but lost a lot of values. But, for today anyway, I'm having a mother/daughter day. We'll go out for lunch after our tour and then go to the courtyard shops in Crown Point IN. Magnificent old courthouse that's been turned into a lot of quaint shops. There's an antique shop on the square my mom like to browse through and several restaurants. Maybe some after Christmas sales in the courthouse which has some Christmas shops. Have a great day everyone. Cheri

Baby on board! Choo! Choo!

Tina, I'm the one with ADHD, Candice is the one with bi-polar, and Jessica has something else. I've had situational depression (I was married to an alcoholic) and my physical limitations and pain from the osteoarthritis I have. I have gone to counseling, couple's counseling, group counseling, OA, Alanon, and I forget what else. I have read just about every book published on codependancy. I have been on anti-depressants and on meds for ADHD. I am currently looking at getting back on the ADHD meds in order to help me not use food to medicate the ADHD and also to help me focus enough to keep teaching and handle my aging parents and take more responsibility for our finances. My first marriage didn't make it but I learned a lot from it. I chose to learn about myself and what I needed to do to become healthier emotionally. I learned that I couldn't save the marriage myself and that couple's counseling was ineffective if only one person was genuinely trying to change while the other spent all the time blaming me for everything. Codependancy is a huge co-factor of obesity, so you and your partner do need to work on yourselves. Sounds like your partner has major co-dependancy issues and is trying to change and let you get yourself better. So do it. Cheri

Morning. Off to work for a while, then my Dr.'s apptmts. Gotta remember to talk to him about my ADHD. LOL. Love the poem. Cheri

I am one of those people who try to prolong Christmas as much as possible. We'll probably take everything down next weekend but if we don't get to it for another week I don't care. I love the lights. This is such a time of darkness and the Christmas lights help counter it. Dark, short, overcast days and driving to work in the dark and coming home in the dark. The lights and decorations add visual warmth as well. It's darn cold. At least we've been in the 20's and even up to low 30's which beats the single digits and teens we had for several weeks before Christmas. I don't have that much to take down. The ornaments on the tree take the longest. I've simplified what I put up. I only decorate my living room. A few wreaths on the wall, a few draped festoons of everygreen and lights, a few things on top of my piano and china cabinet, a few Christmas pillows on the couches, a pretty green or red tablecloth on the dining room table. It looks very Christmasy but its not a lot of work. Ken usually helps me take it all down. Of course, I can't always find it the next year when he does it. I'm currently missing a tree skirt. I have no idea where he stuffed that. Today we did end up taking Skylar to Chicago's MI AV N. The Magnificent Mile. We took her to Water Tower Place and went through the American Girl Store. Bought her a small doll. Went up and down the glass elevators. Ate in a nice restaurant. Walked to the Disney Store and showed her a lot of the decorations. I really missed FAO Schwartz, however. The Border's by the Water Tower is closing down and I loved to sit there and read and look out the windows at all the Christmas lights and the horse and carriages. And Macy's, on the South side of the river,where I never shop anyway, hasn't kept up the Marshall Field's Christmas window displays. And Carson's which was right next door, no longer exists. Those animated window diplays that told a Christmas story used to be one of the staples of Christmas in Chicago. You'd look at Marshall Field's and then look at Carson's. Now, there's not that much for kids to do or see. But we still had fun with her. Walking down Michigan Ave. is always an experience. Maybe we should have taken her to Navy Pier. I hear its quite decked out for Christmas. So I did get out today. My husband was very reluctant went I first broached the idea with him but by noon he realized he didn't have that much to do on his day off and it might be fun taking a grandkid. So we went and had a good time. He just needs lead time to adjust his mindset. I just suggested it and didn't push it and then went for an hour's walk. Then I came back home and we got a little extra "exercise" since he was caught up on his sleep. And then he decided we should go to Chicago. LOL. Said with German accent, "Ve haf our vays." So, going to try to get to sleep. Need to get to school by 9 a.m. and Dr.s' by 11:30. Then another 1:30 apptmt. Then my kids and grandkids for supper. So, busy day tomorrow. Eva, I am not a hobby or project person. I could possibly get into watercolor painting someday. I have also been known to write a children's story when I'm off for a few weeks. But grandchildren have eaten into the time I need to do those things. I try to see them as much as possible but it can be difficult. Normally I do things with my daughter over the holidays, but she's in isolation mode. My husband's job has him sleeping days and going in to work at 10:45. So I have to be quiet during the day and then listen to him talk incessantly for at least 2 hours after he wakes up. My friends are basically work friends so i don't see them over the holidays. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work. I need the structure that work gives me. Cheri

Tina, So sorry about your break-up. I think over the past almost 11 years of marriage I became more and more dependant on my DH as I had many physical problems and kept gaining weight partly as a result but then the added weight made the problems worse. I think my DH also encouraged that dependance. He has a need to feel important and needed. He also has a need to be in control and to feel his masculinity is threatened if I question his decisions. I have a need to feel taken care of, especially in those areas of my life that involve my having to stay on task with things like paperwork, insurance, etc. Unfortunately, he made some very unwise choices with our finances and I had to put big limits on what he could do. He still makes sure the bills are paid but I had to make him accountable to me and to follow the boundaries I set in place. He prefers to grocery shop himself so he can put the groceries away where he wants them and he can make sure he has all his little goodies and food he likes to eat. He makes sure he supplies whatever I want or need as well. He also does most of the cleaning, which, physically, I couldn't handle. Now, I'm doing more of that. He has tended to use me as an excuse for not accomplishing much else with his life. I know my current mission in life and have a passion for it. I have adopted "act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God," as my life goal and currently spend 10 hrs a day teaching disadvantaged at risk children on the south side of Chicago in a gang and drug riddled decaying neighborhood of Chicago. He has stated that his mission in life is to make sure I'm able to accomplish mine. It sounds romantic, but it has led to conflict. I do like him to keep us organized and to keep up with paperwork as those are my areas of weakness, part of my ADHD. It does free me up for other things. However, I did just fine doing those things myself in my first marriage and for the three years between marriages. I find it amazing how well he hid his lone wolff mentality during the time we dated (1 1/2 yrs) and for the first several years of our marriage. The only time I see the Ken I thought I married is when we go dancing (which is how we met). He would appear to be spontaneous and I would find out later that all his off-the-cuff suggestions were previously planned to please me. We've adjusted to each other pretty well, but it hasn't been easy. I'm very spontaneous and he knows that to keep me happy we do have to get out and do things. It's just seldom with other people unless its relatives. He, at first, got involved in the music ministry with me at church. He plays guitar and writes songs and it went well for awhile. But Ken does not play well with other people. He takes offense easily and holds grudges and then says something to try to burn a bridge with that person. He has more social anxiety than me and can make me even more anxious in a group setting because I never know when he's going to decide to be the life of the party and monopolize the conversation or when he's going to hide in the corner with his plate of food. He doesn't know how to give and take in conversation. Everytime we've joined a small group at church he eventually says something to break off the relationship and then doesn't come anymore, leaving me to attend by myself. Which often has been better for me, at least for a while. Plus he plays these passive/aggressive games which I have learned to play better than he. I choose not to react but withdraw just enough to give him time to think about what he did and its impact. He comes around and apologizes sooner or later. We do have fun when we go out and he can't help trying to please me all the time at home so one on one we bump along quite well. But our social life is non-existant. I think he's adjusted, now, to the fact that I'm healthy again and I have declared my independance in many small ways. I'm much happier now and much better able to live my life without depending on him. I'm healthier mentally, physically, and spiritually. I've set up my boundaries and, in many ways, live my own life independant of him. We coordinate and cooperate, but I don't expect him to meet my "needs." I meet my own needs. Much healthier way to live. Learned to do it with my first husband, didn't need to know I needed to do it with my second one, but I think all healthy relationships actually have a lot of independance in certain areas, interdependance in others, but very little dependance. As you lose the weight and gain in confidence, you will find out how to be independant and make it. Cheri

Arlene, Definitely back on the choo choo today. Had a miserable few hours during the night. It felt like my meds before bed had gotten stuck. It may have been too long since I'd eaten when I took them, or my stomach may already have been swollen and irritated from chocolates, peanuts, and pizza (no bread). These are all reflux causers and on top of the couple of lbs I gained probably didn't sit well in my pouch. So, today I am going to go walking at the community center (no question of being able to walk outdoors now--we've been covered with snow and ice for weeks). Then I'm going to get my butt out of the house. My husband is home and doesn't have to go in to work tomorrow. He should be caught up on his sleep. Maybe we can go downtown Chicago. I'm supposed to babysit Skylar tonight so maybe I'll go get her early and take her with us. Or something. This has been a working vacation so far in many ways. Visiting with family is fun but also nerve-wracking for me. I've got to plan something for my birthday, the 30th. We never do anything on New Year's Eve. My husband has to go in to work at 10:45 and we have no couple's friends anyway since he's such a loner. So no parties. I might go in to work this morning or tomorrow morning to finish that project and then tomorrow I've got two Dr.s apptmts. for medication refills. One more party. Kids and grandkids come over for supper tomorrow night and I give them their Christmas gifts. They've already exchanged with each other at their dad's. My boy's can never make the party at my sister's on Christmas day so I always have to find a time after Christmas to meet with them. I think I'll get a book at Border's to help kill time this vacation. I have a hard time staying home with nothing to do and no place to go, but that's what the rest of the week looks like. My birthday is generally an anti-climax on the 30th. Maybe Ken and I will go out to eat. I should also call my parents and do some things with them this week. Especially my mom. She needs to get out and away from my dad, but she's been having a lot of trouble with her leg and isn't very mobile. We'll see. Once all the Christmas festivities are over, the rest of vacation is pretty much blah. No more parties. No relatives do anything for New Year's. Maybe one of my kids will ask me to babysit. That'd be OK with me. My husband goes in to work at 10:45 and we have no couple's friends to do anything with and our kids do their own things. Maybe I'll suggest that I'm available for babysitting or overnite stays by grandkids. You can tell I'm bored because I'm spending so much time filling these pages with red ink. I'm generally glad to go back to work after Christmas. Cheri

I want to thank you all for listening to me talk about my ADHD and its impact on who I am and how it affects my food. Some of you have commented on how my posts have changed. Well, its not just me relaxing enough to show you who I am. I had to let you get to know me over time and accept me for who I am. There are many people who are put off immediately by me because my vocabulary and knowledge about all kinds of things is extensive and they find it intimidating. I can also be deadly accurate (like a profiler) with my analysis of and insight into behavior and motivation and the necessary steps people need to take. A lot of people can't take that kind of truth and I'm not very good at sugar-coating. I will also stand up for myself and others like me who don't fit in the round holes, but have to follow different rules to be successful in weight loss. For example, I'm very open about the fact that I can't journal or keep a food plan or diary. Works for many but not for ADHD people like myself. So by making myself vulnerable over time, and letting you see my funny side as well as sharing my pain, but also refusing to hide my giftedness which combined with my ADHD can be a two-edged sword that can cut others as well as myself, you have grown accustomed to me, and have learned to appreciate all the sides of me without judging me. Once I knew I was accepted I was able to relax with you more. So now when I post, I've done some changing, but you also read me differently than before. That's the beauty of sharing on this thread. We have a chance to get to know each other and appreciate each other without judgement or gossip behind each other's back. I'm all about being open, warts and all. This is me. These are my weaknesses, these are my strengths. I saw something in all you regulars that kept me coming back. I was determined that you learn to "see" me as well so I kept coming back and posting until you did. Thank you for letting me be me and learning to love me not just despite my pecadillos or idiosyncracies. but because of them. I love all of you dearly. Cheri

Yeah, life goes from the sublime, to the ridiculous, to the dreadful. My Christmas concert was sublime. The mashed potatoes were ridiculous, and my students deaths were dreadful. If I'm not going to get into the food over any one of these I have to fully experience and be present in all situations. One thing I learned this Christmas that I intend to use going forward, is that playing games relieves social anxiety. I hate sitting around and just talking. I keep getting up and replenishing my plate because I need to move around and do something. I had great parties at my house and less anxiety because of playing "Catch Phrase." My sister had an old version of the game at her house and we even played it last night. She hauled it out after hearing me talk about the fun we'd had and how I'd meant to take my game with just in case. My poor father, with his Alzheimer's was terrible at it and my mother wasn't much better. She just couldn't think fast enough. But Kris's teenage girls played with us, and even Olivia, who has expressive language issues, did pretty good. The Wii has a similar effect for people. I didn't used to be a game player, but I've been having fun with this game. It's good for people with ADHD because it moves so fast. I even can stand up and move around a lot when its my turn or if I want to hear someone on my team give their clues. Then I can focus and concentrate. Charades can be fun and pictionary, too. So Janet, when I say I eat in order to sit still, and I eat to relieve my social anxiety, and I eat in order to focus or concentrate, you can see part of the reason why I gained weight. I live in fear of impulsively saying the wrong thing. It goes with the ADHD. Thought in head comes out the mouth with no filter. Person is offended and relationship is damaged. Food in mouth becomes the filter. Food also helps me fight the claustrophobia of being confined. I need to move. I am very restless. The food and the extra weight helped me stay in one place which is much more acceptable socially. Sometimes at work, in order to stay in the room and keep teaching, I have to have something in my mouth to suck or chew or crunch. Trying to keep those choices healthy is hard. I have to eat to the point of satiety, where something in my brain finally goes "Click" before I can focus. So food is my ADHD medicine. I am giving myself permission to move around a lot more, and now that the weight is off its much easier. I remind myself that I don't need to stay and talk to people. I go in another room to get away. I don't have to sit around. If I need to circle aimlessly between groups its OK. At school I have a cup of coffee in my hand constantly and I'm constantly running upstairs to the microwave to reheat it. Then I set it down somewhere and lose it and spend time finding it. I teach standing and circling a lot more than I did. I'm debating whether or not I need to get on meds again for the ADHD. I have a lot of compensating behaviors but the food is really hard to stay out of. Impulsive eating to medicate my ADHD has been the chief culprit for my weight troubles. I'm going to the Dr. on Tues. and I'm going to talk to her about it. The urge to eat has just been overwhelming and I don't want to undo all the good I've done. Cheri

Janet-cool article. Bet you wish you had that money! Farming anything is never easy. I made mashed potatoes to take to my sister's yesterday. I forgot how much work they are and how long everything takes. Thought I'd leave the skins on but then ended up fishing them out. Red potato skins don't taste good. Then tried hand mashing first. Can't do that to long because of my neck. Then fished then out of the crockpot to use beaters. Still lumpy but OK. But they cooled off too much so transferred to microwave then back to crockpot. What a mess! Had to change my clothes, and had to leave kitchen with mashed potatoes drying on the counter, the cabinets, the floor, the microwave. Took me a lot of soaking to get it all off this morning. Have I ever said that I really hate cooking? I like doing meat. Pan-frying, grilling, roasting. Just put on seasonings and do it. Carving turkey is a pain, but I love to "test" the meat and stuffing while I'm doing it. Veggies that I can pressure cook are easy enough. But I never make casseroles or mashed potatoes or anything that involves more than two steps or a lot of pans or that leaves a huge mess. I don't bake at all. I gave that up after the kids weren't small anymore and I started working. Never baked anything more complicated than chocolate chip Cookies. I'm sure if I hadn't hated cooking and baking so much I'd have ended up weighing an additional 100 lbs. I feel sorry for those of you who enjoy it and then can't eat it. I don't understand watching the food channels at all. Just looks like a lot of unnecessary work to me. They always seem to be working with sea food or green peppers of which I am not a fan. A nice pan-fried (no coating, just seasoning and a spray of olive oil) fillet of fish is simple and delicious. But I've never likes the taste or texture of other sea food. Too rubbery. And I'm one of those people to whom green peppers taste horrible. I read that some people taste a flavor in them that others don't and its extremely bitter to us. Grapefruits have that same taste to me. I also don't like semi-raw vegetables. I always think, why bother cooking them? They're luke-warm and still crunchy and you can't even get a fork in them. I'll eat raw leaves-spinach, and the various lettuces (not iceberg) but I leave out all other raw vegetables. Again, its a taste and texture thing. I do like seasonings and sauces, just leave out the semi-raw vegetables. Soups with plenty of meat and well-cooked veggies are great. Don't need or want the Pasta or potatoes in the Soup. But soup is a lot of work so I don't make it. And most places put in mostly pasta. So not a good choice with the band. I pick onion soup at restaurants a lot cause you can take out the croutons or ask them to not put them in and the onions are well-cooked. The cheese adds Protein and its a good choice. So I don't know why I'm on the subject of food, other than that I really pigged out the past two days. Got another party tonight and Tuesday night. But I think these will be less goody heavy. Will have to do a total carb elimination after next Tuesday night. Back on the protein train. Debating whether or not to go to the 10:30 church service by myself or not. My husband works midnight to 8:30 early Sunday morning and I didn't feel like going to the 9:00 service with him cause I was still cleaning up mashed potatoes. So he's in bed so he can go to his daughter's later this afternoon. I just feel like going and walking at the community center and then taking a hot bath. I think I'm doing a little church withdrawal. I'm usually in every service during the Christmas season but I've been so busy and our music has been so disappointing that I'm not inclined to participate that much. Used to be I would have been in there trying to rescue and support the choir director, but I'm tired of being "Old Faithful." Let the congregation and the pastors start to deal with the lack of support and participation the music ministry has had. I think I'm still grieving for my students, too, I haven't been feeling really connected at our church--partly my own fault--but I usually enjoy the sermons and participate in the music, but somehow, right now, they don't seem to be what I need. I'd rather write about my grief and cry by myself than be with people who don't know how to allow you to just grieve and sit with you through it. People are uncomfortable with other's grief. They want to talk them out of it. Somehow my grief is all entwined with my parents aging and increasing dependance, and my daughter's anxiety and depression and anger at me, and the constant threat that Roseland Christian might have to close its doors and abandon its ministry. We're going to have to do some combination classes next year to continue to survive. So, maybe a 4th/5th split, or a 1st/2nd grade split. That means some teachers will leave and some parents will pull their kids. Places like Roseland are the first hit by a recession, the hardest hit, and the last to recover. Unless we can get the tuition down, we will not bring in new students. So, amidst the joy and fun of Christmas, runs an underlying theme of sorrow. I think that's true for many of us. but the hand of the Babe of Bethlehem is the hand of God that reaches out and pulls me through. Love, Cheri

LOL on your Mom. Smart lady.

Merry Christmas. Have a Blessed, Happy, and Safe Celebration of this season when Love came down and dwelt among us. Cheri

Phyll, A baby is always a blessing, no matter what the circumstances or inconvenience. You'll be a GiGi (Greatgrandmother). That's what my grandkids call my mom to distinguish her from me. Your grandson has some mighty big hurtles to overcome but I'm glad he and his girlfriend chose to affirm life rather than end it. Yesterday we had my husband's side of the family over except for one "niece" and her husband. That neice waited till into her 30's to get married and is now trying to get pregnant and has had some miscarriages. Her younger brother does date and is the type to want kids. He's likely to make his parents grandparents. But Ken's other sister's two kids are in their 30's, not married, not currently seeing anyone (oldest girls has medical issues and has never dated as far as I can tell), and the chances are going down of ever seeing them have a successful relationship and children. They all make like crazy over Gracie, my husband's grandchild from his daughter Jenny and are all excited because she is pregnant again. Ken's son is only 28 and has a live-in and will, I expect, marry this one. I can tell they're going to want kids fairly quickly. But I could just see the longing on Ken's sisters' faces. Their kids are being "responsible" in today's society's eyes, but they're my age and have no grandchildren. And some of their kids may have waited too long and may have lost the ability to have kids. Meanwhile, from my kids, I've already got 2 step and 4 biological grandkids and one on the way. With Ken's that makes 7 grandkids and 2 on the way. I love it. Two of my kids waited till they were in their early 30's but Rachel has two older stepdaughter's whom I've known since they were little. My son Jonathon got the first girl he ever dated pregnant at the age of 25. That was actually pretty funny. He was living with me at the time and I'd given him an ultimatum about getting back in school and getting qualified for something other than changing tires, or me charging him full rent or kicking him out. I'd cut him a lot of slack because he'd broken his neck when he was 21 which set him back a lot physically and psychologically. He was also easy to live with so the urgency to push him out of the nest wasn't that great. But once he got his girlfriend pregnant he not only went back to school fulltime, he increased his hours, married her, and generally got his act together, eventually getting a decent job. He did live in my basement with momma and baby till baby was two. They moved into their own home a few weeks before my basement flooded. They're never going to be rich. But they're making it. He's a great father and a great husband. His wife's a little flakey and suffers from panic attacks for which she is on meds so they're waiting to have another baby, but I adore my Skylar. So who's to say when the right time to have kids is? I was 23 when I started having babies. I'm really glad I had them at that time of my life rather than focusing on having a career. Now it seems that young adults never grow up in the sense of taking on responsibility for any life other than their own, and sometimes not even that. No commitments, at least not long term. And spouses and kids, for better or worse, do mold us into people who think beyond our own wants and interests and make us have to rely on God. They break our hearts but also help mend them. I don't think that's a bad thing. It turns us into members of the human race. Cheri

It is 12:20. My guests left at 11:45. They started coming at 6. My husband thought that if he left his car parked in the garage instead of on the street like I suggested that when he had to leave for work between 10:30 and 10:45 they would all leave. Ha. They moved their cars to let him out and came back in. I had introduced them to the game "Catch Phrase". They loved it and didn't want to quit. Then they took family pics. Then they went and collected and shared the leftover food, of which there was a lot. With everybody bringing, Ken and I had overbought and they all overbrought. Especially our son-in-law who is a real foodie. Gift exchange went great. $10-15. We were going to do the Yankee Swap but everyone liked their gifts so we all kept them. My grandaughter (the only GK on my husband's side) was the belle of the ball. She'll be 3 in May and is smart as a whip. They all told me to bring "Catch Phrase" to every family party from now on. The younger adults at the party loved the game as did the older generation. I also had them bring their own booze so nobody was feeling any pain. I am pooped. Got all the perishables put away and will leave the rest of the mess for tomorrow. May actually sleep in tomorrow. I've been waking up between 5 and 6 whether I want to or not. But now I'm truly tuckered out. Cheri

Lori, still praying for your daughter and her baby and for you and your husband. You must be terribly scared. They can do so much nowadays but things still happen. Sometimes life is very difficult. I'm praying that God will walk with all of you through this time and that you will receive the comfort of the Holy Spirit. Hold to His hand when you're powerless. You will get through this whatever the outcome. Cheri

Lord, bless and keep Lori's daughter and her baby. Bless the Dr.s and help them to make the best decisions. Give peace and comfort to Lori.

Jessica, I could feel your excitement right through the print. Go girl! More people have had the fart Flu. Talked to someone today about it. I have to say I still laugh and snort till I cry everytime I think of the other teacher blaming one of the students in my room who is the usual culprit and the principal passing through the miasma under the stairs and commenting. That's when I went home (it was after school) and left things in charge of my assistant with her blessing and gratitude that I was leaving. I laughed and farted all the way home. Flu farts are the funkiest. My car needed fumigating for flatulence. Cheri

Evil. I would eliminate evil from the human heart. We all have it. Even the good we do is never completely altruistic. It's always tainted by some form of self-interest. But that would create a vacuum in our hearts, so I'd fill hearts with selfless love. God above all, and our neighbor as ourselves. Like Mary, who gave birth to Love Incarnate (made flesh), I want to be overshadowed by the Most High and, filled with His Spirit, give birth to love. Love so altruistic, I would willingly give up my own life (not just my physical life, but, even harder, my interests, my money, my sense of entitlement) to save another's. I would that all men and women would "act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with their God." Micah 6:8. Merry Christmas, everyone. And now abide these three, Faith, Hope, and Love. But the greatest of these is Love. Cheri

Just a quick comment. If everyone could enlarge their size font on their posts to at least a 3 it would really make it easier on these aging eyes. Thanks

Well guys, thought I'd be able to mail in my project today. Added up all the final quotes and I still had $1,500 after receiving all the discounts they give CPS(Chicago Public Schools). So I added an i-pad and am going to order some training on smart board if I can. So I'll still have to go in one day after Christmas and then I'll hand deliver the quotes to make sure I meet the deadline. All this technology. I'm going to have to spend my summer vacation (when I'm not teaching summer school, singing in cathedrals in Europe, or attending my niece's wedding which is generally an excuse for a big family reunion) getting trained in how to use it all and putting together lesson plans for it. AACK!! Yuck, yuck, pooey! Then after Christmas I'll still have Title II money to spend for the school, but I pretty much know what its going to be spent on. I just have to reserve the speaker I want for next August for teacher training just before the new school year starts. Then I'm going to send a few teacher's for training in this same program that the speaker will be presenting. I don't know if you've ever heard of Love & Logic, but its the best system for discipline and relationship-building with students that I've ever encountered. I've gone to a few workshops and read much of their material and listened to many of their CD's and DVDs. I have almost (not totally) eliminated having to raise my voice, my blood pressure, and my anger at dealing with kids with zero attention span, low ability, and/or no desire to succeed academically. It's really helped me remain professional and calm in my dealings with the kids (and their parents). Kids no longer point out that I'm turning red. LOL. I need to talk about my sadness over my daughter. I've mentioned before that she's struggling with anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Although she calls me to come over and babysit she really doesn't have anything else to do with me. She'll come to family events, but we used to talk when I'd come over or on the phone. She'd get mad at things I'd inadvertantly say that she didn't like (she's not one to give others the benefit of the doubt and can be easily offended and quite judgemental), but, after a few days she'd call and we'd go do something with the kids. Now, we don't talk. I told her I missed her and she told me she doesn't want to talk to or be with anyone. I called her somewhat early yesterday morning (7:45) and she told me she'd panicked because no one calls her that early and she thought someone had died. I don't know if she's getting help because she won't talk about it. Normally, I'd be running over there a lot but now I don't want her to think I'm pushing myself on her, and when I do see her when I come over to babsit she ignores me and I'm afraid to say anything for fear of setting her off. I know better than to take it personally. I know its a result of her psychological condition. But it hurts me to see her like this. And as prickly as she can be, I still miss her. So I've got a party here tomorrow night and need to finish getting the house ready for that. Not stressing over it. Just providing the setting for people to have a good time eating and drinking and laughing and reconnecting. I also need to get out and walk at the track. Got to school early this morning to test a student who will be starting after Christmas. High reading scores, low math scores. I usually test incoming students to see what grade they fit in academically, and to decide if they qualify for supplemental reading or math or both with me. Cheri